


I Just Want To Call You Mine

by multifandom_fanatic



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bromance, Bromance to Romance, Cashton, Drama, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance, Ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-07 07:06:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 108,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1889565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifandom_fanatic/pseuds/multifandom_fanatic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton cannot stand the band 5 Seconds of Summer. In fact, he hates them. When Ashton unknowingly falls for Calum, he falls hard. What happens when twisted fate brings the two boys together in one band? Ashton and Calum need to work out their feelings for each other before it's too late. Will the boys fall in love or fall out and tear the band apart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is my first 5SOS bromance fanfic. I am cross-posting this on my Wattpad account. I only just got an AO3 and since this story has done so well on my Wattpad I decided to post it here and see what fans would think of it here!
> 
> I am so excited and I hope you all enjoy it! I chose to write Cashton since it's one of my favorite ships in 5 Seconds of Summer, I love both of the boys, and I think they are hot together and make a perfect couple.
> 
> Please feel free to read, comment and leave kudos :)
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood xxxxxx

Ashton's POV

"Stupid ass boy band 5 Seconds of Sucks," I grumbled as I slammed my laptop screen down. That was the third time in two weeks that stupid band had come up on my YouTube.

I hate them so much. They can't even perform a single song. They screw up every single time and can't act their age. They just act like five year olds and still get tons of views and likes.

The last band I was in broke up four months ago. Now I just sit at home and play the drums to myself. I know, so pathetic. What else do I do? I can't form my own band. I just don't have the skill to handle my own band.

I sighed and pushed my computer away. I needed to get out. "I'm heading out mum," I called without waiting for an answer. I grabbed my keys and slammed the door behind me.

I climbed into my car and turned the music up as loud as it could go, blasting Coldplay. I smiled to myself and just started driving. I didn't even know where I was going I was just driving.

I put the window down, letting the warm Australian air blow against my face as I sped along the road. Soon I found myself driving the familiar road down to the beach. It was only a 15-minute drive from my house.

The only upside to living in Sydney was living so close to the beach. I had lived here for so long I knew all the best places to park and visit on the beach.

If I wasn't at home playing on the drums I was down here at the beach. I found it calming and serene to just sit down and listen to the ocean waves crashing against the shore.

"I fucking hate 5 Second of Shit. No talent at all. Can't even perform one song and act like their age. Why do they deserve to be YouTube famous?" I mumbled to myself as I parked the car.

I cut the engine and let my eyes fall shut, banging my hands down onto the wheel, hard. "Fuck..." I muttered as I pulled myself out the car and slammed the car door shut behind me. I locked the car and slipped the keys in my pocket.

I walked the half a mile walk to the perfect view of the beach, in my opinion. It was close enough to all the people where I could hear them and hear the excitement and happiness but far enough away that I was tucked out of the way and not seen by anyone.

I slipped up on my rock and looked out at the people on the beach. I instantly felt calmer, like the scene around me just sucked the anger right out of me.

I let my eyes wander around the people on the beach until they fell on a certain boy. He looked slightly familiar but I couldn't quite place it. He looked to be about my age and had dark skin and dark black hair.

I was drawn into him. This boy was just the definition of perfection. I couldn't take my eyes of him. He was beyond gorgeous. Wait, gorgeous? Can a guy be gorgeous? When did I think boys were gorgeous?

I shook my head but my eyes were drawn back to the tall, dark, Asian looking lad. I watched him as he messed about and kicked a football between him and what looked to be like his friend.

The two boys laughed and the sound of the mysterious boys' laughter floated over to me on the cool ocean breeze. I felt goose bumps travel down my spine and the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

'What's happening to me?' I thought to myself. The other boy came up and wrapped his arms around the Asian boys' shoulders. I felt my blood boil, jumping up from my spot. I quickly realized what I was doing and sat down.

The other boy, a tall and blonde kid who looked slightly emo, punched the mystery guy in the arm before disappearing off to the car park. My mystery guy, as I just came up with on the spot, sat down in the sand.

Now was my chance, I could go up and found out this beautiful boys' name. Maybe even get lucky enough to get his number. 'Woah, don't get ahead of yourself Irwin,' I thought to myself.

I jumped off the rock and started to head to the dark haired boy. I was about halfway there when they blonde haired boy came back into view. "Cal, you coming bro?" "Yeah, I'm on my way Mikey," the boy called back.

He grabbed his things and started to head to the blonde boy. I felt my heart plummet to the ocean floor as the boy of my dreams slipped from my grasp. "Wait," I whispered. "Cal. Cal. Cal." I repeated his name over and over as I headed back to my car.

I sat in the car and let my head hit the wheel, thinking over what just happened. Basically I just discovered I was gay. No scratch that, I know I still like girls and think they are sexy and beautiful. What was I? Bisexual?

Or was it just this boy, Cal? I had never thought of boys like that. It was just something about Cal. The way he looked. Everything about the way he looked had me hanging on by a thread.

I had this weird feeling deep down. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. It was almost like I knew way deep down it was more than a crush.

From that moment on, I swore to myself I would find Cal again. And next time I saw him, I would make him mine if it was the last thing I did before I died. I wanted him. No, correction, I needed him.

My life already felt empty without him. I felt this strange connection with him even though I hadn't even met him officially yet. It was if I had this strange feeling our paths would cross again. That something big would come out of all of this.

"And now I sound like some lovesick teen girl. I have officially gone crazy. I really need a life," I chuckled to myself. I turned the radio on and blasted Blink 182 all the way home to drown the thoughts of Cal running through my mind.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy readers!
> 
> Here is chapter two of my fanfic! I hope you all like it! Don't forget to read, comment, and leave kudos. I love you all and I want to thank you all so much for being so amazing! I would love to hear what you all think of the story. I have all the way to Chapter 16 written, so I will post a chapter once a week to catch the story up with how far along I am on my Wattpad :)
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood xxxxxx

I headed inside and put my keys on the key rack. I walked straight upstairs, ignoring my younger brother Harry as he called after me.

 

I walked into my room and immediately collapsed on the bed. I need to get some help. These thoughts are driving me crazy.

 

I decide the best thing to do is get some sleep. Maybe I'm just tired. Or I have completely lost my mind. I hope it’s the first. I crawl under the covers and try to let sleep take over.

 

Its not long before I decide it isn't working. I grab my keys and get back in the car and drive, hoping that just maybe it will save me from myself.

 

I let the roads take me. I don't let myself think, I just drive. Without processing where I am I get out the car and start walking.

 

I sit down and close my eyes for a second. I open my eyes and jump back in slight surprise.

 

I'm back on the beach again. It’s quite, not a soul in sight. It's dark out and the moon is shining onto the water, making it glisten.

 

I look up to see my car parked in the space I always park in. 'Hmm I must have just automatically drove back here. This is the place I always end up when I don't know where to go,' I thought to myself.

 

I pull myself off the rock I always sit on and walk down to the ocean. I slide out of my flip-flops and let myself walk in the waves as they crash against the shore.

 

I just let my feet take me, letting the calm sound of the ocean lull me into relaxation. I don't even notice someone else is there until I walk straight into them.

 

"I'm so sorry," I said, looking down to the boy who was sat on the sand, letting the waves glide towards him.

 

"Don't be. Wanna have a seat?" the boy asks. I nod and sit next to him. I finally see his face as the moonlight shines down on us. It's him. It's Cal.

 

"I'm Cal," Cal says reaching out. "Ashton," I said, shaking his hand. We sit in silence for a minute, watching the waves.

 

"Why is such a good looking lad like you out here all alone on a Friday night?" Cal asked me. I chuckled and looked over at him.

 

"Needed to clear my head," I replied, wistfully looking out to the ocean. "Could say the same for you," I pointed out.

 

He laughed and I swear I felt myself melt. "I find it relaxing to be out here at night. Plus I'm avoiding my neighbor. She's a fucking creep."

 

I can't help but join him in his laughter. It was contagious, like his free spirit rubbed off to me. "What’s wrong with her?" I ask when I compose myself again.

 

"She just keeps trying to seduce me. Tries to get me to fuck her. Unfortunately for her, she doesn't seem to get I'm not interested."

 

I shrugged and glanced up at the moon. "Some girls are like that. They just don't seem to get the hint."

 

Cal goes quiet for a minute before he speaks up. "Who are they?" "Who is who?" I ask, arching my eyebrow questioningly. "The person on your mind. They're the reason you are here."

 

"How do you know?" I ask, becoming defensive. "You've got that look. The look that says you've met someone who has completely changed your life. Someone you have decided already means more to you than words can say. The look that says you've got a crush, that you're falling in love," Cal states.

 

I look at him shocked. My mind is reeling. 'Is it that obvious? Is it that noticeable?' I sigh. Why not tell him? Maybe not that it's him, but maybe he will understand and that's a start.

 

"I-I guess. I haven't actually met them. Well, I mean I kinda have. What I mean is, when I set eyes on them I knew I liked them. My heart started to race and I felt like they were the only other person around."

 

Cal looked at me closely, scrutinizing me. I turned away, his look so full of intensity that I felt my cheeks start to burn.

 

"You say them... because you are afraid," he said, after the pause of silence between us became almost deafening. "Afraid of what?" I spat back, harsher than I intended.

 

"Afraid of what you'll think. Afraid of what your family will think, your friends, your peers, and your loved ones. Most importantly, your afraid of what I'll think," Cal said, whispering the last part.

 

"Why would I be afraid of what you think? I don't even know you," I said, becoming defensive again. Cal shrugged and pushed his fringe out of his eyes.

 

"You're afraid of rejection Ashton. You want to be accepted for who you are. You want to chase your dreams, just like the rest of us."

 

I winced slightly. Ok this was starting to creep me out. It's like he's reading my mind. How does he know exactly what I'm feeling?

 

"Because I feel it too Ashton," Cal said, answering my question I hadn't even said out loud. "But you want to know what's different about us? I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of what anyone else thinks and not what I think either."

 

I turned to look and him and I felt his hand slip around the back of my neck, his fingers gripping my blonde hair. Next thing I know his hand is pulling me closer and our lips are mere centimeters apart.

 

"I knew it was you the second you sat down Ashton. I'm not afraid to admit it either. The second I saw you I knew I had feelings for you. I know you felt the same way when you laid eyes on me. I'm not afraid of you, or your reaction. I know you want me. And I'm not afraid to do this."

 

With that Cal brought our lips together. The second our lips were in contact it felt like my life was complete. Like I had found my soul mate. The intensity was unbearable.

 

I couldn't think straight, couldn't even comprehend what was happening. I felt his tongue glide across my bottom lip and I groaned in pleasure. Cal pulled back slightly and began to pull at my lower lip.

 

'Shit that is so sexy,' I thought to myself. I wrapped my hands in his black locks and pulled him until me, deepening this kiss again. It wasn't much longer before my lungs were burning and I had to pull away to breath.

 

My eyes fluttered open and I saw Cal's retreating back. "Wait, what the fuck?! You can't just kiss me like that and walk away. You said you weren't afraid," I yelled at him, my anger increasing again.

 

"I'm not afraid Ashton, you are. You're not ready. When the time is right, you will find me again. Soon enough you'll figure out who I really am. When that happens, you know it's meant to be."

 

With that Cal disappeared. "No, fuck you! This is not how it's supposed to be. I swore you'd be mine! This isn't what I wanted! I want you Cal, I fucking want you," I scream after him.

 

I suddenly feel everything tumbling around me. I gasp and squeeze my eyes shut as the world falls apart around me. Next thing I know I'm back at home in my bed.

 

I let my had travel up to tug at my hair when I feel the sweat covering my face. It takes a second before it triggers on me. That was all a dream. None of it ever happened.

 

I felt my heart crumple as it dawned on me I was never kissed by Cal. It was all just a dream, or maybe a nightmare. It was all too much to handle. The only clear thought I have is this.

 

I know one thing and one thing for sure, I am falling for Cal and I haven't even met him. This isn't just some crush. This isn't just me going crazy because I'm tired. I am bi. Or maybe I'm gay, who the fuck knows at this point.

 

All I know is that I need to find Cal soon. I need to figure who he is and I need to get to know him. I need to know if he would even be interested in someone like me. Or if he was straight. If he didn’t like me like that, well my next goal would be to make him fall for me the way I've fallen for him.

 

"The time is right. Right now, I'm ready right now. Please, I need to figure out who you really are. Someone please help me, I can't do this," I cried out, hoping anyone could hear me.

 

I sighed and let my head fall back against the pillow. I let my eyes s land on my drums kit. I looked at the clock and sighed again. If it wasn't 4:36 in the morning I could play them.

 

I let my eyes scan the dark room trying to find some distraction. My eyes landed on my laptop. I suddenly felt this strange pull to get my laptop.

 

I know, I know that sounds weird as fuck. I just had this sudden urge to be on it. Like somehow it would help me. Like it would soothe me, give me information I needed.

 

'How much crazier could I get?' I thought. I shrugged to myself and slipped out of bed and over to my desk. I sat down and shook my head. I couldn't believe I was doing this. All because I had this tug, a strange feeling and desire to use it.

 

I grabbed my laptop and popped the screen up. I winced away as the bright light lit up my room. I squinted my eyes and clicked the button to reduce the harsh light until it was as dull as it could go.

 

The first thing I saw on my screen was the oh so wonderful “band” 5 Seconds of Summer. “Great, 5 Seconds of Shit. Why didn’t I clear this off my screen before I left?’ I asked myself.

 

I moved my mouse towards the exit button. As I did I let my eyes dart quickly across the screen. My hand stopped in its tracks and a gasp slipped from my lips. It couldn’t be. That wasn’t, it wouldn’t be… it is… its Cal.

 

I sat there staring at Cal for a minute. My eyes were glued to his face, memorizing every detail I could possible see on the YouTube video. I let my eyes dart around to see the other two boys in the video.

 

One of the blonde ones I recognized too. That was Mikey, the guy with Cal at the beach. I dragged the time bar to the beginning of the song and turned the volume up.

 

“Hey guys, we’re 5 Seconds of Summer. Luke, Calum, and Michael here,” Michael introduced. I paused the video and let that sink in. His real name was Calum. Cal must have been a nickname. Just like Mikey was a nickname for Michael.

 

I hesitated before hitting the play button again. "This is our cover of Justin Bieber's song Next To You," Luke said. They started to sing, not too long into the song they all laughed and something Luke did.

 

A smile spread across my face as I saw them laugh with Calum. They got to the chorus of the song and they all began to sing.

 

"Wow, their fucking amazing," I said. Their voices blended together perfectly. How did I not notice this before? The chorus ended and then Calum began to sing his solo.

 

I swear my heart stopped. His voice was pure perfection. I think I've died and gone to heaven. Calum continued to sing until he reached the chorus, where Luke and Michael joined in again.

 

I sat and watched the whole video. By the time it ended I was speechless. Not only was Calum just beautiful but also Luke and Michael were incredibly talented.

 

The recommenced videos popped up and another one of their covers came up. Before I could change my mind I clicked the video.

 

"Hey guys, we're 5 Seconds of Summer. This is our cover of I Miss You by Blink 182," Calum introduced. Luke started to play the guitar while Michael started to play the bongos.

 

"They could really do with a proper drummer. Hey, like me," I thought aloud. Calum, Luke, and Michael began to sing again and I was glued to the screen, watching Calum intently.

 

I shook my head, realizing I was acting desperate. I went back to watching all 3 of them. They really were amazing singers. Sure, they acted slightly immature at times and laughed and messed up a lot but if I thought about it I was just the same.

 

I acted immature and laughed at basically everything. I was one of those carefree people who loved life and laughed at everything.

 

I smiled and refocused on the screen. I watched as they sang and played their instruments. Michael could use a little work on the bongos. I could teach him how to play them, I can literally play anything you can hit and bang.

 

'Haha, bang, I crack myself up,' I thought to myself while quietly chuckling.

 

I watch video after video until I had seen every single one they had posted. The more I watched the more I thought I could fit into this band. All they needed was a drummer and they could be topping the charts and become the next international band.

 

Alright time for a new plan. I was going to find out how I could apply to join the band. My goal was to convince them they needed a drummer and become part of their band. I knew these guys had talent and potential.

 

They just needed a little push and I knew as a band we could make it to the top. And if I could snag Calum as mine on the way to the top, well then that would just be the icing on the cake.

 

Plan A was to figure out how to contact them and see if they would like or need a drummer like me. I sure as hell needed to get in a new band anyway. "Let plan A commence," I said to myself, a smirk crossing my face.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> This is now my third chapter of my Cashton fanfic! I am sorry if there is any spelling or grammar issues, I didn't check this one over as I was on holiday when I wrote it. 
> 
> Thank you for being amazing and reading my story! Don't forget to comment, read, bookmark, and leave kudos! :)
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood xxxxxx  
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I kept my eyes peeled and watched over the boy's videos to see if I could join. I, however, saw nothing.

 

I spent all my time practicing the drums. I spent 6-8 hours a day, every day, for a week, practicing to make sure my drumming was the best it could be.

 

I was in the middle of drumming another song when my brother, Harry, and mum walked into the room. Pulling out my ear piece I stopped drumming.

 

"What is it?" I asked, my mum was staring at me weirdly. "Why are you practicing so much? You are up here every day for hours on end drumming. Its summer Ashy, go out and have fun."

 

"I'm trying to see if I can get in a new band. I need to be amazing or they won't consider me. Besides, I'd rather be here on the drums then out there," I said, pointing with the drum stick to outside.

 

"Ok well I am taking Harry to his football game. Do you want to come support your brother?" "Sorry Harry, I've gotta practice. Next time I promise. Good luck kiddo," I said, ruffling Harry's hair.

 

"Thanks Ash," Harry said. Harry ran out the door and mum gave me a look. "Dont practice all day. Go out and do something for crying out loud Ashton," she said laughing.

 

"I will," I replied before sliding the ear piece back in. Mum left and I went back to practice.

 

After another hour of practice I decided to take a break. I grabbed my laptop and lay down on the bed.

 

After checking Twitter I decided to go on Facebook. 'Might as well creep on 5 Seconds of Summer,' I thought to myself.

 

I searched their name and looked at their recent posts. There was nothing exciting. I was just about to close out of Facebook when a post caught my eye.

 

"Need a drummer ASAP! Gig tomorrow night at the Sydney House of Rock. Please contact us at 514-683-9273 if you are a drummer and would be willing to play with us tomorrow night! Thank you - Lukey, Cal, & Mikey"

 

"No. Fucking. Way," I said out loud. This was not happening. There was no way they were looking for a drummer. This was it, the reason I had been practicing all week.

 

My hands were beginning to shake. How long ago was this posted. I scrolled down and saw it was only a couple hours ago. I still had a chance.

 

I quickly jumped up and grabbed my phone. My hands were shaking so badly I could barley type in the number. I cleared my throat to make sure I didn't stutter and hit the call button.

 

The phone began to ring and I paced up and down my room, the nerves building up inside me. Finally someone answered the phone. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

 

"Hello mate, this is Luke Hemmings." "Ummm hi Luke. My name is Ashton, Ashton Irwin. I just happened to hear that you needed a drummer?"

 

"Yeah we do need a drummer. Do you happen to know one? Or can you play the drums?" Luke asked. "Yeah bro, I've been drumming for nine years now," I replied.

 

"Wow that's great. Have you ever performed in front of a crowd?" "Yeah I was in a band for about two years and we did school performances and a small battle of the bands competition."

 

"Great, wow, sounds amazing. How old are you? What area do you live in?" Luke asked. "I'm 17 and I live on the outskirts of Sydney, about 15 miles from the beach," I answered.

 

"Ok, give me a second," Luke said. "Sure thing." I waited and sat down on my bed, my leg starting to bounce in anticipation.

 

"Ashton, you still there?" Luke asked coming back to the phone. "Yeah I'm here," I replied.

 

"Ashy, are you still home?" A voice called. "Oh hang on Luke, my sister is calling me. Yeah Brianna, I'm in my room."

 

My 14 year old sister, Brianna, then entered my room. "Mum and Harry already left so I was wondering if i could ask you if I could go out with my friends?"

 

"Who do you want to go out with?" I asked. "Just Jamie, Sarah, and Christina. No boys, I promise," she said, putting her hand on her heart. "Where are you going?" I asked.

 

"The mall, the one ten miles away from here." "Whose taking you?" "Ashton stop." "No Bri, whose taking you?"

 

Brianna sighed before saying, "Jamie's mum." "How long will you be gone?" I asked. "I don't know Ashton."

 

"Well I'm setting a curfew. Be back in four hours, that's seven tonight ok? Then you'll be back for dinner, which I will have done when you get home as that's when mum and Harry get back from Harry's game."

 

"Ok thank you so much Ashton." "You're welcome. Have you got money?" "Yes I do," Bri replied. "Ok good, come here," I said. Brianna ran over and hugged me. "Be careful ok? Call me if you need me. I can always drive down if you need me for anything."

 

"I know. Bye Ash, love you," she called as she ran from my room. "Love you too Bri, " I called back.

 

Now I could go back to my important phone call. "I'm so sorry Luke. I just had to deal with my sister."

 

"You're fine. You seem protective of her," Luke pointed out. "Yeah, well my dad left a long time ago and since I'm the oldest I've stepped up and helped my mum take care of my younger brother and sister. Anyways, that's kinda personal so..."

 

"So you don't wanna talk about, I got it no worries bro. Anyway the reason I left was to get my other band mates, Calum and Michael. Boys say hi to Ashton." "Hey Ashton, " Calum and Michael said.

 

"I-uhhh hi Calum, hi Michael." "So you're a drummer?" Calum asked. "Yeah, have been for nine years now," I said proudly. "Wow, thats incredible," Calum said.

 

I couldn't help my cheeks flushing red at Calum's comment. "From the sounds of it you don't live too far from us either," Michael added.

 

"So, I was thinking, why don't you head over to my house and show us your skills. If you're any good then we can show you the song we want to perform at the House of Rock tomorrow and then we practice," Luke said.

 

"Yeah, sounds wicked," I replied, my hands starting to shake again out of pure excitement. "My address is 357 Hillmeere Court," Luke said.

 

"Ok, I've got it. I'll see you boys soon," I replied. "Alright see you soon Ashton," Luke said. "Bye Ashton," Calum and Michael called. With that I hung up.

 

"FUCKING HELL YES FUCK YES HOLY SHIT HELL YEAH I GOT IT!!!!!!!!" I screamed to myself, the excitement rushing through my body.

 

As quickly as I could I packed up my drum set and piece by piece carried it to my car. I then put Luke's address in my navigation and blasted my music as I drove to Luke's house.

 

 

Calum's POV

 

"Are you sure about this Lukey?" I asked as we all sat down in Luke's living room, waiting for Ashton. "Yes, I'm positive. You've heard what everyone has been saying. If we had a drummer it would complete the band."

 

"I don't mean that, I mean are you sure Ashton is the one?" I asked. "I'm sure. I don't know what it is but when I heard his voice, I just sorta knew it was him. He's the one we have been missing, I can feel it Calum. Something is telling me that Ashton is the drummer for our band," Luke said with no hesitation.

 

The thing was, I trusted Luke and his judgement better than anyone else. It was Luke's band and if he felt like Ashton was the one then Ashton it was.

 

The crazy thing is, something about Ashton's voice made me want to know him more. It pulled me in and I was hanging off every word he said.

 

Just from the way he talked to his sister I could tell he was sweet and caring. From the way he talked about drumming, I could tell his was passionate and dedicated to drumming.

 

The more I thought about it the more Luke's words made sense. Ashton did already seem to fit in with us and we hadn't even met him yet. All I could do was hope that he was as fun and easy to joke around with as the rest of us.

 

Finally there was a knock at the door, which pulled me from my train of thoughts. Luke, Michael, and I all jumped up and ran to the door.

 

Luke opened it and I bounded out and pulled Ashton in for a hug, Michael and Luke joining in the hug. Ashton was laughing his head off, hugging us back.

 

'Holy fuck, his laugh is gorgeous,' I thought to myself. It was one of those laughs where you just wanted to do anything you could to make him laugh so you could hear him and see him smile.

 

"Eve though its not official yet, welcome to the band," I said. Ashton laughed again and hugged us all in turn. "Well thank you," he replied.

 

"I'm Calum, that's Luke, and that's Michael," I said, pointing at each of us in turn. "And I'm Ashton, " he said pointing to himself. We all laughed and Ashton smiled, flashing his perfectly white teeth at us.

 

"Dude, where's your drum kit?" I asked. "Traveling here by waves," Ashton said with another laugh. "It's in the car. Wanna help take it out? Its a lot of pieces for one person to carry."

 

"Sure thing Ashton, " Michael said. "You can call me Ash too if you'd like. All my friends do," Ashton said as he led us to the back of his car.

 

"Sure, Ash," I said, letting his name roll off my tongue. It sounded so right. I sighed in content and looked at Ashton's drums as he opened the trunk door.

 

"Woah, bro, that is one sick set of drums," Luke said. "Thank you," Ashton replied, beaming in pride. "So you have been in a band before?" Michael asked as we started to carry the drum set into the living room.

 

"Yeah, for two years. We broke up four months ago though. Huge fight, didn't end well. I've just been drumming to myself and my family since," Ashton said, his eyes downcast.

 

"Do you miss it, being in a band?" Luke asked carefully. "Yeah, I miss it a lot. I've been looking for a new band to drum in for the past four months," Ashton said.

 

"Well, you might have just found a band to drum in," Luke said. Ashton smiled up at Luke and nodded in agreement. "Play us a song Ash," Mikey prompted.

 

Ashton nodded happily and sat behind his drums. He paused and thought for a second before starting to play Lost in Stereo by All Time Low.

 

As he played he began to hum along with the tune. As he played I looked over at Luke and Michael. Both of their jaws were hanging open. I knew they were thinking the same thing I was, Ashton is fucking amazing.

 

The song ended and Ashton brushed his straight blonde hair out of his face before looking at us. "Wow," Luke said. "You're incredible," Michael said. "Amazing, truly amazing," I said.

 

Ashton blushed and looked away. "I'm really not that good, but thanks boys," he said. "You are good, amazing in fact, " Michael said.

 

"Can you sing?" Luke suddenly asked. "What?" Ashton asked back. "Sing, sing for us," Luke said. Ashton shook his head, his eyes darting to me.

 

I looked up at him and smiled. "Sing," I mouthed to him. "I-I can't sing, I sound horrible," Ashton said. "Why are you making him sing?" I whisper shouted to Luke. "I just have a hunch," Luke replied mysteriously.

 

"Just the chorus of one song. Any song you like, " I promoted. Ashton sighed before nodding. He then started to sing a piece of Ordinary People by John Legend.

 

"I know I misbehaved, and you made your mistakes, and we both still got room left to grow. And though love sometimes hurts, I still put you first. And we'll make this thing work, but I think we should take it slow.

 

We're just ordinary people. We don't know which way to go. Cuz we're ordinary people, maybe we should take it slow. Take it slow oh oh ohh. This time we'll take it slow. Take it slow oh oh ohh. This time we'll take it slow," Ashton sung.

 

We all looked at Ashton with wide eyes. I glanced at Luke and he nodded to show me he found what he was looking for.

 

"Ashton, wow, you really can sing. You may think you are bad but trust us, you have an incredible voice," Michael said. "Who knew such a sick drummer had the voice of an angel," I said, winking at Ashton.

 

At that Ashton blushed and looked down at his drum set. "Well, it looks like we have a lot of practice to do before tomorrow night. We have chosen I Miss You by Blink 182, is that ok with you?" Luke asked.

 

"I-ummm, yeah, I love Blink 182. Wow, thank you so much," Ashton said, beaming ear to ear. "You are mega talented Ash. I think you are going to fit it very well with our band," Luke said.

 

I turned to Ashton and flashed him a cheeky smile. "You are now the fourth and final member of 5 Seconds of Summer. Welcome to the band Ash," I said.

 

Ashton jumped down from behind his drums and tackled me in a big hug. I couldn't help but laugh and hug him back.

 

I already knew he was the best hugger in the band. 'Hmmm guess where I'm going when I want a cuddle,' I thought, chuckling to myself as the rest of the boys joined in on our hug.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my fellow readers!
> 
> This is the longest chapter I have written yet but I also feel like this chapter is crap so I apologize in advance. Hopefully you guys like it, even if I don't. Let me know what you think of the chapter. Next chapter will have more stuff going on in it I promise.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Read, comment, bookmark, and leave kudos pretty please :)
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood xxxxxx
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashton’s POV

 

The boys and I have been practicing for three hours now. It was now 6:00pm and I knew I had to get home soon to make dinner. I didn’t want to go though. I was comfortable lounging on the ground with the boys.

 

I had never felt more at home. The boys immediately made me feel like part of the band and part of the family.

 

It was hard though, to keep my eyes of Calum. He is even hotter up close, if that is even possible. Each time he brushes against me, talks to me, or even looks at me my heart begins to race.

 

“Ash… hello? Earth calling Ashton,” Calum teased. “Hmmm, sorry what?” I asked, shaking my head slightly. “I was asking you if you wanted something to eat,” Calum repeated.

 

“No, I’m fine, thanks anyway. I should really be going. I need to get home and get dinner ready,” I said, a blush creeping up my cheeks.

 

“Can’t you stay Ashton? It would be so much better for us. We can practice more and bond more as a band!” Luke begged. “Please Ash, we don’t want you to leave,” Michael chimed in, giving me the puppy dogface.

 

“Please Ash, babe, stay here with us. Spend the night, Michael and I will be crashing here tonight. It would make it that much more special if you stayed with us,” Calum added. I melted inside at Calum calling me babe.

 

“Aww I make it special,” I said, winking at Calum. “Oh so very special,” Calum winked back nudging my leg with his on the floor. I couldn’t help the blush rise on my cheeks again.

 

I coughed and looked down, hiding my blush. “I really don’t know guys. I want to stay, really badly, but I have to take care of my siblings. My mum needs help around the house and…” Michael cut me off as he spoke up.

 

“Can’t you take a break bro? For one night let your mum handle the work and you relax and spend some time with your new bandmates,” Michael pleaded.

 

I contemplated it for a minute. I wanted more than anything to stay here. I felt like I had a strong bond with these boys already, like they actually accepted me and wanted me.

 

‘I can’t let my mum down; she depends on me to take care of her and the family, that’s my job. She did tell me to go out and do something. I have done just what she wanted me to do.

 

I want to stay with the boys. Besides, the sooner I can start to win Calum over and get him to fall for me the better. Alright so basically I just talked myself into staying here… now I just need to talk mum into it,’ I thought to myself.

 

“Let me talk to my mum,” I said flashing the boys a smile. They all smiled and cheered, knowing I had made my mind up to stay with them. I started to get up when I felt arms wrap around my waist and tug me back down.

 

I gasped as I felt sparks shoot through my body. That could only mean one thing; Calum had grabbed me and pulled me down. I knew I had to play it off cool, act like I didn’t know it was him. “Shit, really? Who did that and whyyy?” I whined.

 

“Relax, it’s only Calum. Besides, I want to talk to your mum too. Maybe it would help win her over if she heard the rest of us talk as well. She might be able to understand how much we want you to stay here with us if she hears us talk to her too,” Calum said, flashing me a grin.

 

I grinned back. “That really is smart Cal,” Michael said to my left. I glanced over to him and nodded. “Definitely agreeing with Mikey here. That is brilliant,” I added. Calum just smiled cheekily at us, showing he was being slightly cocky for coming up with his idea.

 

“I-erm…Calum… I need to get up and get my phone,” I stuttered out, a blush creeping up my neck. Calum chucked and his arms slipped away from my waist. The sudden loss of contact made me intake a sharp breath.

 

I shook my head and quickly hopped up before Calum could drag me down again, not that I would mind that. I grabbed my phone off the table and made my way back to the boys.

 

I was about to sit down by Calum when he glanced up at me and I swear my heart stopped right there. The look he gave me made me want to jump him more than anything. It took all my self-control to not pounce on him and kiss him to death.

 

I changed my path and instead plopped myself down between Luke and Michael. “Hey, why didn’t you come sit by me again?” Calum said, making a pouty face. ‘I fucking swear he is doing this t me on purpose,’ I thought.

 

“I wanted to sit with my other bandmates,” I said, sticking my tongue out at Calum childishly. Calum laughed and I joined him in laughing. I shook my head and focused back on my mission.

 

I unlocked my phone and clicked on my mum’s contact. I took a deep breath and hit the dial button. I hit speaker and put the phone on the ground in the center of the circle the boys and I had made.

 

I put my finger to my lips, motioning to the boys to let me do the talking first. They nodded and we waited for my mum to answer. A couple of rings later and she did.

 

“Hi Ashy baby. What’s up?” Oh god, with the awful nickname again. I groaned and saw the guys holding back laughter. I glared at them and went back to the call. “Hi mum. How’s the game going? How is Harry doing?” I asked.

 

“Oh, he’s doing great, as always. Wish you could be here to cheer him but anyway have you left the house? Have you done anything yet or are you still up in your room? Please tell me you aren’t still practicing?

 

You have been on those drums so much this past week I swear they must be broken. Honestly this band you want to be in must really be worth it with all the practice you are putting in.”

 

My cheeks burned bright red and I buried my head in my hands. How is it that she can embarrass me without even trying? Suddenly a hand was squeezing my shoulder and I looked up to see Luke giving me a genuine smile. He squeezed my shoulder again before he let go.

 

Even though I barely knew Luke, I could just tell that that was his way of letting me know it was ok and that he was proud of me. I smiled back and answered my mum. “Yes, I did leave the house. I actually went and auditioned to be part of the band I was practicing for. I am here with them right now. Boys say hi to my mum,” I said.

 

“Hi Mrs. Irwin,” they boys said. “Hi boys,” mum replied. “You can’t really see us but I’m Calum and the other two boys are Luke and Michael,” Calum said. “Well nice to meet you Calum, Luke, and Michael. Please call me Tracey” “Nice to meet you too Tracey,” Luke said.

 

“So mum… I’m in!” I cheered. That phrase was a phrase my mum knew well. From being in the last band along with talent shows and competitions, the term ‘I’m in’ was a term that my mum knew meant I had made it with whatever I had been trying to accomplish.

 

“Oh honey that is great, congratulations! Thank you so much boys for letting my son in your band. He takes his drumming seriously and being in a band means a lot to him.” “Trust me, we can tell. Ash here is amazing, he is just what we need in our band,” Michael said, bumping his shoulder with mine.

 

I smiled and looked over to Calum. Calum flashed me a smile too, causing me to chuckle. “Oh right mum, the real reason I called you… the boys were wondering if I could stay here with them so we can practice for a show we are doing tomorrow and so we can get to know each other.”

 

“Yeah please can he? We will all be staying at my place and we really want Ashton to stay with us too,” Luke piped up. “Plus Luke doesn’t live too far away from you, according to Ashton,” Michael added. “We just want some quality time with our new drummer, our bandmate, our brother,” Calum said dramatically.

 

We all laughed at Calum and then the room went silent. “Please mum?” I asked, my voice taking on a begging tone. “Alright, fine, Ashton can stay,” mum said with a fake sigh.

 

“YEAH!” all the boys and I cheered. “Thank you so much mum!” I said happily. “Thank you Tracey!” the boys all cheered. “You’re welcome boys. Let me know when you’ll be heading home tomorrow Ash. I assume it’ll be after your show?”

 

“Yeah probably. I’ll let you know mum I promise. You sure you can handle Harry and Brianna?” “Yes I can Ashton. You have fun ok?” “I will. Love you mum, bye,” all the boys joined me in saying bye. “Love you too Ashton, bye boys,” mum said and with that she hung up.

 

“Yes, you can stay!” Michael cheered before hugging me. It very quickly turned into a group hug as Calum and Luke joined. However, it turned into a dog pile instead, which caused us all to laugh.

 

“So… I say we practice for another hour or so then call it a night and just chill and watch some movies. That’s how we usually end practice days, if that’s ok with you?” Luke asked. “Sounds perfect,” I said showing off my dimples as I smiled.

 

The boys nodded and soon we were back to practicing. As we practiced I left one of my earpieces out so I could properly hear the others sing. By now I had realized that Luke and Calum were the lead singers but Michael still sung quite a bit.

 

They were all amazing singers but Calum singing captivated me. Halfway through practice I was so caught up in Calum’s singing I completely forget to play. “Ummm… Ash, we need drums.” Michael said. “Oh shit, wow sorry. I completely zoned out for a second there. I’m sorry it’s my fault, sorry,” I apologized over and over again.

 

“Ash, calm down it’s fine. I think we all need a break. Let’s call it a night, yeah?” Luke reassured. We all agreed and put down our instruments. I then followed the lads as they filed out and went into the living room.

 

Luke went over to the movies while Michael crashed on the armchair. Calum headed to the loveseat and took one side of it. “You gunna come sit?” Calum asked, patting the open seat next to him.

 

I gulped nervously and nodded. It’s not that I didn’t want to sit next to Calum; I was just worried I wouldn’t be able to control myself. I sucked it up and jumped onto the couch next to Calum, playfully ruffling his hair as I sat down.

 

Calum laughed and poked me in the side, causing me to laugh too. “Would you two knock it off? I’m trying to pick a movie,” Luke whined. Calum and I stopped messing with each other up and instead got comfortable on the couch.

 

Luke put the movie in and lay down on the other open couch by himself. I was about to protest when Calum interrupted me. “Don’t worry, we usually take our own seats so we have space. I just thought it would be nice if we shared.”

 

I blushed and looked away from Calum and over to the TV screen. “What are we watching?” I asked Luke as he flicked through the commercials. “Forrest Gump, is that cool with you?” “Yeah, sounds sweet,” I replied.

 

Luke smiled and finally got to the menu. He clicked play and we all settled down to watch the movie. About ten minutes in I grew restless. It wasn’t because I wasn’t interested in the movie or I didn’t like it, I just couldn’t concentrate with Calum right next to me.

 

Calum then shifted and wrapped his arms around my waist before pulling me back. I let out a yelp of surprise as I was pulled back. “Would you just sit still?” Calum whispered in my ear. Shivers ran down my spine as I felt his breath on my ear.

 

“If you are cold why didn’t you say so? We are all for snuggling here to get warm,” Calum said while pulling me closer. I immediately snuggled up to him, feeling his warmth radiate down my back.

 

I sighed happily and let Calum wrap his arms around me. A minute later we were both comfortable in each other’s embrace. I could honestly get used to this. This is exactly how I pictured being with Calum would be.

 

I started to drift in and out of sleep, Calum’s warm embrace lulling me to sleep. All too soon the lights flicked on and the movie was over. Luke was turning the movie off and Michael was up and stretching.

 

I decided I didn’t want to get up, I was happy in Calum’s arms, thank you very much. That’s when a wonderful and genius idea came to me. All I had to do was pretend I was asleep and then I wouldn’t have to leave Calum.

 

I curled up a little more into Calum and buried my face in his neck. I then let my breathing get as even as I could, which was difficult since I was this close to the boy I was in love with and my heart was beating a million miles a minute.

 

“Ummm Ashton, I need to get up,” Calum said. I didn’t move a muscle, continuing to pretend I was asleep. “Ash… Ashy… you awake?” Calum asked, nudging me very gently.

 

I groaned quietly and snuggled closer. “Awwwww Luke, Michael, you gotta check this out. Look, Ashton is fast asleep. He is so cute when he sleeps,” Calum said running his fingers through my hair.

 

It took all of my control to not moan at the touch of Calum’s fingers through my hair. Seriously, he needs to stop doing that. “Awww wait right there, I want to get a picture of this, it’s just too cute,” Michael said.

 

I’m guessing on what exactly happened since I am solely basing off of my hearing. It sounded like Michael pulled out his phone and took a picture of Calum and I. “Got it,” Michael said. “Send it to me bro,” Calum said. “Sure thing Cal,” Michael replied.

 

“I guess I should wake him up now so we can go do something else,” Calum said, sighing reluctantly. ‘Did he really just want to stay here with me? Maybe I’m reading too far into this already. Stupid Calum, why did I have to fall for you so quickly,’ I thought.

 

All too soon I felt Calum gently shaking me. “Ashton… Ash... wake up please?” Calum said quietly. I groaned and slowly pretended to wake up. “Hmmm, what?” I mumbled, dropping my voice as if I had really just woken up.

 

I felt Calum stiffen behind me for a second before he relaxed again. “C’mon Ash... we were gunna go get some food from the kitchen and then just chill in Luke’s room,” Calum replied.

 

‘Why not milk this, it is the perfect chance,’ I thought. “Hmmm mkay. Calum?” I mumbled against his neck. “Yes Ashton?” Calum asked. “Carry me,” I murmured, pretending too be to tired to even move.

 

Calum sighed playfully. “If you weren’t so damn cute I would say no, but ok, fine. But just to the kitchen.” I smiled to myself; I can’t believe that actually worked. Calum picked me up bridal style and carried me to the kitchen.

 

When we got there he placed me down on chair at the kitchen table and went to join Luke and Michael in getting food. I was still in slight shock, my body and mind working on overdrive. ‘Calum just carried me; I was in Calum’s arms. Calum was able to actually hold me up and carry me here.’

 

“Hey, Ash, you want anything?” Luke called. I shook my head and pulled myself up to join the rest of the band. “Depends, what have you got?” I asked. “Basically everything,” Luke said with a chuckle.

 

I looked at the food and lent past Michael to grab some Oreos. I nodded at Luke to say thanks and that I was ready to go. Luke nodded back and led the way to his room. We all entered the room and I looked around.

 

His room was actually decently clean. There were posters of bands like Blink 182, All Time Low, and Sleeping With Sirens on the walls along with a homemade 5 Seconds of Summer poster.

 

Luke and Calum collapsed on the bed while Michael sat down on the floor by the bed. I decided to sit down next to Michael. “Ok so our plan for tomorrow?” Michael asked, more directly to Luke than anyone else.

 

“Then plan is we get up, do some more practice, then head down to the Sydney House of Rock and show everyone we are a sick group. Then maybe grab some dinner as a way to celebrate our first show together,” Luke said.

 

“Sounds perfect,” I said, taking a bite of my Oreo. “Yeah I agree, sounds like a great plan,” Calum said, flashing Luke a huge smile, which Luke returned. “Anyone else tired?” Luke asked with a yawn.

 

“Yeah, me for sure,” I said with a laugh. It had been a crazy day for me, full of events that I will never forget. “Same,” Michael said with a yawn. “I think we should call it a night,” Calum added. All the boys agreed and Calum joined Michael and I on the floor.

 

“We normally just sleep on the floor, is that cool with you?” Michael asked. “Michael, I don’t care where I sleep. I’ve slept in the back of my car several times because I was too lazy to drive home,” I said with a laugh.

 

“Wow, are you one of those people that can basically sleep anywhere?” Luke asked with awe from the bed. “Haha yeah, I guess I am,” I replied. “Woah, that’s sick,” Calum added. I laughed and rolled my eyes at the boys.

 

Luke jumped into bed and Michael and Calum pulled out blankets they had brought over. Suddenly I felt this pang of loneliness. I wasn’t ready to be here. I had nothing but the clothes on me and my drums. I couldn’t quite understand why but it made me feel distant from everyone around me, like I didn’t fit in.

 

I got up and took two steps towards Luke’s bathroom when my feet were knocked out from underneath me. I fell to the ground, flailing my limbs out to catch myself as I fell. Instead of hitting the ground I ended up on top of someone.

 

I looked down to see Calum’s brown eyes staring up at me. “You are welcome sleep between Michael and I. We will share the warmth,” Calum said with a wink. I blushed and nodded before lying down between the two boys. They each shared their blankets with me before turning over, leaving me staring at their backs.

 

I rolled my eyes again before lying on my back and closing my eyes. I had only had my eyes closed a few minutes when I felt Calum tugging my wrist. I cracked my eyes open and was suddenly pulled into his arms.

 

He sighed in content and closed his eyes again, leaving me to be wrapped up in Calum’s arms once again. ‘Honestly can this boy read my mind? Does he know what he is doing to me? He is probably this cuddly with everyone in the band. I bet he did this to Michael before I was here,’ I thought to myself.

 

I decided not to question it anymore. Instead, I took the opportunity and snuggled closer to Calum, breathing in his scent. I rested my head on his chest and let sleep take over once again, imagining this was how it would be if we were actually together.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiiiii readers and anyone who is out there haha!!
> 
> I am sorry it has taken me so long to update! College started for me and I just totally forgot to continue updating on here. Anwyay, I hope you all like this chapter. Hopefully it lives up to what you all want. I have put a lot of work into this one and it isn't as long as other chapters but I hope the content in the chapter makes up for it! ;)
> 
> Thank you so much you sexy readers, you are all perfect and amazing! Comment, read, and leave kudos please.
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood xxxxxx

“Ashton, wake up,” I heard a voice. I groaned and buried my head further into what ever I was lying on. “Ashton, c’mon time to get up,” the voice persisted. “Fuck off,” I mumbled.

 

“Not a morning person, are we?” I finally recognized as Calum’s voice. Suddenly I remembered I was sleeping on Calum, my head on his chest. My cheeks burned but luckily no one could see as I was buried in Calum’s chest.

 

“No, I’m not,” I said grumpily. Calum chuckled, making me smile. “We gotta get up Ashy. Luke and Michael are already up making breakfast. That is the only way we can ever get Michael up. He would sleep until the afternoon otherwise.”

 

This turn it was my turn to chuckle. “I normally don’t sleep in too late. It is just quite comfy here, ya know?” “Yeah, I know. We all agree that for some reason, Luke’s floor is unreasonably comfortable.” “No kidding,” I agreed.

 

I sighed and pushed myself off Calum. I sat up and ran a hand through my hair. “Oh how I would kill for a straightener, my hair always looks awful in the mornings,” I said with a laugh.

 

“It looks great Ashton, really.” I raised my eyebrow at Calum but he looked away. I shrugged it off and stood up. I then looked down at myself and cursed under my breath.

 

“What’s wrong?” Calum asked as he pulled himself off the floor. “I-uhh, don’t have any other clothes to change into. Maybe I’ll just drive home real quick and get a change of clothes.”

“Here, borrow one of my shirts I have a spare. And borrow a pair of Luke’s jeans. He has tons of pairs but he only ever wears the same pair everyday,” Calum laughed. “Are-are you sure?” I asked carefully. “I’m positive Ashton,” Calum said, handing me a shirt from his bag.

 

I took it and thanked him. “I’ll meet you downstairs, yeah? Can you make it to the kitchen?” “Yeah I think so,” I replied. Calum turned to leave when I stopped him. “Calum?” I called. Calum turned and looked at me. “Umm, thanks.” “Anytime,” Calum replied before heading downstairs.

 

I turned and saw the door to Luke’s closet open. I walked in and grabbed a pair of jeans, looking at the clothes as I went. I hated to admit it but I loved shopping. Must be because of Brianna.

 

I quickly got dressed and headed downstairs, not wanting to miss anything happening downstairs. I entered the kitchen to see Luke and Michael cooking eggs, Luke doing better at it than Michael.

 

Calum was sat at the table watching and laughing at the boys, sparking conversation every ten seconds. “Would you shut up Calum, I am trying to cook you breakfast here,” Luke half commanded and half complained.

 

“Does this happen a lot?” I asked as I sat down, gesturing to Luke and Michael. “Yeah, basically every time. They try to get better at cooking, they don’t though,” Calum said. “Shut the hell up dick,” Michael said. We all laughed at them, Calum sticking his tongue out at Michael in response.

 

Finally Luke and Michael finished cooking and brought eggs and bacon to the table. We all dug in, happily eating our breakfast. “We kinda slept in a little late so are you boys ready to head straight to the venue after we eat?” Luke asked.

 

“What?” I asked, choking on my bacon. Michael leant over and hit my back until I could breath again. “Thanks Michael.” “Anytime mate,” he replied. “I said we are heading straight out to the venue?” Luke’s sentence ending more on a question than a statement.

 

“We aren’t going to practice anymore?” I asked nervously. “Nope, no time sorry Ashton.” I nodded and covered up my nervousness with a smile. “I’m sure we will smash it!” I said trying to sound confident.

 

“That’s the spirit!” Calum cheered. “C’mon, let’s grab out stuff and head out of here,” Michael said, getting up and putting his dish in the sink. We all followed suit and filed out of the kitchen.

 

While the guys easily grabbed their instruments I sighed and looked at my drum kit. Sometimes I hated the fact that I was good at drumming. ‘Why did I have to play the biggest and bulkiest instrument?’

 

“Need a hand?” Calum offered with a smile. I nodded, a faint blush rising up my cheeks. “Why don’t we all ride in my car?” I’m assuming none of you can drive yet and my care id the only one that can fit my drums and all your guitars,” I pointed out.

 

“Good idea Ash. Would look much cooler than my mum dropping us off too,” Luke said, half blushing with embarrassment and half laughing. “You’re so cute Lukey,” Calum said, pulling Luke in for a hug.

 

I turned away and started to pack my drums up, the jealousy burning through my veins. ‘Why can’t Calum hug me like that? Oh yeah, that’s right, because you don’t mean anything to him. You’re just the newbie, the nobody,’ I thought to myself.

 

A whimper left my lips, my own thoughts tearing me apart. “You ok there, Ashton?” Michael asked. “Err, yeah. Just a lot to take.” “We are here to help,” Calum said, stepping up to my other side. I gave a nod in thanks and the boys and I carried the drum set to my car.

 

We put the drums in first and then the guitars. Finally we all hopped into the car and we were on our way to the venue. “Know where you are going Ash?” Luke asked from the drivers seat. “Yep, I’ve been a few times with my mum and my uncle. Uncle Ryan always was a bit of a rocker,” I said with a laugh, remembering the good old days.

 

“Mind if I put some music on?” Luke asked, looking over at me. I took my eyes off the road and looked at Luke briefly. “Go ahead. I normally have music playing when I drive, it kinda feels weird if I don’t have any playing.”

 

I turned back and looked at the road. Luke turned on the radio and flicked around, finding a good station. He settled on one that was playing a Coldplay song. I looked back and saw Calum and Michael talking, occasionally glancing up to the front of the car.

 

I shrugged it off, assuming it was nothing. About ten minutes later and we were pulling up outside the House of Rock. I pulled up to a guy and put the window down. “Act playing tonight or just watching?” he asked in a bored tone.

 

“We’re a band playing tonight.” “Name?” he asked, rolling his eyes. “5 Seconds of Summer,” I ground out, losing my patience. “Hmmm, not on the list.” Ok, now, I was just pissed off. “The five isn’t spelt out, it’s the actually number. So it would be at the end of the list, not with the letter f,” I growled.

 

“Oh, there it is. Turn the corner to the left to unload and parking is down the road to the right,” the man said slowly. I rolled my eyes and stepped on the accelerator, the car shooting off. The man jumped back in surprise, spilling his coffee he was holding down his shirt.

 

The boys burst out laughing. “He deserved that, the moody bastard,” Michael said. “Seriously, could he have been anymore of a dick?” Luke asked. “No joke, you should have gone out and dumped the coffee on him Ashton,” Calum added.

 

We all laughed again and I pulled up outside the back of the venue. We all got out and unloaded our instruments onto this weird looking cart that helped you to move the instruments inside without carrying them; helpful for people like me with big instruments.

 

“We’ll push the cart in, you go park the car,” Luke reasoned. “Sounds like a plan to me,” I said, heading to the car. “I’ll join you,” Calum said slipping into the passenger seat as I got in the drivers seat. “Thanks Cal,” I said, flashing him a smile. “No problem Ash,” he replied.

 

It wasn’t too hard finding a space to park in. It was, however, a bit of a walk back to the venue. “This’ll suck when the shows over,” Calum said. “Nah, I’ll bring the car to you guys so you don’t have to move the instruments too far.” I said.

 

“Awwww who’s a cutie, you are,” Calum said tickling my side. I laughed and ran a few steps forward, escaping Calum and his tickling. “Are you nervous?” Calum asked, suddenly becoming serious. I hesitated a second before nodding.

 

Calum paused and looked me in the eye. “I am too,” he admitted. “You are?” I asked. “Yeah, this is our first time performing in front of this many people. We have only ever done little gigs in like coffee shops as a band. This is a first for us too.”

 

“We’re all doomed,” I joked. “I guess we are,” Calum joked back. “At least we will be doomed together,” I said, winking at Calum. “Stop being such a sap. Let’s go, the boys are probably wondering where we are.”

 

“Race ya!” I yelled as I took off to the House of Rock. “Hey, no fair, you got a head start,” Calum whined. I laughed as I ran, finally joining Luke and Michael. Calum was only as second or two behind me. Both of us were panting for breath, leaning on the building for support.

 

“What did we miss?” Michael asked, looking at us weirdly. “We raced back-“ I started. “But Ashton won because he cheated,” Calum finished. “Hey, I did not,” I panted. “Did too,” Calum argued.

 

“Both of you quit arguing. You need to get in shape losers,” Luke said, patting my stomach playfully. “Back off Luke, I am very in shape,” I said, puffing my chest out. “Yeah right,” he laughed and gave me a shove. “Get moving Irwin.”

 

I took the lead pulling the cart with the instruments as I went. I looked back to see Calum pushing the cart, making it easier for me. I gave him a nod as thanks and he nodded back. We pulled up backstage, stopping in the line to perform.

 

“Name?” a guy in a suit asked. “5 Seconds of Summer,” Michael said. “Ok you have four acts in front of you. We will call you when you are up.” With that he left. “Alright, so are we ready?’ Luke asked.

 

“Umm do we have a choice to say no?” I half asked and half joked. “Nope,” Luke said with a laugh. “What song are we doing?” Luke asked, clearly testing us. “I Miss You, Blink 182,” Michael said.

 

“What cords on bass are needed Calum?” “A, B, D minor, and G major,” Calum replied. “Ashton, what beat count are you drumming on?” “Five count,” I stated confidently. Luke flashed me a smile, showing me I was right.

 

“We can do this boys, I believe in us,” Luke said. Suddenly Calum pulled me into a hug, Luke joining us and Michael not far behind. We all stood there in a group hug, just savoring it.

 

This was it. I had only just joined this band less than 24 hours ago and we were already performing together, on stage, in front of tons of people. We pulled apart and I took a sharp breath.

 

“Hey, hey Ashton it’ll be ok. Don’t worry about being new ok? You fit in so well and your drumming brings us closer together and makes us sound a thousand times better than we ever did,” Calum said, wrapping his arms around my neck and holding me close.

 

I held onto this moment, burying my face in Calum’s neck and enjoying the moment. Calum pulled away and gave me a reassuring smile. I smiled back, flashing my dimples. “5 Seconds of Summer, you’re up.”

 

“I can’t do this, I can’t,” I said, backing up. Calum looped his arms around my waist and pulled me into his chest. “You’re fine babe, relax ok? You can do this, we all can. You’ll be great. Just do what you did last night at Luke’s house. Wow the crowd like you wowed us yesterday,” Calum whispered into my ear.

 

‘Did he just call me babe, holy fuck,’ I thought. I nodded and gave Calum one last hug. “Thank you Calum, you’re right let’s go.” Luke and Michael were already a few paces ahead of us.

 

Calum and I caught up and we brought our drums and guitars on stage. We quickly set up and took our positions. “Hi everyone, we are 5 Seconds of Summer. We are going to perform I Miss You by Blink 182,” Luke introduced.

 

They boys all looked back at me. I froze for a second. ‘Why are they looking at me? I’m just the drummer. I’m not the singer, that is Calum and Luke and Michael too.’

 

The boys looked at me expectedly. I began to panic, not knowing what was going on. Why are they giving me that look? Calum then helped me out by motioning to me, pretending to tap drumsticks together.

 

“One, two, one two three four,” I said, making sure not too come across to rocker but not to soft. Michael began the guitar rife, Luke and Calum soon joining in. Soon the guitar solo ended and I joined the tune.

 

Luke began to sing but unfortunately I couldn’t hear with the earpiece in and the intense sounds of the drums and guitars playing. I thought everything was going well until I saw Luke glance nervously over to Michael, Calum, and then me.

 

I could see a single tear in his eye and I knew he had messed up. I popped one of my earpieces out to hear the boys. Calum tried to jump in and save Luke and his voice cracked. I could see the boys falling apart. I got distracted and my beat was off. Now the drumming was off and the singing.

 

What else could go wrong? As if I jinxed it, Michael’s guitar stings broke, leaving him with three of six working strings. This had to be the worst performance in history. It was all my fault. It was because I joined the band. The boys would have been better without me. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t joined.

 

I’m sure if they played here without me they would be great, amazing even. If I hadn’t screwed up in the beginning it wouldn’t have caused us to go on a downward spiral. I hit the drums as hard as I could, taking out my frustration on it. It sounded even worse since this wasn’t a song for heavy drumming.

 

Finally the song was over and we ran off stage, boos following us as we went. I couldn’t see straight, the tears blocking my vision. I spun around to the boys, seeing their sad faces and a single tear slide down Luke’s face.

 

“So sorry, all my fault. Shouldn’t have joined…. I ruined everything… messed us up from the beginning… hate myself... you should all hate me too. I don’t belong here… I don’t fit in. I’m sorry… so so sorry. I ruined it for you… blew it for you,” I stuttered out, the tears falling harder than ever.

 

“Ashton, no, no, no. It wasn’t your fault. Ashton please, Ashton wait,” Calum shouted after me. It was no use though; there was no way I was looking back. I just took off, running out the building as fast as I could.

 

All I knew was I needed to get away from the boys before I fucked anything else up. I took off in the opposite direction of the car, wanting to get away from the mess I caused. Why did I fuck everything up? Why couldn’t I do anything right?

 

I probably just ended the small career the band was finally getting. There was no way they would keep me in after this. I screwed up. I ruined it. ‘Failure. Ruiner. Pathetic. Useless. Newbie. Nobody.’

 

 

Cliffhanger...... did I just do that... I think I did.... oops.... sorry!! ;)


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii everyone!
> 
> Wey hey, I made it to chapter six and it is a long chapter too! This is crazy, I never thought I would even write a fanfic like this. That really is incredible that I made it this far. I love you all my sexy readers and I am so thankful to all of you! Comment, read, and leave kudos please.
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood xxxxxx

Calum's POV

We all stood there frozen. I had tried to tell him it wasn't his fault. He wouldn't listen though and he took off. He fully believed it was all his fault and he didn't belong in this band.

If you were wondering who he is, its Ashton. We just performed our first gig and well, it was shit.

"What do we do?" Michael asked, turning to Luke. It was kind of funny, Luke was the youngest here but since he formed the band we automatically turned to him to tell us what to do.

Luke just stood there, his eyes wide, shaking his head. We all stood there in silence for a minute.

Suddenly it all became too much for me and I screamed as loud as I could, punching the wall with all my strength. "Fuck," I mumbled as I felt my hand bruise up and start to bleed.

"You are so dumb sometimes Calum," Luke tried to joke to lighten the situation. It didn't help. I scowled at him instead. Since it was summer it was cold outside and Luke was wearing a jacket.

He pulled it off and handed it to me, which I wrapped around my hand to stop the bleeding. "Want to get it checked out Cal?" Michael asked.

"No, I do not want to get it fucking checked out. I want to fucking find Ashton. I just want Ashton back," I said, collapsing to the floor. Luke got down to the floor too and wrapped his arms around me.

"Then we will get him back," Luke said firmly. "We-we aren't letting him go, are we?" Michael asked, implying that we were firing him.

"Why would you ask that?" Luke asked carefully. "I just wanna know Luke. You are technically the leader here and it would be your call."

"Is that what you want, to get rid of Ashton?" Luke asked. "You fucking fire Ashton and I fucking quit this band. I'm not staying in this if you get rid of him," I said, becoming even angrier. I glared at Michael and Luke and distanced myself from them.

"I want him here as much as you, you dick. Don't act like you are the only one who cares about Ashton. He clearly fits in perfectly with us and is as much as our brother as as we are to each other," Michael yelled back.

"Both of you fucking quit it. I'm not firing Ashton. He is as talented as fuck and he does fit in perfectly with us. He is the last piece that we needed and no one would be better than him," Luke shouted back.

Michael and I shut up after that. It was some silent rule that if Luke yelled it was serious. "So, what do we do then?" Michael asked. "We look for him. We all split up and look for him.

Whoever finds him has to convince him that this wasn't his fault and that we not only want but we need him in the band with us," I said.

Luke and Michael both looked at me. "Wow, that is probably the best idea you have ever come up with in your life," Luke said seriously. I smiled proudly and nodded.

We all quickly got up and ran out of the door. "I'll go left. Luke you go straight and Michael you go right. Someone will have to find him eventually," I instructed.

The boys nodded to me and both took off in opposite directions. I then spun around and ran left from the venue door. Some part of me knew he hadn't gone and got the car.

He was clearly thinking irrationally when he left so driving wasn't an option. That meant that he must have just ran. He couldn't have gone far then. And that was why I made it my mission to find him and convince him to stay with us, stay with me.

For some reason, and I can't quite tell you why, I feel like I need Ashton. That he is some sort of magic glue that is meant to hold us all together. Most importantly, I feel like Ashton was closest to me in the band and I needed to be the one to tell him that we needed him and loved him.

 

Ashton's POV

I couldn't stop the thoughts swirling around in my head. They were right; I was pathetic and useless and a nobody.

'Why can I not do anything right? It was such a simple song, I have been drumming too long to be this pathetic.'

By now I was crying so hard I couldn't see where I was going. I stopped and looked around where I was. All I could see was grass and a small pond.

Well, it wasn't the ocean but it was close enough. I sat down on the edge of the pond and looked down at the water.

"Why am I this hopeless. Trust the newbie to fuck it all up. I can't even drum a simple beat on the drums. What can I do?" I asked myself.

There really was no use. I pulled my car keys out and gripped them in my hand. I squeezed them as hard as I could, pushing the key into my palm.

I gasped as that pain ran through my body, shocking me. I dropped the keys into the grass. Small droplets of blood dripped down my hand and onto my shirt.

A broken sob escaped my lips and I just lay down on the grass and curled up in a ball and cried. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

I was supposed to join this band to help, to make us all famous. And to win Calum over and make him fall for me. There was no way Calum could ever love someone like me.

No one could ever love a failure like me, especially Calum. Calum was everything I ever wanted. He was sweet, funny, talented, good looking, and perfect.

And then there was me. I can't even play the instrument I have been playing for 9 years, never good enough for anything or anyone, and screw everything up. 'I hate myself more than anything. I ruined the one good chance the band had to start their career. I need to quit the band. I'm just not good enough for them.

They all have so much talent and potential and I am already bringing them down and I have only been in the band 24 hours.'

The thought of leaving the band made me cry even harder. It was all I wanted to stay in the band. I loved the boys so much, they were like brothers to me already. All except for Calum, who I am falling hopelessly in love with.

I don't even know what to do anymore. I want the boys to accept me but there is no way they ever will when I screwed everything up so badly.

I just lay on the grass and cried. I know, that just shows how pathetic I really am. I can't help it though, each tear is another one of my dreams slipping away from me.

 

Calum's POV

My phone rang and I quickly pulled it out. Seeing it was Luke calling I answers immediately. "Did you find him?" I panted. "No.. maybe we... should head back... to the venue.. and wait... for him... to find us," Luke gasped out, clearly exhausted from running for so long.

"I'm not giving up Luke. You head back to the venue and tell Michael he can do the same if he wants. I'm going to keep looking," I replied. "Ok Cal... good luck."

I hung up and kept running. How could he have gone so far. Props to him for getting so far away. I stopped and rested against a tree briefly.

After a minute break I took off again. As I was running I saw a person curled up by a pond. I slowed down and had a double take. I looked closer and saw the person was shaking.

I realized it was Ashton. His body was shaking from crying. I could hear sobs coming from him.

I ran over and yanked him up. It only caused him to panic and he took a swing at me with his fist. He yelped in pain and sobbed harder.

"Shush, Ash... it's just me. It's just Calum." Ashton immediately curled up into my lap and sobbed. I instinctively started to rub his back.

"Ashton, it's ok. Everything will be ok. We aren't blaming you for this. It's not your fault. We all had a bad night. Luke messing up wasn't your fault. My voice cracking wasn't your fault. Michael's guitar breaking wasn't your fault either.

We aren't mad at you. Luke expected that the show wouldn't be perfect since you only joined yesterday. You haven't ruined anything. We will do more shows. This wasn't our last show.

Don't you ever say you don't belong here or that you shouldn't be in this band. You belong in this band as much as we do. You may be new but you complete us. We need you Ashton.

You have insane talent on the drums and whether you know it or not you can sing too. Don't you ever say you hate yourself either. You are amazing Ashton. We want you here with us.

You do fit in with us. You are the missing puzzle piece that this band needed. With you and your drumming skills it makes the band better, stronger, more talented, and cohesive. We sound better than ever before with you.

Ashton, please, look at me." Ashton moved his head away from my lap and sat up straight, looking me in the eyes. "We need you Ashton. None of this was your fault. Please, come back with me."

Ashton looked away from me and out across the pond. "I can't stay with you guys. I am just ruining the band and-"

I cut Ashton off by grabbing his hand. He hissed in pain. "What did you do?" I asked, forgetting what I was going to say to him. "I could ask the same," he said, a small smile playing across his lips.

"I'll tell you if you tell me," I said. "Deal," he replied. "I asked first, so... what happened? " I asked. Ashton sighed and looked away.

"I don't really know. I ran and ended up here. I collapsed on the floor and I pulled my car keys out. I don't know why but something made me squeeze them as tight as I could and I ended up cutting myself with them, " Ashton said, his voice cracking slightly.

I caught a glimpse of the keys shining in the sun light. They were covered in blood. "Ashton," I sighed, holding his hand close to my chest. "It's ok, really. It didn't really hurt."

He then pulled has hand away from my grip. "Your turn." "After you left, we were all sorta frozen. No one knew what to do. I couldn't take it anymore; the silence, the pressure, and the frustration. I punched the wall as hard as I could."

"Are you ok?" Ashton asked scooting closer. "I'm fine. The only thing I was focused on was finding you..." I said, trailing off. "You were? Why?" Ashton asked. "Because I-we need you Ashton. You have everything we want in this band."

"You all really want me to stay? Not just you but Luke and Michael as well?" Ashton asked hesitantly. "Yes Ashton. I swear to you that Michael and Luke want you to stay in the band too."

Ashton nodded and looked out across the pond again. I could tell he was thinking. I stayed quiet and let him think, silently begging he would stay with us.

"Ok, I'll stay," Ashton said, looking back to me. I smiled and pulled him into the biggest hug I could manage while sat on the floor. Ashton wrapped his arms around me and I sighed happily.

I pulled away and jumped up. "We should head back to the venue. Luke and Michael should be there waiting for us." I offered him my hand and pulled him up.

"How far is it?" Ashton asked as we began walking. "Actually quite far. You ran quite the distance." Ashton laughed weakly. I stopped us and pulled him into a hug. "It's fine Ashton, really. As long as we still have you, that is all that matters."

Ashton nodded and hugged me back. "Thanks Calum, love you bro." "I love you too bro," I replied. With that we began walking again back to the venue.

We walked in comfortable silence after that. After about fifteen minutes we finally reached the House of Rock again. As soon as we got close enough to see Luke and Michael they came running out to meet us.

Luke reached us first, slamming into Ashton and hugging him as tight as he could. Michael wasn't far behind, joining Luke and hugging Ashton tightly.

"Don't you ever try doing something like that again," Luke said. "You are staying right here in this band with us. End of discussion; no ifs, ands, or buts," Michael said.

Ashton hugged the two boys back. "You both really want me to stay?" Ashton asked, close to tears again. "Hell fucking yes," Michael said. "Hell yes Ashton. Wait are you crying?" Luke asked concerned.

"Yes, but it's happy tears Luke. I'm happy, I didn't think you would want me back after how much I screwed up." "You didn't screw up Ashton. It's ok, we all made our mistakes. Our next show will just be better and stronger than this one," Michael said.

Ashton grinned and hugged the boys again, dragging me into the hug as well. "Thank you boys. I love you." "We love you too Ash," we all replied.

"Why don't we all go grab something to eat. We can head to McDonald's if you all want?" Luke asked. "Yeah Maccas sounds great," I replied. "Lets head out," Michael cheered.

 

Ashton's POV

"I'll go get the car," I said. The boys quickly looked at each other before Luke piped up, "I'll go with you." I shrugged and nodded before Luke and I headed off to get the car.

We walked for a minute in silence before I spoke up. "You don't have to come you know. I don't need looking after, I can take care of myself." "I know, I just wanted to join you. Nothing wrong with me wanting to spend some time with my new band mate, is there?"

I looked to my side and saw Luke smiling at me. Not the sympathetic smile that you would expect but a true smile. I couldn't help but smile back, showing my dimples. "Nothing wrong at all Lukey," I said.

We walked in comfortable silence the rest of the way. We got to the car and I hopped into the drivers seat and Luke got into the passenger seat again. I turned the engine on but was stopped by Luke.

"Are you ok Ash?" he asked. "I'm good Luke, I promise." "Then why are you holding the wheel weirdly? " I looked down and saw I was avoiding holding the wheel with my right palm, the hand I cut.

"Oh, I hurt my hand when I ran off." Luke gave me a look and I sighed. "I accidently cut my hand with my keys. I was angry and upset and I squeezed the keys and they cut my palm."

"Ashton, are you ok? Does it hurt?" Luke asked, pulling my hand away from the wheel to see it. "Luke, I'm ok. I'll bandage it up at home, it's not that bad."

Luke sighed and nodded. "Stop worrying Luke. Everything will be ok," I said, reciting what Calum told me earlier. Luke smiled that smile again and I knew we were cool.

I pulled out the space and drove up to Michael and Calum. "What took you so long?" Michael asked as he opened the trunk. "I was talking to Ashton," Luke said before I could say anything.

"Share him Hemmings, we all want to spend time with him," Michael said as he swung his guitar into the back of the car. We all helped put my drums and the rest of the guitars into the car.

"I'm surprised it all fits in," Luke said, stepping back to look. "As am I," I said laughing. Soon for some reason we all burst out laughing, as if it was the funniest thing in the world.

"It's been a hell of a long day," Calum said. "No kidding. Who's ready for Maccas?" I cheered. "Me!" the other lads cheered. "Then let's go," I replied. Everyone jumped in the car and I drove us to the nearest McDonald's.

I pulled up and Calum spoke up. "Will the stuff be safe in here?" "I'm sure it will, we are only going there," I said pointing to the restaurant. "Good point. Let's go I'm starving, " Michael said already getting out of the car.

Calum, Luke, and I all rolled our eyes as we got out the car. I locked the car and slipped the keys in my pocket, the dried blood on the keys freaking me out a little. I needed to clean them off as soon as I could.

We walked in and ordered our food. I skipped to a seat, making Calum laugh. I laughed as well, hearing Calum laugh. I slid into a seat and Calum sat next to me. Luke and Michael sat across from us.

We sat and waited for our number to be called. "Would they hurry up, I'm going to die of hunger," Michael complained. We all laughed and his childish complaints.

I took a sip of my strawberry milkshake and waited. "Number 57 your order is ready." "Finally," Michael cheered in happiness as he jumped up. Calum placed his phone down on the table and got up to help Michael carry the food over.

They grabbed the trays and stopped at the condiments bar. "Any ketchup or anything Ash?" Michael asked. "Yeah ketchup and just some salt," I called back.

Suddenly Calum's phone began to ring. "Ummm Cal, your phone is ringing," I said, turning to look at the condiments bar. "Who is it?" he asked as him and Michael walked back to the table.

I looked down at his phone, looking at the caller ID. 'Maddie My Baby <3' was on the screen with a picture of some pretty blonde girl. "I-ummm-I... it's... Calum... who's Maddie?" I asked as Calum sat down next to me.

"Oh, Maddie is my girlfriend. She is probably calling to see how the gig went. She's so cute, always checking how well our gigs went. Maddie is so supportive, " Calum said smiling happily before picking up his phone to call her back.

'Maddie is my girlfriend. Maddie is my girlfriend. Girlfriend. Girlfriend. Girlfriend. Girlfriend.' The words swirled around in my head over and over again.

'Calum isn't single. Calum is dating someone. Calum is with a girl. Calum has a girlfriend. He doesnt even like guys. Dating. Not single. Girl. Calum. My Calum. Gone. Girlfriend.'

 

 

Uh oh... Cliffhanger again... Oops I did it again.... My bad... Sorry! ;)


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya everyone!
> 
> I think this chapter is crap :/ I'm sorry I apologize now. Not much happens in this chapter, it is kinda a filler for the next one. I did think it was fair to show some of the background of Ashton! This way as readers you feel closer to him and can understand him more. I did make it all up though so none of what Ashton says is actually true, at least I really hope not! Anyway I am sorry for how much this chapter sucks. Next chapter will be better I promise. I hope you at least kinda like this chapter!
> 
> Let me know what you think. Thank you for reading. Comment, read, and leave kudos. 
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood xxxxxx

Chapter Seven

(Trigger Warning: Minor self harm occurs in the chapter)

 

I sat there, my mouth hanging open. Everything froze around me as my mind went blank. The only thought in my mind was Calum's girlfriend.

 

Next thing I see is Luke's hand waving in front of my face. "Ashton? Ashton? What's wrong? You're as white as a sheet. You look like you've seen a ghost."

 

"I-I feel like I'm going to be sick," I admitted. "Ashton?" Luke asked warily. I then quickly shoved Calum out of the seat, Calum falling to the ground. I bolted to the bathroom, hurling myself into a stall.

 

I collapsed by a toilet and wretched as my breakfast came back up. I didn't hear the door open but I jumped when I felt a hand on my back. "Shush Ash, it's ok," Luke soothed.

 

It was then that I realized I was crying. I turned and threw up into the toilet again. Luke rubbed my back soothingly. I pulled back and leant against the wall.

 

"Are you alright Ashton?" Luke asked. I nodded, rubbing my cheeks with the back of my hand. "Just wasn't feeling well. Must have been all the nerves," I said lying through my teeth.

 

"You're lying," Luke said, watching me closely. 'Note to self, need to tell better lies.' "My ex girlfriends name was Maddie. She, she died in a car crash a year ago. It still makes me sick thinking about it I guess," I lied again, trying to show how it still hurt me.

 

Luke looked at me for a minute before nodding. "I'm really sorry Ashton. I didn't know. Did you love her?" Luke asked. "At the time, yes. I've moved on now but it just makes me feel sick to think about it," I replied.

 

We sat in silence for a minute. "You ready to go back?" Luke asked. "No, I think I need a few minutes, alone, if you don't mind?" I asked. "Sure thing Ash, you know where to find us." With that Luke left.

 

I slumped back against the wall, not even caring I was in a fast food place. How could Calum have a girlfriend? He was meant to be with me. A sob escapes my lips and I quickly cover my mouth.

 

Silent tears make there way down my face. I just wanted to curl up and cry. The love of my life wasn't even gay. What was I supposed to do?

 

‘I want to die. Someone just kill me now. How do I ever win Calum over now?’ I thought to myself. I couldn’t help it I broke down crying again. Now I know how my mum feels.

 

Somewhere in my mind I thought my next move was sane. Somehow this would help me feel better, that it would take the pain away and make it all go away. If I did this Calum’s girlfriend didn’t exist.

 

I pulled out my car keys again and let them glint in the light, the dried blood going a dark maroon color. I smirked to myself and brought the keys back down to my palm. I dug the keys in, hard.

 

They reopened the last cut, going much deeper this time. I pushed as hard as I could until I felt the pain burst through my body. I gasped and threw my head back as the pain took over.

 

I watched as streams of blood poured out from the cut and onto the floor. I sighed in content watching the blood seep into the cracks on the floor. It somehow pleased me to see it. It was soothing, like it was washing away all of my problems.

 

I took the keys and made another blunt cut next to the first one. I hissed in pain as I pushed the keys down, breaking through skin until I saw blood. Using car keys was not the best when you wanted a sharp and clean cut.

 

It stung too, the dirty metal of the keys sliding into the open cut on my palm. I watched as the two cuts bled out, dripping down onto the floor. I decided that two cuts where enough and grabbed some toilet paper and held it against my palm.

 

I sat and waited until the blood stopped seeping through the toilet paper. I then grabbed some more and wrapped it around the cuts, hiding the securely away. If the boys asked then it was just covering up the first minor cut from being seen.

 

I just sat in silence for a second, letting the thoughts of what I just did wash over me. I promised I was done with this. Why did I have to let myself cut again? I had promised myself I was never doing it again. I hated myself for breaking my own promise. Nothing I could do to change it now though, what’s done is done

 

After a few minutes more of silence I pulled myself together. Right now wasn't the time to pity myself, I would do that tonight in the privacy of my room. I pulled myself off the floor and made my way out of the stall.

 

I glanced in the mirror and gasped. I looked horrible, and I mean horrible. I rubbed my eyes to make the redness go away and splashed my face with water.

 

Grabbing a paper towel I wiped my face off. I looked a little better but not much. I made sure to keep my hand hidden in my sleeve so the boys wouldn’t see. "It'll have to do," I muttered to myself. With that I walked out the bathroom and back to the boys.

 

"Ashton, are you ok?" Michael asked immediately as I walked up to the table. "Yeah, I'm fine now," I said flashing him the best smile I could manage. Luke gave me a sympathetic look and I just shrugged it off.

 

I glanced at Calum but he just glared at me. "What?" I asked shaking my head slightly. "Didn't have to push me to the floor you dick," Calum said angrily.

 

"Hey, watch it Calum. The poor guy threw up in there. He just needed to get out and it was better then him throwing up on us or the table," Luke stepped in to defend me.

 

Calum's face softened straight away and he stood up quickly. "Are you ok?" Calum asked, his hand coming up to stroke my cheek. My cheeks burned red and I looked away.

 

Calum's hand dropped away but he was still looking at me expectantly. “Yeah Calum I’m fine, just wasn’t feeling well all of a sudden.” I glance at Luke, letting him know to keep quiet about what we discussed in the toilets. Luke just nods in reply.

 

“Are you hungry? We left your food for you,” Calum offered. I could see he was trying to make it up to me. “I’m not really hungry. I’ll just eat a few French fries,” I said trying to smile.

 

Calum sighed and nodded, motioning for me to slide in the seat. I did as told and slipped in. “Are you sure you’re ok?” Luke asked. “Would you all relax, I’m fine,” I said, trying to sound as confident as I could.

 

The boys seemed to buy it as they all nodded and resumed eating again. I ate a few fries but decided to let myself think instead. I didn’t even know what I was going to do now.

 

I clearly wasn’t going to quit the band or anything because Calum had a girlfriend. It was the worst thing I could ever think of though. The man I am hopelessly in love with wouldn’t even think twice about me in that way and here I am falling all over him.

 

I did say that my goal was to join the band and win Calum over in the process. Sure, he had a girlfriend, which was quite a set back. However, unless Cal was homophobic, which he doesn’t seem to be, then I still had a chance.

 

Sure there was a lot to work on. I had to get Calum and Maddie to break up along with get Calum to fall for me. I can still do this. This is not over, there is no way I am giving up now.

 

Especially now that I was getting to know Calum on a personal level I knew it was more than a crush. I am falling in love with Calum. I wasn’t going to give up on him.

 

I can’t help but smile at the thought. One way or another I would make Calum fall for me. “What’s got you all happy?” Michael asked, breaking me from my thoughts. “Hmmmm, what?” I asked.

 

“You seem happy all of a sudden,” Calum pointed out. “Sorry I guess I was just thinking. I am happy, I got in the band even though I suck. That makes me pretty happy,” I said with a shrug.

 

“For the last time, you do not suck. You are insanely talented,” Calum said. I rolled my eyes but smiled nether the less.

 

Luke suddenly snapped his head around, looking at us all with a big goofy smile. “Uhhh you ok mate?” Michael asked wearily. “I just had the greatest idea ever,” Luke says happily.

 

“What is it?” I ask raising an eyebrow. “We can do another cover and post it online. This way we can introduce Ashton in the band to all the fans and it gives us a way to improve as a band,” Luke said.

 

“Luke that’s brilliant!” Calum cheered. “I’m slightly confused,” I said looking between them as they all had this huge smile on their faces which was slightly creepy.

 

“Ashton, quick, what is your favorite song right now? Like right this second name a song you love or would listen to right now it you could,” Luke randomly said.

 

There was a ton of songs that came to mind, all of which expressed my current position with Calum. I couldn’t make it too obvious with my song choice but I wanted one that represented my emotions too.

 

The perfect song came to mind. It was more the perfect. It was a great tune and the boys would never figure out the reason I chose it. “Uhhhh Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus?” I asked carefully, acting as if it was the first thing to mind.

 

“That is literally the perfect choice,” Michael said. “Dude that is such a sick tune,” Calum agreed. “Great choice Ashton!” Luke replied giving me a huge smile.

 

“Does anyone wanna tell me what I chose a song for?” I asked. “What Lukey here is trying to say is that we will now make an acoustic cover of Teenage Dirtbag and post it. That way it is a good way to introduce you as our new drummer and gives us a way to practice,” Calum explained.

 

“Oh that makes more sense,” I said shaking my head slightly at my stupidity. “Ignore me and my stupidity. I’m just going back to eating,” I said looking down at my plate. ‘Don’t be silly mate, you’re fine,” Calum said nudging me gently.

 

I chuckled and looked away, scared I would do something to Calum I would regret. I let my thoughts wonder for a second before something dawned on me. “Wait, you said acoustic right?”

 

“Yeah we did, why?” Michael asked. “Great, just fucking great,” I mumbled to myself. “What’s wrong Ash?” Luke asked, worried again. “Nothing, nothing,” I quickly replied.

 

“C’mon you can tell us anything Ashton,” Calum prompted. I sighed. This was mega personal stuff I was going to reveal about my past and me. ‘Am I ready to do that? Can I trust these boys with something that personal?’ I thought to myself.

 

I sighed again and looked at the boys in turn, looking at Calum last. I pulled myself away from looking into Calum’s brown gorgeous eyes and focused back to the center of the table.

 

“Ok, I have never told anyone else this before. Only my family knows the truth behind all of this. So, back when I was three my dad, Dylan, started working for this new company. It was a huge deal because it was based in LA and earned him a ton of money.

 

My dad was the only one supporting us at the time. Back then it my younger sister Brianna and I, Brianna had only just been born at the time. Anyway, my dad left and started working in LA.

 

He would come back for one weekend every month. When he came back it was always a huge celebration. He would bring Brianna and I presents’ from LA and would always bring flowers and chocolates and all this romantic worthless crap with him for my mum.

 

The only good thing he ever did for me was buying me a cajón. It’s a type of acoustic drum. It was when I was five and I started taking an interest in drumming.

 

Anyway he would spend the first day of the weekend with my mum, treating her to all this fancy stuff and romantic dinners. It was only later I learned that of course there was always sex that night.

 

The next day he would spend with Brianna and I. He would always take us somewhere different, whisking us off to the zoo or an amusement park. I was too young to understand at the time but it was like he was trying to buy us or win us over.

 

That night we would all have a family dinner and watch movies and play games together. It was as if he had never left us for work. Then on Monday morning he would leave again. It would always be early when he did.

 

Brianna would still be asleep but it would wake me up, the fighting I mean. Mum and Dylan would scream at each other, my mum begging him to stay. Dylan would scream back telling her that he had to go to earn us money to live.

 

I knew it tore her apart. She loved him more than anything in this world. You know how they say that if you find your soul mate there is never anyone else for you? Well, my mum was dead-set convinced Dylan was her soul mate.

 

It broke her to see him leave us for a month. When he left she would spend a day or two just moping around. She wouldn’t even take care of Brianna and I. That’s how I learned to take care of my family at such a young age.

 

By the time the end of the month came around she would forget all about what it was like for Dylan to abandon us. She would just sit by the door all day and await his return. He would pull up in the driveway and my mum would run out the door to him.

 

He would open his arms and spin her around acting like he was still madly in love with her. Brianna and I used to stand in the doorway and watch, as he would kiss her and tell her how much he loved her.

 

It all seemed perfect again, when he came back. We were reunited as a family and it looked like my parents where still in love and happy. Then he would leave and we would all fall apart again. His absence causing a whole in the family that you could actually feel.

 

Anyway this happened consistently for three years. Each month was the same; Dylan would spend almost the whole month at “work” in LA and then spent the last weekend with us. It became a routine I grew up with.

 

By the time I was six it was all I knew. I didn’t have many friends so I thought it was normal, for all of this to be happening. If I remember correctly it was in the sixth month before the major fight occurred that he got my mum pregnant again.

 

Mum was really scared about the fact she was pregnant again. She was scared because she didn’t know how Dylan would take it. She kept it quiet for the first three months, making sure she got through the first trimester.

 

When she did she told Dylan. At first he seemed thrilled about it. On that third month he spent their day together at the hospital leaning the sex of the baby and the details and all he rets of that crap. My father seemed so happy he would have another son.

 

Anyway the next two months he came out suddenly seemed a lot tenser. He started acting different and harsher to my mum then ever before. In the fifth month he barley talked to any of us.

 

It was beyond awkward. You could literally feel the tension. Mum and Dylan fought terribly that month. Brianna and I just curled up together and listened. Brianna was four at the time so she didn’t quite understand but she knew it was bad.

 

He left that month and then came back on that dreaded sixth month of mum’s pregnancy. That was when it happened. Everything fell apart and we found out the truth. Dylan had moved to LA for the job, but he had found another woman and started a new family.

 

He had two other kids, a boy and a girl, along with another wife. He came back to us and filed for divorce with my mum. They had the biggest fight I have ever seen between two people. He abused her. I stood in the doorway and watched as he beat her.

 

I swear he was aiming to kill her. She was six months fucking pregnant at the time; he could have easily killed the baby. I was only six but I still ran in to protect my mum. I was the man of the house and even at six I was protective of my sister and mum.

 

My dad beat me too; I still have scars on my back where he whipped me. Luckily the neighbors heard what was going on and they phoned the police. The cops came and removed my dad from the house.

 

I don’t know how but he managed to get away from the police scotch free. He wasn’t arrested or anything. The divorce was short and sweet. He left nothing behind. Not even a penny. We were left broke and alone. Mum couldn’t start working that close to having a baby so I stepped in.

 

I started working at this small daycare center, helping the parents with small kids since I had been doing that already with my little sister. I earned way more than I should have; I basically earned what a normal adult would make in a job.

 

When I went back and asked years later they had known what had happened with my father since my mum had told them. They basically paid me as if it was my mum working. They supplied us with an income that we could live off.

 

Not too long after my mum had Harry she started to work to. We had both of us working to bring in income. Unfortunately it wasn’t enough and we had to move to a cheaper house that we could afford.

 

We only ever earned enough money to keep us going. We haven’t had much money since my dad left. Even now, we just live off my job at the game store and hers.

 

Anyway the point of the story was this. The cajón that Dylan brought me, when we moved house into a cheap one we could afford it was broken in the move. I couldn’t afford to buy a new one.

 

When it came down to it my mum offered to either buy me a new one or a proper drum kit and I took the drum kit. I have been using the same drum kit since I was eight. We have never had enough money to buy another cajón though/

 

That was why I panicked when you said acoustic. I don’t have my acoustic drum anymore…” I trailed off, finally looking at the boys. I only just realized I was crying. It took a lot for me to open up about my past like that.

 

Sure I left off certain details that I wasn’t ready to open up about to anyone but it was still a huge deal to me to finally tell someone my past.

 

“Ashton, I think I speak for all of us when I say how sorry we are for you,” Luke said. I shook my head and sighed. “I don’t need pity,” I said chuckling even though it wasn’t funny.

 

“We know Ashton. We just want you to know we are here for you, ok?” Michael said firmly. I nodded and gave him a weak smile. “Ashton?” Calum asked. I shook my head slightly. If I looked at Calum I swear I would just fall apart.

 

Calum reached out and turned my head to face him. “Let me buy you a cajón Ash. This way we can make a cover and I know you will use it a lot after that too.” “No Calum they are too much,” I tried to bargain.

 

“I don’t care. Take it as a welcome to the band gift,” Calum insisted. “I agree with Calum. I’ll chip some money in too buy it for you too Ashton,” Luke said smiling. “Count me in too,” Michael added.

 

I looked at the three boys around me and couldn’t help but smile. “You really don’t have to,” I said again. “We want to,” Calum insisted. “Where is the nearest store we can buy one?” Michael asked.

 

“Uhhh Music Fix downtown. Why?” I asked. Luke looked over at Michael and they both grinned. “We are going to go buy you one right now of course. This way we can start practice ASAP,” Luke said happily. “What, are you serious?” I asked, lighting up in happiness.

 

“Yeah, let’s go,” Calum cheered. We all threw away our rubbish and headed back to the car. I had this newfound bounciness to my step. I may not have been in this band long but they really cared about me.

 

As if he was reading my mind Calum came up so he was level with me and he threw his arm around my shoulder, dragging me close to his side. “We love you Ashton. We are here for you. From now on it is us against the world. 

 

You can always count on us as much as we can count on you. We will always be here for you. Welcome to the family brother,” Calum said kissing the top of my head before pulling away and heading to the car door.

 

I swear my head was spinning and I was seeing stars. Calum kissed me. Sure it was only a brotherly kiss on the head but it was a start. Calum kissed me. Wow.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers!
> 
> I made this chapter extra long! It is over 6400 words long so I think it makes up for the crappy last chapter! A lot happens in this chapter so be warned! TRIGGER WARNING- there is self harm in this chapter so just a pre-warning to all of you out there if you don't like it or anything.
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter because I worked so hard on it to make it perfect. Don't forget to comment, read, and leave kudos. 
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood xxxxxx

Chapter Eight

 

“Yo, Ashton? Are we going or not?” Michael asked, his voice taking on a sassy tone. “God aren’t we a sassy punk today,” I stated shaking my head slightly, knocking myself out of the daze I was in.

 

“Yes, yes I am,” Michael replied. “Yes we are going. Get in the car punk,” I replied sassily unlocking the car as I did. Michael stuck his middle finger up at me as he got in. I just stuck my tongue out in retaliation.

 

“I’m guessing you know where you are going?” Luke asked as he looked over to me. I just nodded, focusing as I reversed the giant monster that was my car out of the space. I got us back on the highway and headed for downtown Sydney.

 

The car was quiet, everyone keeping to their own thoughts. I let my mind wander, my thoughts falling back to Calum once again. I darted my eyes up to the mirror and looked at Calum.

 

He looked flawless. His hair was flipped over his eyes and he was facing the window, watching the scenery go by. I could tell he was in deep thought by the huge crease that was in his forehead.

 

I glanced away and focused on the road, not wanting to get caught looking at Calum for too long. I let myself focus on driving, not wanting to crash and hurt my new band members and the boy I was crushing on.

 

I let the silence surround me, the peace soothing me. My peace was broken, however, when I heard a phone ring. I knew it wasn’t my ringtone so I glanced at Luke. Luke didn’t budge so it wasn’t him.

 

I glanced in the rear view mirror again and my eyes landed on Calum. He was lifting his phone to his ear. Well, at least I knew whose phone was ringing. I glanced back to the road but my concentration was broken again a split second later when Calum spoke.

 

“Hi Maddie. How are you beautiful?” Calum said into the phone. My foot was hovering over the break as Calum spoke. My heart plummeted to my stomach and instinctively I slammed my foot on the breaks, hard.

 

The car lurched forward and I saw Luke panic and quickly look at me. Everything slowed for a second and I felt myself become hyper aware. I need to stop us from crashing into anything or anyone.

 

I pulled off the motorway and into a rest stop. I parked the car and let my head rest on the wheel, my breathing uneven. I could still hear Calum talking to his girlfriend from the back seat.

 

“Yeah sorry baby, give me one second.” Next thing I knew I felt a hand on my shoulder. It had to be Calum as he was the only run to send tingles down my spine like that. “Ashton, what the hell happened? Are you alright?” Calum asked.

 

I couldn’t quite tell if he was pissed at me or worried. I assumed it was a mix of both. I just nodded weakly. “I think I need some air,” I said, pulling my door open and breathing in the cool air.

 

I walked out and propped myself on the metal bars of the rest area, looking out to the distant beach in front of me. I sighed and closed my eyes. ‘What the fuck is wrong with me? I nearly killed us all and for what? All because Calum answered his girlfriends call.

 

There is something wrong with me. Why am I so worked up over Calum having a girlfriend? Oh maybe because IT MEANS HE’S STRAIGHT AND HE WOULD NEVER DATE A GAY BOY LIKE ME,’ I screamed at myself.

 

My head dropped and my shoulders shock with silent sobs. I hated myself more than anything. I should just die. I’m not worthy to live being gay. I am so pathetic, pining for a boy I can never have.

 

I pulled out my keys again and looked down at them. ‘Three times in one day when I promised I would never cut again after the last incident. Well you know what they say, third times the charm.’

 

Just as I was about to pull the wrap off my cuts and reopen them again I heard Michael call to me. “Ash, mate, you ok?” I could hear him walking closer so I slipped the keys away again.

 

Michael lent on the bar next to me and looked at me sideways. I nodded slowly and looked away, out to the horizon. “Before you ask what just happened, I don’t have an answer. I guess Calum’s phone ringing distracted me and I accidently braked without thinking.”

 

Michael didn’t say anything, just remained silent. “Listen I’m sorry ok? I don’t know why I did it; I just got distracted and panicked. I’m not used to hearing phones suddenly go off in the car like that. As long as it doesn’t happen again I’ll be fine,” I clarified.

 

“Ok bro if you’re sure?” Michael asked raising an eyebrow. I nodded and looked away again. “It didn’t have anything to do with who Calum was talking to, did it?” Michael asked. I turned around, my jaw dropping.

 

“What? No, not at all. Just the fact his phone went off and he answered it distracted me,” I quickly covered. ‘Was Michael figuring things out? Was I being too obvious? I need to watch what I am doing and be more careful. I cannot let any of the boys know.’

 

Michael nodded and looked at me dead in the eye. “If you sure then ok,” he stated. I nodded firmly. “I’m sure. C’mon let’s get going. If we wait much longer the store will close and this would be for nothing.”

 

Michael walked ahead of me and got back in the car. I stood outside my door for a second and took a deep breath before entering the car again. Calum was still on the phone and Luke was messing with the radio stations.

 

“Everything alright there Ash?” Luke asked. “Yeah, everything is fine,” I replied. I started the engine and tried to block out what Calum was saying. I didn’t want to hear what he was talking about with his girlfriend.

 

I didn’t want to hear their mushy shit. I just wanted that girl to fuck off so I could have Calum. Luke picked a station and lent back in his seat. I turned the volume up to drown Calum out.

 

I focused all my attention on the road, making sure to not let anything distract me. After another fifteen minutes I was pulling up outside Music Fix. I cut the engine and looked around.

 

Luke was smiling happily and hopping out the car. Michael gave my shoulder a squeeze before hopping out the car too, humming the tune of the last song that was playing on the radio. Calum was off the phone now and was also hopping out, a smile forming on his face as he saw the store.

 

I jumped out and joined Calum. “Never been to this place, huh?” I asked Calum. He shook his head as we walked up to the store. Any previous anger he might have had towards me seemed to be gone now.

 

We walked into Music Fix and Calum gasped as he saw all the instruments lining the walls and covering any open space on the floor. Calum immediately bolted off towards the bass guitar section. Luke and Michael weren’t far behind, looking at the section next to bass, which were electric guitars.

 

Suddenly I felt the pang of abandonment again. Sure I could play guitar but my true love was always drums. I just found that guitars didn’t hold as much potential as drums did and honestly drumming was more challenging which made it more appealing to me.

 

I felt the isolation take over as the boys ditched me for the guitars, not even looking back at me. Not that I was being selfish but we were here to buy me a cajón and yet they had all left me.

 

I sulked off towards the drums; shoulders slumped and head hanging low. I walked to the cajóns and walked down the row of them. Some of them were gorgeous and caught my eye. When I saw the price tag though I felt my heart sink even more.

 

No way was I letting anyone spend that much on me, even if it was the most beautiful cajón I had ever seen. It wasn’t the most expensive in the store but out of all of them it was the one that stood out to me and caught my eye. I let my hand trail over it, feeling the wood with my fingertips.

 

I pulled myself up onto the platform the cajóns were displayed on and I gently sat down on the cajón I had been inspecting. I naturally let my hands beat a gentle rhythm into the smooth wood. I closed my eyes in bliss, hearing how beautiful the sound was.

 

“Find one?” Calum’s voice broke through my blissful peace. “What? I- Ummm… no. I was just messing about, just throwing out a beat,” I quickly said. I hopped down and walked to the end of the isle to the cheapest cajón.

 

“This one is good,” I said, not looking up at the boys. “Ashton…” Luke trailed off. “What?” I snapped, spinning around to look at them angrily. “We could all see it, you fell in love with that one. You are just choosing this one because it’s the cheapest,” Calum pointed out, ignoring my snappy attitude.

 

“So what? It doesn’t matter. I’m sure you look at the expensive guitars all the time even though you can’t have them. Sure that other one is nice but this one will do,” I said firmly. Maybe it was because they ditched me as we walked in but I was being hostile with them and I didn’t really know why.

 

I sighed heavily and closed me eyes. I took a deep breath a counted to five. “Seriously this one is fine,” I said pointing at the cheapest one. “Well… I hate it,” Calum said truthfully. “It’s ugly man,” Michael added.

 

I winced and looked away, tears filling my eyes. It was like a physical blow to me. Like someone had punched me in the face. I took it personally for some reason. It felt like they were insulting me for my decision and it hurt.

 

Calum, who was closet to me, sensed this and put his hand out and pulled my chin to face him. “And that is why we are buying the one you were playing. It sounded good, it looks good, and you looked good on it. That is the happiest I have ever seen you, sitting up on that cajón immersed in the feel of the music,” Calum said truthfully,

 

“And that is one smart buy,” Michael agreed with a half-smirk. “You can’t buy it, it’s almost $200!” I pointed out. “So? We don’t care about price Ashy! We saw how happy you were up there. That cajón is the one for you,” Michael argued back.

 

“Michael is right. You were in your element up there. Of all of them you picked that one because you knew it was the one for you. We are buying it for you and that’s final,” Luke piped up.

 

I sighed in defeat. There was no way I was winning against all three of them. “We just want to see you happy Ashton,” Calum said stroking my cheek before dropping his hand. ‘Then stop hurting me Calum. Or making me feel left out’ I thought to myself.

 

I know they didn’t mean to leave me out. I guess they were just trying to get used to the whole new ban member thing too. Calum didn’t know he was hurting me either. If he didn’t have a girlfriend he wouldn’t be hurting me. I just had to change that.

 

“So are we clear on which one we are buying?” Calum asked, directing the question at me. I smiled a genuine smile, my happiness coming back at the thought of getting the cajón of my dreams. I nodded and pointed at the one that had caught my eye.

 

“That one, if it isn’t too much money,” I said diverting my eyes. “It’s not,” Calum said firmly, his fingers wrapping around my wrist to pull me towards the other two boys. “Now this one is definitely good looking. Good choice Ashton,” Michael said, smiling to me.

 

I smiled back, a blush creeping up my cheeks. “Thanks boys,” I said, nodding my head towards the cajón. “You deserve it. Now let’s go and buy this baby,” Luke said. Luke and Michael bounded off to find a sales person to help us get one.

 

“Calum- I…” I started to say. I was interrupted as Calum’s phone went off. “Sorry that’s Maddie. I gotta take this, it’s important. I’ll be right back bro.” With that Calum dropped my wrist, pulled his phone out of his pocket, and walked away as he answered the phone.

 

I tried not to let it affect me but it did. I felt my heart break just a little bit more as I saw Calum walk off, a big grin on his face. She can clearly make him happier than I can. I sighed, propping myself against the platform.

 

Michael and Luke came back with a sales rep. “This is the one you want?” he asked pointing at the one I had chosen. “Yes sir, that’s the one,” Luke said confidently. “Ok I will go find one in the back and I’ll meet you at the tills.” Luke nodded and the man left.

 

“What’s wrong Ash?” Michael asked, sensing my mood shift. “No-nothing, I was just lost in thought I guess. Been a while since I got one of these and well… you know whom it came from,” I said covering up with my sad story of my past.

 

“I’m so sorry Ashton, I didn’t think of it like that,” Michael said propping himself next to me to rest his hand on my knee. I just smiled as best as I could. “Don’t worry Mikey, it’s ok. This one is coming from you guys, it’s totally different this time.”

 

“Umm sir, your are you ready to check out?” the man asked coming back. “Yeah on my way,” Luke said. “I’ll charge it to my card and then you and Calum pay me back later, yeah?” Luke asked. “Sounds like a plan to me,” Michael agreed.

 

Luke disappeared to pay and Michael and I sat in silence. It was a comfortable silence though, not awkward or anything. It wasn’t long though before Michael spoke up. “I know something is going on Ashton.” “I’m sorry?” I asked, not quite understanding what Michael meant.

 

“I don’t know bro, I can just sense something is bothering you. I may not seem like it but I am one of those people who can tell everything about a person from knowing them all of two minutes. There is something different about you, different in a good way though. Whatever it is, don’t be ashamed about it. No matter what, we are always here to support you.”

 

I felt myself tear up. Michael didn’t even know it but yet he had just given me the reassurance to know that he wouldn’t mind that I was gay. Michael didn’t seem to care that I was different, that I may or may not having feelings for his best friend.

 

It made me feel safer in a way. That even though I hadn’t come out of the closet to anyone at least I had Michael’s support. I made a mental note to myself that when I came out, Michael would be the first one to know I was gay and who I was gay for.

 

“Thanks Mikey. That means a lot. When the time is right, you’ll be the first to know what is bothering me and what makes me different.” Michael just smiled, patting my knee to let me know that whenever I was ready he was here for me.

 

Luke then walked over pushing a cart with a huge box in it. “Ready to head boys?” Michael and I nodded, hopping up from the platform to follow Luke out. Calum was leaning against the car, still talking on the phone.

 

I ignored him and unlocked the car, helping Luke squeeze the box into the already filled boot. After about five minutes of reorganizing we finally had all the instruments safely in the car. “Back to my house?” Luke asked. “Sure thing Lukey,” I replied.

 

I knew I had said to my mum I would head home but something about spending time with the band and not going home was kind of exhilarating. A part of me wanted to go back and help her. The thing is, I have given my whole life to her and helped support the family, but now, it’s my turn to live life for me.

 

I know my mum is strong enough to take care of Brianna and Harry by herself. It’s summer holiday’s too so it’s not like she has to worry about the kids too much. Her work house were perfect time during the day and Brianna was capable of taking care of herself and Harry.

 

I convinced myself that I was making the right choice by staying with the band for a bit and taking a break from the rough life I had lived since I was three. “Hey Luke?” I asked, pulling him off to the side before he could get in the car.

 

“What’s up Ashton?” “Would you mind if I, you know, joined you guys and crashed at your place for a bit?” “I wouldn’t mind at all. Michael and Calum basically live at my house, they only go home once or twice a week. You are welcome to stay and live with us.”

 

I smile and wrapped my arms around Luke, pulling him into a hug. Luke hugged me back and whispered in my ear, “I know you want to get away from your old life. Just know that we want to be the ones that you build your new life around.”

 

I squeezed Luke tighter, saying thank you though the hug as I couldn’t speak, my throat feeling tight as the lump formed in my throat. I pulled away and flashed Luke a warm smile. He smiled back and squeezed my shoulder gently before getting into the car.

 

I lent against the car and couldn’t help the smile that broke out. Michael and Luke had now made the effort to show they cared about me and wanted me to be happy and supported me. This band was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

 

I quickly pulled out my phone and sent my mum a text, explaining the choice I was making. I waited for a response, my nerves picking up with each passing second. Finally my phone buzzed with a reply.

 

MummaBear: “If that is the choice you are making then make it. You are old enough to care for yourself and make your own decisions. I just want you to know how proud I am of you Ashton. You have spent your whole life taking care of me and the family. It’s about time you did something in your life that made you happy. Give this band your all baby, you deserve it. The house is always open to you and the band if you ever want it. Come by and grab anything you need whenever you want. I love you so much Ashy, I am so proud of you! xxx”

 

The tears welled up in my eyes again. Everyone says their mum is the best but I now how the proof that everyone else is wrong, my mum is the fucking best mum on this planet. I typed back, “I love you mum, more than anything in this world! I will make you proud! I’ll always come back home, I’m never truly leaving. Thank you for letting me make my own decisions and for raising me to be what I am today. I love you xxx.”

 

“Enough sentimental times for me,” I chuckled to myself, sliding my phone back in my pocket and getting in the car. I got in and put the keys in the ignition. “Are you ok Ashton? You look like you’ve been crying,” Calum said, leaning forward to get a good look at me.

 

“Dude, relax. Just had a little sentimental moment with my mum is all.” I looked away my cheeks burning up. “Awww mamma’s boy,” Michael cooed from the back. “Fuck off Clifford,” I said, a smile crossing my face.

 

“Awwww wittle Ashy is so cute! Little mamma’s boy Ash! What a cutie,” Calum said pinching my cheeks. “Get off Calum,” I said brushing his hand away, my cheeks flushing even darker.

 

Calum laughed and pulled away, sitting back in his seat again. “Are we heading out or what?” Luke asked, a grin covering his face as he watched the scene unfold around him. “I would leave if I wasn’t being mollycoddled,” I stated.

 

Michael lent forward from his seat and ruffled my hair. “We can’t help it, you are so cute Ashton,” Michael teased. “Hey! Hands off prick!” I shouted, pulling away to fix my hair. Luke laughed as I ran my hands through my hair, trying to fix the mess Michael has made.

 

“All of you stop so we can leave already,” Luke said with a laugh. “This isn’t over Irwin,” Calum said prodding my arm teasingly. “Whatever Hood,” I replied, brushing his hand off me again, the sparks flying through my boys. I chose to ignore them and started the car.

 

Soon we were off and heading back to Luke’s house. It wasn’t long before we made it back and unloaded our stuff. Luke disappeared for a second, letting me know he was checking with his mum to see if it was ok if I could basically move it.

 

Luke walked back in as the boys and I were setting the instruments into the back corner of the room so they would be in easy access for tomorrow. Luke just looked over at me and flashed me a thumbs up before heading over to Calum to help him with the guitars.

 

I huge smile spread across my face and I happily hummed a tune as I finished putting my drums and cajón into the corner. After we had all put our things up we sat in a circle on the floor. “Ok so I was thinking we planned out who is going to sing what part of the song. Teenage Dirtbag, right?” Luke asked. I nodded briefly to Luke before letting my eyes wander to Calum again.

 

“So I think we introduce Ashton, maybe Michael could help introduce you before the song?” Luke asked. Again I just simply nodded to Luke. “Ok so after that I’m thinking Calum you take the first part of the song?” Luke asked. “Sure sounds good to me,” Calum replied.

 

“Luke, you and I take the first chorus?” Michael asked. “Ok sure,” Luke agreed. “Luke you take second verse, ok?” Calum asked. “If you want me?” Luke asked back. Calum looked at Michael and nodded. “Yeah then I’ll take the third verse,” Michael agreed.

 

“Ok so all sing the second chorus?” Luke asked carefully. “Yep, blend the vocals together,” Calum agreed. “Luke, can you take the bridge after the second chorus before I sing and the one after?” Michael asked. Luke bit his lip and nodded in agreement.

 

“And then we all end together,” Calum inputted. “Ok sounds like a plan. We should run it through and see how it sounds. Ashton? Mind taking up back vocals for us?” “What?” I asked, tuning back in when I was addressed.

 

“I said can you sing back up vocals? We need someone to have them and it is the perfect way to introduce the fact you have a good voice too,” Luke asked again. “I-ummm… sure I guess,” I agreed, face flushing. I was trying to avoid any singing, I was fine just playing my drums in the background.

 

That night we practiced vocals, sitting in a circle and singing to each other. I watched as the boys sung, occasionally adding in some back vocals when I felt necessary. Every time I sung even a few lyrics Calum would lean over from next to me and squeeze my leg, letting me know I was doing great.

 

We spent all night practicing. That night Luke crashed in his room while Michael crashed in the spare room. Luke told me that Calum and Michael trade off nights to get the room. Apparently I was part of the trade off routine too and I would be after Michael but before Calum.

 

Calum had been the one to say I could go before him. I smile and blushed slightly. Now Calum and I were both in the living room, each sleeping on a separate couch. Even though it was just a couch I felt really at home here. I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

We spent all week practicing. We would spend mornings using the instruments and then take a break for lunch. We would give ourselves some time to goof off and have some fun. We even went down to the beach Wednesday afternoon together.

 

For once in my life I was finally happy. I finally had people who cared about me. Sure there were some bumps in the road this week. All of which had to do with Calum and his wonderful girlfriend Maddie.

 

Calum and I got in a fight on Thursday about his girlfriend. The two of us had been in the car and I was driving us to Pizza Hut to get food for us and the other boys. Of course Maddie had called again and I had nearly swerved and hit the car in front.

 

I pulled over and got out the car. Calum got out too and we got in a huge fight. We were screaming and swearing at each other and I swear I felt my heart shatter. Fighting with the one you love is heartbreaking. I broke down on the side of the road crying.

 

It reminded me of how mum and Dylan used to fight. That only made me cry harder. Calum had stopped screaming and had come around the car to pull me into a hug. I panicked, sobbing into his shirt to not leave me like Dylan did. Calum just soothed me, rocking us back and forth.

 

After that we hadn’t fought since. I feel like Calum was watching over me, making sure I didn’t break down again. I assured him I wasn’t weak and that I was fine. I know he was keeping a watchful eye on me after that. It somehow made us closer though.

 

Calum and I spent more time together. When the band watched movies Calum and I would always share the couch and snuggle together. To say I was getting my hopes up wouldn’t be a lie. I knew I shouldn’t get my hopes up but it just happened.

 

When we teamed off to do something Calum and I always ended up together while Luke and Michael went off and did their thing. All in all it had been a pretty good week though. It was finally Saturday and we were filming our cover of Teenage Dirtbag to post online.

 

We all sat down in front of Luke’s Christmas tree. Michael was sat on a chair tuning his acoustic guitar. I was sat on my cajón on the other side of the tree. Luke and Calum were sat on the floor between us. Calum was sat next to me while Luke was sat between Calum and Michael.

 

I thought the arrangement in which we were sat was pretty damn good. Luke was going to be our cameraman who would turn the camera on and off. We all settled down and got ready to film.

 

Luke turned on the camera and joined us. “Hey,” we all cheered. “Hey guys this is our new drummer Ashton. He is now in the band,” Michael introduced me. “Hi guys. I’m so happy to be here, I just want to say thanks to the boys for letting me join the band.”

 

Calum looked up and flashed me a smile. I nodded at Luke and counted us off, “1, 2, 3, 4.” I started to play and so did Michael. “Are you gunna tell them what it is?” Calum asked, looking to Michael. “Oh yeah this is Teenage Dirtbag,” Michael said with a laugh. “Yeah,” Luke cheered. With that we all began to play.

 

“Her name is Noel, I have a dream about her. She rings my bell; I got gym class in half an hour. Oh, how she rocks, in Keds and tube socks. But she doesn't know who I am, and she doesn't give a damn about me,” Calum sang.

 

“Cause I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby. Yeah, I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby. Listen to Iron Maiden maybe with me, oh woah,” Michael and Luke sang.

 

Here and there I added the occasional back vocals, making sure I did what the band wanted but without making my voice as loud as the other boys.

 

Her boyfriend's a dick, and he brings a gun to school. And he'd simply kick, my ass if he knew the truth. He lives on my block, and he drives an IROC. But he doesn't know who I am, and he doesn't give a damn about me,” Luke sang.

 

“Cause I'm just a teenage dirtbag, baby. Yeah, I'm just a teenage dirtbag, baby. Listen to Iron Maiden maybe with me,” the three boys sang. “Oh woah,” we all sang together, a smile crossing all of our faces.

 

“Oh, yeah, dirtbag, no, she doesn't know what she's missin. Oh, yeah, dirtbag, no, she doesn't know what she's missin,” Luke sang along, smiling up at me.

 

All the while I happily played my cajón, feeling completely in my element. I smiled, letting the beat and tune take over, feeling it wash through my brain.

 

“Man, I feel like mold, it's prom night and I am lonely. Low and behold, she's walking over to me. This must be fake my lip starts to shake. How does she know who I am? And why does she give a damn about me,” Michael sang, me adding in back vocals at the end of his verse.

 

As it came to Luke’s next part I let my hands stop, letting Luke’s powerful voice take over as Michael quietly strummed along to the tune. Occasional as Luke sang I sang back ups, boosting the volume just a little louder.

 

“I've got two tickets to Iron Maiden, baby. Come with me Friday don't say maybe. I'm just a teenage dirtbag, baby, like you,” Luke sang. As Luke sang his part I picked up drumming again and Michael began to play at proper volume again. “Oh, woah,” Luke sang, picking up with Michael and I.

 

All I had focus on though was my drumming and Calum. I kept glancing down at Calum as he sung, his voice sounding beautiful, like an angel from heaven.

 

“Oh, yeah, dirtbag, no, she doesn't know what she's missin. Oh, yeah, dirtbag, no, she doesn't know what she's missin,” the boys sang together. “Yeah,” Luke added. “Oh, oh,” I added on the end, causing Calum and Luke to look up at me and smile.

 

With that we ended the song, me beating out a final beat and Michael ending it with a strum to his guitar. Calum and Luke looked at each other before Calum hopped up to turn the camera off. “Thanks for watching guys,” Luke said to the camera. “See ya,” Michael and I said at the same time.

 

With that Calum turned the camera off and smiled at us. “Got it,” he cheered, fist pumping the air. We all cheered and Calum jumped on top of me, knocking me to the ground. There, on the ground, Luke and Michael joined us and formed a group hug.

 

“You guys did great, you sounded amazing,” I said, looking at Calum as I said it. “As did you bro! Great vocals and drumming skills,” Calum said looking back at me. We all congratulated each other before getting up. “I’m going to put it on the computer and check it out and then try upload it tonight,” Luke said.

 

“Sounds great,” the rest of us cheered. Luke grabbed his laptop and set it up in the living room. The rest of us set up a movie and grabbed some snacks to celebrate our first video together.

 

Luke edited while Calum, Michael, and I talked about how we think we did. I was leaning against the couch, my legs resting on Calum’s legs. He didn’t seem to mind, his hand resting lightly on my legs as if it was a natural thing for us to sit this way.

 

After almost an hour Luke joined us. “Done,” he said collapsing next to us and propping himself against Michael. “Great! I say that on that wonderful note we should all head to bed early,” Michael said with a yawn.

 

“Is sleep all you think about Mikey?” I asked teasingly. “Well… that and pizza,” Michael said with a grin. I rolled my eyes and smiled at him nonetheless. It was Michael’s turn for the spare room again so he bid is good night and headed off to bed.

 

“I think I’m gunna crash too. Good night Cal, good night Ash.” “Night Lukey,” we both called after him. “What about you? You heading to bed?” I asked Calum. “Yeah I guess, has been an exhausting day,” Calum said with a yawn.

 

I nodded and pulled myself up so my legs weren’t resting on Calum’s anymore. A slight whimper left my lips at the loss of contact from Calum. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” “No, I’m fine. My arm just went numb is all,” I replied lamely. “Priss,” Calum teased. “Shut up. Good night Cal.” “Good night Ash.”

 

With that Calum crawled onto the couch and curled up under the blankets. A couple minutes’ later snores came from the couch. I had a feeling deep down I was the only one awake.

 

I had this strange urge to look at the comments on the video. I had a bad feeling that most fans would not be as accepting of me as the boys were. I quietly picked up Luke’s laptop and headed off to the bathroom we shared.

 

I sat down on the floor, my back leaning against the wall while I propped my feet up on the base of the sink. I propped the laptop on my lap and went to YouTube. I clicked on the video and paused it, scrolling down to look at the comments. Some were nice while most were awful.

 

“@5SOS_Queen: Who the fuck is Ashton? Get out of here no one wants you douchebag!”

 

“@Luke-Is-Sexy: Ashton who? Get the fuck out of here ugly white trash!”

 

“@MusicIsLife: Seriously?! A drummer? You don’t need that faggot you were perfect without him! #GetLostAshton”

 

“@That-girl-42: What the fuck? That new kid has got to go. #FuckOffNewbie”

“@5SecsofSummerIsLife: Get this gay new boy off my screen. Go die fag. The band was better without you!”

 

“@MissFabulous: This newbie can’t even play wtf? Why are you even here? Nobody wants you fag.”

 

“@MikeyIsMyBabe: I hate you Ashton! You fucking suck! This band doesn’t need you or your worthless so called talent. Bring back the old 5 Seconds of Summer!”

 

“@CalumMyMan: Pathetic wannabe new drummer. Get fucking lost bastard. Kill yourself #UselessDrummer”

 

“@MyNamesGrace: For real how the hell did you get in the band. They must have been desperate to let you in. Now they’ve used you they don’t need you anymore. Just you wait till they drop you like the piece of shit you are! #GetRidOfAshton”

 

“@CoolestBitchEver: Making a petition to get Ashton the fuck out of this band before he ruins it anymore then he already has #PetitionToGetAshtonOut”

 

There was hundreds upon hundreds of comments, all the same. All hate towards me, wanting me gone. That last comment with the petition had almost 1,000 likes already and the video had only been up a couple of hours.

 

The tears fell faster than I ever thought possible. I felt sick, like someone had just stabbed me in the heart. I was hated. No one wanted me. I really was as pathetic and useless as I thought. No one wanted a gay boy like me around in a band like this.

 

I threw the computer down, not caring if it broke. I looked around with bleary eyes and saw Luke’s razor sitting on the sink ledge. I grabbed it and sunk down to the floor. I ripped my sleeves back and placed the cool metal to my wrist.

 

“This is for being useless. This is for being ugly. This is for being talentless. For being gay. For joining the band in the first place. For being pathetic. For ever existing. For not being wanted. For ruining everything.”

 

With every statement I made a new cut on my wrist until there was nine cuts dripping blood down my arm. The cuts weren’t deep; I made sure not to do what I had done that last fateful time. I wanted to remember though, remember the comments and remember how much I am hated and not wanted.

 

I felt the relief as the blood poured down my arm, washing the hateful comments away. I sighed in a sick manner, entranced as my blood seeped into my shirt and the floor. I hated who I was. Why was I the way I was? Why did everyone hate me? What had I done wrong?

 

The comments were all right though. Everything they said was true. I should leave the band. I am nothing compared to Calum, Luke, and Michael. And Calum with his girlfriend, I had no chance so why was I even here? I broke down into sobs, my body shaking as the hate swirled around in my mind.

 

Suddenly the door rattled and swung open. I heard a gasp and looked up to the door. “Holy fucking hell. Ashton? What the fuck happened?”


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers!
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter. It is kinda crap and it is a filler chapter but it will lead into the start of some Cashton next chapter! Sorry it isn't the best but better ones to come I promise. Don't forget to comment, read, and leave kudos. I love you all and thank you for reading this story.
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood xxxxxx

“Holy fucking hell. Ashton? What the fuck happened?” A voice whisper shouted. I didn’t look up, afraid to see who it was. The person collapsed to the floor and forced me to look at them.

 

I looked into the green eyes and broke down. I chocked on a sob and I felt his arms wrap around me. “Ash shush please. Tell me what happened?” “I-I can’t,” I sobbed out. “Yes you can,” he soothed.

 

“I can’t. So pathetic, so useless, so unwanted,” I chocked out. I felt him grab me slightly roughly but the wrist that wasn’t cut up and force me to look at him. “You. Are. Not. Any. Of. Those. Things,” he said slowly and carefully, as if he was talking to a three-year-old.

 

“Yes I am. Everyone hates me because… because I’m gay.” I sobbed harder. It felt good though, in a sick way. Being able to finally come clean and tell someone I was gay lifted this weight off my shoulder.

 

“You’re gay?” he asked. “Yeah and now everyone hates me and is calling me a faggot. How did they even know? I tried s-so hard to hide it,” I cried. “They don’t know that Ashton. They just wanted to hurt you by calling you names. They didn’t know that it would strike home to you like it has.”

 

I broke down even harder at that. “Oh god Ashton I didn’t mean it like that I am so sorry. Why don’t you tell me everything Help me understand Ashton and then I can help. We all can help, not just me, but all of us.”

 

“I-I fell in love with someone, recently. They changed me, made me the way I am. I realized I was gay because of them. I didn’t even know them though. I fell in love with someone I hadn’t even met.

 

I found them again though. You’ll never guess where I found them?” I asked looking up at him. He shook his head no. “I found him on a YouTube video.” It dawned on him, his mouth dropping.

 

“One of us,” he said, not questioning it but saying it as more of a statement. I just nodded pathetically. It went silent and I knew he was thinking. “Calum, its Calum isn’t it?” he asked.

 

I just nodded numbly. I flinched away, waiting for the hit, waiting for the screams, waiting for the hate to slip from his mouth. However, it never came. I looked up at him through my fringe.

 

“You don’t hate me?” I asked. “What, why would I?” he asked, shocked. “Because I am gay and in love with Calum.” He looked at me as if I was dumb. “You really are crazy Ashton. I don’t hate you. I’m not some homophobe. If you love Calum then you love him.”

 

I sat still, shocked at his words. “Why?” he asked again. “Why what?” I asked, taking a deep breathe and readying myself for the bad news I knew was coming. “Why did you do this?” he whisper yelled, grabbing my arm.

 

I hissed in pain, yanking my arm back. “I had to, the hate, it was all too much.” “No hate is worth this Ashton. Why didn’t you just come and talk to one of us. We would have helped you,” he tried to reason.

 

“This is all I have known, from since I was about thirteen I cut. When I was fifteen I cut myself so badly I ended up in hospital. I went to rehab for about six months after. It was so expensive we had to stop using it.

 

I haven’t cut since then. I stopped myself and went cold turkey. When I ran off after our gig at the House of Rock, I cut myself with my car keys. I didn’t even think about it, it just happened. It’s a drug to me.

 

I did it again, at McDonalds, when I found out Calum had a girlfriend. It tore me. I didn’t want you or anyone in the band to know I was cutting again. I needed to take the laptop and see the comments after the video was posted. I needed to see what people were saying about me.

 

I knew I would get hate. No one could ever like me. I am just a worthless newbie. I wasn’t here from the start and I don’t belong here.” I felt him grab my chin and force me to look him in the eyes. “Don’t you ever dare say that again. You deserve this as much as the rest of us.”

 

I just shook my head and looked away. “Ashton do you realize what you bring to this band? With you, we are an actual band. You complete us Ashton so don’t think that. We need you. Now you are here I know for a fact we wouldn’t go on without you.”

 

“Do you really mean that?” “I do Ashton, with my whole heart.” Silence elapsed us again, me leaning in his lap. Yet for some strange reason it wasn’t awkward. “How did you know?” I asked after a while. “Know what?” he asked.

 

“How’d you know it was Calum I was in love with?” He paused and looked at me. “Ahhh, well you see, it kinda all fit together when it was one of us. From the way you look and act around him to you being jealous of his girlfriend. It all seems to fit together like a puzzle now I know the truth,” he replied simply.

 

“He’s going to hate me, Calum I mean.” “No, he won’t. He cares about you Ashton, we all do.” I stayed silent for a second, thinking about it. “Let me clean it, your cut.” I sighed heavily and nodded. I got up and propped myself on the counter. He got up and started to maneuver around the bathroom, finding supplies.

 

He quietly pulled out the antiseptic and uncapped it. “This is going to sting like hell. You ready?” I just gritted my teeth and buried my head into my shoulder. He then poured the antiseptic into the cuts. I muffled my screams in my shirt. He wasn’t kidding it hurt like hell.

 

He then wrapped up my arm, making sure to cover the wounds carefully and securely. “How did you learn to do that?” I asked. “Picked it up off my mum. She had a hell of a time taking care of me, I was always getting hurt as a kid.” I chuckled despite the situation.

 

He smiled back, putting the supplies away and propping himself next to me on the edge of the sink. “I know what it’s like, to love someone you feel like you can never have or deserve. I had this huge crush on this girl not too long ago. She had a boyfriend and he treated her like shit.

 

I always knew I could treat her better. Finally I won her over and we dated for almost a year. It didn’t work out in the end. I spent too much time with the boys worrying about the band to keep her around. In the end it was her or the band and I chose the band.”

 

I laughed sarcastically. “And how is that supposed to cheer me up?” “I’m just saying that you can win him over.” “How? Unless you haven’t noticed he is dating a girl. Oh and yeah, he isn’t gay.”

 

He stopped for a minute, thinking it through. “Not yet he isn’t. Maybe we can swing him. We could come up with a plan to make him fall for you. The biggest thing is getting rid of Maddie. Once you do that I think he will easily fall for you.”

 

“And how do you plan of getting rid of Maddie? Who is she anyway, I’ve never even seen her.” “She’s alright, nothing special, just a girl we go to school with. I think he is wither mostly so he can feel loved, but now, you can give him that.”

 

“You seem… supportive of the idea…” I trailed off, looking at him curiously. “Oh, I love playing match maker. Plus, now that it all makes sense, I can see how much you love him. You’re head over heels,” he stated matter-of-factly.

 

“I am not,” I huffed out, a blush creeping up my cheeks. “You so are. So, here is what I am thinking. We need Calum to develop feelings for you so he dumps Maddie. Piece of cake.”

 

“Umm… excuse me for being dumb but… how is that a piece of cake?” He laughed I mean he actually laughed. “You haven’t seen it?” “Seen what? What they hell are you on about?”

 

He laughed again, almost falling off the sink. “Dude, he already has a crush on you. You can see it in the way he looks at you and the way he is fascinated by you when you sing or play the drums.” “Y-your lying,” I stuttered out.

 

“Trust me Ashton, I’m not. He has a thing for you, however small it may be. He checks you out. Either way, he thinks you are hot which makes a start. Now what you need to do is up your ante. If you flirt with him, tease him, mess with him, you’ll have him begging on his knees for you.”

 

“What makes you so cocky about all this? How do I know you aren’t just setting me up to see me fall?” I asked hesitantly. He froze, all his joking persona falling away. “I would never do that to you Ashton. You are already a brother and seeing you like this sucks. I have known Calum for years, I know when he as a crush on someone.”

 

I contemplated it. ‘Maybe he was right. So what did I do? Trust his blind judgment and hope for the best or watch the love of my life slip away from me day by day?’

 

“Let’s just say you are right about this and Calum does by some miraculously luck have feelings for me. Then what? What makes you think he will actually want me? Want to date me, me of all people?” I asked exasperated.

 

“Like I said Ashton, I just know. You just have to trust me on this one. I know Calum and I can tell there is something there. Ashton, promise me something?” he asked, changing the subject. I shrugged my shoulders, telling him to go on.

 

“Promise you won’t do this anymore? I don’t want you looking up hate and I don’t want you cutting anymore.” I sighed and looked away. I knew that was a promise I wouldn’t keep. I was going to do it again and I knew it. I couldn’t hurt him though after all he had done for me.

 

I just had to make sure to never get caught doing it again, especially by him. “I promise I won’t do it again.” I smiled weakly in the dimly lit bathroom. Luckily he couldn’t see my face or he would have known I was lying.

 

“Good, thank you. We should get out of here and head to bed. It’s late and we have plans to practice again tomorrow. We will talk about this tomorrow, ok?” I nodded and got off the sink. “Wait,” I said putting my arm out in front of him. “Please don’t tell the rest of the band. I don’t want them knowing about this.”

 

“Don’t you think they deserve to know Ash?” “Yes I do, but please, let me do it in my own time. I need time to figure it all out before I tell anyone. I didn’t want anyone to know this side of me. None of you were supposed to find out,” I mumbled.

 

“Hey, it’s ok. I’m not judging you and I know they won’t either. Take all the time you need.” I gave a small shrug in response. “Are you going to be alright?” he asked. “Yes ok? I’m not a fucking baby stop treating me like one,” I half yelled getting angry again.

 

He put his hands up in defeat and lowered his head slightly. “I’m not. I’m just generally worried about you. Is that such a problem to be worried about my band mate and brother?” “No, I’m sorry. I just get defensive easily.”

 

“Don’t worry so much Ashton. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to.” “Thanks,” I mumbled, knowing that I wasn’t going to tell him everything. I wanted to, but ever since my father betrayed us trust has been an issue for me. I don’t trust anyone until they earn my trust.

 

I silently headed to the door, holding it open for him. He nodded his thanks and turned to go. “Michael?” I whispered, reaching out to grab his wrist. He turned and looked at me. “Thank you,” I whispered truthfully. I really was thankful for what Michael had done for me. He just smiled and grunted a soft reply, heading off to the spare room.

 

I quietly tip toed back into the living room. I curled up onto the couch and pulled my blanket over me, letting my thoughts swarm over me. Had the past hour even happened?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Calum?” I called, looking into the kitchen. “In here,” he called from the pantry. “What are you doing?” I asked. “It’s my turn to cook breakfast. Thought I would make it before Luke and Michael woke up this morning. What woke you up?” he asked, moving around the kitchen.

 

“I heard noises. Must have been you in here,” I commented lazily. “Sorry mate didn’t mean to wake you.” “It’s no problem. What are you making?” I asked curiously. “French toast. Would you like some?” “Mmm I’d love some,” I replied, licking my lips unconsciously.

 

“I mean, yeah, that sounds good,” I quickly recovered. Calum just nodded, going about cooking. “I thought you couldn’t cook?” I asked thinking back a couple weeks ago. “What? I am a great cook,” Calum replied with a huff. ‘Hmm, weird,’ I thought to myself.

 

I shook my head and watched Calum cook instead. “So… Cal, how are things going, with you and Maddie I mean?” I asked carefully. “Not so good actually. I think she is cheating on me with her ex-boyfriend.”

 

“Wow that’s bitchy of her. Sorry man but she doesn’t sound faithful or good enough for you.” Calum cracked an egg and sighed. “I know Ashton but there isn’t anybody else so I might as well stick with what I’ve got.”

 

“That, Calum, is a horrible way to think,” I said firmly. “I know that Ashton but I don’t have any other choice. She is the only love I have so I’m staying with her.” “And what if she dumps you for this other guy?”

 

“Then… I don’t know Ashton, stop asking question,” Calum said, getting a bit annoyed. I sighed and shut up, watching his ass instead as he cooked. I piped up again a minute later. “What if someone else liked you? What would you do?” I asked.

 

“Well, it depends who it is. If I like them back then I would start something up with them. If not, well then it doesn’t matter.” Silence grew between us and I started to chew on my lip.

 

“Stop doing that,” Calum stated. “Stop doing what?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.  
“Chewing on your lip like that, it’s not good for it.” I mindlessly nodded and stopped chewing on it, to bite on the inside of my cheek.

 

“Calum…” I piped up again. “Yes, Ashton?” Calum asked again with a hint of impatience. “What if- what if I told you I knew someone that liked you…” I trailed off.

“Like who?” Calum asked, giving me his full attention.

 

“You have to be open minded, ok?” I asked nervously. “Go for it,” Calum replied. “So let’s say I know this person that may be crushing on you. And he, likes you a lot,” I said, quickly glancing up to see Calum’s reaction.

 

What I saw made my heart shatter. His face was contorted in disgust. “You did not say he, did you?” Calum spat. “I- erm- no… I just,” I stuttered out. “Let’s just get this straight Ashton, ok? I. Do. Not. Date. Guys. I am not some gay faggot.”

 

His words stung and I felt my vision become blurry. “I-I…” I blurted out. “Oh and Ashton, you will never have a chance with me so you might as well just fuck off and die now. I don’t want to date some faggot like you. You disgust me.”

 

I felt my world shatter. I fell to the floor, everything falling around me. “Stay down there, that’s where people like you deserve to stay. You are no better than the filth on my shoes, you queer.”

 

Calum sent several kicks to my stomach, knocking my breath away. I chocked, the world being destroyed around me. “Say good night you little homo. Oh and Ashton, get the fuck out of the band and don’t come back.” With that he sent a final kick to my head and I blacked out.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I woke up with a start, a cold sweat covering my body. My breaths were sharp and harsh and I could feel the tear stains on my cheeks. It was just a dream, not a dream, but a horrid nightmare.

 

I couldn’t see straight, trying to convince myself it wasn’t real, that it didn’t happen. “Ash?” I heard my name mumbled in the dark. Next thing I know Calum is sitting down next to me. “Bad dream?” he asked, as if he understood. I just nodded weakly.

 

Instead of saying anything he pulled me into his chest and lay down on my couch, bringing us close together. “Try to get some sleep. I’ll stay here the rest of the night and keep you safe from the nightmares,” he mumbled into my hair.

 

I didn’t protest, letting him rub my back soothingly. ‘See, it was just a dream.’ I told myself. I relaxed into Calum’s touch, letting him soothe me to sleep. I was floating, living in a fantasy world.

 

How does one go from beating my up to cuddling with me in a minute? Everything blended together as I began to drift off. Only two thoughts rang clear in my mind as I drifted off into the dreamland.

 

The thought of being wrapped up and cuddled with Calum gave me this warm and fuzzy feeling. It proved my nightmare was just that, a nightmare. Calum did care about me or he wouldn’t be here.

 

The other thought was that Michael was going to tease me like hell tomorrow when he saw Calum and I cuddled up and sleeping. Oh well, I’ll take the teasing as nothing was better than falling asleep in Calum’s protective embrace.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi fans!
> 
> Chapter 10 is finally here! I worked for ages on this chapter and even had to start over a few times to make sure it was good because you all deserved that. I am proud of this chapter and after struggling with writers block I am happy that this chapter turned out so well :)
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter! I worked hard on it, and it is long overdue but I hope you all like it! We are finally leading into the Cashton now :) Comment, read, and leave kudos.
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood Hensley Shelley xxxxxx

I woke up later that morning still in Calum’s arms. I sighed in content and let myself drift for a bit. A smile spread across my face but it quickly fell as I felt the pain shoot up my arm. ‘Shit, the cuts on my arm.’

I very gently, and very reluctantly, slipped out of Calum’s arms and slumped off to Michael’s room. I knew the cuts needed re-bandaging and I couldn’t do it but I knew Michael could. I knocked on his door before opening it.

I walked in and looked over at the bed. Of course he was still sleeping. Now I would have to wake him up. I had learned pretty early on the waking up Michael was not only one of the most difficult tasks on this planet but it also made a very pissed off Michael.

I sighed and walked over to the side of the bed. “Michael. Mikey. It’s Ashton. Hey Mikey wake up. I need help with my erm- Mikey I need help,” I said, shaking his arm. Michael grumbled and looked up at me.

“What do you want?” he asked, a look of anger running through his eyes. “I-I just wanted help to clean my cuts up. It’s fine I’ll do it myself,” I said, walking away quickly. “Hey, Ash, it’s fine. I’m sorry ok? I’ll come help you,” Michael said, his tone softening.

I nodded and walked to the bathroom I was in last night. I lent against the sink and let Michael tend to my cuts. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Michael asked, nudging my shoulder. “Nothing, I just had this bad dream last night.” “About what?” Michael asked as he pulled the bandage off my arm.

“I told Calum the truth and he…. uh-I-erm… he beat me up. He called me all sorts of homophobic names and he beat me up. I woke up crying and Calum must have heard because he came over and cuddled with me until I fell asleep.”

“Why are you complaining then? Isn’t that what you wanted?” I sighed. “Yes it is Michael but what if that is what Calum really thinks. What if he will hate me because I’m gay and-“ Michael cut me off.

“He won’t. I have known Calum for years. He isn’t that kind of guy. Now, I was thinking of our plan and I have a great idea. We want to see if he likes you right? What better way then to see if he gets jealous.”

“I’m not quite sure I follow,” I said with a wince as Michael cleaned the cuts. “Sorry,” he apologized, motioning to the cuts. “Well why not the two of us flirt a bit. This way we can see if Calum gets jealous. If he does that means he feels something for you. If not then we will go from there,” Michael explained.

“If not then he doesn’t like me,” I argued back. “Stop saying that because he does Ashton. Now come on, you’re all bandaged up again. I say we go make breakfast with a heaping side of jealousy,” Michael said with a grin.

I just rolled my eyes and nodded. With that Michael and I headed into the kitchen. “Just grab some eggs and I’ll make them. Why don’t you make some toast and slice some ham?” Michael asked. I nodded and set off to work. A few minutes later I heard someone coming.

I looked to Michael and he nodded his head towards me. I slipped over to him and he pulled me in front of him. “Follow me lead,” he murmured in my ear. I nodded and let Michael lead.

“Ash, you’ve got to flip an egg like this. Here let me teach you,” he said, leaning his body on mine and wrapping his arms around me, helping me to work on the egg that was in the pan. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the reflection on the fridge of Calum as he walked in.

He looked up at us and froze. “I-erm- I was just coming to see when breakfast was ready. I-what-is-huh-I-erm-I just-erm-never mind,” Calum stuttered out before scurrying out of the room. Michael let go of me and we both grinned. That might not have been jealousy but it was definitely something. 

“C’mon let’s finish breakfast. I’ve got another idea up my sleeve in a minute,” Michael said with a smirk. I sighed but relaxed. Letting Michael in was one of the best decisions I had ever made.

The two of us quickly finished up cooking breakfast and set it up on the table. “Ok you are going to sit next to me. From there just let me lead alright. I might throw you off a little but you just have to act natural, got it?” Michael asked seriously. “Got it,” I replied with a smile.

I ran off to go get Luke and Calum for breakfast. Luckily I didn’t have to go far. I could hear voices in the living room. I was just about to walk in when I heard what Calum was saying.

“Luke I’m telling you, something is going on with Michael and Ashton.” “You can’t assume that just from one thing you saw,” Luke argued. “What if they are together? What if I lose him.” “You won’t lose him. You won’t lose either of them. They are still your best friends and brothers,” Luke insisted.

“Yeah that makes me real sick then doesn’t it, crushing on my brother?” Calum spat out slightly harshly. “Calum, you know that’s not what I meant. I just- if something is going on between them you can’t stop it.” “So I’m just supposed to give up?”

“It’s just like you said Calum. It’s just a crush, so move on. You have a girlfriend that loves you. If Ashton and Michael like each other then that is their choice.” Calum sighed. “If I have made a move sooner this wouldn’t be happening.”

I quickly backed up and ran back to the kitchen. “Michael. Michael!” “What?” Michael asked. “Dude, Calum and Luke are talking about us in the living room. Calum told Luke what he saw us do and how he thinks we are together. He likes one of us. I don’t know who, he never said but clearly Luke knows.”

“Woah! That’s great Ashton, that means our plan is working!” Michael cheered. “How is that great? He may be in love with you,” I said exasperated. “Ashton if he was in love with me he would have made a move ages ago, way before you joined the band. Trust me man, he’s crushing on you,” Michael said with a grin.

I rolled my eyes. “We will just have to see about that. I’m going to go get them for breakfast.” “You do that,” Michael said teasingly. “Shut up Clifford,” I said trying to sound angry by failing. “Just get a move on lover boy,” Michael teased.

I shook my head and walked off again. I got into the hallway and yelled, “Luke, Calum, breakfast is ready.” “Coming,” I heard the boys call. I headed back to the kitchen and sat down next to Michael. “Remember the plan, follow my lead,” Michael whispered. I just nodded in understanding.

A few seconds later Calum and Luke walked into the kitchen. “Wow smells great!” Luke said, sending Michael and I warm smiles. “Thanks bro,” I said with a smile. “Holy shit why is your arm bandaged Ashton?” Calum asked.

I froze in my seat. I couldn’t tell them the truth. This could be the thing that makes Calum realize I’m just a useless gay boy. “I-erm…” “He was helping me this morning and he got a little burn. It’s all good, I’ve burnt myself a hundred times so I easily helped him cool it off and bandage it,” Michael interjected.

I glanced over to him and sent him a look saying thank you. Michael smiled softly and gave me a gently nod. “Are you alright? Did it hurt too badly?” Calum asked. “Cal, I’m fine don’t worry.” “Yeah he’ll be good. You strong, aren’t you Ash?” Michael said throwing his arm around my shoulder.

“Don’t treat me like I’m five,” I teased Michael, tapping his nose playfully. “But you are so cute I can’t help but think you are five,” Michael replied, pinching my cheeks. “Get off me Clifford,” I said, a huge smile on my face. Even though Michael was just playing with me it felt nice to know someone truly cared about me.

I bent down to get my fork when Michael beat me to it. “Need some help?” he asked, his smile genuine. “Yeah,” I replied. Instead of just handing me my fork Michael cut some of my food up and offered it to me, basically feeding me.

It clicked almost instantaneously that it was part of the plan. And so, with that, I let Michael feed me. I couldn’t help but grin as I let my gaze wonder over to Calum. His hands were in fists; his jaw was clenched tightly shut.

My eyes connected with Michael’s and we shared a look. Our plan was working. Once my food was finished Michael pulled my chair out and helped me up. “Well thank you babe,” I said in a flirtatious tone.

Michael and I carried our plates to the sink. “Did you see Calum?” Michael whispered. “Yeah I did. He was definitely angry,” I replied. “No Ash, that wasn’t anger, that was jealousy. And I say, we keep trying stunts like this. At some point Calum is going to snap and he’ll confess his feelings.”

“You think so?” I asked curiously. “Trust me Ashton, I know so.” With that Michael and I headed back to the table. Michael pulled my chair out for me and I graciously took a seat. “So, Luke, what’s our plans for today?” I asked casually.

“No plans for today. Maybe just do some practice? I was online this morning and I saw that there is this competition at Creek Manor. I was thinking that if we got more practice in and then we could go and prove ourselves as this competition,” Luke suggested.

“Sound perfect to me,” Michael agreed. “I’m in,” I replied. “Hell yeah,” Calum said. “Great, I’ll go sign us up right now,” Luke said and with that he left the table and headed off to his room. “I-I’ll go s-set up our i-instruments,” Calum stuttered and ran out.

“I think it’s working,” Michael said. I just nodded vaguely, too busy thinking about Calum’s gorgeous messy hair to hear what Michael was saying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All week Michael and I tested little things on Calum. Each day we tried something else to see what affect it would have on him.

The next day we all went out as a band and went surfing. Michael and I teamed up together and helped each other put sunscreen on as well as played around in the ocean together and teased each other.

I could see Calum seething. Near the end of the day he snapped and screamed at Luke before storming off. Luke just gave us a look before following Calum. It seemed that Calum was definitely getting jealous.

The following day we all went shopping at the mall. Michael and I picked out clothes for each other and acted goofy all day. We went around picking out the stupidest and most ugly clothes and accessories we could find and dared each other to try them on.

I was finally getting comfortable with the whole situation. At first I had been real hesitant about the idea to make Calum jealous but even now I can see how brilliant the idea was. I was finally catching on to it when I suggested an idea at the mall.

Michael and I went into the photo booth and took all those corny pictures together. When we came out, I swear if looks could kill Michael and I would have been dead. Michael disagreed though; he said if looks could kill it would have been him who would have been dead.

After that we had stopped off in the food court for lunch and Calum wouldn’t even look at Michael or I. Luke just said he wasn’t feeling well. We all went along with Luke’s lie, although we all knew it wasn’t the truth.

That night it was Calum’s turn to take the spare room. As he walked past me I heard him mumble, “Try not to have too much fun in the living room tonight.” I just rolled my eyes at his retreating back.

That night Michael and I stayed up to talk. “I think you were right about Calum. He seems to be getting more and more jealous everyday.” Michael grinned happily. “That he is Ashton. Not much longer and I think he will properly snap and “try to take you away from me”” Michael said, adding the last part in air quotes.

“You really think Calum will do that?” I asked, trying not to get to hopefully. Michael just nodded. “He’s getting more pissed off by the day. I think he thinks we really are together.” “Is that-is that a good thing?” I asked hesitantly. Again Michael just nodded.

I sighed and lay down on the couch. “Do you-do you really like him Ashton?” Michael asked, looking up to me from the floor. “Yeah, I do. From the moment I lay eyes on him. I love him Michael.”

There was a pause of silence and I bit my lip nervously. “I’m going to get you and Calum together. You deserve happiness and so does Calum. He isn’t happy with Maddie, Luke and I have known that for a while now. With you, I think he will finally be happy.”

“Thanks Michael,” I said. There wasn’t much more I could say to him. His support and help meant more to me than anything else. Michael smiled back at me. I think he knows how much it means to me. I think Michael knows that his support keeps me going.

The following day Michael and I came up with an even better idea then any of our previous ideas. Today we were practicing for the competition and I decided to teach Michael a couple of things on the drums.

I had Michael sit on my stool and I lent over him, teaching him how to play a simple beat. I could see Calum seething in the corner. Luke was trying to keep Calum calm but I could see it wasn’t working very well.

“Can you see Calum in the corner? I think he is going to come over here and literally rip your head off,” I whispered into Michael’s ear. “Oh yes, I think he will. Do that again, whisper in my ear. That’ll set his teeth on edge.”

“What like this? Ohhh I see. Wow he really isn’t happy with that at all is he? Hmmm it must be the close contact. He doesn’t seem to like it when we are so close,” I whispered. “No, no he does not,” Michael said with a chuckle.

I pulled away and lent against the wall, watching Michael play the drums while keeping my eye trained on Calum too. He stormed past me and pushed against me as he went. I swear my breath hitched as I felt his arm brush against mine.

Luke walked by, giving Michael and I a look before leaving. Once I was sure they had left I sat down next to Michael. “Do you think Luke hates us?” I asked. “No he doesn’t hate us. He is just frustrated that we are flirting and that it is making Calum jealous.”

I sighed in defeat. “Well at least it’s working,” I pointed out. “Indeed it is,” Michael said happily. “Alright, get up Clifford. I need to practice.” Michael hopped up and handed me my drumsticks and I began to practice.

For the next couple of days Michael and I toned it down. We still kept with the plan but we made our flirtation more laid back. The stunts we pulled were not as big or extravagant but they still got the results we wanted.

Over those couple of days Michael and I would hand each other food or make sure to share little looks. Michael even took it so far as to stay by my side most of the time. He said it was all part of the plan. I think he was just watching out for me, making sure I didn’t cut again.

Not that I minded that at the moment. I haven’t cut since that fateful night. I know Michael is keeping his eye on me though. It’s helping at the moment I guess. Having the plan is keeping my mind off the hate. All I can do is hope this plan works and having Calum will make the hate seem insignificant.

And now we get to today. Today was when Michael and I pushed our boundaries. We decided that Michael would ask me out on a date in front of Calum and Luke. If Calum really did like me, like Michael said, then it wouldn’t go down well with Calum.

We all sat in the living room playing video games when Michael looked back at me and gave me the sign. I nodded slightly and focused back on the video game. A minute later Michael spoke up.

“Hey, Ash, you wanna head out somewhere?” “Sure,” I replied, focusing on the game. “Where you thinking of going?” Luke added, immediately thinking he was talking about all of us going.

I hide a grin behind my hand as I faked a cough. Honestly, Luke couldn’t be making this any easier for us if he tried. ‘Thank you Luke Hemmings for falling into our plan perfectly,’ I thought to myself.

“I wasn’t inviting you,” Michael said. Luke turned around raising his eyebrow. “Wait what are you saying?” Calum asked. Michael sighed, pretending to get exasperated. “I was trying to ask Ashton to go out just me and him,” Michael clarified slightly.

“Why do that? I’m sure you can go off and spend some time together in the kitchen or something,” Calum said sharply. Michael spun around to me and looked me dead in the eye. “Ashton, will you out on a date with me? This way we can get far away from this house and the two assholes living in it,” Michael asked, glaring back at Calum.

“Yeah, I’d love to go on a date with you and get out of here,” I replied happily. I paused the game and pulled myself off the couch. The rest happened in slow motion but I was unable to stop it.

Calum lunged up from the floor and tackled Michael to the ground. Once he had Michael down he started throwing punch after punch at Michael’s face, chest, and any other body part he could reach.

“CALUM NO STOP IT,” Luke screamed, running over and yanking Calum off of Michael. Now I was genuinely concerned. That was never part of the plan to have Calum attack Michael. “Mikey, shit, are you ok? Do you need anything?” I asked, falling to my knees next to him.

“I’m fine, follow the plan,” Michael mouthed to me. I just nodded and went to help Michael up when suddenly I was taken down too. I felt my back hit the wood floor and my head bounce back off it.

I winced and looked up to see Calum above me. “What the fuck do you think you are doing? What gave you the right to-“ “Shut. Up.” Calum hissed at me. “Calum what the fuck? This isn’t the way to do this,” Luke tried to reason.

“I can’t do this Luke. I have to.” With that Calum pulled off of me and dragged Michael up and threw him onto the couch. “You. Will. Not. Take. Ashton. Out. On. A. Date.” Calum hissed.

“And why won’t I?” Michael asked, his tone taunting. I had to hand it to Michael. Even in a situation like this where he has no control at all he still acts like he does. “No one is aloud to take anyone out in this house,” Calum said through gritted teeth.

“What makes you so sure of that?” Michael asked, again teasing Calum. “Michael,” I warned. I could see Calum wasn’t going to hold back much longer and he would just flip on Michael.

“No. Tell me Calum. Tell me why I can’t take Ashton out on a date? What’s to stop me from taking him out? He isn’t yours. He isn’t property. You can’t tell him what to do. If he wants to go on a date with me then that is his choice, not yours.”

“Why would Ashton ever want to go on a date with someone like you?” Calum spat at Michael. “That doesn’t really matter. That’s up to Ashton and I, not you.” “You. Can. Not. Go. Out. With. Him.” Calum yelled.

“WHY NOT?” I screamed, finally finding my voice to say something. Calum spun around to look at me, his face softening immediately as he did. “Tell me one good reason I can’t go out with Michael? Give me one thing that is stopping me from getting out of here to spend time with Michael,” I said, standing up for myself.

“Because all you do is spend time with Michael. Michael, Michael, Michael. It’s like you have forgotten there is other members to this band,” Calum said angrily. “That’s not true and you know it. Just last night I went for a walk with Luke. Two nights before that you and I played Halo together. So don’t you dare give me that bullshit Calum.”

Calum froze up, looking anywhere but me. I felt my anger boiling up again, for some reason this was pissing me off. “ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION CALUM,” I screamed.

Calum winced slightly but soon the anger flashed through his eyes again. “BECAUSE I AM FUCKING IN LOVE WITH YOU ASHTON. YOU CAN’T GO OUT ON A DATE WITH MICHAEL WHEN I’M STANDING HERE FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

Cliffhanger again.... oops.... sorry... I apologize ;)


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ello there everyone!
> 
> I worked so hard on this chapter and finally Cashton is getting somewhere so I really hope you like this chapter! I changed this chapter up a bit like someone suggested in like chapter 3 or 4, when you see the chapter you will know who you are if you are still reading. Comment, read, and leave kudos.
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood Hensley Shelley xxxxxx

Calum’s POV

 

“BECAUSE I AM FUCKING IN LOVE WITH YOU ASHTON. YOU CAN’T GO OUT ON A DATE WITH MICHAEL WHEN I’M STANDING HERE FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU!” I screamed.

 

Everything froze. I slammed my eyes shut immediately regretting what I said. I opened my eyes to see Ashton stumble and fall to the ground. “Ashton, Ashton?” Luke called, running over to him. “Ashton what’s wrong?” Michael asked from the couch.

 

He didn’t reply. My eyes locked with Ashton’s instead. “Wh-what did you say?” he asked. I shook his head slightly. “I’m in love with you Ashton,” I mumbled, my head facing the floor.

 

I glanced up, looking over to Ashton. He had this bewildered look on his face. “I-I just- I- but you- and I- girlfriend- straight-“ Ashton stuttered out. That was all he managed to say before his eyes glazed over and rolled into the back of his head and he promptly passed out.

 

“What did you do to him?” Michael asked angrily as Luke ran to prop him up against the sofa. “I didn’t do anything, I just said how I felt. Didn’t know that was a crime,” I spat out at Michael.

 

“Guys! He probably just passed out from shock,” Luke, ever the reasonable one, piped up. “Well when will he wake up?” I voice asked, wavering slightly. ‘Stop acting so worried. You are going to start crying in front of your bandmates and they will they you are weak,’ I thought to myself.

 

“It might be a few minutes, it might be a few hours. We don’t know yet,” Luke said. “Oh great, that is so helpful Luke,” I said sarcastically. “Hey no need to get pissed off at me I’m just trying to help you,” Luke replied, giving me a stern look. I just rolled my eyes.

 

“This is all your fault. If he’s hurt I’m blaming you,” Michael hissed. “You know what Michael, rot in hell,” I screamed throwing another punch to his jaw. “Calum Thomas Hood that is enough,” Luke screamed at me. I shrunk back and looked at the ground.

 

It was a silent rule that if Luke got angry at us we had pushed it too far. “Fuck both of you,” I spat as I marched out of the room. I stormed off to the front door and made my way outside, slamming the door behind me.

 

I walked out into Luke’s front yard and collapsed on the bench that was on the side of Luke’s house. ‘Why don’t Michael and Luke understand what I am going through? I didn’t want Ashton to pass out/ Hell, I didn’t even want to tell him how I felt it just slipped out.’

 

“Fuck everything,” I said getting frustrated again. This can’t be happening. How could I fall in love with my bandmate? I am supposed to be straight and in love with Maddie. Why can’t I just be normal? I sighed exasperated and tugged at my hair.

 

If I am being honest things have been off with Maddie and I for months now. I just had this feeling deep down I wasn’t in love with her. When I saw Ashton for the first time, I felt the butterflies that I should feel for Maddie, but instead I felt them for Ashton.

 

I had denied that I was gay. For the first two weeks I ignored my feelings and pretended they weren’t there. They didn’t go away though. So what did I do? I told my best friend of course. It went a lot better than I thought it would. Flashback to how I told Luke my feelings.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Lukey, can I talk to you?” I asked, leaning against Luke’s door. It was late and the other boys had gone to sleep already. Luke was still up playing on his laptop so it was now or never. “Sure Cal, come on it,” he replied, patting the bed and closing his laptop. I nodded graciously and walked into the room.

 

I closed Luke’s door and made my way to his bed. I sat down and looked at Luke. He gave me a puzzled look, his eyes flitting to the door. “I don’t want anyone else hearing or walking in,” I replied simply. Luke just shrugged it off as nothing.

 

“What’s up?” Luke asked, leaning back on the bed. “You know things haven’t been going so well for Maddie and I, right?” I asked carefully. “Yeah, Michael and I have sensed that something has been a little off these last few months,” Luke answered casually.

 

I sighed and looked away. “I felt that deep down I didn’t really love her, that something was holding me back…” I trailed off. “Then why didn’t you break up with her already?” Luke asked curiously. “Because I-I guess I just needed someone to love me. And no before you say it, I don’t just mean from you or Michael.”

 

“So you have been leading her on?” “Not exactly. Well maybe the last couple weeks…” I said trailing off again. “What do you mean the last couple weeks?” Luke asked, raising his eyebrow at me.

 

“I think I have started to have feelings for someone recently,” I confessed. “Well that’s great Calum,” Luke said with a smile. “No, Luke, you don’ get it. It’s not good at all.” “I don’t get it,” Luke said puzzled. I sighed heavily again and looked over at the door.

 

“I think-I don’t know- or maybe I do. I don’t-I just… I think I am falling in love.” “How is that a bad thing Calum?” “Because Luke, I shouldn’t be in love with him!” I yelled exasperated. “Him?” Luke asked, picking up on my slip up.

 

“Please don’t hate me Luke,” I choked out. “Hate you? Why would I hate you?” “Because I- because I think I’m gay…” I said, breaking off and covering my face. “So what if you are? Love is love Calum. It doesn’t matter who you fall in love with as long as they make you happy.”

 

I looked up at Luke to see he genuinely meant it. “You don’t… you don’t hate me or think I’m gross because I’m gay?” “Of course not! I would never think those things. You are my best friend Calum, I would never judge you for something like that,” Luke said firmly.

 

“What if I told you I was falling in love with one of the band?” I asked, my hands beginning to shake. Luke froze for a second. “Is it- are you… are you falling in love with me?” Luke asked carefully.

 

I looked up at him and could see the panic on his face. I laughed cruelly. “No Luke, not you. It’s someone in this band that I will never have a chance with in a million years.” Luke relaxed slightly but squinted his eyes in disapproval.

 

“Don’t say that, they may love you back. Who is it, Michael or Ashton?” I shook my head. We sat in silence for a minute, Luke clearly thinking about it. “It’s Ashton, isn’t it?” Luke asked.

 

“How’d you know?” I asked, my head snapping up to look at him. “You said you had only recently been having feelings for someone and have been leading Maddie on these last couple weeks. Ashton has only been in the band a few weeks. It all fits. If it was Michael you were falling for, you would have made a move awhile ago,” Luke explained.

 

“You really are the smartest one in this band,” I said with a sigh. “So why is it a bad thing you are falling for Ashton?” “Well for one thing he only sees me as a brother. Another good reason, he isn’t gay. He doesn’t seem the least bit interested in guys, let alone me.”

 

“You don’t know that unless you make a move,” Luke reasoned. “I am not making a move on him Luke. No way in hell. He might hate me of he might be homophobe or something.”

 

“Oh come on there is no way Ashton would be any of that and you know it. That’s just an excuse.” I sighed. “I just can’t do it Luke. I’d rather just, I don’t know, figure it out as I go,” I said with a shrug. Luke just nodded.

 

“I think I am going to go to bed now. Thanks for listening Luke and I- thank you for being understanding and accepting,” I said smiling over at Luke. “I’ll always be here for you Cal, you’re my brother.” I flashed Luke a genuine smile and he pulled me into a hug.

 

“Good luck Calum.” “Thanks bro,” I said. With that I headed out of Luke’s room, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt that much better knowing I wasn’t going to be judged by Luke for being gay.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Being able to tell Luke my feelings had given me a sense of calm. Now though, I wasn’t sure. I was so certain I was going to hold my feelings in and just let them pass. They only got stronger and stronger though.

 

When Michael and Ashton started having this “thing” going on I couldn’t take it. Each day they seemed to be getting closer and closer and my suspicion they were together built. I could feel my heart breaking each and every day they flirted.

 

Today when Michael asked Ashton out and he said yes, I just-I snapped. I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t let my best friend steal the man I love right from under my nose. I had to fight for him. I did the only thing I could do, I let slip my feelings.

 

I wanted to take it back the second I said it. The look on Ashton’s face was pure shock. That was when I wanted to just bolt from the house. That’s why I got out when I could. I needed to get away. Ashton would hate me now. So would Michael.

 

Before my thoughts could go any further I heard a cough. I looked up and saw Luke hovering around. “Listen, Ashton is about to wake up. I think you should be the one to be there when he wakes up. Just you,” Luke said.

 

I shook my head rapidly. “No way, he will hate me I just know it.” “I wouldn’t be so sure,” Luke said with a mischievous grin. “What’s going on?” I asked suspiciously. “Just go inside and talk to Ashton and I’m sure everything will work out,” he replied confidently.

 

“Why should I trust you?” I asked skeptically. “Because you trusted me with your secret in the first place Cal. I wouldn’t hurt you and you know that.” I sighed heavily and pushed myself up. I turned around and saw Michael sitting on the porch with an ice pack in his hand.

 

“I should apologize to him,” I mumbled. “Yes you should. But go to Ashton first, he’s going to need you.” With that I trudged off to the house. I walked past Michael without saying a word; afraid I would crack under the pressure.

 

Wandering into the house I made my way back into the living room and sat down next to Ashton’s unconscious body. I ran my fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry Ashton. I should have never have said what I did,” I whispered. As if my voice was a healing remedy, Ashton’s eyes fluttered open.

 

“Wha-what happened?” Ashton moaned, wincing slightly. “You blacked out Ash,” I replied moving slightly so Ashton could rest his head on my legs. “I’ve never passed out in my life,” he replied quietly. “I guess what I said shocked you. Listen I shouldn’t have said it and I’m so-“

 

“Do you really love me?” Ashton asked, cutting me off. “I-I don’t… Ashton I don’t think we should talk about this right now,” I stalled. “No, let’s talk about this, right here and right now,” Ashton replied, pushing himself off me and turning to look me in the eyes.

 

I squeezed my eyes shut. It was now or never. Admit to Ashton the truth and suffer the consequences or lie and disappoint Luke. The internal battle raged in my head. Was it worth it? Did I love Ashton enough to tell him the truth?

 

“Yes.” “Yes what?” Ashton asked, confused. “Yes, I really do love you. I meant what I said Ashton, I’m falling in love with you.” Silence filled the room, weighing the air down with tension. You could cut the tension with a knife in here. ‘Hey that would make good song lyrics. Focus Calum!’ I told myself.

 

“Ashton, say something,” I said, the stress starting to turn into anger. Ashton said nothing, just sat there, half paralyzed. I began to shake, the fear, stress, and anger building inside. “Ashton?” I asked, adding a tone of urgency to my voice.

 

It still got my response. It was if Ashton had shut down. I was caught between worrying for him and snapping in anger. I had bared my feeling and put myself on the line and he had just shut me out.

 

The anger was rising in me again. He was completely ignoring me now. My hands began to shake and my breathing sped up. I wasn’t just angry but I was having a panic attack. This was exactly what I was worried would happen. I knew I needed to get out of there and fast.

 

I pushed myself up and took a few steps towards the door when I heard his voice. “Calum, wait, don’t go.” I halted in my steps and stumbled over in my haste to leave. I sighed and turned back placing myself on the floor again, leaving a few feet distance between us.

 

“Talk to me Ashton. Just tell me you hate me. Tell me you are disgusted and you want me to go. Tell me you would never be gay and could never love me back. This way I know not to get my hopes up so I can just leave,” I said, my fears taking over me.

 

“No Calum, I can’t do that,” he said, his reply coming out as barley a whisper. “Then tell me you feel the same. Or tell me we have a chance. I can’t do this Ashton. I can’t see you go out with Michael when I feel this way for you. It’s tearing me apart. I want to be the one to take you out, not Michael.”

 

There, I said it. I finally admitted to myself and Ashton that seeing Michael with Ashton made me jealous; that I wanted it to be me with Ashton, not Michael. I looked up from my shoes and across to Ashton. His eyes were glazed over he looked slightly shocked again.

 

“You really feel that way?” Ashton asked, his voice almost sounding hopeful. I nodded feeling an uneasy feeling settle in the pit of my stomach. The room went quiet again, as if Ashton were thinking things through. What was there to bloody think about?

 

“Ashton god fucking dammit, just tell me what you are feeling?” I yelled panic burning through my body again. As if my words spurred him out of his haze, Ashton shook his head slightly and looked at me.

 

He looked at me, cocking his head to the side slightly as if calculating me. The fear was becoming too much. I knew I had a past of panic attacks and I could feel one coming on. My breathing rate picked up and I felt myself starting to lose my breath.

 

I felt my palms start to sweat and my hands began to shake even more. Just as it registered in my head I was about to have a full-blown panic attack my thoughts just disappeared. My eyes fluttered shut as Ashton leant forward and brushed his lips against mine.

 

It only lasted for a couple seconds but my body was on fire. All I felt was his soft lips brush gently against mine before he was pulling away. The sparks burned through my veins and yet somehow managed to calm me. I blinked my eyes and shook my head slightly, trying to determine if what just happened was real or not.

 

We lapsed into silence again. My head was spinning. How was it that just by a touch of his lips he was able to calm me and stop my panic attack from happening? The electricity from this kiss was still bouncing inside of me, keeping me hyper alert.

 

"What?" I managed to choke out, confusion setting in. Ashton just smiled at me, his dimples showing. I felt my head start to spin, his smile making me dizzy. "I'm in love with you too Calum," Ashton said.

 

"Y-you... you are?" I stuttered out. Ashton flashed me one of his winning smiles and nodded. "But Michael?" "There's nothing going on between Michael and I. It was just an act. Michael thought you had feeling for me and wanted to test it. It looks like he was right."

 

"Just an act? You were messing with me?" "Yes Calum but only to see if you had feelings for me." I was too in shock to be angry and too happy to be jealous.

 

I remained quiet, trying to comprehend what Ashton had told me. "I've been in love with you since I saw you.... on the beach... with Michael," Ashton stuttered out. I froze, thinking back to when I was last on the beach with Michael.

 

"You mean when we went out to the beach together last week?" I asked. Ashton looked away shyly and shook his head. "No. I saw just you and Michael on the beach a week or so before I joined the band."

 

"You fell for me before you met me?" I asked, taken aback. Ashton kept his gaze anywhere but on me. I quickly thought back to the day Michael and I were on the beach. Luke had been waiting for us at the car. I had told Michael I felt like someone was watching me but when I looked around I didn't see anyone.

 

It all made sense now. Ashton had been checking me out and I had felt his gaze on me even then. All I remember was goosebumps appearing all over my body and not knowing why.

 

"Ashton..." I murmured. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything in the-" I cut him off by pushing my lips against his. I kissed him gently, feeling him gasp in shock against my lips.

 

Within a couple seconds Ashton was kissing me back, his lips working softly with mine. I felt this warm glow radiate through me at the same time as this jolt of electricity that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

 

I grinned into the kiss as I felt Ashton’s arms slide around my neck. I moved closer to him until my arms rested on his shoulders. After what only felt like a few seconds, but I knew was longer, I pulled away.

 

Ashton grinned at me and I felt my heart skip a beat. It was now or never. “Ashton, will you go on a date with me?” I asked, finally plucking up the courage to ask what I had been longing to ask. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Ashton replied.

 

“Don’t be so corny,” I joked, poking his cheek. He blushed and looked away. “I say we go out tomorrow. For right now, let’s go get the rest of our band who are probably burning in the heat.” Ashton burst out laughing. “Can you imagine Luke all sunburned and red like a lobster?”

 

I couldn’t help but laugh along; it was a funny thought, as Luke basically never got a tan. I got up and offered Ashton my hand. As soon as our hands connected I felt the electricity run through me again.

 

A smile crossed Ashton’s lips as he accepted my hand and led the way to the door. We walked out to see Michael and Luke sitting on the bench that I had been sat on when Luke found me. The two boys saw us and got up to join us.

 

“I can see that everything went well,” Luke said with a grin. I raised an eyebrow at him confused. Luke’s eyes darted to Ashton and I’s hands, which were still locked together. I coughed and blushed, dropping Ashton’s hand. “I-erm… yeah… it uh… it went well,” I stuttered out.

 

“Calum’s taking me on a date tomorrow,” Ashton added. I swear my face couldn’t get any redder if it tried. “Good on ya mate,” Michael said, clapping me on the shoulder. I couldn’t help but smile. “Hey, listen, Mikey I’m sorry about earlier.” “No hard feelings Cal. I would have done the same thing if I was in your place.”

 

“Well it looks like everything is settled. Shall we head back inside and get some practice? We have that show at Creek Manor in a few days and we need to make sure we sound good,” Luke offered.

 

“Sounds good to me. Anytime I can play my drums I’ll jump at the chance,” Ashton agreed. “You know me, always up for the challenge,” Michael added. “I would love to but I have a couple things I need to attend to first,” I replied cautiously.

 

My eyes looked with Luke’s and he nodded to me, showing he understood. Michael agreed, not asking any questions. “We’ll meet you inside,” Luke said, grabbing Michael by the shoulder and leading him to the house.

 

“Where are you going?” Ashton asked. “I’m just going to stop off somewhere,” I said vaguely. “Let me come with you.” “No Ashton, I can’t.” “Then tell me where you are going,” Ashton said, his voice taking on a tone of commanding but at the same time weakness.

 

“I have to go to Maddie’s house Ashton. I need to talk to her, face to face.” “I want to be there, please Calum. It might help?” Ashton offered. “You don’t know Maddie, Ash. She can be slightly unreasonable. Let me handle this. I’ve needed to end things with her for a while now. When I have done this, I am all yours.”

 

Ashton leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. I kissed back, savoring the taste of his lips on mine. “I’ll be back soon. I promise.” With that I pulled away from Ashton’s grip and started to walk towards my car.

 

“Calum!” Ashton called after me. I turned around and Ashton pulled me in for another chaste kiss. “I-I’ll see you soon,” Ashton murmured against my lips. “I’ll see you soon,” I confirmed as I pulled away and got into my car.

 

I pulled out of the driveway and took the familiar path to Maddie’s house. I could feel my palms starting to sweat again. Without the comfort of Ashton I felt empty. “Don’t panic Calum, whatever you do don’t panic.”

 

I tried to turn on the radio to calm my nerves but it didn’t help. The only thing that could calm me now was Ashton. Why didn’t I just let him come with me? I wouldn’t be panicking this much if I had just let him come with me.

 

All too soon I was pulling up outside of her house. Maybe I should just turn around and go home? ‘Don’t be ridiculous you have to do this,’ I thought to myself. I have to tell her the truth an end it. I just hope she takes it well.

 

I got out of my car and walked up to her door. I bit my lip and nervously messed with the snapback on my head. Finally I plucked up the courage to ring the doorbell. Not even a minute later the door swung open and there stood Maddie.

 

“Calum, baby! I haven’t heard from you in days. How have you been? I’ve missed you terribly!” With that she threw her arms around my neck and tried to kiss me. I quickly pulled away, just barley escaping her lips. “Maddie stop, please. We need to talk….”

 

 

I just keep putting cliffhangers in because I love all of your reactions! You want drama... sooooo.... cliffhanger.... ;)


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there readers!
> 
> Another new chapter to read. I really am sorry it took so long to update! I hope this chapter makes up for it and I hope you all like it :) Comment, read, and leave kudos. 
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood Hensley Shelley xxxxxx

"Maddie stop, please. We need to talk..." I trailed off. "About what?" she asked becoming defensive. I knew this wasn't going to go well. I took a few steps back, signaling for her to follow me out of the house.

 

Maddie closed the door behind her and followed me down the street. "What is it?" Maddie asked, crossing her arms over her chest and giving me a look.

 

"Look, I just don't think this is working for me. I don't think we are working," I said. "How are we not working? What is that supposed to mean?" she asked, her tone taking on a hint of anger.

 

"Maddie I'm just not that into you anymore. I haven't been feeling it recently...." "And what is it Calum?" "Us, I haven't been feeling us. I’m just not in love with you Maddie. I think we need to end the relationship."

 

"What about what I think?" I raised my eyebrow at her. "What do you think?" I asked carefully, feeling like it was a trick question. "I think we aren't over. I think we are still together."

 

"Maddie, we are over. I can't date you anymore," I said, trying to walk away. "Why. Not." she spat, stepping in front of me to stop me from leaving. "I-erm, I... I just..."

 

"You just what?" "I found someone else..." I said, not looking at her. "You what?" I looked up at her and saw shock written all over her face.

 

"I've fallen for someone else Maddie. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it happen. And that's why I can't be with you." Maddie stood there, frozen.

 

‘Shit, now I feel bad. Why did I have to do this? Why did Ashton have to walk into my life and make me feel like this?' I thought to myself, starting to panic.

 

"Who is she?" Maddie asked, her voice taking on a tone I'd never heard before. "It's erm- its... its not a girl," I said, taking a few steps back.

 

"Excuse me? What did you just say?" her voice becoming almost threatening. "Its-its not a girl. I... he's..."

 

"You are not gay. You can't be interested in a guy," Maddie said firmly, as if she could make the decision for me. “I am Maddie. I’m in love with him.”

 

“Who is he Calum?” “He’s… just a friend Maddie.” “That. Was. Not. An. Answer,” she spat. “It’s none of your business ok? It doesn’t involve you.”

 

“It has everything to do with me. You’re dumping for some dick.” ”Don’t you dare ever say Ashton is a dick!” I screamed at her. She gave me a look and I knew I had revealed who it was. Now the panic began to set in again.

 

“Who’s Ashton?” she asked. She seemed to be more upset now then angry at this point. Now I felt guilty, the pity running through me and making m heart go out for her. I sighed in defeat. “He’s our new drummer. He joined the band a few weeks ago,” I admitted.

 

A look of pure shock ran across her face. “You’re in love with your bandmate?” “I-erm-I it’s not like that I swear…” “You know what, I think it’s exactly like that,” she said glaring at me.

 

I shook my head quickly. This was not going well. I would have given up and walked away by now but there was always a catch. Maddie was the biggest gossiper in town. If this didn’t go down well between us, it wasn’t going to end well for me…

 

“Maddie. I’m sorry ok babe? Just, I didn’t want to go further with Ashton knowing I was still with you. I’m going to go out with Ashton. I really like him, maybe even love him. It just isn’t fair to you or Ashton or even me. I’m sorry Maddie, it’s over.”

 

“No, we aren’t. We are the best couple at school. Everyone looks to us. I will not have my boyfriend dump me for some faggot. You. Are. Not. Gay. You are not allowed to date anyone but me Calum. That is final.”

 

“You are literally crazy. I can date whom I want. It’s my choice. You can’t decide for me if I am gay or not. All I know is that I’m falling for Ashton and I want to be with him. Goodbye Maddie.” With that I pushed past her and marched off to my car.

 

“You are not gay Calum Thomas Hood! This is not over! I will prove it to you that you still love me and that you aren’t gay! Do you hear me Calum? THIS IS NOT OVER! YOU ARE MINE CALUM!” Maddie screamed after me.

 

I quickly got in my car and sped off, her words still ringing in my ears. I shuddered at the thought of what she was going to do. One thing is for sure, Maddie Harris always, and I mean always, gets what she wants. And that scares the hell out of me.

 

All I can do now is focus on Ashton the boy I am in love with waiting for me at home. Maybe things with Maddie didn’t go well and I’m sure as hell it isn’t the last I’ll hear of her, that’s for sure. The only thing left to do now was lie to the boys, lie to them and tell them it all went just fine.

 

Really, I mean come on, what is the worst she can do to us? She’s not that threatening. Or maybe I am just trying to convince myself that. Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll be able to handle it, right? At least I hope I will.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ashton’s POV

 

"You didn't tell me you were in to Calum. I could have helped. He told me he liked you a while ago," Luke whined. He was a bit jealous that Michael had been "in" on my feelings and he hadn't.

 

"Sorry Lukey. I hadn’t even meant to tell Michael. It just kind of happened." Michael nodded and looked at Luke. "He was reluctant to tell me, trust me."

 

I half smiled at the memory. It was kind of true. I hadn't wanted to tell anyone. Michael had to basically force me to tell him.

 

The three of us had made it to the living room; all sat waiting for Calum. "So... are you two together now?" Luke asked. "Not officially..." I said, looking down at the ground avoiding eye contact.

 

Luke laughed which caused Michael to laugh too. "So you two sucked each others faces off and you aren't even together?" Michael said. "Oh shut up," I huffed.

 

We all lapped into silence for a while, each of us in our own thoughts. After a few minutes the front door opened and Calum walked in. “Hey Calum, we’re in the living room,” Luke called.

 

Calum walked in, looking a bit distraught. I jumped up and walked over to him. “Cal, everything alright?” I asked. Calum shook his head, as if to clear it, before looking at me. “Yeah, sorry, bit distracted I guess.”

 

“How’d it go? How did she react?” Michael asked. “Oh, it went well. She was a bit upset at first but she understood which is good.” The boys and I looked at each other. Calum seemed a bit off.

 

“Are you sure you’re ok Calum? You seem a bit off,” I said carefully. “I’m fine Ash, I promise. It was just a bit hard to see Maddie hurt like that but as long as I have you I’m ok,” Calum said.

 

I blushed slightly and leaned up to press my lips to his. Calum wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer. Our kiss began to get more passionate as Calum slid his tongue over my bottom lip.

 

Just as I was about to open my mouth for him a cough was heard from behind us. “Don’t want to ruin your moment and all but could you not make out in front of us please?” Luke said teasingly.

 

Calum and I broke apart, a blush covering our cheeks. I scowled at Luke and he scowled back at me. "We have a show to practice for, if you didn't remember," Luke said.

 

"Of course I remembered Lucas," I teased, winking at him before heading over to my drums. "So, what song should we do?" Michael asked, grabbing his guitar.

 

"Why not do Teenage Dirtbag again? I mean we only just put it up online and we have already had a lot of practice on it," Calum suggested. Luke seemed to consider it. I didn't want to do it though.

 

Everyone online seemed to hate me for it and thought I ruined the song. I wasn't much in the mood to perform it again anytime soon. "Can-can we not do that song?" I asked nervously.

 

Michael looked over and caught my eye. He seemed to pick up on why I was so hesitant and quickly nodded. "I agree with Ashton. Let's do something different. We can't get better if we keep doing the same songs."

 

"You guys are right. Ok, new plan. We need a new song," Luke said, sitting down on the couch. Calum and Michael joined him on the couch, all sat thinking.

 

"Come here babe," Calum said, tapping his lap. I blushed but nodded, getting up from my drum stool and joining the boys on the couch, sliding into Calum's lap.

 

"C'mon Ash, any ideas?" Michael prodded. "Why are you asking me?" I asked. "Ummm the obvious reason. You're the one who chose Teenage Dirtbag," Michael pointed out.

 

"Yeah and look how well that turned out," I snapped at Michael. "What are you talking about? It turned out really well," Luke said, a confused look crossing his face.

 

I quickly glanced at Michael and he shrugged at me. "What's going on guys? What aren't you telling us?" Calum asked, wrapping his arms around me protectively.

 

I sighed. I may as well just confess to Calum and Luke, maybe not all the truth but some of it at least. "Remember the morning you found your laptop broken and I said it fell off the counter?" I asked, looking over at Luke.

 

Luke nodded, giving me a puzzled look. "Well, I lied. That night, I took your laptop into the bathroom and looked at the comments the fans were saying. Almost all the comments were hate comments directed at me. They hated me; saying I was awful, I ruined the band, I ruined the song, and they wanted you to kick me out," I confessed.

 

"Ashton you know that's not at all true. No way am I kicking you out and you have insane talent," Luke injected. "I know that Luke. But at the time... I believed every piece of hate I got. It made me really upset and angry and I threw your laptop at the wall. I'll buy you a new one I promise."

 

Calum lent down and placed a soft kiss to my head. "Don't believe them Ash. They are wrong about you. They'll warm up to you, I promise," Calum said softly. I buried my head into his neck and sighed.

 

"You know what. That's not acceptable. The fans have to understand you are here stay and that we all love you and that you are incredibly talented," Luke said firmly.

 

"And how are you going to do that?" I asked, looking up at Luke from Calum's neck. Luke pondered the thought for a second before snapping his fingers.

 

"Got it. Calum, Michael, and I will make a video telling the fans that you'll be staying and explaining how talented you are and that we don't want another word of hate being sent to you. Then we'll post it on my YouTube," Luke said confidently.

 

"That's actually a really great idea," Michael agreed. "I'm in," Cal added, smiling down at me. "Thanks guys. You really do know how to make a drummer feel loved."

 

Luke and Michael nodded and tackled me in a side hug. "You're a part of this band now Ashton. No going back, your stuck with us," Luke said from my side.

 

"Wouldn't want to go back even if I had a choice. You're all stuck with me too," I said with a laugh. "Ok, sappy moment over," Michael said, pulling away. I nodded and began to pull away when Calum pulled me back.

 

"You aren't going anywhere," he whispered in my ear. I shuddered and snuggled back into his hold. "So, back to where we were. We need a song," Calum pointed out.

 

We all lapsed into silence as we thought. "Justin Bieber?" Calum suggested. "No, too popular," Michael said. "Blink 182?" Luke asked. I shook my head. "Don't think artists, think songs," I replied.

 

"I'm Yours by Jason Mraz?" Michael offered. This time Calum shook his head. "Also very popular," he pointed out. "Come on Ashton, your turn to suggest something."

 

I half pouted, thinking hard. When I thought of Teenage Dirtbag it was letting out my emotions for Calum. I just needed to think of another song that let out my feelings for Calum.

 

I sat, listing love songs in my head. None of them were good enough. Teenage Dirtbag had been different. It expressed my feelings without being a sickening love song.

 

I pulled out my phone and searched through my thousands of songs. I went into my playlist of non-popular songs and one stood out to me. It was perfect, beyond perfect.

 

It was literally the exact way I had felt when I first lay my eyes on Calum at the beach. I smiled up at the boys. "How's this for a suggestion... have any of you ever heard of the song called Your Name by Charlie Puth?" I asked with a grin.

 

All three of the boys shook their heads. "Want me to play it for you?" I asked. "Go for it. You seem pretty excited about this song so go ahead," Luke said.

 

I hopped out of Calum's lap and headed to my drums. I had taught myself this song a year ago. I thought it was beautiful and the beat was great. “Hope you don’t mind but I’m going to change the lyrics up a bit so they fit me more,” I said, smiling at Calum.

 

The boys all nodded, letting me express myself. I was so lucky to have band mates who were so accepting of who I was. I picked up my drumsticks and began to play the song, singing along with the beat.

 

“This goes out to the most beautiful boy that I saw the other day. He had me slipping and he had me falling for him right away. This goes out to the one and only Mr. Mysterious. Thought of me being next to him got me so delirious. Yeah is he out, is he out there? Yeah is he out there?

 

Cause you’re all that I need in every single way. Boy you got me lip-syncing, your beauty is to blame. If you knew how I felt cause you never feel the same. Never been acquainted I just need to know your name. Boy I just need to know your name.

 

Before I saw your face I never in my wildest dreams thought that true love was actually real. Cause you shine way brighter than anything I might have thought that I could feel. I give it all everything I have even though it’s all so new. Cause I want you in the worst of ways can you make my wish come true. Is he out there? Is he out there? Just tell me if you’re out there, if you’re out there.

 

Cause you’re all that I need in every single way. Boy you got me lip-syncing, your beauty is to blame. If you knew how I felt cause you never feel the same. Never been acquainted

I just need to know your name. Boy I just need to know your name. Hey need to know your, need to know your name. Hey, hey I need to.

 

Cause you’re all that I need in every single way. Boy you got me lip-syncing, your beauty is to blame. If you knew how I felt cause you never feel the same. Never been acquainted

I just need to know your name. Cause you’re all that I need in every single way. Boy you got me lip-syncing, your beauty is to blame. If you knew how I felt cause you never feel the same. Never been acquainted I just need to know your name. Boy I just need to know your name.”

 

The whole time I played I kept my eyes locked on Calum’s. I know the beat very well and didn’t have to look at the drums to see what I was doing. I sang from my soul, letting Calum know that this song was for him.

 

When I was done all three of the boys stood up and applauded me, running over to hug me. “That was wicked Ashton!” Michael cheered. “You smashed it, perfect song choice!” Luke added. “That was beautiful Ash! The beach?” he asked, looking me in the eyes. I nodded and blushed slightly.

 

Michael and Luke decided to stay quiet, letting Calum and I have our moment. Calum placed a chaste kiss to my lips. “I loved it,” he said truthfully. “Thank you,” I replied. “So what do you guys think?” I asked, looking over at Luke and Michael.

 

“It’s amazing. Perfect beat without being too fast,” Michael said. “I think we can learn it and have it perfected for the show in a few days. Great song choice Ashton,” Luke added. I couldn’t help but grin; my bandmates really were the best.

 

For the next few hours I worked with the guys, teaching them the song on guitar. It was a bit harder as I hadn’t been as good at the song on guitar as I had been on drums. I had to look up the chords a few times to make sure I wasn’t teaching them wrong.

 

It took a while but once they all had the base beat for the chorus it was easy to manipulate it throughout the whole song. After we had the beat down it was time to focus on lyrics. Again, I focused on the chorus, teaching them the pretty easy lyrics.

 

This time I sung it and made sure to use her, she, and girl. I kept sneaking glances over to Calum but he was always looking over at me. Our eyes would meet and he would flash me that award-winning smile that made my heart beat race.

 

By that night we had the whole song down, lyrics and beat. Now for the next few days we needed to work on practicing together and making sure we could all stay in tune with each other. The three boys needed to divide the song up too, me deciding to take the one sentence between the second and third chorus.

 

We packed up our instruments and collapsed on the couch together. “Practicing is a lot of hard work,” Michael whined. “You just don’t like working. You’d rather be sleeping,” Luke said, sticking his tongue out at Michael. Michael just flicked him off in reply.

 

Calum and I were sat watching Luke and Michael fight it out with words, my head resting on Calum’s knee. “So, about the date tomorrow?” Calum asked, his voice low enough so only I could hear.

 

“What about it?” I asked, looking over at him. “I was thinking we could go to the Taronga Zoo,” Calum suggested. “A zoo? For our first date?” I couldn’t help but laugh. “You don’t like it?” Calum asked with a pout.

 

“No, I love it. I love animals. I think that’s a really cute first date,” I said with a genuine smile. This is why I was in love with Calum, cute and quirky. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

 

“Hey guys, we are forgetting something,” Michael said, snapping me out of my daydream. “What’s that?” Calum asked. “We need to record that video and post it,” Michael said.

 

“Oh yeah, thanks Mikey,” Luke said. “Ok, Ashton, why don’t you just record us? Calum, Michael, and I will be the ones to do all the talking. I think the fans will react better if they see we mean it,” Luke said.

 

I nodded in agreement, grapping Luke’s camera from the table where we had left it from the last video we made. “Don’t you want to make a script? You know, plan what you are going to say?” I asked curiously.

 

“No, I think it will be better if it’s not scripted. It will be from the heart and the fans will be able to see that and then they’ll see how much you mean to us and will be accepting of you,” Calum replied, looking at Michael and Luke for conformation.

 

“I agree with Calum,” Michael said. Luke nodded in agreement and looked over at me. “Just position the camera somewhere over there so you can get all of us in the shot.” I did as I was told, moving and placing the camera on its stand so that I could see all three of the boys on the couch through the lens.

 

I watched as all three of them huddled together and whispered some stuff to each other before they pulled apart and sat back in their positions. “Whenever your ready Ashton,” Calum called to me. “Three, two, one, action,” I said, nodding at the boys.

 

They all took a deep breath and looked at me; essentially meaning they were looking at the camera. I could tell they were looking at me though and not the camera because I could feel their eyes on me.

 

Luke was the first to speak, his voice strong and loud in the now quiet room. “Hey everyone; Luke, Michael, and Calum here from 5 Seconds of Summer. We don’t often do videos like these, and in fact, we have never had to make a video quite like this before. We recently just posted a new cover of Teenage Dirtbag on our channel and we introduced someone new.”

 

Calum then took over for Luke. “His name is Ashton and he is our new drummer. Now, we were very excited and honored to have someone like Ashton join our band. He is the sweetest person you will ever meet and he is incredibly talented. He fits in so well with us and he is like another brother to our family.”

 

Now it was Michael’s turn to speak. “We worked really hard on our cover of Teenage Dirtbag and we were really proud of it. We posted it in high hopes that all of our fans would love it too and would be just as supportive of our new member.”

 

“However, we went to check out some of the comment after we posted it and we were absolutely shocked. More than shocked, we were appalled. We couldn’t believe the awful and derogatory comments that were being said,” Luke continued.

 

“We thought that as our fans you would be accepting of the decisions we made as a band. But, instead, you all were sending hate to Ashton and that hurt us. Some of the comments we read were sickening. I couldn’t believe anyone would say things like that,” Calum said sadly, looking me in the eyes.

 

“We wanted to come and make this video to let you know how we felt about this. To be honest, we hate it. We are so disappointed in our supposed fans. How could you send hate like that to our new member? Ashton means a lot to us and you all need to give him a chance because he really is amazing,” Michael said.

 

“That boy has so much talent. I have never met someone who can play drums, and guitar, and can sing like Ashton can. Therefore, and because we love him, Ashton is staying in this band. I will not be kicking him out, not now and not ever. If I see one more comment asking me to kick him out, it will not be pretty,” Luke said threateningly.

 

“Ashton is the most talented person I have ever met. And seeing all the hate he got not only hurt Ashton, but it hurt me, and it hurt the whole band. If you could all give him a chance you would see how incredibly talented and amazing Ashton really is,” Calum continued.

 

“So, all in all, we don’t want to see or hear one more piece of hate being sent to Ashton. It is completely rude, disrespectful, hurtful, and just plain unnecessary. If we see anymore hate sent to Ashton it would not be good for you. For all those who were supportive of our decision, we thank you and we appreciate your kind words,” Michael said.

 

“We are sorry for having to make this video. For all those who sent us nice comments, we thank you and we hope you continue to support us on this journey. Thank you for watching this. We’ve been 5 Seconds of Summer, bye,” Luke said.

 

All three boys waved at the camera and I stopped the video. I had tears in my eyes. “Guys, that was so sweet of you. Thank you,” I said. “You’re welcome Ashton,” Michael said. They all got up and we had a group hug.

We broke apart and Luke grabbed the camera. “I’m going to go upload this right now. You guys can just chill and play PlayStation if you want?” Luke offered. “Hell yeah!” Michael cheered.

 

Michael ran off to set the PS2 up and Luke went to upload the video. Calum wrapped his arms around me and pulled me down to sit on his lap on the couch. “Thank you Calum, for all that you said. I could tell you meant it,” I said, smiling at him.

 

Calum brushed his lips against mine before he pulled away and looked over at Michael. “Anything for you Ashton. I really did mean it. I love you Ash,” Calum said. “I love you too Cal,” I replied.

 

“Are you two coming to play or not?” Michael asked, holding up the controllers. “Yeah, we’re coming,” Calum said, rolling his eyes. We went and joined Michael, each taking a controller. Not long after Luke joined us.

 

We played video games for the rest of this night. And again, I was reminded of how much I was loved and how I finally fit in somewhere. I can’t forget to mention that the whole night I was cuddled up to Calum and he kept kissing my head and whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Yep, for once in my life, things were finally perfect and I finally had the guy of my dreams.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my readers!
> 
> Here comes a chapter filled with fluff, romance, and cuteness beyond belief! I hope you all like it and it gives you lots of feels, it made me happy and bubbly just writing it. Don't forget to comment, read, and leave kudos.
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood Hensley Shelley xxxxxx

The boys and I all got up early the next morning to practice. We spent a few hours getting some practice in, working on our harmonies and tuning of our instruments. By late morning Calum told Michael and Luke he was taking me on a date and we would be back later.

 

“After you,” Calum said, motioning to the front door. I laughed and waved to the other lads as I made my way out of the front door. I headed to my car when Calum stopped me. “Uh, uh, uh. I’m driving us today,” Calum said with a grin.

 

“Why thank you,” I said, walking over to Calum’s car. He quickly slipped around my side and opened the door for me. “Such a gentlemen,” I said, kissing him on the cheek as I slid into the car.

 

I swear I thought I saw Calum blush, but he couldn’t have done. It must have just been the sunlight. Calum made his way over to the drivers’ side and got in the car too. He flashed a smile at me and I felt my heart stop.

 

Why did Calum have this reaction on me? Why did he make my heart race so much? I shook the feeling off and smiled back at Calum. “Are you ready to head to the zoo?” Calum asked.

 

“Yeah let’s go,” I said with a grin. Calum started the car and we were off on our way. A comfortable silence filled the air. I leant forward to turn the radio on and Calum must have had the same idea.

 

Our hands brushed and I swear my cheeks burned so bright that you could have roasted a marshmallow on them. Instead of pulling away, Calum grabbed my hand and held it tight, giving it a squeeze.

 

“You okay?” Calum asked, glancing over at me. I could have said so many corny things at this point. ‘I am now.’ ‘As long as you are holding me I am.’ ‘I will be now I have you with me.’

 

I couldn’t say any of that though so I just nodded. “Yeah, I am,” I replied instead. Calum’s thumb brushed over my hand and he flashed me a smile before focusing on the road again.

 

A new song came onto the radio and I smiled as we listened to the quiet music. You know those moments you just want to freeze and hold on to? Not the moments that are full of amazing memories but the moments that are just peaceful and they make you so happy you could smile so big it could break your face.

 

That was how I felt right now. In this moment, here with Calum, I had never felt happier and more at ease. It just felt right. I know that sounds cliché but it is how I feel and I have never felt this way before.

 

Maybe this is what real love feels like. Maybe I am overthinking this. This is just our first date after all. ‘Stop thinking ahead of yourself Ashton,’ I told myself. I looked out of the window and realized we were almost there.

 

I felt Calum’s hand still on mine and heard him quietly singing along to the song playing on the radio. I gave his hand a squeeze and he glanced over at me, smiling. I gave him a look that said for him to sing.

 

Again, I swear Calum blushed but he quickly looked away and nodded. As the song came to the chorus Calum began to sing.

 

“My heart's a stereo it beats for you, so listen close. Hear my thoughts in every note. Make me your radio; turn me up when you feel low. This melody was meant for you just sing along to my stereo. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, to my stereo. Oh, oh, oh, oh, so sing along to my stereo.

 

I only pray you'll never leave me behind because good music can be so hard to find. I take your head and hold it closer to mine. Thought love was dead, but now you're changing my mind. Come on, whoa.

 

My heart's a stereo it beats for you, so listen close. Hear my thoughts in every note. Make me your radio; turn me up when you feel low. This melody was meant for you just sing along to my stereo. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, to my stereo. Oh, oh, oh, oh, so sing along to my stereo.”

 

The whole time Calum sung he kept looking over at me, our eyes locking. I swear my heart started beating out of my chest. He was singing the song to me, making the song about me.

 

I blushed even harder and brought Calum’s hand up to my lips, placing a soft kiss to the back of his hand. “Thank you,” I said not being able to say much else. “You’re welcome,” Calum replied.

 

Calum pulled into the car parking lot and parked the car. “Wait there,” Calum said getting out of the car. I couldn’t help but chuckle as Calum made his way around the car and opened my door for me.

 

I got out of the car and placed another kiss on Calum’s cheek. “Could you be any more perfect?” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. This time I was sure Calum blushed.

 

“I-erm- I… thanks,” Calum stuttered out. God his stutter was cute. Before I lost my bravery I pushed Calum up against the car and pushed my lips to Calum’s. I felt my body light up with the touch.

 

Calum moaned softly and kissed me back, his arms sliding around my waist. I wrapped mine around his neck and brought our bodies closer. Just as I was about to slid my tongue over Calum’s lips I heard a car door slam from somewhere behind us.

 

I remembered we were at the zoo and I pulled away reluctantly. Calum whined and didn’t let his arms drop from around my waist. “Why’d you pull away?” Calum whispered, his breath hot on my cheek.

 

“We’re at the zoo, there are kids around,” I said with a laugh. “Just because there is kids around doesn’t mean I can’t kiss you. Besides, I want people to know I am here with you,” Calum said, dropping his arms and intertwining his hand with mine.

 

I interlocked our fingers and smiled at Calum. With that Calum led us to the entrance of the zoo. I saw the looks parents and other people were giving Calum and I as we walked by but I ignored it. They could stare and say as many homophobic comments as they wanted, it wouldn’t change how I felt about Calum.

 

We walked into the zoo and Calum grabbed a map. “What do you want to see first babe?” I bit my lip, trying desperately not to blush again. ‘God, man up Ashton. Stop being such a mess just because he called you babe.’

 

“Monkeys! I love monkeys,” I cheered. “Right this way Mr. Irwin,” Calum said, tightening his grip on my hand and leading the way to the monkey exhibit. I walked with a bounce in my step, almost like a little kid.

 

I felt like a little kid. I was just so happy and giddy and full of life. How could I get so lucky to have Calum here with me? I started to swing Calum and I’s arms, giggling as I did.

 

“What’s got you so happy?” Calum asked, grinning at me. “Because I’m on a date at the zoo with you,” I said happily. Calum pulled me to a stop and quickly pressed his lips to mine before pulling away.

 

“What was that for?” I asked as Calum started to walk again. “I just had the overwhelming urge to kiss you,” Calum admitted. “Thank you, for this,” I said truthfully. “Anything for you Ashton,” he replied.

 

We rounded the corner and reached the monkeys. I cheered and dragged Calum up to the first monkeys I saw, which was a Francois Leaf-Monkey. We walked around looking at all the different kinds of monkeys.

 

We were looking at one of the last types of monkeys when I came up with an idea. “Hey Cal…” I trailed off, waiting for his attention to turn to me. “Yes Ash?” Calum asked, looking up at me.

 

“Can we do something really cheesy?” I asked, biting my lip nervously. A smile crossed Calum’s lips and he nodded. “What did you have in mind babe?” I pulled out my phone and clicked the camera button.

 

“Let’s take cute couple pictures beside each animal attraction we go to,” I said with a grin. “I love it, let’s do it,” Calum agreed. He slipped his arms around my waist and pulled me into his chest, resting his head on my shoulder.

 

I couldn’t help but laugh as Calum’s hair tickled my cheek. I outstretched my arm and snapped a picture of us with the monkeys in the background. Just as I moved my arm down Calum placed a quick kiss on my cheek.

 

“Re-ready to go?” I stuttered out. “Yeah, where to next?” Calum asked, not noticing my nervous stutter. “Red pandas,” I said. “Let’s go then,” he replied as he put the map back in his pocket.

 

We started on our way to the red pandas, the heat starting to pick up as the day went on. As we passed a drink stand Calum dragged us over to it. “Anything to drink Ash?” Calum asked as he pulled out his wallet.

 

“Whatever you’re having,” I replied. “Two lemonades please?” Calum asked the woman behind the counter. Grabbing two cups the woman filled them up with lemonade and handed them to us. Calum slid $5 to the woman and we were on our way again.

 

“Thank you, for the drink,” I said, taking a sip. “What kind of date would I be if I didn’t buy you a drink?” Calum asked with a smirk. “You are one player Mr. Hood,” I replied, nudging his shoulder with mine.

 

“Maybe, but it seemed to work as I picked up a smoking hot date like you,” Calum said. I felt my cheeks burn up and I flicked my hair out of my face, looking away from Calum. “I’m not hot,” I mumbled.

 

“Are too,” he said firmly, as if that was the end of the debate. I gave up and kept walking. It wasn’t long after that I felt Calum’s arm snake around my waist and pull me into his side.

 

“Aren’t getting away from me that easily,” Calum whispered hotly in my ear. A shudder ran through my body and I shook my head. “Wouldn’t want to either,” I mumbled back. Calum’s hand squeezed my hip and I smiled.

 

We reached the red pandas and I couldn’t help but coo over how cute they were. “They are adorable,” I said, leaning on the railing to look at the animals. “Just like you,” Calum said, leaning onto my back.

 

I laughed, covering up my urge to blush again. “Picture time,” Calum said, slipping my phone out of my pocket and holding in to our side so we were both in the picture with the Red Pandas.

 

I heard the camera snap and Calum slip the phone back in my pocket. “Let’s head to the penguins. Luke will love us if we get some pictures of penguins for him,” Calum pointed out. I agreed and we headed off again.

 

Stepping into the penguin area the air conditioning felt like Heaven. Leading us to a bench, I sat Calum and I down to relax in the cool for a minute. I naturally lent against Calum, his arms wrapping around me.

 

“We are getting weird looks from people. Do you want me to let go?” Calum murmured in my ear. “I don’t give a damn what anyone else here thinks. No, don’t let go,” I said quickly.

 

“I won’t.” Calum held me tighter and kissed my neck. “Ready to see some penguins?” “Hell yeah,” I said. I hopped up and held out my hand to Calum, helping him up. I expected him to drop my hand but instead he kept a firm hold on it.

 

Hand in hand we walked up to the penguins. We watched the penguins swimming in and out of the water. They really did remind me of Luke, sweet and innocent but slightly mysterious in their own little way.

 

“What’s your favorite animal babe?” I asked randomly, realizing we hadn’t gone to a single attraction Calum wanted. “Mine? Pretty classic but lions,” Calum replied. “Then that is where we are going after this.”

 

“First we have a couple other things to do first.” A confused look crossed my face and I looked over my shoulder at Calum. “Like what?” “Well, picture time first. And then I wanted to make a quick stop at the café for a small lunch,” Calum said.

 

“But Calum I-“ I started to say. “No buts Ashton. This is my date for you. I am treating you. Next time you can take me out but for now I want to show you how much I like you,” Calum explained.

 

My heart swelled and I felt tears come to my eyes. “That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. Oh just kiss me you fool,” I said with a laugh. Calum wasted no time and his lips were immediately on mine.

 

Every time we kiss I swear I fall for him more. Nothing else in the world mattered in the world at that moment. I was so caught up in the kiss I didn’t feel a hand slide into my back pocket.

 

The next thing I heard was the snap of a camera. Quickly I pulled away in shock. A grin crossed Calum’s face and he said, “I got it.” “Got what?” I asked puzzled. Calum clicked a button and showed me the perfect picture of the two of us caught up in a sweet but passionate kiss, the penguins swimming and playing behind us.

 

“It’s perfect,” I breathed out. “I think I’ve found my new lockscreen,” I said happily. Calum pouted. “That means I need to kiss you all over again so I can have one on my phone,” he said with a wink.

 

“It seems you’ll have to,” I flirted back. “Let’s save that for later. I want to head to the café now.” Calum and I took some pictures of the penguins on our phones so we could show them to Luke later and then we were off, heading to the café.

 

Luckily there was no line and we were quickly seated. I let Calum order us lunch, which consisted of sushi. I can’t use chopsticks to save my life but of course Calum is like some wicked pro at using them.

 

When the food showed up Calum picked up his chopsticks. Just as I went to pick up my fork Calum knocked it out of my hand. “Wait,” he said with a grin. With that Calum picked up a piece of sushi with the chopsticks and held it out in front of my face.

 

“Open up,” he said, his voice dropping to a seductive tone. A soft gasp left my lips and I opened up, letting Calum slip a piece of sushi in my mouth. “Good?” he asked, winking at me. “Mmhmm,” I hummed, nodding my head.

 

We spent the whole meal like this, Calum feeding my sushi and giving me these looks that made me want to jump him then and there. Calum scooted his chair closer to mine and ran his fingers through my hair.

 

“Can I ask you something Ash?” Calum asked me, his hand trailing down my face so his thumb stroked over my cheek. “Anything Cal,” I replied. “Today… had been perfect. More than perfect. I can’t find a word to describe how perfect this day has been.

 

And it has made me realize something. I know I said it before but after today I know for sure I am hopelessly falling in love with you. There is just one thing missing in all this happiness. Ashton Fletcher Irwin, will you be my boyfriend?” Calum asked.

 

Time stood still. All I could feel was Calum’s hand brushing against my cheek, his beautiful brown eyes looking right into mine. Everything froze and there was nothing else but Calum and I. “I-I… yes Calum yes,” I said, leaning forward to close the small gap between us and connect out lips.

 

Calum’s tongue almost immediately slid over my lips and I opened my mouth, letting Calum’s tongue slide into my mouth. We stayed like that, locked in a deep kiss until my lungs burned and I needed air.

 

I pulled away slowly, placing a soft kiss on Calum’s lips as I pulled away. The biggest smile I had ever seen crossed Calum’s face. “Thank you, for making me the happiest guy on this planet,” Calum said, pecking my lips again.

 

I blushed and looked away but Calum turned my head to face him. “You’re cute when you blush,” he said. “You’re cute all the time,” I replied, grinning at Calum. Now it was Calum’s turn to blush.

 

“Shall we head to the lions and then head back home?” Calum asked. “I think that sounds wonderful,” I replied. Calum stood up and held out his hand for me to take. I took his outstretched hand and we left the café.

 

The two of us left hand in hand and headed over to the lions. “I can see why you love lions, they are beautiful creatures,” I said, looking down at them from our platform. “Kings of the jungle, they are powerful, strong, and courageous,” Calum said with a grin.

 

The two of us stood and watched as the lion cubs ran around together and chased each other around the pen. “They are just like puppies, playing around,” Calum pointed out. “They really are,” I added.

 

“Come on, picture time,” Calum said. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and grabbed Calum by the wrist. “Come here, boyfriend,” I said. I slipped my arms around Calum’s waist and pulled him into a kiss, snapping a picture.

 

I pulled back slightly but let my lips hover on Calum’s. “There, now you have a picture for your phone too. I’ll send this one to you,” I mumbled against Calum’s lips. “God I love you,” Calum murmured back, pushing his lips into mine again.

 

We stood there kissing for minutes, maybe hours, I can’t really remember. My head was fuzzy; the only thing that was clear in my head was Calum. Calum and only Calum. Finally we pulled away and I wanted nothing more than to kiss Calum again.

 

“It’s perfect, I love it. Thank you,” Calum said, kissing my cheek. “Wait, do that again,” I said. Calum didn’t need to be asked twice as he placed his lips to my cheek again. I clicked the button and took another picture of Calum kissing my cheek.

 

We spent the next ten minutes taking couple pictures with the majestic lions in the background. We were getting looks off of almost every person but to hell with them. I was going to take couple pictures with my boyfriend if I wanted.

 

After we had taken enough photos to fill our libraries we put out phones away. Calum pulled me into one last sweet kiss before linking our hands together and leading me toward the exit.

 

Just as we were about to leave Calum took a detour. “Where are we going?” I asked confused. “Wait and see my love,” Calum replied. We turned a corner and then I saw where we were going, the gift shop.

 

Calum led me inside and walked straight to the soft toys. I saw him leaning toward the monkey stuffed toy and I got the unsaid message. I walked over and picked the cutest and softest lion toy I could find.

 

I slipped off to the cash register and brought the toy and made my way to the front of the store where Calum was just approaching. Calum bit his lip and held the bag out for me to take. I handed Calum his and we both opened the bags.

 

“Calum this is adorable,” I said pulling out the fluffy monkey toy. “This is perfect Ash, thank you,” Calum said blushing, looking at the lion toy I brought him along with the lion pen I found at check out.

 

Calum pulled me in and pecked my lips. “Have I told you how much I fucking love you?” Calum whispered against my lips. “I think you have,” I replied with a smirk. “I love you,” Calum said anyway and kissed me again.

 

After a few minutes of sappy kisses and ‘I love you’s’ we made our way back to the car. As we approached the car Calum pushed me up against the car and kissed me passionately. “Thank you,” he said.

 

“For what? I didn’t do anything. You were the one who planned and made this the most perfect date ever,” I laughed. “No, thank you for being my boyfriend and making this the perfect date and giving me so many romantic moments. God, I love you,” Calum said.

 

I blushed deeply. “You’re welcome. Thank you Calum, for all of this. I can’t imagine a more perfect date with a more perfect person. This has been the best day of my life I love you. I love you so fucking much,” I said, kissing Calum deeply again. We spent the next few minutes making out, mumbling sweet nothings to each other as we did.

 

Finally we pulled apart and got back into the car and headed home to Luke and Michael. There was no way anything could ruin this perfect moment, this perfect day. I had my boyfriend by my side and nothing could tear me down.

 

I leant over and kissed Calum’s cheek again. “I love you Calum,” I whispered into his ear, placing soft kisses on his cheek and neck. Calum kept one hand on the wheel and used the other to grab my hand and keep a firm grip on it, bringing it up to his lips so he could kiss the back of my hand. “And I love you Ashton.”


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my readers!
> 
> Chapter 14 is finally here! I feel this chapter is quite chill but don't worry, drama is setting in as of next chapter. This chapter is just the calm before the storm. I hope you all like this chapter! I worked hard on this even while I was on holiday, dedication right there haha.
> 
> Please comment, read, and leave kudos. Thank you for reading.
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood Hensley Shelley xxxxxx

Calum and I pulled up outside Luke's house and Calum motioned for me to wait. Again, I let him walk around the car and open my door for me. "Thank you," I said as I got out of the car.

 

As Calum closed the car door the front door of the house swung open and Luke and Michael came bounding out and tackled Calum and I. "You've been gone for agessss," Luke said, dragging the word out dramatically.

 

"We weren't gone that long," I commented. "You just missed us, that's all," Calum said teasingly. "Did not," Michael huffed, crossing his arms. "Whatever mate, you missed us," I said, messing his hair up as Calum and I walked past and back into the house.

 

"So... I say we finish up our rehearsals and pack the car since the show is tomorrow," Luke said. "Sounds good. Oh wait, what time is it?" I asked, glancing at the boys.

 

"5:30, why?" Michael asked, looking at his phone. "Crap I was supposed to call Harry and wish him luck. Today's the day of his championship game. It's starts at 6, they would have left home by now."

 

"Why not call Tracey and get her to give the phone to Harry?" Luke reasoned. "You're a genius Luke," I said. Quickly, I pulled my phone out and called my mum.

 

"Ashton! There you are. Harry thought you had forgotten all about him. Where have you been?" mum instantly questioned. "I-erm... I was out with the boys. I'm sorry I forgot to call. Can you put Harry on please?" I asked.

 

"Sure thing, here he is." "Harry?" I asked. "You forgot me Ashton, just like dad did." Shit, fuck, no. He did not just say that. What kind of a brother am I? "No, no Harry of course not. I couldn't ever forget you."

 

"You always wish me luck Ashton. And now you didn't and we are going to lose," Harry said, his voice cracking. "No you're not little man. You know why? I'm on my way there right now."

 

The boys instantly gave me a confused look. "What?" Michael hissed. "Really Ash? You're coming here?" Harry said excitedly. "Yes, really. And I'm going to bring my new band mates with me too. Would you like to meet them?" I asked Harry.

 

"Are they like your last band?" he asked carefully. I shuddered and quickly shook my head before realizing he couldn't see me. "No Harry, nothing like them. You'll like these boys they are very nice and they really want to meet you," I said.

 

Luke slapped my shoulder giving me a look. I just shot him a look back. "Ok, then I'd like to meet them," Harry said. "Good, then I'll get your approval right?" I teased. "Yep. If I don't like them you'll have to leave the band."

 

"You got it little man." Calum gasped and looked heart broken for a second. I reached out and squeezed his hand. "You'll love them though Harry so don't worry. I'm on my way now; I'll be there before the game starts. Now go warm up," I said.

 

"Yes Ashton," he replied. "Love you Harry," I called. "Love you too Ashton," he said before hanging up. I immediately looked over at the boys. "Please guys please? This means everything to Harry. And I've been there to support him during every championship game. I'm all he's got; he doesn't have a dad to support him. Please?" I begged.

 

"You're not going to leave us, are you?" Calum asked, his lip trembling. He legitimately thought I was going to leave the band and him. To ease his fears I stood up taller and planted my lips on Calum's before pulling away.

 

"I'm not going anywhere. Harry just worries about me since the last band I was in didn't go so well. Don't worry though; he literally loves every person he meets. He'll love you guys too so don't worry. Mum will love you as well. Guys please?" I pouted.

 

"Ok fine, but you had better buy me food," Michael bargained. "Deal," I said quickly. "As soon as we get back we will practice Luke I swear," I said looking at Luke hopefully. "Alright, but you had better focus when we get home," Luke said with a grin.

 

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," I said, leaping at Luke and Michael and hugging them tight. "Hey what about me?" Calum said with a pout. "I knew you'd come anyway because you love me," I said with a smirk. "That's true," Calum said pulling me into him to kiss me.

 

"Not to be a nudge or anything but we are in a bit of a hurry here," Luke pointed out. "True. Oh wait," I said as an idea came to mind. "Grab your acoustic instruments."

 

"Why?" Calum asked confused. "During half time we can play our song we are playing at the show tomorrow. It can give us some practice, gives the crowd entertainment, and let's people see us play," I said.

 

"Now that really is a good idea," Luke said. We all loaded the acoustic guitars and my cajón into the back of my car and we were on our way.

 

This was the first time I was seeing my family in weeks and I was glad to see them again. I had missed them a lot. Not that spending my time with the band was bad, I just really missed my family. My thoughts were broken as Calum spoke up from next to me.

 

"Why didn't you tell her? Your mum I mean?" he asked nervously. "Tell her what?" I asked, glancing at Calum. "That you were on a date with me. Are you embarrassed by me?" I saw the hurt flash across Calum's face and I felt my heart break.

 

"No, of course not Calum. I just didn't want to tell her I had a boyfriend through the phone. I'm kinda nervous to tell her. I'm scared she won't accept us," I said, fidgeting in my seat as we stopped at a traffic light.

 

"Why wouldn't she accept us?" Calum asked his voice guarded. "I'm not sure Calum, I just... I'm not sure I want to tell her yet." "I see how it is. You know what? Just forget it," Calum hissed.

 

"Forget what?" I asked, feeling a lump form in my throat. "Us. Forget us. Forget it ever happened," Calum said turning away from me. Michael must have seen what was coming before I did because he shouted at me. "Ashton the road!"

 

I tried to focus on the road but I couldn't; Calum just dumped me. Right then and there. Like I was nothing. "Want me to drive?" Michael asked. I nodded, pulling off to the side of the road. Michael and I got out to switch seats.

 

"Are you ok?" he asked. I shook my head and I chocked on a sob, holding my tears in. Michael's arms were around me instantly. "We'll work this out later ok? For now let's just get to your brothers game. How do I get there?"

 

"Just keep going down this road until you see a football pitch on your left. It'll be another ten to fifteen miles," I said, my voice flat. I went and took Michael's seat in the back while Michael took my seat.

 

Luke and Calum had clearly been talking, but as soon as Michael and I got back in the car they stopped talking. I turned and faced out the window, holding back my tears. How could he just break up with me like that? Maybe he never liked me, I was never anything but a toy to him anyway.

 

I could feel my body start to shake as I held myself together. I felt Luke's hand reach out and squeeze my shoulder but I knocked his hand away. "Can you stop the car please?" I asked Michael.

 

He gave me a weird look and I glared at him. "Stop the car!" I yelled. Michael quickly pulled the car over. "Give me the keys," I commanded Michael. He outstretched his hand, about to hand me the keys when he retracted his hand.

 

"No. I know what you are going to do and I'm not giving them to you! You promised me you wouldn't do it again," Michael said. "Just give them to me. Please. Just please. I need this, please," I begged.

 

"No," Michael said shaking his head. "What the hell is going on?" Calum asked. I scrambled around the car, searching for anything slightly sharp. "Stop him, Luke stop him!" Michael yelled.

 

I suddenly felt Luke's arms wrap around me and pull me down into his lap. I struggled, kicked, and screamed before giving up and crying into Luke's chest. Michael had got out of the car and pulled me away from Luke and into his chest.

 

I broke down in Michael's arms. "Please Mikey, I need the pain. God please," I chocked out. "I think you've had enough pain for one day Ash," Michael said softly. I sobbed into Michael's neck, feeling Luke and Calum watching me.

 

"Please, save me," I mumbled to Michael. He held me tighter, whispering soothing words to me. "You don't need this Ashton. You'll be ok. Just stay strong, it's going to work out I promise."

 

The two of us just stood there for a few minutes as I tried my hardest to calm down. I gripped onto Michael and I felt his nails dig into my back too. I took steadying breaths as I felt myself calm down.

 

"I'm ok. It's passed Michael, it's passed," I mumbled out. Michael seemed to understand as he pulled away slightly but kept his grip on me. "Do you want the keys?" Michael asked. I shook my head no.

 

"Do you need pain?" he asked. Again I shook my head no. "How do you feel?" Michael asked carefully. "Alright, I'm alright. I don't feel the need to anymore. Thank you. I just-thank you."

 

"That's what I'm here for. God don't you dare scare me like that again," Michael said, pulling me into a hug and holding me tight. I sighed and nodded before pulling away.

 

"What the hell just happened?" Luke's asked shocked. I shook my head, not being able to explain my actions. I was a mess, a failure. I shuddered slightly but Michael was right there again.

 

"Relax Ashton. It's ok you didn't break. Don't be disappointed in yourself. You're ok," he soothed. "How did you know what to do?" I asked genuinely curious. "My neighbor suffered the same thing a while back, I watched her parents do the same thing to her and I even did it a few times when she relapsed around me. It happens, I'm here to help ok?"

 

I nodded and smiled weakly at Michael. "Care to explain what just happened?" Calum asked. "Not really," I mumbled. "There you go again, keeping more secrets," Calum said angrily.

 

"Calum, fuck off. That is enough. Shut the fuck up and get back in the fucking car and keep you mouth shut," Michael snapped, screaming at Calum. In a huff, Calum got back in the car and slammed the door.

 

Luke reached out and grabbed my wrist softly. "You can tell me, it's ok. I'm not going to hate you or yell at you, whatever it is." I bit my lip and looked over at Michael.

 

"You can tell Luke. It's ok. He's the only one who avoids fights here. He's the one who fixes them. You can trust him." I nodded a thank you at Michael and looked at Luke.

 

"I-I self harm. I mean I used to. It got so bad when I was younger that I got sent to hospital and therapy. It cost too much for therapy so I had to stop going. I haven't cut since then.

 

Expect for recently. I cut twice on the day of our first show; when I ran off and again in the bathroom when I found out about Maddie. And I cut myself again the night I saw all the bad comments on the cover of Teenage Dirtbag.

 

Michael found me then and helped me out, that's how he knew about it and knew what I wanted to do. I'm sorry I freaked out on you. The urges and relapse can be so bad that I don't know what I'm doing when I have the urge to cut again. I just freak out.

 

I didn't want to tell any of you. I knew you'd hate me for it and I was trying to keep it a secret. I guess it's out now. Things that really hurt me or upset me emotionally set me off. Like how bad our first show was, the comments telling me I was worthless, and Calum breaking up with me," I said, my lip trembling.

 

I didn't notice I had raised my voice and that I was speaking loudly. Or that Calum had heard me and had got out of the car. I didn't notice any of it, just noticed my vision beginning to blur.

 

That was it. I was getting kicked out. Luke and Calum wouldn't want to deal with me. I was pathetic and worthless. Just as I was about to turn and run I felt three pairs of arms wrap around me.

 

I felt Michael rub my back. I blinked and saw Luke holding onto my hand tightly. What took me by surprise was the feeling of Calum's lips on my jaw. "I'm sorry Ash, God I'm so sorry," Calum mumbled, burying his head into my neck.

 

Here we were, a mess of a band on the side of the road. Cars passed by and people turning to look at us like we were crazy. And maybe we were but in that instant it didn't matter.

 

"You all don't hate me? You're not kicking me out?" I asked. Luke shook his head, hugging me tighter. "None of us hate you and I'm not kicking you out. We are here to help you too. You can turn to me anytime you need help," Luke said firmly.

 

"I love you so much Ashton. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Please take me back, I'm so sorry," Calum said, stumbling over his words. "Yes, I'll take you back. I love you too."

 

Calum didn't hesitate to kiss me, as if he needed to kiss me to know I meant it. "Alright, are we all ok now?" Michael asked. I nodded and so did Luke and Michael. "Good, we've got ten minutes to get to the game so let's go. Luke, come sit with me up front."

 

With that, Michael headed off to the drivers seat and Luke went to the passenger seat. "I didn't mean it, everything I said. You can tell your mum when you feel comfortable. As long as I have you and you are happy that is all that matters to me."

 

I leaned forward to press my lips to Calum's. "Thank you. You don't hate me for what just happened?" I asked nervously. "No. You should have just told me sooner about your self-harming. I love you no matter what Ashton. Like Michael and Luke said, I'm here for you. I'm here to help and talk about it whenever you need me."

 

I had no words to say, I just buried my head in Calum's shoulder and kissed his neck. "Thank you," I mumbled out. Calum nodded and took my hand and led me back to the car. We got it and Michael drove us to the football game.

 

We pulled up at two minutes till six. We hopped out of the car and I saw my mum and sister and ran over to them, the boys following me. "Ashton!" Harry yelled and he ran to me, jumping into my arms. I hugged him tightly and ruffled his hair.

 

"Good luck out there munchkin. You're gunna do great!" "Is this your band?" Harry asked in awe. "Our band, yes. I'll introduce you during time, now get out there," I said pushing him onto the field where his team was waiting.

 

Coach Stanton noticed me and waved and I waved back to him. I then turned to my mum and sister. Mum was quick to pull me into a hug, kissing me and holding me close. "Ashy I missed you so much."

 

"I missed you too mum." I hugged her and placed a kiss to her cheek before pulling Brianna into a hug. Brianna was at the stage where she would usually push me away and call me gross but this time she held me tightly and buried her head in my chest. "Missed you Ash." "I missed you too Bri." She pulled away and a grinned at her.

 

"Mum, Brianna, meet my band mates." With that Calum, Michael, and Luke stepped forward to introduce themselves. "I'm Luke. I'm the lead singer and I play guitar," Luke said.

 

"I'm Calum, I'm the other lead singer and I play bass," Calum introduced. "And I'm Michael. I play guitar and do vocals in the band," Michael said. "It's so nice to meet you all," my mum said.

 

"You guys seem cooler than the other band Ashton was in," Brianna said flashing them a smile. "Glad to know I've got the seal of approval from you too," I said to Brianna with a grin. She playfully punched me in the arm and I stuck my tongue out at her.

 

"Oh, and there is something else too..." I said. Everyone looked at me and I caught Calum's eye. 'Because I love you,' I mouthed to him before stepping up next to him and slipping my arms around his waist.

 

"I'd also like to say that Calum is my boyfriend," I said proudly. "Oh honey that's great I'm so proud of you. You got yourself a good man," mum said happily. Mum pulled Calum and I into a hug and I couldn't help but laugh. What had I been so worried about in the first place? Of course mum would be accepting she always was.

 

"Good for you Ash, finally got yourself a date," Brianna teased, but she genuinely smiled to show me she was happy for me and supported my decision. I literally had the best family ever.

 

Coach blew the whistle to signify the game was about to start. I sat down on the bleachers next to my mum and pulled Calum down next to me. Luke sat next to Calum and Michael next to him. Brianna went and sat next to Michael, asking him questions about the band, which caused me to life. She was always interested in members of the bands I was in.

 

We sat and watched the game, all of us cheering Harry on. We all cheered especially loudly when Harry managed to score a goal. I kept throwing him a thumbs up like I always did, and he returned with a grin.

 

By half time Harry's team was dominating the other team, 7-1. I looked over at Luke and nodded. "Ready?" I asked. "Ready," the rest of the band echoed. "You guys get the stuff and I'll make sure Coach Stanton knows."

 

"What's going on Ashton?" Mum asked. "You'll see mum," I called as I ran off into the pitch. "Good job kiddo, proud of you," I said as I reached Harry, reaching out my hand for a high five, which he gave me. "Thanks Ashton," Harry said, his eyes lighting up.

 

I walked over to Coach and got his attention. "Hey there Ashton, haven't seen you around recently." "Yeah, sorry about that. I got into a new band so I've been with them. Talking of my new band, we brought our instruments and we were wondering if we could play a song since it's half time?" I asked.

 

"Sure thing Ashton. Just make sure it's appropriate, I don't want a bunch of parents complaining at me that I let you play inappropriate songs with all these little kids around," Coach Stanton said. "It is don't worry, I wouldn't play anything bad in front of Harry. Thank you Coach," I said, running off to join my band.

 

Calum brought me my cajón and I smiled and kissed his cheek. "Thank you babe," I said. Calum grinned and nodded a 'you're welcome' at me. We set ourselves up halfway down the pitch but not too far from the stands so that everyone could hear us.

 

"Why don't you introduce us?" Luke asked me. I shook my head quickly. "I-no.. I'm good," I said. "Everyone seems to know you here, go for it," Michael said, nudging my shoulder.

 

Michael and Luke sat down on Michael's guitar case and Calum sat down on the grass next to my cajón. I nervously cleared my throat and was about to get the crowds attention when Coach blew his whistle.

 

"Everyone quiet, Ashton has something to say." "Thanks Coach. Right, well as you know, I'm Ashton, Harry's older brother. I just joined this band and we are called 5 Seconds of Summer. We have a show tomorrow at Creek Manor so come out and support us. This is the song we are going to be performing, it's called Your Name."

 

With that I went and sat down on my cajón. "1, 2- 1, 2, 3, 4," I counted us in.

 

"This goes out to the most beautiful girl that I saw the other day. She had me slipping and he had me falling for her right away. This goes out to the one and only Mrs. Mysterious. Thought of me being next to her got me so delirious. Yeah is she out, is she out there? Yeah is she out there?" Luke sang, looking out at the crowd and at us.

 

"Cause you're all that I need in every single way. Girl you got me lip-syncing, your beauty is to blame. If you knew how I felt cause you never feel the same. Never been acquainted I just need to know your name. Girl I just need to know your name," the three boys sang.

 

"Before I saw your face I never in my wildest dreams thought that true love was actually real. Cause you shine way brighter than anything I might have thought that I could feel. I give it all everything I have even though it's all so new. Cause I want you in the worst of ways can you make my wish come true. Is she out there? Is she out there? Just tell me if you're out there, if you're out there," Calum sung. I felt my heart sped up and I couldn't tear my eyes from him. He looked up at me and smiled, and I felt my cheeks burn. I looked away and out to the crowd again.

 

"Cause you're all that I need in every single way. Girl you got me lip-syncing, your beauty is to blame. If you knew how I felt cause you never feel the same. Never been acquainted I just need to know your name. Girl I just need to know your name," the three boys sand the chorus again.

 

"Hey need to know your, need to know your name. Hey, hey I need to," I sung, glancing down and catching Calum's eye. Calum gave me the biggest smile ever and I couldn't help but smile back. I then looked out into the crowd and looked at my family.

 

"Cause you're all that I need in every single way. Girl you got me lip-syncing, your beauty is to blame. If you knew how I felt cause you never feel the same. Never been acquainted," Michael sung with a smile, looking up from his guitar.

 

"I just need to know your name. Cause you're all that I need in every single way. Girl you got me lip-syncing, your beauty is to blame. If you knew how I felt cause you never feel the same. Never been acquainted I just need to know your name. Girl I just need to know your name," the boys sang, ending the song. Michael and I held the beat a few seconds longer and then we stopped.

 

The crowd burst into cheers and applause. I looked over at the band and all of our eyes caught and we all smiled and laughed along with each other. The reaction we got was just what we had hoped for.

 

Harry ran down and hugged me. "Ashton you were amazing. I told you, you could sing!" I laughed and ruffled his hair. "Harry, this is Calum, Luke, and Michael, my new band mates," I said, pointing at each boy.

 

"And Calum here is my boyfriend," I said, smiling at Calum and Calum smiled back at me. "Boyfriend?! That's so cool! Hi Calum, I'm Harry," Harry said, introducing himself to Calum.

 

I grinned at Harry; glad he had learned some manners. I left Harry to talk to the boys and I headed over to my mum. "How are things going?" I asked her carefully, skipping over formalities and looking her straight in the eyes.

 

"Fine, Ashton, just fine. Please stop worrying. You have done so much for me and this family, you deserve to take some time for you." I just pulled her into a hug. "I'm going to make this band work mum. We are going to be successful and I am going to earn enough money to help you full time," I said firmly.

 

"Ashton you don't need-" "Yes I do mum," I interrupted her, shaking my head to signify the end of the conversation. "Come down and support us tomorrow?" I asked hopefully. "I wish I could sweetie, but I have work tomorrow."

"Oh yeah, right. Maybe another time then," I said sadly. Before mum could say anything else I slipped away and headed back to the boys. I walked up behind Calum and buried my head in his neck.

 

Calum looked back at me and shifted to slip his arms around my waist. I sighed in relief and just as I got comfy Coach blew the whistle. "We should put the equipment up so the game can finish," I instructed the boys.

 

Harry headed off back to his team, while the boys and I packed up our stuff and put it back in my car. We went back down and sat in the bleachers to watch the end of the game.

 

The game ended quicker than I thought and Harry's team won the championship by a landslide. There were cheers and screams echoed around the pitch and the happiness was infectious.

 

We stayed a little longer, the boys and I spending time with my family. It mostly consisted off Harry talking to Calum and Bri talking to Luke and Michael. I hesitated, wanting to tell mum about the recent cutting but I couldn't bring such sad and crushing news to her. So instead I just hugged her and told her how much I missed and loved her.

 

Everyone was now heading to a min I party to celebrate the teams win but we decided to excuse ourselves to head home and practice. I said my last goodbyes to my family and we all headed back to my car.

 

Just as we were getting close Calum pulled out of my grip. "I-erm.. I totally forgot my phone up on the stands. I'll be right back," Calum said before darting off. I gave him a questioning look and watched him disappear.

 

"Let's just wait for him in the car," Michael said. I hesitated but nodded and headed to the drivers seat. I hoped Calum was quick at finding his phone. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach and the only thing that would make it go away would be having Calum back here by my side again.

 

Calum's POV

 

At first I thought I was crazy. It was a busy game and there were lots of girls hanging around, it could have been anyone. But now, with the pitch empty, there was only one person that girl could be. It was her. How did she find me?

There was no way I could let her anywhere near the band, especially near Ashton so I had to accuse myself. I had to get away and confront her before things got out of hand. I quickly hurried across the pitch and saw her sitting on the bleachers.

 

"Well, well, well, look who showed up. What a coincidence?" Maddie said, batting her eyelashes at me. "What the fuck are you doing here?" I hissed, ignoring her flirting. "Is that any way to talk to your girlfriend?" Maddie asked.

 

"Ex-girlfriend," I spat. Maddie ignored my comment and kept talking. "I couldn't help but notice that new friend of yours. Ashton.. Irwin if I'm correct?" she said, hesitating on his name.

 

"Boyfriend. Ashton's my boyfriend. Stay away from him and stay away from me," I said, my voice starting to rise out of anger. "Yes, well, whoever he is...I don't like him," she said, picking at her nails.

 

"I don't give a flying fuck what you think about him. He's my boyfriend and I can choose who I date." "Ah, you see, that's where you're wrong Calum, my dear. You're dating me silly," she said, looking up at me.

 

"No I'm not," I said through gritted teeth. "You are my love. You see here's where it gets complicated. You're not aloud to date Ashton. In fact, you're not aloud to date any boys at all. You are straight and you are my boyfriend," Maddie said firmly.

 

"Funny thing is we aren't living in your world Maddie. I am gay and I do have a boyfriend who I love very much. Nothing you say or do is going to change that. I love him and I'm staying with him," I said, sneering at her.

 

Maddie just tsked me, clucking her tongue in disapproval. "This is your only warning Calum. You are my boyfriend and you had better end things quickly and quietly with Ashton and come back to me or I swear things are about to become a living hell for you and your band," Maddie threatened.

 

I scoffed at her and rolled my eyes. "There is nothing you can do to make me leave Ashton. I love him a hell of a lot more than I ever loved you. Get over it Maddie. It wasn't even working out when we were together. We haven't been working for months. You just didn't make me happy and I didn't love you."

What I didn't expect next was a hard slap across the face. "You had better clean your act up Calum and you'd better do it fast. By the time school starts again we will be a couple again and you will not be with Ashton."

 

"And if I refuse? What can you do to me Maddie? What can you possibly do to me that would make me love you or make me be with you? I love Ashton; he may even be my soul mate. I've never felt this way with anyone, not even you."

"You are going to regret saying that Calum. From now on, you had better watch out. Thing are going to get bad for you. Like I said, one last chance. Choose me right now or you will pay for the decision," Maddie said.

 

I shook my head and backed up. "Stay away from me and stay away from Ashton. We don't want or need you around. I am happier without you. For that matter, stay away from my band too. I never want to see you again," I spat angrily.

 

"Oh trust me Calum, this isn't the last you will see of me. You and I will be back together again soon I can guarantee that." Maddie got up and brushed past me before turning around and whispering in my ear, "You are mine my Calum. All mine." She nipped at my ear and disappeared.

 

I felt a deep shiver run through my body. I had the sudden urge to find Ashton. I needed to know he was ok, that he was safe. There was no way Maddie was taking Ashton from me ore making me leave him.

 

I bolted for the car, stumbling and almost tripping. I ripped the passenger door open and leapt in. I saw Ashton in the drivers seat and without hesitating I grabbed him harshly and slammed my lips to his.

 

I bit at his bottom lip and licked my way into his mouth, feeling his moan across my lips. I moaned back and deepened the kiss, tangling my hands in his hair and lapping up the taste of Ashton.

 

I heard a cough behind me and reluctantly pulled away. "What the hell was that?" Ashton panted, grinning at me. "I-I just love you," I said I stuttered out blushing. Ashton giggled and leant in, capturing my lips again. We kissed again, his tongue gliding over my bottom lip. I opened my mouth and felt him bite at my lower lip as he slipped his tongue into my mouth.

 

Time slowed as I felt Ashton's tongue explore my mouth, our lips moving in sync. I sucked on Ashton's tongue and I tugged at his hair. Finally he pulled away, breathless. "God you are sexy," I mumbled, smiling against his lips.

 

"Not as sexy as you," Ashton murmured back, placing his lips on my neck. Someone cleared their throat and I glared to the back of the car. "If you guys are going to have sex can you please not do it in front of us?" Michael asked awkwardly.

 

"Sorry," Ashton said, pulling away from me and settling into his seat. I stuck my tongue out and turned away from Michael. "Cock block," I mumbled. "Heard that," Michael called. "You were meant to," I replied.

 

Ashton laughed and soon we were driving back to the house. I kept glancing over at Ashton and his eyes connected with mine. "Are you ok?" Ashton asked. I nodded, faking a smile.

 

Ashton seemed to believe it because he flashed me a smile and focused back on the road. I worriedly started biting on my nails to calm my nerves. What happened if Maddie really did do something? I shook my head to remove the thoughts.

 

Soon we got back to the house and we carried our stuff back inside the house. We set to work working on our last rehearsals; working on staying in time with the beat and each other as well as making sure our voices combined perfectly.

 

After almost two hours of working we were all exhausted and decided to head to bed. Tonight was my night for the bedroom and I to calm my nerves I decided to talk to Ashton.

 

"Ash can I talk to you?" I asked. Ashton nodded and I smiled at him. I took his hand and led him into the hall. "Tonight is my night in the bedroom. I was wondering if you'd like to come sleep with me? Not like that... I mean like just come cuddle and sleep next to me. If you wanna that is?" I stuttered out nervously.

 

Ashton grinned and nodded, pecking my lips. "I'd love to," Ashton replied. I led Ashton to the bedroom and I stripped down to my boxers, Ashton doing the same. Ashton giggled and dragged me into the bed.

 

I cuddled into him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Thank you Calum," Ashton said, looking up at me and kissing my cheek. "What for?" I asked, brushing his fringe out of his eyes.

 

"Coming down to support Harry with me today. It meant the world to my family and especially Harry. He loved you, so did my mum and Brianna." I couldn't help but blush at his words.

 

"You're welcome Ashton. I love your family they are great. I can see where you get your charm from." Ashton blushed and smiled at me. I lent down to kiss him and he kissed back.

 

It was a sweet kiss, filled with love and I was reminded that there was no way Maddie could take this away from me. I pulled away and kissed Ashton's forehead before cuddling up to him.

 

"I love you Calum," Ashton said. "I love you too," I said back. Ashton rested his head on my shoulder and soon I heard soft snores escape his lips. I tightened my grip on him and rested my head on top of his.

 

I wish I could just fall asleep like Ashton did. Unlike Ashton though, thoughts swirled around in my head. Everything Maddie said was burned into my memory. I had a feeling that things were going to get bad.

 

I refused to let Maddie win. I was going to fight to keep Ashton. I wasn't getting with Maddie again. I didn't love her and I never would. My heart belonged to Ashton. The feeling of dread built up though and I knew things were about to get bad, really bad. Nothing could prepare me for how rough things were about to get.

 

Oops... cliffhanger... and commence the drama and suspense ;)


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers!
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter, I worked really hard on it and I am super proud of it! Drama is finally going to start and I can't wait to see where it takes us. Big shout out and thank you to my best friend Candice for being my beta for this chapter and fixing all my errors, I love you babe so thank you for putting up with me and my huge mess of words!
> 
> Please comment, read, and leave kudos. Thank you for reading.
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood Grimes xxxxxx

Ashton’s POV

 

“Ashton, Ashton wake up. Now. We are going to be late. Get your ass out of bed,” Luke’s voice drifted into my thoughts and woke me up. “Piss off Luke,” I whined. I felt hands shake me and I opened my eyes to see a disheveled Luke above me. “We have to leave for the show in 30 minutes, get up,” Luke said before he turned away. “And wake your boyfriend up too.”

 

 

I watched as Luke closed the door and my eyes flicked over to where Calum lay next to me. Our legs were intertwined and his arms were wrapped around my waist protectively. I lent over and gently kissed his neck. “Cal, wake up. We have to leave for the show.”

 

 

Calum groaned heavily and his grip tightened around me. “No, I’m not getting up,” he mumbled, his voice deep from just waking up. “Babe we have to go, this show is important,” I said.

 

 

“I want to stay here and cuddle you though,” Calum whined. “I want that too. We don’t have time though. We can cuddle tonight, I promise,” I said, kissing his cheek before sliding out of his arms and heading to the door.

 

 

“You’d better be up by the time I’m back,” I winked before heading off to the bathroom to get ready. As I washed my face my eyes caught sight of the bandage still on my arm. I sighed and let my fingers brush over it.

 

 

Michael has still been taking care of it for me. It left me scared though. I was so close to breaking yesterday. Not only that, but I almost broke in front of the boys. Now they knew. At least they all understood what was going on, but I still had to hide it from them. I couldn’t let them know I was going to keep cutting myself.

 

 

At the moment though, I didn’t feel a need to cut. I was fine for now and that was all that mattered. I was just about to leave when I heard a knock at the door. “Mind if I join you?” Calum asked. I shivered slightly and opened the door to see Calum standing outside.

 

 

“Come in,” I replied, my cheeks burning. I hadn’t realized until after I let Calum in that I wasn’t wearing a shirt. Calum’s gaze visibly travelled over my body. I bit my lips nervously. Finally his gaze rested on my forearm.

 

 

“What’s this?” he asked softly. I shook my head and reached out for my shirt, ignoring his question. “Ashton?” Calum questioned. “It’s nothing,” I snapped. An unreadable emotion passed through Calum’s eyes and I instantly felt bad.

 

“I’m sorry. It-it really is nothing,” I said unsteadily. “Is it new?” Calum questioned, knowing it was one of my cuts. I shook my head. “No it’s old. It was from the hate from the Teenage Dirtbag video. Michael knows and he has been taking care of it for me.”

 

He nodded and he let his fingers slowly trail over the bandage. His eyes closed and he took a slow and deep breath. “Please, don’t,” he said simply. I just nodded. It was harder than that though, it always was. If only I could stop that easily. I let Calum think it was that easy. I couldn’t hurt him though.

 

“I’ll do my best,” I said instead. That seemed to please him for the moment as he pulled me into his arms. “You want to know something?” Calum whispered into my ear, causing sparks to fly though my body. “What?” I asked, my voice cracking.

 

“You look so incredibly sexy without a shirt. You make me want you that much more,” he said, biting and pulling at my ear lobe before pulling away and heading off to the shower. I couldn’t breathe. The air was caught in my lungs. Did he really just say that?

 

I could feel the reaction his words had on my body, and I had to stifle a groan. Now was not the time for sexual thoughts, or actions for that matter. I focused on calming myself down and quickly scampered from the bathroom before I jumped Calum in the shower.

 

Damn that would be hot. ‘Ugh fuck, I need to stop thinking such thoughts so early in the morning,’ I thought to myself as I headed to the closet and grabbed some clothes. Soon I was ready and I helped Luke get our instruments together.

 

Ten minutes later, Calum and Michael joined us. “Are we ready?” Michael asked. “Yeah, I think so. I think everything is in the car, which means we can head off,” Luke said. I bit my lip and nodded.

 

“It’s going to be different this time, Ash, we are going to smash it this time, I can feel it,” Calum grinned. I was thankful for my boyfriend’s reassurance. I reached out for Calum’s hand and held it tightly, the feeling bringing me back to the ground again.

 

“Alright, let’s go,” I said. Luke and Michael led the way, Calum falling back with me to rest his arms around my waist. “We are going to do so much better this time Ashton, I promise. We practiced this time. We can do it.” I looked up at Calum and nodded. “Thank you,” I said simply.

 

I climbed into the car; the ride was silent as we made our way to Creek Manor. The nervousness and tension were tangible. Everyone was quiet lost in their own thoughts. I was broken out of mine as I felt Calum’s hand squeeze my thigh.

 

I flashed him a nervous smile and he smiled back. Was it hot in here or was I sweating out because of the nerves? Either way, I turned the temperature down and wiped my palms on my jeans when I stopped the car at a traffic light.

 

My hands started to shake and I felt a sudden strong urge for pain. My emotions were getting the best of me again as I became more nervous by the second. “Michael?” I asked, my voice wavering.

 

“Hmmm?” Michael asked, turning to look at the front of the car. “If you could do that calming thing you did yesterday, I would really appreciate it,” I said through my teeth. Now was not a time to be giving into the desperate urges of pain and self-harm, and the only way out at this time was Michael’s reassurance.

 

Suddenly I felt Michael's hand rest on my shoulder, and he rubbed my back softly. "Just breath Ashton, it's going to be okay. Relax and stay calm. You don't need the pain. Just focus on us, on the band. Focus on how good we are and that we are going to do good at the show."

 

I nodded, listening to Michael's words as I looked out at the road. He was right; I just needed to breathe and focus. I felt Calum's hand tighten on my thigh, and I looked over at him. "I love you, Ashton. I'm here for you too. You can get through this, I believe in you," Calum said.

 

A new hope surged though me and I let my mind focus on Calum; his words, his touch, and his presence. With a deep breath I smiled and glanced over at Calum and Michael. "That helped, thank you," I said. Both boys smiled at me and I felt better.

 

I drove the rest of the way in peace, feeling more at ease. They were right; we were going to be good, and we were going to prove everyone wrong. The need for pain had passed, thank God for that.

 

It wasn't long before we had made it to Creek Manor and for some reason I was feeling rather confident. "Ready to go?" I asked cheerfully. "What's got into you? You seem rather happy all of a sudden," Luke pointed out.

 

"I guess I am. I don't know, I just feel more confident, like we are going to do good. I just have this feeling that the song is going to go well today," I said, smiling brightly and laughing.

 

"Now that is the Ashton we know," Calum said, a smile crossing his face. I found myself staring at his lips and soon I was leaning in. I couldn't help it his smile was gorgeous. Before I knew it I felt his lips brush against mine. A spark flew through my body and a smile broke out across my lips.

 

Calum leant forward and pushed our lips fully together. Our kiss only lasted a few seconds but it felt like a lifetime of bliss and happiness. I pulled away and gave Calum a smile. "Ready?" he asked me softly. "Yeah," I replied quietly.

 

The two of us slipped out of the car to see Luke and Michael already out. They must have gotten out of the car to give us some privacy. I grinned and clapped both boys on the back before heading to the back to grab our instruments.

 

We all walked with our instruments into the venue and checked in. The only thing to do now was to sit and wait. "I say we warm up our vocals. What do you think?" Luke asked. The boys nodded and agreed. “Ash, give us a song,” Luke said.

 

“Hmmm? What?” I asked, tuning back in to the conversation. “Name a song,” Michael repeated. “Ummm, why?” I asked. “Because, you always come up with good song choices,” Calum explained. I bit my lip and nodded. “Ummm, how about Grenade by Bruno Mars? Something softer just to warm up with,” I said.

 

“Again with the good ideas. How are any of us supposed to compare to your wonderful ideas Ash?” Michael teased. I stuck my tongue out at him in retaliation. “Okay, I say we all just sing it together? Sound good?” Luke asked. We all nodded. “Start us off Luke,” Calum piped up.

 

“Easy come easy go. That's just how you live, oh. Take, take, take it all but you never give. Should've known you was trouble from the first kiss. Had your eyes wide open. Why were they open? Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash, you tossed it in the trash, you did. To give me all your love is all I ever asked.

 

Cause what you don't understand is I'd catch a grenade for you. Throw my hand on a blade for you. I'd jump in front of a train for you. You know I'd do anything for you. Oh, I would go through all this pain. Take a bullet straight through my brain. Yes, I would die for you, baby but you won't do the same. No, no, no, no,” we all sang together.

 

After we finished the chorus we all looked at each other and broke out in grins. “We should sing this on stage sometime, that sounds wicked,” Calum laughed. “Agreed,” Michael added. “We told you, you could sing Ashton,” Luke said. I rolled my eyes but said nothing.

 

“He’s right Ash. You are the perfect package. You play drums, guitar, piano, saxophone, and you can sing. You’d better keep your eye on him Calum or I might steal him from you,” Michael teased.

 

Almost immediately Calum got defensive. His arms grabbed me and pulled me straight into his lap. “You stay away from Ashton, he’s mine,” Calum threatened, his voice dropping. We all froze for a second. Calum wasn’t joking around; he was making it perfectly clear that I was his.

 

Luke laughed awkwardly, breaking the tension. “No one is taking him from you Calum. We know you love him. None of us would ever step over the boundaries like that,” Michael defended, putting his hands up in defeat, showing he meant no harm.

 

Calum relaxed, his shoulders sagging in relief and his hold loosening on me. “Ermm, yeah, right- sorry about that,” he said, awkwardly, resting his head on my shoulder. “It’s no problem,” Luke said.

 

The other boys dropped it and soon got into a conversation about their guitars. I turned to Calum, wanting to know what had just happened. “What the heck was that Cal?” I asked carefully. “Nothing- it’s nothing. I guess I just don’t want to share you is all. I don’t want anyone else to love you like I could,” he said, looking away.

 

“Who ever said anything like that? I’m not going anywhere Calum. I’m right here, with you. Why would I go off with Michael or Luke?” I asked, slightly confused. “You wouldn’t. You’re right, I’m sorry.” I leant up and brushed my lips against his, relaying that it was ok.

 

Calum smiled softly and pulled away. “C’mon, we had better get ready, we’ll be up any minute now,” he said, cocking his head to the side, motioning to the stage. I nodded and got up, catching Luke and Michael’s attention. “Let’s do this, shall we?” I asked.

 

“We shall,” Michael agreed, jumping up too. The four of us grabbed our instruments and made our way to the side of the stage. I looked out at the act on stage, and they seemed pretty good to me. How could we compare to that?

 

As if sensing my worry, Calum leaned against my side. "We'll be fine. I mean c'mon look at them. They don't have a drummer. They only have one guitarist and their lead singer is nervous. See? Look at the way he keeps running his hand through his hair. See the way he grips the microphone stand. Nervous habits," Luke pointed out.

 

"How do you know all that?" I asked, looking at Luke incredulously. Luke shrugged and smirked at the same time, "I just do," he replied. "Know it all," I muttered playfully.

 

The group on stage ended the song and the crowd half cheered and half booed. "Tough crowd," Michael said in a hushed tone so only we could hear. "Well we'd better go knock 'em dead then, right?" Luke said confidently. "Right," Calum and I agreed.

 

"And next on stage is a new band called 5 Seconds of Summer, let's give them a round of applause," the presenter said. The crowd cheered as we headed out on stage.

 

Smiling and waving we went to stand in our formation, I fell back to get behind the drums that were on stage. I was lucky I didn't have to bring my own drums- that would have been difficult.

 

I sat down on the stool and looked out at the packed venue. "Hi, I'm Luke," Luke introduced. "I'm Calum," Cal said. "I'm Michael," Michael added. "And I'm Ashton," I said, speaking into the mic next to me. "And we're 5 Seconds of Summer," Luke finished.

 

The crowd cheered and got quiet, waiting for us to start. The boys turned to look at me, waiting for my count in. "1, 2- 1, 2, 3, 4," I counted us in, hitting my drums sticks together before we all started to play as one.

 

"This goes out to the most beautiful girl that I saw the other day. She had me slipping and he had me falling for her right away. This goes out to the one and only Mrs. Mysterious. Thought of me being next to her got me so delirious. Yeah is she out, is she out there? Yeah is she out there?" Luke sang. He was nervous at first, his voice cracking, but Calum walked over to him and smiled at him, causing Luke to relax.

 

I kept my beat steady, focusing on not missing a single note. I smiled, seeing the boys fall into their own steady beat, in perfect time and rhythm with mine.

 

"Cause you’re all that I need in every single way. Girl you got me lip-syncing, your beauty is to blame. If you knew how I felt cause you never feel the same. Never been acquainted I just need to know your name. Girl I just need to know your name," the three boys sang the chorus together. Their gazes kept falling on me. I couldn't help but grin, which caused them to smile too.

 

This time was going so much better. We were staying on beat with each other and there seemed to be no mess-ups. The boys were singing in sync too, and their voices were blending together perfectly.

 

Of course, nothing good lasts for long. Right as Calum’s solo came up he completely froze up. He backed away from the mic, a mix of anger and hate crossing his face. He stuttered on his words before freaking out, looking around widely.

 

“Calum? Calum!” I shouted, but he couldn’t hear me over the music. I could see him looking out into the crowd in terror. But it wasn’t the crowd he was looking at; it was as if he was looking at someone in particular

 

“CALUM!” I shouted louder, just barely missing screaming into the mic next to me. He still didn’t hear me. “Michael!” I yelled. Michael looked over at me. “Help Calum, NOW!” I shouted. Michael looked over and saw the mess Calum was in.

 

He was quick to run over to Calum. “We need you to sing Calum. Calm down, and relax, it is all going to be ok. Ashton is right behind you, and he wants me to tell you that he loves you and that you can do this, he believes in you,” Michael reassured.

 

Calum shook his head, his hands shaking. “She’s here. She’s here,” Calum repeated. “Who’s here?” Michael asked quickly. “Maddie,” Calum replied. “Why does that matter?” Michael questioned.

 

Before Michael could question again Luke interrupted. “Calum, you need to sing, now, before the crowd notices that we are off,” Luke said, putting a hand softly on Calum’s arm.

 

All I could do was keep playing, hoping the crowd didn’t pick up on our mess up. I could do nothing to comfort my boyfriend, and that killed me. I had no idea what he and the other boys were saying.

 

I willed Calum to turn back and look at me, but he didn’t. He stepped back up to the mic, his gaze locked on something in the crowd. He looked like he wanted to kill whatever, or whomever, he saw.

 

"Before I saw your face I never in my wildest dreams thought that true love was actually real. Cause you shine way brighter than anything I might have thought that I could feel. I give it all everything I have even though it’s all so new. Cause I want you in the worst of ways can you make my wish come true. Is she out there? Is she out there? Just tell me if you’re out there, if you’re out there,” Calum sung. He was slightly off but the crowd didn’t seem to notice, thank God for that.

 

“Cause you’re all that I need in every single way. Girl you got me lip-syncing, your beauty is to blame. If you knew how I felt cause you never feel the same. Never been acquainted I just need to know your name. Girl I just need to know your name,” the three boys sang together, looking out at the crowd and playing their instruments.

 

"Hey need to know your, need to know your name. Hey, hey I need to," I sang into my mic. I'm still in slight shock the boys gave me an entire line to sing, I just hope that my singing is average enough to sound somewhat decent. I just don't want to mess this song up for the boys, again.

 

“Cause you’re all that I need in every single way. Girl you got me lip-syncing, your beauty is to blame. If you knew how I felt cause you never feel the same. Never been acquainted,” Michael sung, playing the guitar and singing along perfectly with the song. Luke came up to me and continued to play. 'You did great,' he mouthed at me. 'You too Luke,' I mouthed back. Luke made his way back to his mic to finish off the song.

 

“I just need to know your name. Cause you’re all that I need in every single way. Girl you got me lip-syncing, your beauty is to blame. If you knew how I felt cause you never feel the same. Never been acquainted I just need to know your name. Girl I just need to know your name,” the boys sang as one, finishing off the song. I held the beat for a second after they finished the song and we all stopped playing.

 

The crowd burst into cheers, everyone applauding us. We all stood there in shock. Did that really just happen to us? Did no one notice our mess up? Did we really do that good? Did the crowd like us that much?

 

Luke motioned for me to join them up at the front of the stage. I got off my seat and came up between Calum and Michael. We all put our arms around each other and we bowed as one, the crowd cheering us on. I gripped Calum tightly, my fingers digging into his hip.

 

"And that was 5 Seconds of Summer," the presenter said. Wavering, we ran off backstage. As soon as we were offstage we fell into a group hug. I buried my head in Calum’s shoulder.

 

Luke and Michael were cheering, their performance going smoothly. They were talking excitedly, breaking off from Calum and I. “What happened out there? You froze. I tried to call to you but you didn’t hear me,” I said, pulling away slightly to look Calum in the eyes.

 

“Nothing, I’m sorry. I just got nervous and panicked. You were all doing so well, I didn’t think I would be able to compare so I freaked. But Michael calmed me down. Thanks, for sending him over,” Calum said distractedly, choosing instead to tuck his head in my shoulder and stay there.

 

I knew he was lying but I decided to drop it now, deciding instead to just sooth him. Whatever it was, he would tell me the truth when he felt like it.

 

"That'll be all over YouTube by tonight," Michael said. "You think?" I wondered out loud, tuning back into the conversation. "Oh for sure. Just more publicity for us, don't worry about it Ash, it's a good thing," Luke assured.

 

"You're right," I agreed, tightening my grip on Calum. Calum seemed to perk up and he kissed my neck softly before moving his lips. "I'm so proud of you," Calum mumbled into my hair.

 

"You mean that?" I asked, not quite sure I had done anything praiseworthy. "Of course I do. You were brilliant up there. You proved how talented you are on those drums. One of the many reasons I fell for you," Calum said, kissing my jaw softly.

 

I couldn't help the blush creep up my cheeks. "Stop sweet talking me Hood, it's not going to get you in my pants," I joked, gently pushing Calum in the chest. Calum laughed and wrapped his arms more tightly around me.

 

Whatever freaked Calum out, he seemed to have pushed it off for now. I smiled at him, perking up myself since I noticed Calum was acting better. I knew better though, I knew he was just pretending for the benefit of the group. I followed his lead though, not pushing Cal into anything.

 

"So... I was thinking we go out and celebrate? I mean, we deserve it after a show like that," Michael said. "If Luke is okay with it?" Calum asked, moving his head from my shoulder to look at the other boys.

 

It was still surprising that even though Luke was the youngest, he was still the unsaid leader of this group. He was the one who started it after all, so we all followed what Luke said. It was the norm now; there was no changing it at this point in the game.

 

Luke hesitated for a second before he nodded. "You know what? You are right Michael, we do deserve to go out and celebrate," Luke agreed. "Great, let's go get drunk," Michael cheered.

 

Luke shot him a look of horror. "Relax Lukey, I'm messing with you. Let's go down to SeaChange? C'mon Lukey, don't mess with tradition," Michael pleaded. "Ok, we'll go to SeaChange," Luke agreed.

 

"What's SeaChange?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at the boys. “It’s a restaurant we always go to if we do good at a show or if one of our videos does well on YouTube. It’s just a place we celebrate at. It’s out on the beach,” Calum explained.

 

“Sounds good to me, you know how much I love the beach,” I grinned. “That is true,” Calum agreed with me. “How about we load our gear back in the car and then we can head out there?” Luke asked.

 

“It’s a plan to me,” Michael said. “Can I meet you at the car? I want to head to the bathroom real quick,” I asked, sliding out of Calum’s grip. “Yeah, sure thing Ash, we will meet you at the car. Can you give us your keys first?” Luke asked.

 

“Oh yeah, wow, that was obvious,” I said, pulling my keys out my pocket and handing them to Michael, as he was the only other one who could drive. “Drive the car round to the front. I’ll meet you there, yeah?” I asked.

 

“Alright mate. I need to talk to Calum anyway,” Michael said carefully. Calum looked up at Michael nervously, a look passing between the two of them. I felt slightly left out, not quite knowing what was going on.

 

“Right. Good luck with that. I’ll meet you out front,” I said, slipping away and off to the restrooms. I just needed a minute to myself. This had been a crazy day, in a good way. Having a minute to take it all in, that was all I needed.

 

I made my way to the restrooms. I didn’t need to go, I just lent up against the sink and looked at myself in the mirror. There was no one else in there, making the place empty. I sighed, running a hand through my fringe. I let my eyes flutter closed, taking in everything that had just happened.

 

Everything in my life has changed, for the better. How I ended up here, I couldn’t even comprehend it. It was meant to be; that was all I knew for sure. Up there, on the stage, I felt alive. And being up there with my band, our band, I felt at home. I truly fit in here with this band and I was wanted and loved for what felt like the first time in my life.

 

A smile formed on my face. Regardless of Calum freaking out, somehow we had still smashed it. We still sounded good, and Cal pulled it together. I knew he would. Whatever Michael said had worked.

 

I should talk to Michael and see what he said to Calum to calm him down. Calum. I should’ve gone to comfort him. I was wrong to just push it off. He needed me; I should have seen it sooner.

 

I opened my eyes and looked at myself again. “Calum needs me,” I said to myself, giving a small nod to my reflection. I ran my fingers through my hair one last time and turned to leave.

 

That was when it hit me, literally. A metal baseball bat came flying at me, slamming me square in the head, and hitting me from my eye to my temple. I screamed out in pain and stumbled backwards. Everything started to swim, my head clouding and my vision blurring.

 

I screamed out painfully for help. I couldn’t see who had attacked me. My eye throbbed with pain and my head felt like it was splitting open. I tried to punch and kick, trying to fight back against my attacker.

 

They must have easily dodged my counterattacks, as another hit to my ankles caused my legs to buckle. “Help! Help me! HELP!” I shrieked. No one was coming to my rescue. I stumbled from the hit to my legs but I threw out a punch again, to no avail.

 

The attacker hurled the bat at me again, hitting me straight in the chest. I screamed again, this time out of sheer pain, spitting and coughing up blood. My tears mixed with the blood that felt like it was pouring from everywhere.

 

All I could think of was my death. ‘Please don’t let me die. God please, let me live. I don’t want to die,’ I thought to myself. “Please,” I begged out loud, more blood coming out of my mouth. A faint grunt echoed around the room as the bat was again aimed at me, striking me in the face again.

 

This time I fell backwards, hitting my head on the sink, effectively knocking me out. I felt pain. I heard the roar in my ears as I lost more and more blood. Then my senses shut down, only feeling certain things. Just darkness. Emptiness. Fear. Terror. Agony. Blood. And then there was nothing at all.

 

 

Calum’s POV

 

Michael walked in step with me, Luke ahead of us. “What really happened out there? You said something about Maddie. I don’t understand,” Michael coaxed. “Nothing, just forget it,” I said, trying to drop it.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me? You could have blown it for us tonight. We were lucky the crowd didn’t notice. You cannot just blow this off as nothing,” Michael argued back.

 

“I can and I am. It has nothing to do with you, so just drop it,” I retorted. “It has everything to do with me, this is our band, and so help me god if you say that means it has nothing to do with me.”

 

I looked away from Michael. “It’s something between Maddie and I, ok? She was not happy when I dumped her for Ashton,” I said simply. “Then you lied to us? You said it went well,” Michael accused.

 

“Yes, I lied. I lied for everyone’s own good. She is just desperate. She is following me around trying to win me back. She can’t accept I’m with Ashton. It freaked me out because I told her to leave me alone and somehow she tracked me down and ended up watching us at the show,” I said, half lying and half telling the truth.

 

If I told Michael the truth of how crazy Maddie was and the things she was threatening, things would get out of hand fast. I could handle this on my own.

 

“What are you going to do about it? You can’t just let her keep this up. I’m sure it’s against the law or something. Get a restraining order,” Michael suggested. “Jesus Michael that’s a bit excessive. I can handle it. Just drop it for now,” I said firmly.

 

“Whatever,” Michael said, putting his hands up in defeat. “Just sort it out. We can’t have something like this messing up the band’s chance of success,” Michael said, leaving me to join Luke at the car.

 

We packed our instruments in the car and Michael drove us around to the entrance, all of us remaining silent, even after a good performance, mostly. It felt empty with Ashton now, like he had become our glue.

 

As we pulled out front I immediately jumped out of the car, wanting to see Ashton again. After spending 24/7 with him, even a few minutes apart was like missing a part of me. I looked around at the acts milling around out front, but I couldn’t spot him.

 

I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion. Where was he? We took a while to walk to the car and load everything in it. There was no way he would still be in the bathroom. He would have been out here waiting for us.

 

I banged on the passenger door and Luke rolled the window down. “What’s up?” Luke asked. “He’s not here,” I said worriedly. “What?” Luke asked confused. “Here’s not here,” I repeated. “It wouldn’t take that long, would he?” Luke questioned.

 

“Not normally. He is usually eager to meet up with us again,” I replied. “Ok, let’s just give him a little more time, maybe he just got lost is all,” Michael reasoned. Michael cut the engine, while Luke peered out of the window, and I lent up against the car, keeping my eyes locked on the door waiting for Ashton to bound out and over to me in his excited nature.

 

He never came though. We hung around waiting for twenty minutes before real fear kicked in. “Something is wrong, really wrong. I can just feel it,” I said, looking at Luke, scared. “Ok, we can park here. Let’s all head inside and look for him. I’m sure he just got sucked in to watching other acts perform, you know he loves stuff like that,” Michael reassured.

 

I nodded, trying to stay positive. It was useless though, I just knew deep down in the pit of my stomach that this was about to get bad, really bad.

 

The three of us made our way into the venue again. We walked all around the corridors, checking every room along with out front where the crowd was, but since the show was over it was empty. “He said restroom, let’s check it out. There are only three different restrooms here,” Luke said.

 

We headed to the first one near the entrance. Empty. The next one, near the stage, was our second guess. We walked in to see two guys in there. “Hey, have either of you seen our band mate, Ashton? He’s about 5’7, blonde hair, long fringe, always laughing and smiling, thick Sydney accent?” I asked hopefully.

 

“Sorry mate, haven’t seen him around. If we see him, we will tell him you are looking for him,” one of the men said. “Thank you very much,” Luke said. We all nodded thanks and made our way out.

 

“Have you tried calling him?” Michael asked, as if it was obvious. “Oh, no I didn’t think of that… of course I have you idiot,” I said, frustrated. Michael put his hands up in defeat again.

 

“Sorry Mikey. Yes, I called him many times, he hasn’t answered any of my calls,” I said, tears starting to fill my eyes. “Hey, hey, it’s going to be ok. We have one last bathroom to check. If we can’t find him we will tell security and they will help us find him. We are going to figure this out Cal, don’t worry,” Luke reassured.

 

“Sure, not that it’s my boyfriend that has gone missing or anything,” I scoffed. “He’s our band mate and brother too Calum, not just your boyfriend,” Michael argued angrily. “Guys. Fighting right now isn’t going to help anything,” Luke said firmly.

 

“Always the one to fix fights,” I said, rolling my eyes at Luke. Luke crossed his arms. “We can argue about this later. Let’s check the last bathroom. It’s the one closest to where we left him so he may have gone to that one,” Luke said.

 

I nodded and let Luke lead us to the last restroom. We pushed the door open to find it empty of people. My heart dropped though.

 

There was blood on the sink and on the floor. Lying next to the puddle of blood on the floor was Ashton’s phone, half broken and half covered in blood. We all recognized it as his at once; it still had the 5SOS homemade sticker on the back of the phone. “Did-did he cut himself?” Luke stuttered out.

 

Michael was shaking his head. “No,” he choked out. “Then-then what happened?” I said, a sob leaving my lips. “He had to have been attacked,” Michael concluded.

 

“Where is he?” I yelled, punching the wall and screaming in anguish. “He’s gone. Whoever attacked him must have him,” Luke said, his body starting to shake.

 

Everything in my mind blurred, things rushing and things freezing as the scene in front of me blurred and started to spin. Luke grabbed me as I began to crumble. “Ash-“ I choked out, my tears falling as the fear and panic soaked my body.

 

Michael placed himself next to us on the floor and we all sat, frozen in time, as we looked at the scene in front of us. No one knew what to do. “Does this mean he’s been kidnapped?” I asked, my voice breaking on every word. Michael nodded numbly.

 

I buried my head in Luke’s shoulder as I full on broke down, everything slipping away from me. As I sat there, my world crumbling around me, only one thought became clear in my mind. I sat up and looked at the blood, Ashton’s blood.

 

“Maddie. It was Maddie,” I managed to say, my mind reeling as I processed the thought over and over in my head, it all becoming obvious. I looked at Luke and Michael, my world shattering around me. “It was Maddie,” I repeated again.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers and fans!
> 
> WARNING! This chapter does have a scene of torture/beating. Letting you all know now, so please don't go yelling at me for the scene later, it all fits into my plot. I wanted you all to know now as well, in case you don't want to read it. It is Ashton's second POV, so heads up there.
> 
> I worked super hard on this chapter, so I hope you like it! We are now deep in the midst of drama, I hope you are ready for it! Please comment, read, and leave kudos.
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood Grimes xxxxxx

Luke turned and looked at me as if I was crazy. “What the hell do you mean, ‘it was Maddie?’” Luke asked. I didn’t know how to answer that question, so I just shook my head.

 

“What you said to me as we walked to the car, you lied, didn’t you? Things are a lot worse then you said they are,” Michael concluded, not waiting for my answer. All I could do was nod numbly.

 

“Does anyone wanna fill me in on what the fuck is going on?” Luke yelled. “I- Maddie has been following me. She refused to hear that I was gay and happy with Ashton. She threatened me, saying if I didn’t dump Ashton and get rid of him, she would make my life- and the bands- a living hell. I didn’t know she would go this far,” I snapped.

 

I ran my hands through my hair, tears threatening to fall from my eyes. “She wants me back with her. She said that I needed to dump Ash and get back with her. I can’t- I can’t do that. I love Ashton. I didn’t know she was going to physically hurt him, or take him away from me-away from us.”

 

Michael reached out and patted my back. “We need to find him, please?” I asked, my voice cracking. “We will. That’s it. We’ll go to Maddie’s house and rescue him. It’s going to be okay, Cal,” Luke reassured.

 

“Maybe Calum should call her? Try to talk her out of this?” Michael questioned, trying to help. “No, no. We need to keep our anonymity. If we have the element of surprise, we have a better chance of getting Ashton back. I think she is past reasoning now. She wouldn’t listen to me before, there is no way she’ll listen to me now if I just call her,” I said weakly.

 

“I’m with Calum,” Luke said simply, looking away as his own tears filled his eyes. “Let’s go, I’ll drive,” Michael said, wrapping his hands around my wrist and hoisting me away from the bathroom we were still hauled up in.

 

I reached out blindly for Luke, snagging his hand and holding on tightly. Michael led us to the car, him sliding into the drivers seat and I fell into the back seat. The car smelt like Ashton, it was his car.

 

Tears bubbled in my eyes and I choked on a sob. Luke was right there, his arms coming around my shoulders and pulling me into his chest. “I want Ash back, please, Lukey, bring him back,” I cried, my voice muffled by the soft fabric of his Nirvana shirt.

 

“We’ll get him back, we have to. We can’t be a band without him,” Luke said, his own voice sounding strained. I rested against Luke, trying to recompose myself. I felt the anger suddenly build in me.

 

I screamed, punching the chair in front of me. Michael looked back, alarmed. “Just fucking drive. I want to find that goddamn bitch and rip her head off,” I spat, anger coursing through me.

 

“As soon as we find and get Ashton back, kill her,” Michael said simply, his hands griping the wheel tightly, his knuckles going white. I just nodded.

 

How could she fucking dare lay a hand on him? Ashton is so wonderful, so sweet and perfect. And she hurt him. She beat him, made him bleed. I will hurt her for daring to even take him from me. I felt my hands shake as my tears burned my eyes.

 

I don’t care what I have to do to get my Ashton back; I will hurt her for taking my Ashton away from me and for hurting him so badly. I. Will. Destroy. Her.

 

 

Ashton’s POV

 

I opened my eyes and all I see is black. A few seconds after I blinked my eyes, the pain kicked in full force. I let out a scream, as my entire body ached. My head pounded in agony, and I feel a hot trickle of blood ooze down my back.

 

I can feel I am lying down on a cold ground. I tried to sit, only to feel my body tied down. I tried to scream out again, only for it to be muffled. Panic swims through me. This can’t be happening.

 

I really have been kidnapped. Where’s Calum? Did they hurt him too? I struggled, kicking out, but the pain in my body takes over and I go limp again. I rested my head against the floor, tears slipping down my face and landing in the material gagging my mouth.

 

My breathing becomes ragged as I panic. Where am I? What’s going on? Why did someone beat me? Why was I kidnapped? I feel the urge to feel even more pain wash through me again.

 

I needed to feel something that wasn’t fear, panic, or anything that was running through me right now. I twisted my wrists, feeling the rope around them dig into my bare flesh. I let out a gasp and yanked my wrists hard, twisting them until black stars clouded my vision.

 

I feel blood tumble down over my hands, soaking them in seconds with hot, sticky blood. I cried even harder, the pain so immense it took my breath away. Just as another sob wracked my body, the door opened, light spilling into the room.

 

I pushed my head into the floor, the light burning my eyes as the lights in the room flicked on. I felt a weight drag me, quite harshly, and slam me into the wall. A pitiful whine left my lips and tears burned my eyes again.

 

I opened my eyes to see a girl standing in front of me, a knife held to my throat. “Hello, Ashton,” she said, an evil grin crossing her lips. I froze, a whole new fear I had never felt before etched through me.

 

She pulled the thing that was covering my mouth away and I did the first thing I could, I screamed. I screamed long and hard, my voice cracking from how dry it was. I felt a sharp sting across my face as the girl slapped me.

 

“Shut the fuck up. Ain’t no one gunna hear you here. We are in an abandoned shoe factory, the one my dad used to work in about twenty years ago, not that that really matters,” the girl explained.

 

“Who-who are you?” I managed to get out, my voice hoarse. “Who am I? Oh, Ashton, I’m surprised you don’t know who I am. Did he never tell you?” she asked, a wicked grin crossing her face.

 

“Who is he? What’s going on?” I said, before she slapped me again, harder this time, my head knocking against the wall. My vision slipped for a minute, a scream falling from my mouth as the wound on my head collided with the wall.

 

“You will speak when spoken to and you will only ask one question at a time,” she said spitefully. I winced as she threw my head back against the wall, maybe for emphasis or maybe because she enjoyed seeing me in pain.

 

“He is your “boyfriend,” Calum Hood. I am Calum’s girlfriend, Maddie,” she said with a look I couldn’t quite place. “Maddie,” I mumbled, the name ringing a bell. It took a second to click in, my head clouded from the pain.

 

“You’re his ex-girlfriend. The girl he broke up with for me,” I said, it coming into place. “Yes, but I’m not his ex-girlfriend. I am his current girlfriend. Calum and I are still together, he never broke up with me,” Maddie said, feeling rather proud of herself.

 

“No, no, you’re lying. He dumped you. He came home and told me that he dumped you, and that it all went well. That he was with me now, not you,” I said defensively.

 

She laughed, a sick and evil laugh. “He. Lied.” I shook my head refusing to believe her. “You’re wrong. Cal wouldn’t lie to me, he loves me.”

 

“Oh, sweet pea, he doesn’t love you. This was all a game. He played you, Ashton,” Maddie said, in a sickeningly sweet voice. “No, no, no. Calum would not play me. I love him and he loves me. I know he loves me, he treats me right, shows me he loves me,” I argued, refusing to believe her.

 

“No, Ashton. He set you up. When he came up to “break-up” with me, he told me everything. How you tried to seduce him, how he felt wrong and dirty for having kissed you and lied to you. He told you he loved you because that’s what you wanted to hear. Was he a little shook up when he came home to you?” she asked, eyebrows raised.

 

I felt a sudden fear crawl down my spine. He was shook up, out of his element. He assured me everything went okay, that he had broken up with her and that she took it well.

 

“So what if he was shook up? What difference does that make?” I spat, earning a punch in the face. “He was shook up because he didn’t want to be with you. He was shook up because he had to lie and tell you he loved you and broke up with me. He was shook up because he is head over heels for me and felt like he was cheating on me,” she said looking at me intently, watching my reactions.

 

“Then why the fuck would he do all this?” I yelled. “Because he played you, Ashton! He came to me and told me and didn’t know what to do. I told him I would be okay if he was with you, but he didn’t want that, because he didn’t have any feelings for you. In fact, he honestly didn’t even like you he sort of despised you.

 

I told him that it would just be fair to tell you he wasn’t in love with you, but he was having none of that. You see, Calum is, how do I say this, homophobic. He couldn’t stand the fact you were gay. He was, shall I say, disgusted. No, he couldn’t just blow you off like that.

 

Now he knew you were gay, he hated you. It was a new level of hate. He wanted you out- out of the band and out of his life. And that was when he came up with the idea, he would play you, fool you, make you think he loved you.

 

He never cared about you. Not for a second. He wanted to get rid of you. But he was scared to. So, before you ask, that is where I come in. You see I developed a strong hate for you too. You tried to steal my man from me. You tried to take him from me. He’s not even gay. He’s as straight as a ruler.

 

So, we developed this plan together, so don’t sit here and think that he will be coming to rescue you, save you like you are some damsel in distress. He wanted you gone, but he couldn’t do it, so I took matters into my own hands.

 

That is why you are right here, right now. I am doing Calum’s dirty work for him, because I am such a wonderful girlfriend and because we love each other so much. I am here to, how do I put this, torture the gay right out of you. And when I am done, I’ll set you free. Of course, there will be other terms to this little deal, before I let you go.

 

Then, you’ll go back to your little band, and act like nothing happened. Well, except for the part where you won’t talk to Calum, won’t interact with Calum, won’t spend any time with Calum, and definitely won’t ever be alone with him again. You will go back and act as if you hate him, because truthfully, he hates you just as much as you will pretend to hate him.

 

It’s better this way. Calum and I will be happily together, just like always, and you can go on with your pathetic and worthless little life. Everyone wins then, well maybe everyone except you, but who the fuck cares about you, right? You are worthless, talentless, a waste of space really,” Maddie finished her rant, smirking at me, almost victoriously.

 

I sat, shaking my head. “No. Please tell me this is some sort of sick joke? Like, someone set you up to this. I’m just here because I’m the new guy right?” I begged. Maddie just laughed in my face.

 

“This is not a joke, Ashton. This is real. No one wants you. You think these people in your stupid band actually care? They don’t, Ashton. That’s why you are here.”

 

“No, please,” I tried again, but I was too late. Maddie grabbed me and threw me into a chair that was to my left. I screamed out in pain, as the rope burns reopened. “Oh, what’s this?” Maddie asked with a smirk.

 

“No-nothing?” I stuttered, it coming out more of a question that a statement. “Were you trying to break away? Trying to get the ropes off?” she asked.

 

“No, no I wasn’t.” I said truthfully. “Then what was it? What were you trying to do?” Maddie asked, a glint in her eye. “I-I was, it was nothing,” I said, tears of embarrassment filling my eyes.

 

“Tell. Me. Now.” Maddie spat, grabbing the knife off the floor and slashing it across my face, a deep cut opening up on my cheek. I screamed out in agony, blood pouring down into m mouth.

 

“I- I was trying to self-harm. I needed the pain, I needed to feel something to take away from the fact I had been kidnapped,” I sobbed. “Self-harm, hey? Well, that must be another reason Calum hates you. He thinks lowly of people who self-harm as of a way out. He thinks it’s pathetic and gross,” Maddie scowled.

 

“Calum said he understood and he was there for me,” I tried, grasping at straws. “How many fucking times do I have to tell you, Ashton? Calum is fucking lying to you. He is using you and playing with you, get that through your thick head. It’s. Over.” Maddie snapped.

 

I cowered back into my seat and tried to hide my face. The more she talked, the more it made sense. She was right, Calum was using me and he didn’t love me. I knew it, it is impossible for anyone as beautiful and perfect as Calum to love a pathetic, lowlife like me.

 

I sighed in defeat. “You’re right,” I muttered, looking away in shame. “I’m right about what, Ashton?” Maddie provoked me. “You’re right, Calum is using me. He couldn’t ever love me,” I said, my heart sinking and breaking apart.

 

“You’re right Ashton. You are a faggot, nothing more than scum. You need to be taught a lesson about being gay and disgusting,” Maddie hissed.

 

I whimpered, nodding, because I knew she was right. It was wrong of me to be gay. It was a sin. And even worse, how could I try force Calum to be gay for me? It was obvious that Calum was happy with Maddie. I was wrong. I’m messed up.

 

“Now do you see, Ashton? Do you understand why I had to take you? It is wrong, and I need to teach you a lesson about being a gay faggot. Do you understand me?” Maddie spat.

 

I sobbed before saying, “Yes, I understand that I need to be punished. I am fucked up.” “Oh good, then this should be very easy,” Maddie said, leaning over to a table and grabbing a shaper knife and a whip.

 

“What-what are those?” I gasped out in absolute terror. "Well, let's just say that you'll find out," Maddie said advancing towards me. I screamed an ear-piercing scream, as she stepped up with the objects that would beat the gay out of me.

 

Calum’s POV

 

As soon as we reached Maddie’s house, I was out of the car and up to the door before I could even register what I was doing. “Calum, wait,” Michael called after me, but I didn’t.

 

I started banging on the door as hard as I could. “Open this door right now! Maddie, you’d better be home right now!” I screamed. “Calum stop!” Luke yelled at me. “Do you think that’s helping?”

 

I sighed and let my hand drop, just as the door swung open to show a middle-aged man with a face red from anger. “What the hell do you hooligans want? What is so important you have to bang my door down at this hour of the evening?” the man seethed.

 

“We are looking for Maddie,” I spat back, anger burning through me again. From inside the house I heard a call, “Who is it Mark?” a woman said, walking to the door. It was Maddie’s mother, Emma.

 

“Calum? What are you doing here?” Emma asked, genuinely confused. “Looking for Maddie, where is she?” I asked, trying to keep my tone sweet, but it came out more like a snarl.

 

“Oh, sweetie, she went out with some friends to the mall. She told me you were both going on a date tomorrow night; she wasn’t expecting you tonight. She said something about you coming over for dinner over the weekend though,” Emma said.

 

“Excuse me?” I asked, in total shock. “Maddie specifically said her boyfriend, Calum, was coming over for dinner. We gave her the okay and she said she sent you a text with details,” Emma explained, confused as to why I didn’t understand.

 

“I-erm-yeah. Right, I remember now, sorry ma’am. I just, erm, wanted to talk to her about some plans we had, she didn’t specify some things,” I tried to cover up.

 

“Calum what the fu-“ Michael started to say, but I elbowed him hard in the stomach. “We had better get going. Have a good night Mr. and Mrs. Harris,” I said, quickly steering my friends back to the car.

 

“What the fuck are you playing at Calum?” Michael yelled at me as we sat back in the car. “Wasn’t it fucking obvious? Maddie’s plan goes deeper than just kidnapping Ashton from us! Her parents don’t have a clue; it’s obvious they aren’t lying to cover for her. She has told them I’m still with her, regardless of the fact I dumped her weeks ago.

 

Wherever she is, and wherever she has taken Ashton, it isn’t here. Maddie is smart, she wouldn’t do this right in front of her parents, and she sure as hell is going to cover her tracks. Clearly, we need a new fucking plan!” I snapped, the situation becoming more real.

 

“Report him as a missing person?” Luke piped up, biting his lip. “We can’t, a person isn’t considered missing until they have been gone 24 hours,” Michael said, bursting the small bubble of hope we had.

 

“She was your girlfriend Calum! Don’t you have any idea what she is doing, what she’s planning?” Luke asked, snapping out of desperation.

 

“You think I have a fucking clue? My boyfriend got stolen right out of my hands, and you think I know anything about it?” I yelled, becoming angry. How could Luke accuse me of knowing anything?

 

“Maybe she gave you a cryptic clue, a hint if you will?” Michael said, grasping onto the small hope that maybe I knew something.

 

“I. DON’T. KNOW. ANYTHING.” I screamed. The tension drained out of me and I burst into tears again. I just wanted Ashton back. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him.

 

“I’m sorry, you’re right, you aren’t going to know anything or you wouldn’t be freaking out so much,” Luke said. I half rolled my eyes; about time they fucking believed me.

 

“Where do we look now? I’m not giving up, we haven’t looked hard enough tonight. I can’t go to sleep knowing he’s gone,” Michael said, his own fear lacing into his voice.

 

I slammed my eyes shut, squeezing my eyelids and trying to think through the tears. “Football pitch. Go back to the park where we saw Harry play football. That was where she confronted me before, maybe she will be there, or maybe we can figure something out there,” I said, voice strained and tired.

 

“Sure, okay, best plan we’ve got,” Luke, said. Michael agreed, adding, “I think I can drive us back there. I got there with Ashton’s help…” Michael trailed off, dropping his head.

 

My breath caught in my throat at hearing his name. I felt a sob rip from my throat and I buried my head in Luke’s neck, his arms coming up around me to support me. It was if hearing his name made all this real; made me remember that he really wasn’t here in my arms or with me at all anymore.

 

“I’m sorry Cal,” Michael mumbled. “Just drive, Mikey, please,” I muttered back in reply. Michael started the car and we were moving again, but I couldn’t feel it. I picked up my phone and called Maddie again, for the hundredth time, but of course, she didn’t reply.

 

I let Luke hold me, but it just wasn’t the same. Luke could never hold me and make me feel as safe and loved as Ashton did. Ashton. Gone. Taken. Hurt. Beaten. Bloody. Bruised. Alone. Scared. Helpless. Betrayed.

 

The words swirled around in my head and made me feel sick and dizzy. Sick, I felt sick. “Michael, pull over. I think I’m going to be sick,” I groaned. Michael quickly pulled the car over and I was out and doubling over on the grass, retching.

 

Luke was right behind me, rubbing soothing circles into my back and mumbling little words I couldn’t quite make out. I emptied my stomach, my hands and body shaking as I felt bile burn my throat. “He’s gone,” I choked out, more vomit coming out and burning my throat and mouth.

 

“I know, I know. Shush, it’s going to be okay Calum,” Luke soothed. Michael soon joined us and held me out a spare shirt to wipe my mouth on. I did, feeling gross and washed out.

 

Michael looped his arms around my waist and led me to the car, sitting me down on the ground against the front wheel. He crouched before me, handing me the mostly empty bottle of water that was in the car from earlier.

 

“Thanks,” I said quietly, drinking some and washing my mouth of from the disgusting taste still lingering in my mouth. “How do you feel?” Michael asked. “Like shit, like someone has torn my entire body apart,” I replied weakly.

 

Michael opened his mouth, but hesitated, and closed it again. “Do you feel well enough to keep going?” Luke asked, earning a small nod of approval from Michael, as if that was what he was trying to ask but he didn’t know how to word it.

 

“Yeah-yeah I do,” I said, taking a deep breath and wiping my mouth with the spare shirt again. “Sorry about the shirt,” I mumbled. “Hey, Cal, it’s okay. Look, let me help you up,” Luke said, offering his hand.

 

I took it and let him help me up. We all got back in the car and I rested my head against the cool glass, trying to keep my head from thinking too much. Thinking only led to Ashton. Actually, everything led to Ashton. It was all just Ashton. Ashton. Ashton. Ashton.

 

“Calum, we are here,” Luke said, placing his hand on my shoulder and speaking softly to me. He was right; we were here, at the football pitch where Ashton’s younger brother played.

 

Where Ashton introduced me to his family as his boyfriend. Where we played an acoustic song and killed it. Where I made out with Ashton and felt myself fall harder for him. Where Maddie came and threatened to ruin everything, but back then, I didn’t know that meant taking him away from me.

 

 

Ashton’s POV

 

Maddie stood in front of me, the sharp knife glinting in the light. My mind still wandered to Calum. How I wanted him here to protect me. How I wanted him to save me, love me, take care of me. Now I know, that isn’t the real Calum. It’s the fake Calum I fell in love with.

 

“Which shall we use first? I’m thinking the whip, this way I can save the most damaged until the end,” Maddie smirked. “No-“ I gasped out, but it was too late, the whip sailed through the air, lashing across my chest and burning through my shirt.

 

I screamed, the pain like nothing I had ever felt in my life. “Shut the fuck up,” Maddie spat. The whip lashed again, slashing across my arm and ripping the skin apart. I couldn’t help but scream again, the pain drowning me.

 

“I said, keep your mouth fucking shut, Irwin,” Maddie yelled the whip slashing open at the same cut it had just made on my arm. I whimpered and cried as I felt blood pour down my arm from the whip.

 

I turned to look away, only for the whip to tear up my face. This time a wretched sob fell from my mouth, the burn from the whip feeling like it was tearing my bones apart. I could feel blood seep from my temple to my cheek.

 

The whip hit my cheek again, the blood burning down my cheek, prickling my eye and making my vision blur with red. I stifled my sobs, which is want Maddie wanted.

 

The whip moved, crashing against my chest again. My breathing slipped, the pain unbearable, as it literally took my breath away. Tears welled my eyes, and the tears blended with the blood dripping down my face.

 

It felt like my body was on fire, as the whip managed to crash and rip apart every part of my body. Maddie moved to slash apart my thighs and my lower legs. Maybe that was so I didn’t run away. After that, I don’t think I will ever be moving again.

 

I felt the whip crack down, and I screamed out in pure agony as it felt like it broke the bones down my feet and into my toes. The burn, so excruciating, was too much. I could feel myself slipping away, passing out from the overload of searing pain.

 

“Please!” I gasped out, the vision around my eyes going black and hazy. Distantly, I heard the whip drop to the floor and I felt myself visibly relax. A small part in my brain flicked on, and a new wash of fear crept through my body.

 

With a sharp inhale; I felt the knife press against my throat and Maddie growled in my ear, “If it wasn’t for your other stupid and pathetic little band mates, I would kill you right now.”

 

I felt a new wave of emotions wash over me, sheer terror at the fact my life could end right here. “Please, please no. I won’t- I’ll leave Calum alone I won’t go near him. I never want to talk to him again. Please don’t hurt me anymore,” I sobbed.

 

I was always such a strong person. This was different, this wasn’t something I could fight my way out of, not when I deserved this. Everything Maddie said was right. I deserved this pain, because I shouldn’t be gay. And Calum didn’t love me, she was telling the truth. I was just a game to Calum, just some sorry life excuse of drummer who needed to be taught a lesson.

 

I should have never fallen for Calum. It was wrong, I was wrong. Maddie is right. Calum hates me. It all makes sense now. Calum thinks nothing of me. To him, I am just some faggot who tried to seduce him and I made him hate me even more.

 

“I can’t trust your word, Ashton. I need to make sure you get this message loud and clear. Calum is mine; he’s my man and you will leave him and never get back with him. You will treat him like trash from now on.

 

And no matter what he says to convince you otherwise, he hates you and wants nothing to do with you. Treat him like shit, because that’s how he wants to treat you. You are nothing to him, nothing.

 

And gay is wrong, gay is disgusting. It is a sin to be gay. People like you need to die, it’s horrific to watch people like you have the same rights we straight people do. You don’t deserve them. You are sick, and twisted and there is something very wrong with you,” Maddie hissed.

 

With that, she dropped the knife and I heard it, too, clatter to the ground. It was over. I felt a surge of relief run through me, I was lucky she didn’t use the knife on me. The whipping was enough I had learnt my lesson.

 

“You’re lucky, homo. That’s all I am going to do to you. I want you to live, of course, so I can’t do much else to you. That doesn’t mean you are free though. Oh no, the worst part of this is going to be the waiting for you. You will be here, just waiting for me to set you free.

 

You will sit, tied to his chair, with nothing but what you have on you now. And when I see fit to let you go, I’ll explain the other terms that you must abide to. Then you will go free. Am I clear?” Maddie asked, her voice showing room for no arguments.

 

I nodded weakly; glad the worst of it was over for now. She wouldn’t be hurting me physically again, and that was all I wanted. I could handle the wait. What was going to be hardest for me would be sitting with my own thoughts, suffering at the hands of knowing what Calum did to me.

 

“Good, I’ll be back when I feel like it. Enjoy your time here Ashton,” Maddie said with a sickeningly sweet smile. She made sure I was securely tied to the chair before she flounced off, leaving me alone and scared, with nothing but my thoughts and my broken heart.

 

 

Calum’s POV

 

I took a deep breath before I pushed the car door open and walked out with the boys. The sun was starting to set, casting an almost eerie glow over the pitch. “Ready?” Luke asked. I nodded, a little shakily, and started to walk forward.

 

The amount of things tearing through my mind right now is unhealthy. I can’t control the fear that runs rampant through my body. It’s driving me insane, not having Ashton here with me.

 

I had no idea how attached I would become to him so early on. How is it that I fell so hard for him in such a short period of time? Why was I damn stupid enough to let Maddie ruin this for me?

 

Each step closer to the bleachers where I met Maddie, that night of the game, makes my heart hitch that much further up in my throat. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, roaring so loudly I can barley hear Michael and Luke talking.

 

I’m starting to feel my breathing become heavier, and I know I am having a panic attack. “Wait, Luke, Michael… can’t breathe,” I gasped. The boys looked back at me and Luke grabbed my arm, Michael holding onto the other.

 

“It’s okay Calum. We are going to find Ashton. I won’t settle for anything less. We all need him. If we don’t find anything here, we will just keep looking until we do,” Michael said firmly, reassuring me.

 

I nodded, thanking him. “Breathe, Cal, breathe. Deep breaths, relax, okay?” Luke said. I did as he instructed and felt myself calm down. “Can we lease keep moving? I want to see if there is anything here,” I stated, desperation becoming evident.

 

It was a mutual agreement and we picked up or pace. As we made it to the bleachers, we looked around. The field was empty; there wasn’t a soul in sight besides the three of us.

 

I cast my eyes around again and again, hoping to pick up on even the smallest hope, even just one person. There was nothing. No cars, no humans, nothing. I felt a sob wrack through my body and I sat down, burying my head in my hands.

 

All chances of hope were slowly dwindling away. Each second that passed was a second longer I was separated from my love, with no way of finding him. And to make matters worse, I had a psychotic ex-girlfriend who was hell-bent on ruining everything I cared about and loved.

 

“What do we do now?” I asked, my voice hoarse from crying. “Maybe we go tell his family?” Luke asked. “Are you fucking mental?” I yelled. “That’s ludicrous. We do that, and Tracey will make sure Ashton leaves this band. Maybe we tell Liz?” Michael asked.

 

“Oh, so we don’t tell Ashton’s mum but we tell mine?” Luke screamed back angrily. “What else do you suggest, Luke?” Michael argued. “I don’t know, Michael. I’m just as scared as you are here!” Luke said, his voice panicked.

 

This time I stayed quiet. I was too tired to fight with the boys anymore about this. All I wanted was Ashton safe and sound with us. I pulled out my phone; no texts or calls from Maddie. I had hoped she would throw some sort of ultimatum at me. I would do anything to have Ashton back again.

 

I could still feel Ashton’s broken phone in my other pocket. I had left it there, a constant reminder, or just because it kept a piece of him close to me. Either way, I wasn’t any closer to finding Ashton.

 

“Shut the fuck up, both of you. Arguing isn’t helping us here. Its not bringing Ashton back and it sure as hell isn’t getting us any closer to finding him. Let’s just go to the police. We’ll tell them everything we know and, if anything, they have a better chance of finding him then we do,” I said, feeling tired and numb. I wanted this over.

 

“Calum’s right. Come on, let’s go, I’ll drive us to the nearest police station and we will report it,” Michael said. As we turned to leave, something on the bleachers caught my eye.

 

I dared to turn around and look at it. A small note was half taped down to the middle row of bleachers, fluttering in the wind. It could be nothing at all, but my gut still told me to turn back to look at it.

 

As I did, Luke and Michael followed my actions, doubling back to see the note. “It’s probably nothing, but I just-I have to be sure,” I stated, voicing my actions. The two boys just nodded to the note, giving me their support.

 

I sat down on the first row of bleachers and peered over to read the note in the dying light of the sun. It was hard to make out, but it became clearer the longer I looked at it, reading it over and over again. The pink lipstick stained kiss mark sparkling in the last light.

 

‘Hi Calum! <3

Yes, you were right, it was me who kidnapped Ashton. You see, I don’t like the fact this homo, Ashton, took you away from me. The thing is, you belong to me. We are meant for each other Calum, and someday soon, we will get married and live together for the rest of our lives. But now, there is a little problem in the way, one by the name of, Ashton Irwin. So yes, I took him, and I’m going to (how do I say this nicely?) beat the gay out of him. Faggots like him are disgusting, and they are ruining everything. Ashton ruined our love, and I am going to fix it. I shall keep Ashton until I see fit that the gay has washed away from him, and then I shall send him back to you. There is no point in searching for him, you won’t find him, and I’ve made sure of it. When Ashton is straight, I will give him back to you all and we can move on. After that, Calum, you and I will be together again. This is not debatable. The deal is, I will give you Ashton back, on the account that we get back together, Calum. You are not ever allowed to date Ashton again. You are mine! When the time is right, I will text you and we will meet back right here, where I will hand Ashton back over to you and the band, and you will be my boyfriend again. Remember, this is non-negotiable. I’m your girlfriend, Calum, and you are my boyfriend. :*

Maddie xx’


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya fans!
> 
> I worked really hard on this, I've written the entire thing while on vacation in Hawaii! It had better be good since I've been writing instead of relaxing ;) A little less drama this chapter but there is some plot twists you didn't see coming. Please comment, read, and leave kudos.
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood Malfoy xxxxxx

*Note, there is a difference in time between the POV's. These events are not happening at the same time.

Calum's POV

My world tipped, tumbled, and then shattered around me. I didn't even realize I was screaming until Michael's hand was on my mouth. I screamed harder, fighting him and pushing him away from me.

Luke grabbed me and pulled me into his chest. "Calum, please stop screaming. Calum, please?" Luke asked. His words sunk in and I forced myself to stop. I slumped into Luke, breaking down completely.

No one said anything. It was as if we were all absorbing the words we had just read. The silence overwhelmed me and I started to struggle in Luke's embrace. Luke tightened his hold on me.

"Don't," was all Luke muttered in my ear. I gave up again. It was almost like I was blacking in and out. Things just spun in my head. I couldn't think straight. I didn't want to.

Michael soon joined us, crouching in front of us and holding me, sandwiching me in the middle of their embrace. I don't know how long we remained like that. Time was irrelevant at this point.

"Now what?" I scrunched my eyebrows. I wasn't even sure who said that. Was it me? Shock. That's all I could think. Nothing was really registering. As if my head was full of air and things were just passing straight through me without me actually absorbing anything.

"Do we just wait? Do we go to the police?" someone asked, maybe Luke, I wasn't quite sure. I stayed silent, the words floating in my mind but not really making much sense.

"Calum? What's wrong? Michael, what's wrong with him? Calum, please?" Luke asked, his voice now shaking with how much he was panicking. I couldn't respond, couldn't form the words to say.

"He's in shock, I think?" Michael said, questioning his own guess. Was he right? I didn't even know. Shouldn't I know what's wrong with me?

"Let me try something..." Michael spoke softly to Luke. He shifted and moved so that he was at arms length away from me and looking me in the face.

"Calum? Can you hear me? If you can, nod your head or squeeze my hand," Michael said carefully. I blinked slowly, processing what he said. I thought hard about it, making my hand grip onto Michael's.

A sigh of relief passed Michael's lips. "Good, Calum, very good. I think you are in shock. I need you to focus, we need you to come back to us Calum so we can figure out what to do. You want Ashton back, right?" Michael asked.

I felt myself start to nod. "So do we, Calum. We all want Ashton back. You need to come back to us. Do it for Ashton, he needs you. Deep breaths, come back to us, Cal," Michael said again.

I closed my eyes and focused on breathing. Things started to come together in my head and I started thinking clearer again. I opened my eyes, taking in the football field and the very worried look on Michael's face. I registered Luke's grip around my waist and his head buried in my neck.

I leant back into him, letting out a shuddered breath. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I stuttered out. "Hey, hey, look at me. It's okay, you went into shock, that's normal. We are all in some kind of shock," Michael said softly.

"What do we do?" Luke sobbed. I suddenly realized this wasn't just hard on me. It was killing Luke and Michael too. Luke was the youngest here; we treated him as the leader but all this was too much for him.

He was just as terrified as I was. We all were. I was a dick for thinking I was the only one who cared that much. "I'm sorry guys. I didn't stop to think how much this hurt you both too," I said, feeling guilty.

"It's okay, Calum. Just please, we need to figure out something to do. I can't sit here knowing all this and not doing anything to help him," Luke begged.

Luke was right. Sitting here while the love of my life was having the gay beaten out of him literally tore my heart apart. We needed to take action; something had to be done and it was up to us to figure it out.

"That's it. Fuck it. I'm not playing Maddie's little game. Michael, call the police and tell them to come here. This is evidence. Maybe they can track her from fingerprints she left on the note or something like that. We are finding Ashton, now. I'm not fucking sitting here and waiting for her to bring him to us. That's not fucking good enough," I ranted.

Michael smiled a weak smile, but at least it was something. "You got it. Time to take back what's ours." Michael pulled out his phone and called the police, describing the situation and what had happened.

I turned to look at Luke, who had tear stains down his cheeks and a hollow look in his eyes. "We are going to get him back. I won't take no for an answer," I said firmly. Maybe going into shock was good for me? Now, more than ever, I was determined to get Ashton back. I was done with Maddie's sick little games.

"We have an advantage," Luke spoke up, surprising me. "And what's that?" I asked, genuinely interested in what this wonderful advantage was. Michael rejoined us, waiting to hear what Luke had to say.

"Maddie never expected us to fight back. She assumed we would just give in to her rules. She's in for a rude awakening when we turn the tables and fuck with her. She'd better watch her back, because were going to fucking kill her," Luke spat.

And that was the most accurate thing I had ever heard Luke Hemmings say.

Ashton's POV

I don't know how long I was left sitting there. Nothing mattered. All that did matter was that I was played. I was stupid enough to fall for Calum's charm. What if everyone was against me?

Michael was so determined to get Calum and I together. What if he was in on this little "plan"? Michael -who seemed like he cared so much about me - was against me as much as Calum was.

Was it worth it to even live? It felt like my heart had been ripped out. Was it even worth it to live? Everything I cared about was gone. Was it even worth it to live? Everyone hated me and no one cared about me. Was it even worth it to live?

Maddie was right. This was worse than being tortured. This was its own form of torture. My own thoughts assaulted and drowned me. I felt pathetic.

Why was I so stupid? I don't know who I was more angry at. Calum, for playing me and breaking my heart; making me feel loved and cared for. Maddie, for kidnapping me and torturing me. Or myself, for falling for all the games and lying.

I can't believe I was pathetic enough to fall for all the shit Calum fed me. I guess the saying is right, we accept the love we think we deserve. And this- this was the love I deserved.

I had learned my lesson. I wasn't gay anymore. I wasn't anything. Maybe I was asexual. It didn't matter at this point. Whatever this was, I never wanted to feel it again. I never wanted to be in love again. It wasn't worth it.

Life wasn't worth it. I just wanted to give up. I wish Maddie had just killed me. Why didn't she? I was unworthy to even live. Why did she spare me?

I shook my head, feeling woozy. I had lost so much blood. There wasn't anymore bleeding, but I could feel myself slipping in and out of consciousness from the blood loss.

I was tired of these thoughts roaming in my mind. It was exhausting and I couldn't take much more of it.

Just then the door banged open, Maddie storming in. "Come on, get up, asshole," she spat as she untied me from the chair. "Are you letting me go?" I whimpered.

"Move," she hissed, shoving me forward. "We need to change locations, my plans have changed slightly."

I didn't ask anything else. It wasn't worth it to question her. Soon, I found myself being pushed into the back of a sketchy white van. "Don't even try making a run for it or I'll slit your throat," Maddie threatened. I shuddered, terrified.

The doors slammed and I heard Maddie get in the front. The car lurched forward and I curled up in a ball. When did this end? When could I go home? Why was I being moved?

More useless questions that I didn't have answers to. The van slammed to a stop, causing my head to bounce into the interior wall. I yelped in pain, squeezing my eyes shut.

The doors swung open and Maddie grabbed me and hauled me out. A blind fold was wrapped quickly around my eyes and I struggled. "No, please," I screamed out. "Shut up," Maddie said, slapping me across the face.

I sobbed, tilting my head down in defeat. "Good, now walk." I did as I was instructed, Maddie's arm holding tightly to my bicep to keep me in place. There wasn't anywhere I could go; I was blindfolded and tied up. I wouldn't get far.

Another door opened and I felt myself being moved into another room. "Is this the guy?" another female voice asked. "Yep, this is him. Drag that chair here?" Maddie asked. "Sure thing," the voice replied.

I felt myself being pushed into another chair, Maddie tying me in place. "Name?" the voice asked. "Ashton Irwin," Maddie replied. "And what did you grab this one for?" the mystery girl asked. "This one stole Calum from me," Maddie said.

"Oh, this one is gay, huh?" "Was, was gay. I beat the gay out of him. He's all ready for you now," Maddie said. "This wasn't part of the original plan," the girl said. "Yes, well, the plan just changed. They changed it," Maddie spat.

"Oh, I see. So plan B now?" the girl asked. "Yes, obviously. I'm going to explain the plan to him and then you can take over," Maddie said. The girl made a noise of agreement and then my blindfold was ripped off.

I winced away from the light. "Grow some balls, stop wincing away," Maddie snapped at me. Blinking, I looked up at Maddie and the girl next to her. This girl was tall, with long brown hair and brown eyes.

"This is Caroline, but Callie but short. She is going to be taking care of you since there was a little bump in the plan. I'm going to explain the other terms to this little deal now.

First off, Callie is now going to be your "girlfriend". I don't give a fuck if y'all date or not, but since you are no longer gay, you need a girlfriend. You will take her around and show her off in front of your band mates.

Do that however you will. Worst comes to worst, announce to that band of yours that you played Calum and that you were always dating Callie. Make it seem like she's an old friend you've always had feelings for. Blah, blah, blah, just come up with some bullshit story and do it fast.

Second, you will break up with Calum very publicly. Then you will stay the fuck away from him. You will act like you hate him, like you despise him. You will have no interactions with him. Treat him coldly, do whatever you want with it. He deserves it since this is all his idea.

Remember, he may act desperate, but he is just trying to fuck with you in front of the others. He doesn't give a damn about you. He never has and never will.

And third, you will not tell the boys anything that happened here with me. You will not tell them what I did to you, or anything about the plan, or about Calum playing you. You will lie about everything.

If you do not follow these rules, I will find you and your band and I will kill Michael and Luke in front of you. I have no qualms about killing them, it'll only benefit me to get rid of them. Am I clear?" Maddie asked.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't form words. But there was no way I could ever let Luke die. I was unsure about Michael's actions, I didn't know if he had any part of this plan or not. I knew I couldn't let Luke die and I couldn't let Michael die either. So that left me with agreeing to Maddie's plan.

"Yes, you're clear," I agreed. "Good. I am glad we have all that settled. Now, I will be back tomorrow evening and that is when I will release you to your band. Think over your options and come up with your own cover stories. You'll stay here with Callie until I come get you."

With that, Maddie got up and left the room, Callie following her. I slumped against my seat, tears welling up in my eyes. What had I done in my life to deserve this?

I bowed my head and cried. All of this, and for what? Falling for Calum and now my friends are at risk of dying because he hated me.

I cried for hating myself. I cried for hating Calum. I cried for hating love. I cried for hating being gay. I cried for hating Maddie. I cried for hating Callie. I cried for hating my life.

The door opened and Callie walked back in. I turned my head away, not wanting to deal with her. "Look at me, Ashton," Callie snapped.

"Let's get one thing straight. I'm doing this as a favor for Maddie. And for popularity. I don't want anything to do with you other than that. We'll do anything we need in front of your band and others like that but outside of that you stay away from me. Got it?" Callie spoke.

"Yes, I got it," I replied. "Good. I'll be back tomorrow too. Enjoy your stay," Callie said, smirking and laughing as she left.

I sagged in my seat again. "Please... someone, anyone, help me," I begged softly, slipping into unconsciousness again.

Calum's POV

Things were finally starting to look up. The police had showed up and were taking evidence from the note. Luke's words were still ringing in my ears. He was right; we finally had the upper hand.

Luke and Michael were off to the side, talking. They were standing close; almost a little too close for friends. I made a mental note to talk to them later about it.

I hovered near the police, wanting to hear anything they had to say about the case. I started to chew on my fingernails in anticipation. Finally a policeman walked up to me.

"Have you got anything?" I asked hopefully. "Yes we do. We got a match on the fingerprints from the note. We can now start a search on one, Maddie Harris. We won't stop until we find her and your friend," he reassured.

"Boyfriend; Ashton's my boyfriend," I corrected firmly. "Yes sir. We won't stop until we find your boyfriend. Don't worry, you've got the best in the business working the case. We have a lead on a car registered in the family that jumped a red light earlier this afternoon. We'll track it down and go from there," the police officer explained.

"Thank you Officer," I said politely. With a short signal, the other officers were making their way back to their cars. "If we find anything or get any other leads, we will let you know," the officer called to me as he got back in his car. Flicking on his sirens, he was off in search of Ashton and Maddie.

I collapsed against the bleachers, suddenly feeling exhausted. What had I done to deserve this? How could I have done anything different to have Ashton next to me right now?

Michael and Luke showed up again; Michael sitting next to me with Luke next to him. "Did they say anything?" Michael asked. I sighed and shook my head. "They may have one lead. They're looking for him," was all I could say.

"They'll find him, Calum. And then we will never let him go again. We'll tie him to us if we have to," Michael said, trying to lighten the mood. "I appreciate you trying Michael, it's not helping though," I replied.

Michael answered by resting his head on my shoulder. "It's going to work out in the end. It always does," Michael said quietly. I just nodded in agreement.

"What now?" Luke asked, voicing the question we were all thinking. "I know you will hate me for saying this, Calum, but I think we should head home," Michael said carefully. "Why would we do that?" I snapped, shoving Michael off my shoulder.

"Sitting out here isn't helping anything. Maddie isn't just going to walk out with Ashton and hand him over. The police are out looking for him as we speak. And Maddie told you she would text you when she would hand him over. Right now, the best thing for us to do, is go home and wait to hear anything from either the police or Maddie," Michael explained.

I debated what he said for a second. "And what happens when Liz asks where Ashton is? What do we say then?" I fired back. "We lie. If she asks, we tell her Ashton went back to his family for a couple days," Michael said.

"Oh yeah, that works. Until she hears on the news that Ashton Irwin has been kidnapped by my ex-girlfriend and the police are looking for him," I yelled. Michael faltered for a second, realizing I was right.

"Calum's right, Mikey. We'll tell my mum, and make her keep quiet about it. She won't tell anyone else if we ask her not to," Luke reasoned. "If it ends up on the news, won't Ashton's family see. Then what?" Michael shot back.

"Then we jump that hurdle when we reach it," Luke replied. "Please, Mike?" Luke asked softly, resting his hand on Michael's arm. Michael's eyes closed for a second before he looked up at Luke. "Okay, if you're sure about this?" Michael asked, equally as soft.

"I'm sure," Luke said. The two looked at each other, and suddenly I felt like a third wheel. I could have sworn Luke leaned in slightly, but I blinked and the moment was over.

I coughed slightly, causing them to look at me. "Calum, please can we go home?" Luke asked me. Something in his voice made me change my mind, like he was scared too.

"Alright, let's go home then," I said in defeat. Michael stood up, offering his hand to Luke. Luke took it, their hands intertwining before Luke pulled away and looked off in the distance.

Something is definitely going on with them. Michael looked at me, and I shook my head slightly. "I'll meet you at the car? Can I have a minute here, alone?" I asked.

The boys nodded and walked over to Ashton's car. I closed my eyes, leaning back until my back hit the metal of the next row of seats.

"I just want my Ashton back. Please? I'll do anything. I'll even go along with Maddie's worthless plan. I'll "date" her if it means having Ashton back. Just please?" I asked, hoping anyone would hear my plea for help. But no one did.

For what felt like the millionth time that day, more tears burned my eyes. I dropped my head in my hands and cried. How did I fuck up so bad for this to happen?

Sighing, I rubbed my eyes and looked over at Ashton's car. Maybe he would be there, waiting for me, if I just walked up to the car? He'd wrap me in his arms and ask why I took so long. I'd press my lips to his and hold him close to me, savoring every single second.

We'd break apart and he'd laugh, asking me why I did that. And I would just shrug and tell him how much I loved him and that he was amazing. He would laugh more and kiss me again. Luke and Michael would yell at us and tease us for holding them up.

Then we'd all get in the car and drive the long way home. Go back to practicing and get ready for our next show. Maybe even work on some original songs. Everything would be perfect.

But it wasn't. Everything wasn't perfect. Ashton was gone. Life wouldn't play out like that. Instead the three of us will go home and just wait. Wait to hear anything on the whereabouts of our missing band member. And there is nothing any of us can do to help.

All I wanted right now was to be wrapped up in Ashton's loving arms so he could kiss me under the light of a thousand stars. If I closed my eyes tight enough, I could believe it was really happening. But of course, when I opened my eyes, it wasn't.

I knew it was time to get back to the car. It wasn't fair to make Luke and Michael wait on me all night. I took one last look around the football pitch, hoping I would catch a glimpse of Ashton. I didn't.

I ran my hands through my hair and wiped the tears from my face. Taking a deep breath I got up from the bleachers. Just as I went to pick my phone up, it lit up with a text.

My heart skipped a beat, hopes of it being Ashton soaring through my body. I felt Ashton's phone in my pocket, and I knew with a sinking feeling, it wasn't him.

I picked my phone up, looking at the text on my phone screen. 'Maddie - You broke the rules. Now I'm changing the game.'

I froze. Everything stopped. My phone slipped from my fingers, clattering against the metal bleachers. What rules? This was a game? What did she change? What was going to happen to Ashton?

Snapping back, I snagged my phone and ran off at top speed to the car. "Luke! Michael!" I screamed as I approached the car. Luke swung the door open, looking like he was about to jump out and save me from attackers. When he saw there was no one attacking me, he visibly relaxed.

"What? What is it?" Luke asked. I burst into tears. "Mad-Maddie text-texted m-me," I sobbed. "What did she say?" Michael asked carefully, knowing it wasn't good news.

I chucked my phone at Luke. It felt like it was burning me just to hold it. Luke caught it and turned it on, the text flashing up. All I heard was Luke gasp in shock.

I got into the car and sat down. Luke showed Michael the text. "What do you think it means? What rules did we break?" Luke asked, his voice wavering and breaking.

"I don't know. And her changing the game? That could mean anything too. Can we not show this to the police?" Michael asked.

"It's n-not evidence of a-anything. It c-could be s-sent from any-anyone. It w-won't help the p-police," I sobbed. Luke's arms made their way around me. I looked to the front at Michael, who looked angry.

"Whatever fucking game she's playing, I don't fucking like it at all. This has gone too fucking far," Michael spat. "There's nothing we can do, Michael," Luke said, trying to calm Michael down.

"It could mean anything. The bitch could have changed anything. I can't believe she is treating this all as a game. Kidnapping Ashton and beating the gay out of him isn't a fucking game!" Michael snapped.

"Can we just go h-home? Before we break any other rules and A-Ashton gets killed," I half-begged. They must have come to a consensus because I heard the engine roar to life and the car start to move.

Luke stayed close to me, leaning against me. I'm not sure if it was to comfort me or him. We were all torn up about this. I'm not even sure what we did to piss Maddie off now. Michael had been right earlier. It was like any movement we made was a step in the wrong direction.

The longer we sat in silence the more the anger started to build inside me again. Maddie was playing us all like puppets. She had all the strings and if we tried to move ourselves she would pull on the strings harder.

"Fuck her. I'm going to fucking end her," I said, breaking the silence. "I second that notion," Michael voiced, glancing back at me. "I third the notion," Luke added. I nodded in triumph.

"I don't know how, but we will win. We'll get Ashton back and put Maddie where she deserves, in prison," I said. "I disagree with that," Michael said. "What?" I asked.

"She needs go back to hell, where she came from," Michael said angrily. "Now I definitely second that notion," Luke said. "Agreed," I added. We lapsed into silence again. My emotions bounced from angry to upset, seething to heartbroken.

Before I knew it we were home again. I let Michael and Luke go first, hovering back a minute to just sit in Ashton's car. Soon, I followed the others into the house. There was no use joining them in the living room. I just quietly made my way to the spare room.

I curled up on top of the bed. It wasn't long ago I was cuddling Ashton in this bed. It almost made me want him more. I closed my eyes, letting the waves of tears and fears lull me to sleep.

Luke's POV (What?!?!)

Glancing at Calum, I gave Michael a nod. We both slipped out of the car and gave Calum some time to himself. We quietly made our way into the house. Luckily no one was around. Mum hardly ever bothered us and the rest of my family gave us space.

Michael walked into the living room and sat down. I sat down next to him, our legs brushing. "At-at the football pitch... did you mean it?" Michael asked. I took a breathe before nodding.

"Yes, I did. I know losing Ashton like this is hard on all of us. But for Calum, it's different. If it was me, and you were kidnapped, I wouldn't be as strong as Calum. I can't lose you, Michael," I said softly.

Michael pulled me into his side, tucking my head into his shoulder. "I thought you hated me. Before we became a band you never wanted to be anywhere near me," Michael pointed out.

"I know it sounds cliché, but I hated you because... because I was falling for you Michael. And I know this sounds even worse, but having Ashton taken from us like this has made me realize I can't take the time we have for granted.

What if you were taken from me and I never got to tell you how I really feel? I could never live with myself if that happened. And I know you hated me, and I'm not sure why, but I need you to know I'm falling in love with you.

 

So, the answer to your question, is yes. I did mean it when I said I was in love with you at the football pitch. I love you, Michael Gordon Clifford," I said, finishing my speech.

Michael shifted and placed his lips on my cheek, leaving a kiss. "I love you too, Lucas Robert Hemmings," he said, kissing my head. "All this time I was helping Ashton get with Calum in hopes of filling the void of not having you. I hated you because I was jealous of you and your talent. My jealously turned into a crush, which developed into more," Michael murmured.

I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. In all the bad that was happening, I finally had something good to grasp on to. This gave me something to keep fighting for. I rested against Michael, as I felt his fingers trail softly through my hair.

"Do you want to know a secret?" Michael whispered to me. "Mmm, yes please," I whispered back. "I want to kiss you so badly right now, Lukey," Michael hummed in my ear, his fingers playing with the ends of my hair. "Then kiss me," I replied, looking up at Michael.

Michael leant in and I closed the gap, our lips brushing together before connecting properly. I felt a wave of completeness crash over me, as sparks ran through me and set all my nerves aflame. I knew Michael was feeling the same thing because he wrapped his arms tighter around me and pulled me impossibly closer.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and played with the hairs that I could reach. Michael pulled back after a minute, resting his forehead against mine. "Mikey?" I asked, looking into his eyes. "Yes, Lukey?" he replied.

I didn't say anything else, just moved slightly to bring our lips back together. Michael chuckled against my lips, before he kissed me again. I could feel his fingers trail down my back as he kissed me. He deepened the kiss, his tongue flicking out over my lips.

Michael quickly climbed into my lap, straddling me, as his tongue made its way into my mouth. We battled for dominance before I gave in and let Michael lead. We made out for what felt like ages before I pulled back, breathless. "Cuddles?" Michael asked, smiling. I nodded and smiled back.

Michael shifted and opened his arms for me. I cuddled into his side, placing a soft kiss to his neck. "I love you," Michael said, tightening his arms around me. "I love you, Michael, " I replied. We lapsed into silence, just holding onto each other.

"I miss Ashton," I said quietly. "I miss him too, a lot. How did we let this happen, Luke? One minute he was with us on stage and the next he was gone," Michael said, his voice shaking. "I don't know. I just want to go back and change it," I replied, my own voice sounding weak.

"You know what scares me?" Michael asked. "No, what?" I questioned. "I just have this gut feeling that when Ashton is back, things will be different because of what Maddie did to him," Michael said in defeat. Deep down, I knew Michael was right.

"I know you're right, but I'm holding out hope we can work things out and bring our Ashton back to us." Smiling softly, Michael shifted us so we were lying down. "Your optimism is my light in this tunnel of hell," Michael said. I couldn't help but smile and lean closer to him. Michael placed a soft kiss to my head and closed his eyes. I followed suit, letting sleep take over me.

Ashton's POV

I must have drifted off to sleep, because I woke up with a start when I heard a door bang shut. I shifted my eyes to see Callie in front of me again. "So, since you're my new boyfriend, we need to be comfortable around each other. Does that sound fair to you?" Callie asked.

I knew it wasn't really a question. But I also knew I had to get over Calum now. I couldn't ever get over Calum though, no matter how much he hated me and wanted me gone, a piece of me would always love him. I had to move on, and now I had to be with Callie.

I don't want to be with her, I want to be with Calum. 'Stop it Ashton, grow the fuck up. Calum doesn't want you, he never did,' I thought to myself. That thought brought tears to me eyes again. Quickly, I closed my eyes and forced myself to stop crying.

"That sounds fair," I said to Callie. "Good. I'll tell you a little about me so you know it. I want to be a makeup artist or fashion designer so I love makeup and clothes, I love coffee and chocolate, my favorite color is purple, flowers make me happy, I love jewelry, and I expect you to treat me like royalty. Got it?" she said in a fake sweet voice.

I nodded, not knowing what would be a good thing to say. "I also like guys who take charge in bed, but I like having some fun too," she said, suddenly climbing into my lap and grinding down slightly. I clenched my eyes shut tighter to stop myself from sobbing. It all felt so wrong. Even though I had nothing to do with Calum anymore, it still felt like I was cheating.

"Well, are you going to kiss me or not?" Callie demanded. 'This is for the best, Ashton. You have to let go of Calum, he hates you. He doesn't want you,' I told myself. I gritted my teeth, images of Calum flashing through my mind. I pushed them aside, telling myself I didn't need him.

"Yes, I am," I said instead. I moved my head and pushed my lips against hers. I shuddered, the disgust running through me and turning my insides cold. I felt dirty and wrong. Images of Calum burned the inside of my eyes again. I could feel her kissing me, pushing her body into mine. I couldn't shake the feeling of how wrong it felt to be with her. It had always felt so right being with Calum. Now, none of that mattered.

I forced myself to shut down, and not feel anything. I kissed Callie back, which seemed to please her. She pulled away soon, grinning at me. "Not bad, Irwin. I might just have to keep you around for awhile. Who knows, you may be more fun to use than I thought you would be," Callie said with an evil smirk.

"See you soon, boyfriend," Callie giggled, flouncing out of the room. When the door closed I did the one thing I wanted to do. I screamed. I screamed, and screamed, and screamed until my voice gave out. I couldn't stop the tears falling either. I cried until it turned into sobs.

My whole body shook as I sobbed, everything shattering around me. I didn't want a girlfriend. I wanted Calum. Calum didn't want me though. I felt like everything was a lie.

How could Calum do this to me? How could he treat me like this? He didn't love me. How did I not see it before? Of course he didn't love me. I wasn't worth being loved.

I tucked my legs up, curling in on myself as far as I could. Resting my head on my knees, I let my mind wander as the tears fell. I imagined what it would be like to be in Calum's arms right now. Would he kiss me? Soothe me? Would he tell me he loved me?

If I wasn't kidnapped, would I be with the band right now? Would we be getting ready for a new show? Maybe even creating our own songs? Would we be making more covers? Would Calum be flirting with me? Maybe even giving me words of praise that made me feel like I was on cloud 9?

I decided I liked this world better. My fantasy world where everything was okay and Calum loved me. I would rather live in that world.

But instead, I was stuck in this one. I would rather go back to before. Having Calum's fake love was better than being in this position now. I would do anything to go back.

Please just let this be some horrible nightmare, and I'll wake up safely in Calum's arms. I drifted back to sleep, letting my fantasy world with my perfect boyfriend take me away.

Another bang of the door woke me up. I don't know how much I slept, or if I even slept at all. All I know was Maddie was making her way to me. Everything was hazy. I could distantly hear Maddie untying me from the chair.

I snapped back to reality when I felt a harsh tug on my arm. "Get up. Move. It's time to deliver you back to your band. Let's go," Maddie said, pushing me towards the door, where Callie was waiting in the white van.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers!
> 
> Lots and lots of drama in this chapter. And I know you are all going to hate me by the end of this chapter. I apologize in advance. Save the hate messages until the end ;) I really hope you still like it. I've been really worried that it isn't good enough, so I hope this chapter lives up to everyone's expectations. Just stick with me, I promise there is more to come. Please comment, read, and leave kudos.
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood Malfoy Grimes xxxxxx

Calum’s POV

 

Six days. It’s been six days without Ashton. I started to lose hope. Michael said I was going crazy. I never put my phone down. I was constantly staring at it, waiting for the police to find something or for Maddie to text me. Neither happened though.

 

A few days ago, I pieced together that Luke and Michael were together. It wasn’t hard to figure out. I knew they were trying to keep it quiet, at least until we got Ashton back. I wanted to be mad at them; scream and yell, but I just couldn’t. I was just empty.

 

I was tired of the other boys giving me sympathetic looks. We had told Liz the truth the morning after Ash was kidnapped. And she was giving me sympathetic looks too. This whole thing was driving me mad. I couldn’t take it anymore.

 

The time I spent crying over the situation was absurd. When I wasn’t crying, I was screaming in anger. I lashed out at the boys often. I felt bad; I had lashed out and hit Luke yesterday. Michael had got pissed at me and it caused a fight.

 

We both got a few punches at each other before Luke pulled us apart. He broke down crying, which caused Michael to soften up. He pulled Luke to the side, and I stormed off.

 

I had been hiding in the spare room since the fight. Liz dropped off some food for me, but I didn’t eat it. Truthfully, I hadn’t eaten much in four days. I just didn’t feel like it. Without Ashton, I just felt like an empty shell of the real me. He gave me life, and now I was alone.

 

A knock on the door brought me out of my thoughts. “What?” I spat, not in the mood to talk. Luke pushed the door open and stepped into the room. “Calum, you can’t keep shutting us out. We’re suffering as much as you are. I’m your best friend… talk to me, Cal…” Luke trailed off.

 

I knew Luke was right, but I couldn’t help feeling angry at him. While I suffered with my boyfriend being gone, Luke was happy with his boyfriend. “Just leave me alone.” I tried to sound indifferent, but I could tell I just sounded broken.

 

Luke inched forward and gently sat down on the bed next to me. “I know how you feel. He’s been gone almost a week. Everything reminds me of him. I can’t even walk past his drums without getting upset,” Luke said quietly.

 

I turned away, tears brimming my eyes. “I just want him back, Luke. Is that really too much to ask for?” Luke looked at me and shook his head softly. “No, it isn’t. Trust me, we all want that,” he said.

 

We lapsed into silence. Neither of us said anything, but having Luke’s company almost made it feel a little better. He had been right; shutting them out hadn’t helped me.

 

Michael appeared in the doorway and saw Luke sitting next to me. Wordlessly, he made his way to the bed and sat on my other side. It was almost reminiscent of the old days, before everything went to hell.

 

We all sat like that for a while, just lending each other comfort with our presence. Somehow, Luke ended up leaning on my legs, while I leant up against Michael. It was the first time in a long time that we had just been together as a band without yelling or crying.

 

The silence was broken as my phone rang. I bolted up, grabbing my phone and looking at the caller ID. ‘Unknown’ it read. I felt myself deflate, as the hope dwindled away again.

 

I hesitated, debating whether or not to let it go to voicemail. It was probably just a wrong number. There was no harm in answering and telling them not to call me again. So, leaning against Michael again, I answered the phone.

 

“Hello?” I said. “Hello my darling,” a voice said into the phone. Shudders ran through my back and I sat up again. “Maddie?” I asked. This caught Luke and Michael’s attention, and they immediately huddled around me to hear what was going on.

 

“Yes, of course. You’ve been very patient, and like I said, I would let you know when the time is right. Now is that time. I’m at the football field, and I have Ashton. Meet me here in ten minutes, or you don’t get Ashton back,” Maddie said.

 

I looked at the other boys and the all nodded. We quickly got up and made out way out of the room. “Oh, and Calum?” Maddie half-asked. I slowed down to a stop. Both Luke and Michael noticed and they hung back too.

 

“If you tell anyone else about this, or bring anyone else besides Luke and Michael, I will kill Ashton. Are we clear?” Maddie asked. I swallowed hard. She knew. Of course she knew. Her tone left no room for argument so I weakly mumbled, “Yes, we are.”

 

“Good, see you in ten minutes honey.” With that, she hung up. I turned to look at the other boys and they looked as shocked as I did. “She knows we called the police, doesn’t she?” Luke asked.

 

“More than likely, yes,” Michael said, slamming his hand against the wall angrily. “Well what do we do? We can’t get the police involved this time, not with Ashton’s life on the line,” I said, my voice shaking.

 

“We go alone, just the three of us. We get Ashton back, and then we take the next step when we get there. Right now, our only focus is Ashton. After we have him, then we can plan our next move to take Maddie down,” Michael suggested.

 

“I agree with Michael, it’s the best plan we’ve got,” Luke said. “Okay, I’m in. Can we go now? We don’t have much time,” I pointed out, fear taking over me.

 

We all agreed and Michael quickly rushed to get the keys. We got back into Ashton’s car and Michael sped off towards the football pitch.

 

Sitting in his car without him still made me feel empty. I had tried so hard to avoid anything that reminded me of him since that dreadful night. I knew I should be happier- we all should, we were getting Ashton back after almost a week of having him taken.

 

Something didn’t feel right though. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but something felt wrong. All of this and Maddie was just going to hand him over? Albeit that I did have to be her boyfriend again. I was going to work my way around that though.

 

It just didn’t feel right. Not in the style of what Maddie had been doing up to this point. It felt out of place that she would just hand him back to us, even though she said she would in her note. I knew there had to be some kind of catch.

 

“You’re worried too,” Luke said in a low voice. Whether it was because he was scared or because he didn’t want Michael to hear, I’ll never know. I just gave a slight nod, not wanting to actually look at Luke.

 

If he was as worried as I was, there was definitely something wrong. What if Ashton left the band? What if she did something to him that we couldn’t fix? What if she changed him? What if he was never the same again?

 

There was too many what if’s. It made me sick to my stomach. Suddenly, the thought of getting Ashton back wasn’t all that appealing. "Guys?" I said carefully.

 

"What is it, Cal?" Michael asked. "What if-" I broke off, sighing. "What if this is a mistake? What if Ashton isn't the same anymore..." I trailed off.

 

"How could you say that? You're the one who has been dying without him, and now you're the one suggesting we leave him in the hands of her!?" Michael yelled in disbelief.

 

I started to shake my head. "No, I just-" "I thought you loved him? No what is he? Just some guy who you used to love? Just some guy that loves you with all his heart and then some?" Michael spat angrily.

 

"Michael, enough," Luke warned. "Fuck off, Luke," Michael growled. "You're acting like a real asshole, Calum, I hope you know that," Michael said, fuming. He narrowed his eyes, and focused on the road, too pissed to even look back at me.

 

"He does have a point, Cal. How can you say all of that? This is your boyfriend, our band mate, we are talking about," Luke said.

 

"I know- I just- I have a really bad feeling, Luke. The same feeling I got when Ashton was first kidnapped. Although, this- this feels worse, so much worse."

 

I couldn't exactly explain it. With Maddie, it wasn't that easy. Things were going to go wrong, and it wouldn't be us that would be coming out on top, that was for sure.

 

"Get out of the car, we're here," Michael said angrily, slamming his door as he got out. "Give me a second, I'll calm him down," Luke said, making a worried face before getting out.

 

I watched from inside the car, mildly fascinated and intrigued as to the newfound relationship between them. Luke reached out for Michael, who only harshly pushed Luke away. Luke muttered something I couldn't quite hear, which only made Michael scowl.

 

Luke frowned and said something else, his posture changing and eyes dropping. Michael's shoulders slumped slightly in defeat, and he looked at Luke. This time, when Luke reached out, Michael readily accepted his approach.

 

Arms wrapped around Michael's waist, Luke buried his head in Michael's neck and said something to him. Michael sighed and tangled his own arms around Luke's body. They held each other close for a few seconds.

 

Luke moved his head and looked up at Michael. who leaned in and connected their lips. It was a short kiss, but it clearly said all it needed to between the two boys. Michael moved his head to mumble something in Luke's ear, who then reached up and stroked Michael's cheek in response.

 

Giving Michael a small nod, Luke detangled himself from him and banged his hand on the car door. "Time to go, Calum," he called to me.

 

This was it. The one moment I had been waiting what felt like a lifetime for, and now I was dreading it more than I could ever imagine. Slowly, I got out of the car and joined Luke and Michael.

 

"Sorry for snapping at you like that. Tensions are all running high right now, what with us all being so nervous and scared about what is going to happen," Michael said, solemnly. "You're right, I'm sorry too," I said, smiling weakly at Michael.

 

He reached out and squeezed my arm, giving me a little nod of reassurance. "All right, let's go get Ashton back," Luke said, his eyes flitting across the football field.

 

Together, almost as one unit, the three of us made our way across the pitch and to the bleachers. After this was all over, I never wanted to see steel bleachers again. Just seeing them made bile rise in my throat.

 

"How long has it been since she called?" I croaked. "Nine minutes," Luke replied, his voice low and shaky too. I closed my eyes, waiting for the moment things would either spiral out of control or be fixed in a matter of seconds.

 

I felt an elbow in my ribs and my eyes flew open. Maddie was walking towards us, with another girl in tow. Between them a figure walked, a bag over their head. All over their body, there were cuts and bruises. Dried blood was everywhere. New blood was bubbling in places that hadn't healed over.

 

They looked mangled and messed up, like they had been beaten so badly that they were barely hanging on to life. I knew instantly it was Ashton. My heart leapt into my throat and I lurched forward, reaching out for my Ashy.

 

"Ah, ah, ah, back up," Maddie said, smirking. I stood there in shock. This couldn't be real. This wasn't the Ashton that had left us a week ago. Where was my Ashton? The one who was strong and would never let something like this happen to him.

 

"What in the fucking hell did you do to him you fucking psychotic bitch?!" Michael screamed. "Nothing more than necessary," Maddie said, brushing it off as if it was nothing.

 

"That's not nothing! He looks on the verge of dying!" Luke sobbed. Maddie just laughed, her grip on Ashton's arm tightening. "Why?" I managed to get out, all other words got stuck in my throat.

 

"I just did what you wanted me to do, Cal," Maddie said innocently. "Please... please just give him back," Luke said, his voice showing how torn up he was just watching this scene in front of him.

 

"Remember the deal, Calum?" Maddie asked, her gaze leveling with mine. I dropped my head in defeat, giving a subtle nod. "Good. Don't forget about our date tomorrow, sweetie," she said, her voice dropping somewhat to a sarcastic tone.

 

Maddie turned to Ashton, and pulled the bag off his head. Immediately Ashton flinched away and dropped his eyes to the floor. "Remember what I told you. If you don't, we'll have to have this little chat again," Maddie said to Ashton.

 

Ashton pursed his lips, but said nothing. "You may go," Maddie said to Ashton. He looked up at us, but didn't move. His eyes locked with Michael and Luke, but he avoided looking at me.

 

"Ash, come one, let's get out of here and get you looked at," Luke said. Ashton still didn't move. Why wasn't he coming running? Why didn't he throw himself at me and kiss me the way I wanted him to?

 

"Ashy, please, let's go," I said, moving towards him. Immediately he jerked backwards, bumping into the girl behind him- whoever she was.

 

She moved her head to whisper something in his ear, and he tensed up a second before seeming to relax. I stared on in slight horror. Why was she comforting him and not me? "Ash?" I asked, taking a step closer towards him, reaching out to pull him into my arms.

 

Ashton backed up again, his cold eyes turning to glare daggers at me. "Stay. The. Fuck. Away. From. Me." Ashton spat. I froze in complete terror. "Ashton, it's me, Calum, you're boyfriend. I won't hurt you, please, just come here," I said, holding my arms out for him.

 

I could feel myself shaking, tears starting to burn my eyes as Ashton just ignored me. "Go ahead," the girl from behind him said softly. Ashton looked at the girl, and then Maddie. Without looking at me, he walked over to Michael.

 

Immediately, Michael opened his arms and Ashton collapsed into him. Michael murmured something to Ashton, who nodded weakly. After checking Ashton over, Michael led him away, not turning to look at any of us.

 

I was torn between anger, jealousy, and heartache. Ashton just blew me off as nothing. Here I was, dying without him, and he didn't even want me. He went straight to Michael.

 

I went numb. Everything around me blurred and blended together, as I could mentally and physically feel myself falling apart. Ashton was my world, and now my world was torn apart.

 

"Whatever you did to him- whatever is wrong with him- mark my words, I will fucking slaughter you," Luke hissed, spinning on his heel and running to help Michael support Ashton in walking him back to the car.

 

I turned to Maddie, tears spilling over. "Why won't he even look at me? What the fuck did you do? That's MY boyfriend, that's my LOVE and you took him away! I don't fucking want you, I want HIM," I screamed, body shaking violently.

 

"I told you, I washed away the gay, because gay is wrong. You've got everything you ever wanted Calum. You should be thanking me. You have a band, you have best friends, and you have the girl you always wanted to date. What else can you possibly need?" Maddie smirked, acting like she had won some championship game.

 

"I need Ashton, not you," I said, through gritted teeth. Anger and pain washed over me in different waves. My inner turmoil overpowered me. I felt myself buckle and I collapsed against the bleachers.

 

"Ashton isn't yours anymore, he belongs to someone else. And you, you belong to me. Don't you remember? You and I are destined to be together," Maddie said.

 

The desire to rip her apart surged through me. "You and I were never meant to be together. I'm meant to be with Ashton," I hissed. "You're straight, Ashton isn't yours, when you can only have a girlfriend, like me," Maddie boasted.

 

"You're fucking crazy," I sobbed, looking back to see the other boys' helping Ashton into the car. Maddie just rolled her eyes.

 

"Go on, go help your band. Sooner or later, you will realize I just did you a favor. You don't have a choice either. Now that Ashton is back with you, you have to date me again. That's how it works. Unless, you want me to take Ashton back and get rid of him for you?"

 

I felt my heart plummet even more. "No, no, please. Don't hurt him anymore. He doesn't deserve it. Leave him alone," I choked out. I couldn't even handle Ashton like this, if Maddie did anything else to him, I might just kill her myself.

 

"Good, then it looks like this is settled. For all it's worth, Ashton isn't going to want to be anywhere near you, so make the most of these last few minutes you have with him. Soon, you'll have no choice but to come to me, because I'm the only one who will love you," Maddie stated.

 

I was so exhausted, so broken and empty, I couldn't find it in me to argue or find out what Maddie meant. I dropped my head and shoulders in defeat, which appeased Maddie. "Well, I'll see you later, boyfriend," Maddie sung, kissing my cheek and twirling around to leave. The other girl followed, and I was left feeling the remaining pieces of my heart literally shatter into nothing but dust.

 

I couldn't even bare to turn around and look at the other boys'. Was it worth it to go back with them? Or did I just run? Run, and run, and run, until there was nothing left but to lie down and die.

 

Everything I had been holding on to, the hope of having Ashton back as mine, was just ripped away from me. How could I even pretend that everything was okay? The love of my life had just made it clear he didn't want anything to do with me.

 

It was Maddie's fault. Whatever she did to him, whatever she told him, it had destroyed him. She had taken the Ashton I adored, and changed him into some robot that she controlled.

 

The way he acted, it couldn't be him. It had to be that. I couldn't even consider the choice that he wanted to be this way. What if he had been lying to me all along and Maddie helped convince him that he didn't need me.

 

What had Maddie meant when she said Ashton belonged to someone else? Was he with someone else? Was he playing me? Was all of this some game to Maddie to get me back? Was she working with Ashton to force me into a life of hell?

 

Nothing made sense anymore. I realized I was trembling, tears making my face wet. I didn't notice Luke until he was kneeling in front of me.

 

"Cal..." Luke said softly. "Don't- just don't," I said, breaking down. Luke moved, and in an instant, I was wrapped up in his arms. I buried my head into his chest and let myself fall apart.

 

Luke was mumbling reassuring words to me, but I couldn't hear them. It didn't matter what he was saying, it wasn't going to help, and it wasn't going to fix anything either.

 

"This could just be a phase, Calum. Maybe she drugged him and it's making him act like this, or it's just a show he's doing in front of Maddie," Luke suggested.

 

The last choice actually made sense. Maybe he was putting on a show for Maddie, and when we got home he would show me that he still loved me as much as I loved him. There was a chance we could be okay again.

 

"You're right Luke," I said hopefully. "Let's get home, I think we have a lot of things to talk about," Luke said. Nodding, I let Luke help me up. I still felt weak, and standing was difficult.

 

Noticing, Luke gave me support, helping me walk back to the car. Ashton was sat up front with Michael, so Luke and I got in the back. No one talked, everyone afraid to say anything.

 

Michael finally broke the silence as he drove. "How are you feeling, Ash? Do you want to go to the hospital and get checked out? Or we can take you home and I'll clean you up?" Michael asked carefully.

 

"Home," Ashton said simply, looking out of the window and avoiding eye contact with any of us. Michael just nodded and drove us home.

 

Luke was quick to get out when we got back; making sure we were home alone so we could talk with Ashton before we told Liz that we had him back.

 

I hesitated, reaching out to help Ashton. I backed away when his eyes snapped to mine. Michael helped walk Ashton inside, and I lagged behind them, fighting the urge to reach out and pull Ashton into my arms and hold him close.

 

I watched Michael walk Ashton to the bathroom, and I stormed off into the living room with Luke. Luke opened his mouth to say something, but I snapped before he could.

 

"Don't you dare say something to comfort me," I hissed. Luke frowned and sat back, his mouth clacking shut.

 

I began pacing, the terror washing through me. I could feel the tears burning my eyes. This was everything I had hoped would never happen. Yet here I was, with a boyfriend who despised me for no reason.

 

Without thinking, I collapsed next to Luke and curled up next to him. His arms immediately encircled me, and I leant into him, craving the comfort he was offering. It felt weird, like I was watching the scene unfold from someone else's eyes; like I was detached. 

 

That's how I felt; I wasn't myself anymore, and with Ashton treating me like this, I didn't know if I ever could be again.

 

 

Ashton's POV

 

I let Michael lead me to the bathroom, the silence echoing around us. Determining if Michael was trustworthy was a difficult task.

 

On one hand, he was the one who set me up with Calum. He worked so hard to get us together. It was all in vein anyway. On the other hand, he had only been helping me. Time and time again, Michael was the only one there for me. If he wanted me dead, he wouldn't have saved my life when I cut myself.

 

This left me at the crossroad; did I trust Michael, or not? I was still figuring it out as we made it to the bathroom. I propped myself on the counter and let Michael tend to me.

 

He didn't say anything. Maybe he just didn't want to. Or maybe he had nothing to say. Or maybe he was scared to say anything. Either way, we remained in silence, other than me hissing in pain, as he cleaned my wounds.

 

Coming back was harder than I could have ever imagined. The second my eyes fell on Calum, my heart shattered into more pieces than it ever had before. I was so conflicted.

 

Part of me still wanted to run and kiss him, pretend this was all a dream and leave with my boyfriend in my arms again. That wasn't the reality though. I knew then that he hated me, and didn't want anything to do to with me.

 

That was a slap in the face. Finally seeing him, and not having him make any moves to even pretend he loved or cared about me. Michael and Luke were the only ones who even seemed to care I was back, or that they wanted me back.

 

Michael sighed and titled my face. "What did she do to you, Ash?" he asked quietly. I frowned and shook my head. This was it. This is where I had to launch the lie. If I didn't, Maddie and Calum would find out and I couldn't live with the torture again.

 

"Nothing... I did this to myself," I whispered. Michael's head snapped up and his eyes stared into mine, waiting for an explanation. I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes shut. I had to make this as believable as possible.

 

"When she took me, she just put in some weird building. She said she would deal with me later. I was able to escape, and I ran but..." I broke off, looking away.

 

"But what, Ashton?" Michael asked, stroking my cheek with his thumb. I felt myself tear up. Remembering the way the whip cracked across my skin and tore me up sent shivers down my spine.

 

"When I tried to escape, I was running blind. I ended up tripping down this metal staircase. I got caught halfway and it tore me up. By the time I had fallen all the way down, I passed out from how badly I got hurt," I said, sucking in a breath as if it was hard to talk about.

 

"Oh, Ashton," Michael said, running his fingers through my hair. I winced away on impulse, which caused Michael to back up slightly. Something flashed across his face, and I was sure he knew I was lying. He didn't push it any further.

 

"We all missed you, so much. No one more than Calum though, he's been tearing himself up without you," Michael said softly. I immediately stiffened at the mention of his name.

 

Michael noticed and cocked his head to the side in confusion. "I can't..." I sobbed, breaking down. My entire body started to shake with the fear and pain.

 

Michael stopped cleaning me up and gently brought me into his arms. "What really happened?" Michael asked carefully. I shook my head, gripping onto Michael so tightly my knuckles went white.

 

"I can't, I just can't..." I sobbed. Michael held me close, rubbing my back soothingly. After a minute, Michael carefully cleaned up my wounds up again without saying anything.

 

"Whatever happened, we can work it out, Ashton," Michael said, when he was done. I just nodded, although I knew there was no such thing as working it out. My life was now hell, with no way to fix it.

 

How could Michael live when his best friend was a homophobic asshole? How could I fall in love with someone like that? How could I still be in love with someone like that?

 

I needed to move on. Gay is wrong. I will be happy with Callie, she is better than Calum would ever be. She would never play me the way he has.

 

I looked at Michael and gave him a nod. "Thanks," I mumbled quietly, when all of my cuts were bandaged up. Michael looked me dead in the eyes. "Do you need anything?" he asked.

 

I shook my head. "Thanks but no thanks. Right now, I think I just need to figure out my life," I said, taking a step towards the door. "What is that supposed to mean? Figure your life out how?" Michael snapped, turning to look at me in disparity.

 

"It means what it means. I need time to figure out what I want in life," I said, backing away and fleeing from the bathroom. I needed to get out of here for now. I just needed to pick up my cajón and car keys.

 

I rushed into the living room, immediately causing Luke and Calum to look up at me. Fuck. The one person I was trying to avoid was now looking at me. I turned and located my cajón.

 

"What are you doing?" Luke asked, suddenly very confused. I couldn't bear to turn around and look at Luke. What was more unbearable was looking at him. Even the briefest of looks would have me falling apart and begging him to stay with me.

 

 

Calum's POV

 

Ashton didn't turn around to answer Luke's question. Michael suddenly rounded the corner and yelled to Ashton. "You're a mess, you need to rest. Whatever it is you're thinking of doing, just take a breath and think about it. Your safety is most important, Ashton."

 

Ashton just shook his head. "I can't Michael," he said solemnly. I looked on in fear of what was going to happen. "What's going on? Ashton, would you just sit down and talk to us? Talk to me?" I asked, feeling my heart clench in fright.

 

Ashton whirled around, his eyes flashing as he looked at me. "Why would I talk to you? Why would I do anything with you?" he asked. Luke's arms held me tighter at Ashton's words.

 

"I'm your boyfriend, why wouldn't you talk to me?" I questioned worriedly. Ashton scoffed. "I'm not your boyfriend, Calum. I'm not gay. I have a girlfriend," he said, looking directly at me.

 

"Wh-what?" I stuttered. "You heard right. I played you. I didn't mean any of it. You were nothing to me," he spat.

 

"Girlfriend? Was she the one with you? The one who comforted you?" I couldn't bear to hear the answer.

 

"Yes, that was her. Her name is Callie. We've been together for over a year." I stared at him. This couldn't be real. It has to be some sick joke.

 

"You're joking. This is all some kind of twisted lie, right?" I choked out. There was no way this was real. He couldn't do this to me. The connection he had with the girl was obvious. Clearly he was telling the truth. The way she reacted when he freaked out, it was clear as day that they loved each other. How had I been so stupid?

 

"This isn't a joke. You and me, we're over. There never was an us. Callie and I had a bet you see. I had to see if I could make a boy fall in love with me in under two months. And it worked. Not that any of it mattered anyway,” Ashton said, shrugging nonchalantly, as if he hadn’t just torn my entire world apart.

 

“How can you say that? How could you do that to me?” I sobbed. “It was easy. Did you really think a guy like you deserves a guy like me? Let’s be real here, it was never going to work out,” he said, rolling his eyes at me.

 

“I-“ Nothing else came out. If it felt like my life had been torn apart before, this just made me wish I was dead. The guy I was hopelessly in love with, the guy I had been waiting so desperately to come back, was just a fake.

 

To him, this whole thing was a game, and somehow I had fallen into his trap. Even with him standing here, telling me he didn’t want me and that he never did, I still loved him and couldn’t make those feelings go away.

 

I looked at Luke, who seemed as shocked hurt as I did. Michael seemed confused, as if someone had told him two different stories and he was trying to figure out which was the truth.

 

“Ashton please, don’t do this to me,” I said, my lip trembling. I could barely make him out anymore, my eyes so blurry with tears. This moment, right here, was a million times more heartbreaking and world shattering then any I had experienced the whole week Ashton was gone.

 

I had never felt more betrayed, more deceived, more used, in my entire life. In such a short time, I had given Ashton my heart, and he had absolutely and utterly destroyed it beyond repair.

 

And what hurt the most, was that he wasn’t even interested in me. The fact he had a girlfriend that he adored, took the remains of my heart and threw them away into the ocean, never to be seen again.

 

How could he? After I gave him my heart, and I loved him like I had never loved anyone before, he had a girlfriend the whole time. He played with my like some little doll. Clearly what we had wasn’t real, or he wouldn’t be fine. But he was. He wasn’t hurt. He was completely fine. While I wasn’t fine at all.

 

“It’s too late, I already have,” Ashton replied. Time froze. None of this was happening. I couldn’t find words to say. It was as if my voice had been taken, along with my heart.

 

“I can’t believe you. I trusted you! Calum trusted you! We all trusted you! We let you in, gave you everything you needed, made you part of out family, and in the end you betrayed us!” Luke screamed from beside me.

 

Ashton faltered for a second, as if Luke’s words had affected him. The moment was soon gone though, because Ashton looked at Luke and scoffed. “It’s not my fault you are all so damn stupid that you fell for my plan and sob story.”

 

Luke’s eyes flashed dangerously, but Michael quickly reached over and rested his hand on Luke’s shoulder. “It’s not worth it, Lukey,” he said quietly. My whole body shuddered, and I wiped away the stream of tears that were pooling from my eyes.

 

We all looked over as Ashton pushed his cajón to the door. “What-what are you doing?” I stuttered. There was no way my heart could take any more of this. I felt dizzy, my panic setting in again.

 

I gripped hold of Luke as I felt myself start to slip into the hands of a panic attack. My breathing became ragged and my vision started to blur.

 

“I’m leaving,” Ashton said simply. “What do you mean, leaving?” Luke gasped out, his own eyes filling with tears. Ashton’s eyes flickered to Michael’s, who looked almost betrayed that Ashton was saying what he was saying.

 

I reached forward to grasp Ashton, but he backed away, looking hurt and angry at me. “I’m leaving the band,” Ashton said, backing away.

 

 

And that was when I had a full-blown panic attack. I passed out; everything going black as I was overwhelmed with the loss of my world and the one thing that mattered the most to me.

 

Cliffhanger! You may send hate messages now haha ;)


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ello readers!
> 
> I hope you are all still liking the story and wanting more. Thank you for sticking around and reading and enjoying the story, you are all angels, so thank you.
> 
> More drama in this chapter, but we have a break through with the boys! Stick with me, I promise there is more to the story. I do apologize for the cliffhanger ending again, but it's become my signature thing, and I do enjoy my little cliffhangers. I hope you love this chapter, I worked so hard on this chapter, so I hope you can all see that and that you like it as much as I do! Please comment, read, and leave kudos.
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood Malfoy Grimes Holmes xxxxxx

Ashton's POV

 

I watched Calum's eyes roll back and his body crumple forward as he passed out. I felt myself lurch forward, without thinking, and I reached out and grabbed him as he collapsed towards the floor.

 

I tucked him into my lap, my hands tracing through his hair. For this one moment in time, I didn't think about Calum playing me or using me or hating me, I just wanted him to wake up and look at me.

 

"What are you playing at?" Luke spat, bringing me back to Earth. I glanced up at him to see the most hateful stare being thrown at me. "I- I just- I-" I stuttered out.

 

"Haven't you done enough to him?" Luke hissed, tugging Calum out of my arms and into his own. My eyes darted to Michael's, but he was glaring at me with disgust too.

 

"Just get out for now. You've hurt Calum enough, just leave for now and let me take care of him, unlike you, who just destroys him," Luke screamed. I scrambled across the floor and headed to the door.

 

I bit my lip, choking on a sob. I locked eyes with Michael again, who gave me a half-angry yet half-sympathetic look. I glanced at Calum, out cold and in Luke's arms, and the sight tore me to pieces. I wanted Calum so badly. Why didn't he want me?

 

I left the house, wiping the tears as I walked down the street, and away from everything that mattered to me. I heard the door slam behind me, and Michael screamed my name. "Ashton!"

 

I turned around and saw him catch up to me. He grabbed me by the front of my shirt and slammed me into the side of a house. "What the fuck are you doing?" he spat, pinning my shoulders to the wall.

 

I shook my head, causing Michael's grip on me to tighten. "That story was complete and utter fucking bullshit. Calum and Luke may have brought your little story, but I don't believe a single fucking shred of it. I know how much you love Calum. I know how hard you fought to call him yours. So don't patronize me with some fucking shit you just made up," Michael hissed.

 

"Michael, I can't. You don't understand-" I tried to say. "Stop. Fucking. Lying." Michael yelled. The tears poured from my face and I struggled to break free from his grip.

 

"I. Can't. Tell. You." I screamed, kicking his legs and sobbing. "YES YOU CAN. TELL ME THE FUCKING TRUTH YOU WORTHLESS ASSHOLE," Michael shouted.

 

"IF I TELL YOU SHE'S GOING TO KILL YOU AND LUKE!" I screeched. Realization quickly dawned on me and I covered my mouth in horror. "Wh-what did you just say?" Michael asked in dismay.

 

I shook my head over and over again. I couldn't repeat it. I wasn't ever supposed to say what Maddie threatened. If she found out, she would surely kill them anyway, and kill me for breaking the rules.

 

"Who's going to kill Luke and I? Ashton, what happened? Why can't you talk to me? Who's threatening us?" Michael hurried to say.

 

"Michael, you don't get it. I shouldn't have even said that. If she finds out I even mentioned it, she'll kill me," I sobbed, my legs buckling beneath me. Michael let me slide down to the floor, and he crouched in front of me.

 

"Was it Maddie? Is she trying to kill you? Is she threatening to kill Luke and I?" he asked. I couldn't tell him the truth. If he found that out, he would see that Calum was part of this, and it would cause an all out war.

 

"No-no, it wasn't her. It's someone else," I cried. Michael said nothing else. Instead, he pulled me into his arms and held me close, soothing me. "Is this person making you break up with Calum?" he asked carefully.

 

How the fuck was he figuring all of this out? How did he know Maddie had forced me to do this? If I wasn't careful, he would figure out this was all Calum's idea and then I wouldn't be able to control what would happen next.

 

I started to shake my head, but Michael gave me a look. "Don't lie to me. If you can't say it, don't say it. Just nod or shake your head. Is this person making you break up with Calum?" Michael asked again.

 

I paused, taking a deep breath, before I nodded slowly. "Oh, Ashton," Michael said, running his fingers through my hair softly.

 

I buried my head in his chest. The sobs still ran through my body, making it hard to talk. "Leaving the band, is that what you want? Or are you trying to leave to protect us?" he asked.

 

What the fuck is this man? Is he some fucking mind reader? What if he's part of this? That thought ran through my mind and I panicked, pulling back quickly and stepping away.

 

"You're part of this, aren't you? This is your fault. You're working with them. You're here to hurt me. You hate me too. You want me dead because I was some fucking gay queer," I babbled, my body shaking in fright.

 

"Ashton. Stop. Look at me. Look at me," Michael commanded. I lifted my tear filled eyes to his. "Look at me when I say this. I am NOT working with whomever they are. I don't hate you. Fuck, I would hate myself then too, because I'm in love with Luke. Whatever this thing is, I'm not a part of it. I'm here for you. I don't want to hurt you, or to kill you. I'm going to help you get through this," Michael said slowly and carefully.

 

It took a minute for everything Michael said to process in my head. "Y-you're in love with Luke?" I asked, giving Michael a look. Michael nodded, a faint smile crossing his face. "We've been dating for a few days now. He loves me too," Michael admitted.

 

After a second, Michael shook his head. "That's not something we need to be talking about right now. What's important right now, is figuring out what is going on so we can stop this and make things right again. Now tell me, what made you freak out?" Michael asked.

 

"How do you seem to know so much of what you think is going on?" I asked cryptically. I didn't want to give anything away, but I also wasn't sure if I could trust Michael or not.

 

Michael blinked a few times before speaking again. "I know the real you, Ashton. You opened up to me when you shut everyone else out. I saw how much you loved Calum. And I knew what you were saying just didn't make sense. It didn't sound like you. And you weren't acting like the you I have grown to love and care about. The more I think about it, the more it all seems to fall in place. You're being set up. Am I right?" Michael questioned.

 

I said nothing, just gave a very subtle nod of my head. Michael nodded his head in understanding. "What I don't get is- if it's not Maddie, then who is it?"

 

"I can't- I can't Michael. You already know too much. If she ever finds out that you know even this much, she will kill you right in front of me without thinking twice. I can't lose you," I said softly.

 

"Hey. Hey. Come here," Michael said, opening his arms for me. I sat back down on the ground and rested in his arms. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here, bro," Michael soothed.

 

We remained in silence for a minute. Michael spoke up again. "What are you going to do now?" he asked softly.

 

I closed my eyes before answering. "Go on with the plan, spend time with my girlfriend, stay as far away from Calum as possible," I muttered.

 

"You're killing him, Ashton. Do you know that?" Michael said, half-angrily. I shook my head no. "No, he's killing me, Michael. He already has killed me. This is what he wanted," I said enigmatically.

 

Michael gave me a puzzled look. "What are you talking about? He's heart broken. He has been since you got kidnapped," Michael said firmly. I couldn't say much else it would be too obvious. "Let's just say- he played me before I played him- and leave it at that. If I say anymore, she may just kill me now."

 

Michael tried to argue, but snapped his mouth shut instead. "I don't know who to believe. All I know is, in the end, both of you are going to be killed from this. And the only person winning is whoever is playing all of us," Michael said solemnly.

 

"You have no idea how right you are," I replied, closing my eyes and wishing that Maddie had just killed me when she had the chance. It would have saved me from living through the unbearable pain that she left me to suffocate in.

 

 

Calum's POV

 

I woke up in Luke's arms on the floor. "Shush, you're okay," Luke hushed me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Did I pass out?" I asked quietly.

 

"You did. How do you feel? Would you like a glass of water?" Luke asked. I shook my head, blinking a few times to stabilize myself. "What happened?"

 

Luke sighed before saying, "Ashton happened." I squeezed my eyes shut as I remembered what had happened. "D-did he leave?" I stuttered.

 

"No. I told him to leave for now, and Michael followed him to get to the bottom of this," Luke replied.

 

"I don't understand. Everything was supposed to be better when he came back, but it's like a different Ashton came back to us," I said, my voice breaking.

 

"Whatever is going on, it'll be okay," Luke tried to say. "Okay? Are you serious? Ashton just told me he has a girlfriend and he never loved me, and you think it will all be okay?" I yelled, pushing myself away from Luke.

 

Again, Luke sighed and looked away. "What else do you want me to say, Calum? There isn't much else I can say or do. I'm at a loss here," Luke said desperately.

 

"I want you to fix it! I want my Ashton back!" I cried. Luke reached out to soothe me, and I swatted his hand away.

 

Just then, Ashton and Michael walked in, the door banging closed behind them. My eyes flew to Ashton's, and his eyes connected with mine. We froze like that for minute, and just for a second, I thought things would go back to the way they were before.

 

Turning his head, Ashton scoffed and glanced at Michael, before disappearing down the hall towards the spare room.

 

"I thought you talked to him and worked things out?" Luke questioned. Michael glanced at Luke and shook his head. "Things are complicated..." Michael trailed off. I snapped.

 

"Does no one fucking care that everything is falling apart, except for me?" I screamed. "Calum, please, we're trying," Michael added.

 

"You're not trying hard enough," I spat. "Listen here, I am the one who just talked Ashton into staying in the band, so you can fuck off," Michael growled back.

 

"Both of you shut the fuck up. I can't deal with you arguing right now," Luke yelled. He glared and Michael and I. Michael turned away.

 

"I'm going to talk to Ashton," Michael announced, leaving the room. Sighing, Luke watched his boyfriend leave. "Go talk to him," I said, firmly.

 

Luke shook his head no. "Go, I'm fine," I insisted. He hesitated, before leaving the room and following Michael. I collapsed on the couch in utter defeat.

 

As tears welled in my eyes, my phone rang. Maddie. "Hi darling," Maddie spoke into the phone. "What do you want" I spat. "To see you, of course," she replied.

 

"What did you do to Ashton?" I growled. "You know, that's becoming your catch phrase," Maddie said, shifting the topic. "Stop changing the subject. What. Did. You. Do?"

 

"Honey, I didn't do anything. Did Ashton not tell you? It wasn't me. I was just following someone else's orders. For following the rules, I get to date you again, and you already agreed to this," she pointed out.

 

I growled low in my throat. "All of this, for what? Ashton has a girlfriend and I'm back with you," I said unhappily. "Everything is back to the way it should be. Be grateful for that, Calum."

 

"So, that's it? I just have to go along with this?" I asked. "You already have, Calum. Now, why don't you come outside and see me? I can fix your broken heart. I love you, Cal," Maddie said sickeningly-sweetly.

 

I knew the underlying threat in those simple words. "I love you too, Maddie," I said, making my tone come across as caring.

 

"Come outside then. I'm waiting in my car," she said. As she hung up, I quickly formulated a plan. If I went with Maddie, I wouldn't leave until I found out every detail about what had happened.

 

Quickly, I grabbed some paper and a pencil, and I scribbled a note to the boys.

 

"Luke and Michael,

 

I'm going out with Maddie. I'm going to figure out what really happened. I'm done with the lies. Please, don't worry about me. My life has fallen apart and this is the only way I can piece it back together. No, I've not been kidnapped. I'm willingly going with Maddie. I will get things back to the way they were. See you both soon. And, Michael, take care of Luke for me, he's still my best friend, and I will break you if you break his heart.

 

Ashton,

 

I want you to know, whatever happened or will happen, I love you with all of my heart. I will grow to accept that it was all a game to you, but there is no way I will ever get over it. Forgive but not forget. It is going to take time to heal my heart. Either way, my heart belongs to you, always, regardless of the fact you love someone else. You broke my heart, though, and with it, my world, and I will never get over that. I hate this you, and I would do anything to have the old you back. For now, this is goodbye.

 

\- Calum. x"

 

I picked up my phone and wallet, a jacket, and a couple of other things. I then quietly slipped out of the front door and walked towards Maddie's car.

 

"What took you so long, sweetie?" Maddie asked. "I just had to grab couple things before I left," I replied, motioning to my phone and wallet. "Well that's fine. Now, shall we take a little drive?" Maddie questioned.

 

"Yes, we should. There is much to talk about," I said, skeptically. "Indeed there is," Maddie replied, mysteriously.

 

We pulled away and headed out on the road, driving away from civilization and into the outback. "I want to know the truth of what really happened," I said, leaving no room for argument.

 

"Tut-tut Calum. If I told you the truth, I would have to kill your friends, Luke and Michael," she said, a wicked smirk crossing her lips.

 

"Excuse me, what did you just say?" I asked, horrified and in shock. "You heard right. If I tell you what happened, I will have to kill your band mates, that's the deal you see," she said, shrugging.

 

"What deal?" I said quickly. "You're so stupid Calum. This whole thing is to get rid of Ashton. To exterminate him," Maddie explained. "Ex-exterminate? Why would you do that?"

 

"Calum, Calum, Calum. I thought you were smarter than this. You are Asian after all," she said. "I am NOT Asian!" I yelled angrily.

 

"Well, it clearly proves it, since you haven't figured out what is going on," Maddie smugly said.

 

I frowned. She wasn't going to tell me what was going on, then I had to piece it together myself. I just had to ask the right questions to get the right answers.

 

"So, what use would exterminating Ashton do?" I asked. "He was posing a threat to our perfect relationship, and therefore, I had to get rid of him," Maddie said, her eyes focusing on the road.

 

I stored that information in my head. That was the first real answer she had given me. She said that she had to get rid of Ashton, not someone else. That made more sense.

 

"What threat was he posing? He played me like a puppet. He had a girlfriend the whole time, so how was that really affecting our relationship?" I tried.

 

Maddie shook her head, catching on to that plan. "A threat, Calum. Girlfriend or not, he was jeopardizing our entire future," Maddie said flippantly.

 

I sat shocked at that. Future. What future? I didn't want to be with her one more moment, mind the rest of my life!

 

I need a new tactic to get information. "Why let Ashton stay around with the band if he is jeopardizing our relationship? I mean, if he used me, it wouldn't matter, right? He wouldn't be jeopardizing anything if it was a game," I said, piecing things together as I said them out loud.

 

Maddie looked at me in shock, as she noticed I had figured out the most important part. I glanced at her and it clicked. "He wasn't playing me. It wasn't a game, was it? There was no girlfriend. He really did love me as much as I love him," I said, taking in a deep breath as I did.

 

"Why did he lie to me?" I asked quickly. Maddie scoffed. "What did you do to him?" I yelled.

 

"I did what was necessary for us to stay together. You were meant to be with me. It's written in the stars Calum, we are destined to be together forever, and Ashton is just a set back that we had to get past in order to move forward," Maddie replied.

 

"You hurt him, didn't you? You made him regret being gay. You made him think gay was wrong, that is was a choice he made and it was the wrong choice," I said.

 

"Gay is wrong! He made the wrong choice in making his move on you and I made sure he knew that," Maddie spat. "I can't believe you!" I hissed.

 

"He needed to learn the lesson that he isn't to mess with me and my relationship. You are not gay. He is not gay. No one should be gay, it is wrong and disgusting," Maddie said, as if it was poison to even talk about being gay.

 

"I was happy with him! He was happy with me! You just hurt both of us, for what? Your sick pleasure. The only person winning is you. You destroyed both Ashton and I, and any hope of there ever being an us again. You disgust me, Maddie," I spat.

 

"Do you see what he has done to you? He's morphed you into some kind of freak and I need to save you," Maddie said desperately.

 

I laughed a sick laugh. "You're fucking psychotic. You were the one who hurt Ashton, weren't you? You hurt him to make him straight," I spat. Of course, it was all falling together now. Maddie's cover was slipping, she couldn't hide anymore.

 

"I had to dispose the gay out of him. I wanted to save you before I had to do the same to you, but you've left me no choice. It looks like I'm going to have to dispel the gay from you too," Maddie said, as if it was a sane thing to do and say.

 

"You think you can fucking torture me the way you did to Ashton? I won't let you," I said boldly. "I have you all figured out, Maddie. I have everything I need now. I just have to go to the police and tell them everything I just pieced together and I can have you locked up in the mental hospital for the rest of your life," I said victoriously.

 

"Too bad you won't get a chance to tell the police," Maddie said, her voice distant and spacey. "What the fuck are you talking about?" I said angrily.

 

It all happened too quickly after that. One second we were driving down the road, the next we were driving in the opposite lane, directly in the path of another car.

 

"MADDIE! NO! DON'T!" I screamed, reaching for the wheel to steer us out of the way. Maddie jerked the wheel from my grasp and we drove straight into the front of the SUV coming at us.

 

The sound of the crash was sickening and deafening. I felt my body lurch forward and I blacked out on the impact, as the two cars collided at a speed that was going to cause major damage to everyone involved.

 

 

Ashton's POV

 

I could hear Michael and Luke having it out at each other in Luke's room. Luke was screaming at Michael. I could feel my body shaking, as I tried to block out what was being said.

 

Luke never screamed. He never got angry. Hearing him utterly flip and fall off the deep end was scary. I just wanted to go in there and fix everything. I had to keep it up though. The alternative was have them both die. I would much rather choose the fighting over having them dead any day.

 

My mind, again, wandered to Calum. None of it made any sense. He had seemed so physically and mentally hurt when I broke up with him and told him the lie. He must have been some fantastic actor, and he never told me. It was very believable.

 

I knew it was still a lie though. Maddie told me that no matter how much of an act Calum puts up, it was just that, an act. Letting Calum go was going to be the hardest thing I would ever endure. How was I going to live so near to him and not be able to call him mine?

 

That was the thing though. I would always be his, no matter how much he deceived me and lied to me. My heart belonged to him. I would do anything to have him be mine again.

 

That was it. I had to fight for him. Fuck Maddie and fuck Calum. I would show him that I was better than Maddie and that I was the one he was looking for. I would prove to him that I was his one and only, and that he could love me more than he could ever love her.

 

I have to be strong. After everything Maddie put me though, she never said I couldn't fight back. Even though she tore everything down and left me with absolutely nothing, I was going to fight for what I loved.

 

I loved Calum. And I would show him gay was okay. I would show him that I would be everything he ever wanted and needed. I would show him that he really was my soul and that love wasn't a game. I made him "fall" for me once, and I could do it again. Except this time, it would be for real.

 

With my mind made up, I set off to the living room, where I had last seen Calum. I wandered into the room to find it empty. I scanned the room, and something seemed off.

 

My eye caught a note. That hadn't been there before, had it? I walked over to it and read it. I skimmed it at first, and when I read my name, the words became crystal clear. I read the whole note once over. And then again. And again. And again. No matter how many times I read it, I couldn't process it.

 

I didn't even realize I was screaming for Michael until my throat suddenly felt dry. "MICHAEL, HELP!" I screamed. Tears were flooding down my face again, and I was fighting to stay sane.

 

Michael rushed into the room, with Luke at his heels. "Hey, hey, Ash, what is it?" Michael asked, reaching out for me to pull me into his arms. I pointed to the note on the table, words not forming as I choked on sob after sob.

 

"N-n-n-no-no-note," I cried. Michael rubbed my back, as he leant over me to read the note along with Luke. Luke gasped, his eyes immediately connecting with Michael's.

 

"Why would he do this? Why would he go after her like that? He could be in danger right now," Luke said, terrified.

 

Luke wasn't seeing what I was seeing, though. Yes, Calum was in danger, but was he not getting it? The most important part of that whole thing. How did I miss it? How did Luke miss it? How did Michael not notice it? How did any of us not see it?

 

"No, no, no, no," I broke down, collapsing against Michael and completely losing it. "Hey, it's going to be okay, he's going to come back. He promised. Calum never breaks a promise," Michael said, trying to soothe me.

 

"NO GET OFF OF ME, YOU'RE SO FUCKING STUPID! LET ME GO! IT'S NOT OKAY!" I screamed in hysterics. I slammed against Michael, pushing him back.

 

"Maddie set me up. She lied to me. She hurt me and said it was all Calum's fault, that he didn't want me and that he hated me and was homophobic. She made me believe gay was wrong and that Calum and her were together and were conspiring to get rid of me forever. It was all a lie. Calum never did any of that. That fucking bitch played us both! She tore us both down and now Calum thinks I hate him when I love him with everything I have. And the truth is he loves me just as much as I love him. We were always together, always in love. She took that away though. She is crazy and psychotic and she is going to get Calum in any way she can so that Calum and I can't be together. I took Calum from her and she is going to do anything it takes to get rid of me so she can have Calum back. It was all some fucking messed up, twisted, game to her. Calum and I have been fighting each other when it was her we needed to fight. She tore us apart and we never even noticed. Maddie came in and tore our entire world apart and we didn't even notice until now! How did we not notice? How did she get away with doing this? How did I let her take the love of my life away from me? And how did Calum let this wench shape get the upper hand? She manipulated us both, played us both, and she is the only one who win, while Calum and I are left with nothing but broken hearts and destroyed worlds. And now she is going to hurt Calum in order to make her point clear that he isn't mine and that she has all control, over the situation and over Calum!" I yelled, my body shaking as the truth spilled from me in an avalanche.

 

Luke stood there in absolute horror. Michael was terrified, but he knew half of what was going on, so it made more sense to him then it did to Luke.

 

"All this time, Maddie was behind everything. I mean, we knew that, but at the same time, there was so much we didn't know that Maddie was doing," Luke said slowly.

 

Michael nodded, letting Luke know he was right. "So, what do we do now? We can't just stand around and let Maddie get away with taking Calum from us," Michael said.

 

"We fight back. We need to find them. If Calum went with Maddie, more than likely she is taking him where she took me," I said, piecing information together.

 

"And where was that?" Luke asked, already knowing the answer I was going to give. "I don't know..." I replied, causing Luke to growl angrily.

 

"Don't act like you are the only one who cares, Hemmings. I just figured out Calum loved me all along, the same as I loved him. Don't you dare make the assumption you re the only one who cares," I spat.

 

"Fighting isn't helping!" Michael yelled, putting himself in between Luke and I. "Think, Ashton, think. Can you remember anything about where you were when she kidnapped you?" Michael asked carefully.

 

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried as hard as I could to remember anything I could. My mind skimped back to when I first found out I had been kidnapped. A girl had walked out, Maddie, and told me no one would find me.

 

But where had she said that I was. She hadn't been specific, but she had said something. What was it? What was it? What was it?

 

"Oh, oh, I remember! She said something about being in an abandoned shoe factory. Somewhere her dad used to work a long time ago," I said, words rushing out of my mouth.

 

"There is tons of abandoned buildings in Sydney, Ashton, it could take days or weeks to find the right one," Luke said realistically.

 

"It was out in the outback, a good twenty-five minute drive from the football pitch," I said, recalling the time if had taken to get back to the football pitch when Maddie took me back to the boys.

 

"Do you have a general direction you can lead us?" Luke asked. "North, it was north," I said, nodding to Luke. "Let's not waste time waiting around. Let's go get Calum and set everything back to the way it should be," Luke said.

 

"I'll drive, yeah? I don't think you are in any physical shape to be driving at the moment," Michael said softly. I heaved a sigh, realizing he was right. Here I was, going after Calum and Maddie, when I was still a mess. I was weak from the torturing Maddie had subjected me to. I needed Michael and Luke to pick up the slack and do most of the work.

 

"You're right, thanks Michael," I said, offering a small smile. Michael grabbed my keys and I walked to Luke, who reached out and helped me walk to the car. "She hurt you badly, didn't she?" Luke asked, his eyes showing how upset it made him.

 

I nodded, closing my eyes as a flash of the whip crossed my minds eye and I winced. "We'll take care of you, don't worry, Ash," Luke said, making sure I made it into the car before he turned and met up with Michael.

 

It looked like they exchanged an apology. Michael pulled Luke into his chest, running his fingers through his hair. I watched as Luke closed the distance, bringing them as close as possible.

 

Luke moved his head and Michael shifted to bring his lips to Luke's. It was still a bit of a surprise to see them together, but I had to admit, they were perfect for each other. The way Michael took care of Luke, and the way Luke was Michael's rock and kept him moving forward, it was beautiful to see.

 

Why couldn't my relationship with Calum be like Michael and Luke's? There's was easy. No one was trying to tear them apart or kill them. They were happy. That's all I wanted; to be happy with Calum again.

 

I moved to open the door and called out, "I hate to break up the make out session, but I would like to remind you that my boyfriend is out there and in danger!"

 

The broke apart; Luke blushing, while Michael just grinned. They moved to get in the car; the two of them up front while I sat in the back of my own car. That felt weird in itself. Nothing was normal these days.

 

For the first time in what felt like a long time, I finally had hope. I was going to get my Calum back. He was still mine; always had been and always would be.

 

I sat there, thinking of Calum, and it struck me how much pain he would have been in when I was gone.

 

"Luke, Michael? How did Calum last, the whole time I was gone?" I asked, scared to hear the answer to the question.

 

Luke shook his head, a sad look crossing his face. "He didn't last, not really. It was a Calum I had never seen before. He wouldn't talk to us, and when he did he only yelled and caused fights. He shut us out. He wouldn't eat. Wouldn't drink. Wouldn't sleep. It was terrifying, watching him deteriorate in front of us and there was nothing we could do. The only thing that could save him was you," Luke explained.

 

"And I only destroyed him even more," I sighed, a pang of guilt and sadness washing over me. "No, Ash, you didn't, Maddie did. This isn't your fault, and we will fix this," Michael assured.

 

I had to believe him. It was the only hope we had left. I let my gaze focus outside on the real world passing us by. We headed north, past the football field and onwards, towards the place where my worst nightmares came true.

 

The quiet atmosphere was broken when Luke's phone started to ring. Luke frowned glancing at Michael. "It says Unknown Caller," he announced.

 

"Answer it, it might be Maddie or Calum," I said, my heart racing with panic. Michael and Luke's lives were still on the line here.

 

"Hello?" Luke answered. "Yes, that's me. Who is this calling?" Luke asked, confusion crossing his face. "I'm sorry, what? What do you mean?" Luke questioned. "How? When?" he asked, his face going white.

 

"Yes, of course. We will be right there. Thanks," Luke said hanging up. "Turn around, you have to go to the hospital right now!" Luke said, panicked.

 

"Why? What's happened? Luke... what is it?" I asked, my voice starting to shake. I knew. I knew deep down something bad had happened to Calum. It was the only thing that could have scared Luke that way.

 

"Calum was in a car accident with Maddie. They are both at the hospital. The nurse just said Calum isn't in good shape. He's alive, but they are worried he might have permanent damage," Luke said, his voice shaking.

 

Michael spun the car around, immediately racing to the hospital. "Is he going to die?" I asked, my heart stopping in my chest at the thought of never being able to fix things between Calum and I; of never being able to tell him I love him.

 

"No, they said he won't die, but the damage could have effects though. I don't know what is going to happen," Luke admitted.

 

Why? Why me? I was so close to getting my Calum back. And now he was taken away from me again. How did they get in a car accident? Everything in my head screamed that it was Maddie's fault that she had purposely crashed to hurt Calum. That thought alone made me feel sick.

 

We pulled up outside of the hospital and I rushed straight through the door to the front desk, Michael and Luke at my heels. "Calum Hood. We're here for Calum Hood. Please tell me he's okay, please," I begged the lady at the desk.

 

"Right now they are performing an MRI to check for brain damage, as he suffered a nasty blow in the head during the crash. You can sitting in the waiting room, and we will let you know when you can go back and see him,” the woman said sympathetically.

 

I let Luke and Michael lead me to the seats as the fear of brain trauma ran through my mind. I leant into Luke’s shoulder, as time ticked by slower than ever. I wanted nothing more than to that Calum was okay.

 

Maybe it was minutes later, maybe it was hours later, I’m not sure, but finally a nurse came up to talk to us. “You may go back and see him for a few minutes. There is something I must tell you first,” she said, pulling out her clipboard.

 

“What is it?” Michael asked, being the only one who could talk at the moment. “The MRI showed slight damage to his brain, nothing bad though, which is the good news. He will heal in a month or so. There is some bad news though. The impact, unfortunately, caused him to suffer amnesia. We aren’t sure what the last thing he remembers is. We are hoping seeing you will help trigger memories again,” the nurse explained.

 

“My boyfriend has amnesia?” I asked in utter horror. The nurse nodded sadly. “I’m really sorry, sir. We are going to do everything we can to help bring his memory around as quickly as we can,” she explained.

 

“Thank you,” Michael said, giving her a nod before getting the number of the room that Calum was staying in. We all walked there in silence, fear creeping through all of us. What happened if he forgot everything important? How much had he forgotten? What were we going to do to bring his memories back? All these thoughts and more swarmed through my head.

 

We finally got to the door, and the three of us shared a look. “Here goes nothing,” Luke said, biting his lip and pushing the door open. Calum looked up to the three of us, and his eyes glassed over in confusion.

 

“Hi Calum,” I said, giving him a small smile. “How are you feeling, Cal?” Luke asked. Calum started to shake his head, looking at us like we were crazy. “What’s wrong, Calum?” Michael asked softly.

 

“I’m sorry, but who are you three? I don’t know any of you,” Calum said, tilting his head as if he was calculating us and trying to deduce who we were to him.

 

 

My life shattered around me. This couldn’t be possible. Calum couldn’t have forgotten me; forgotten the band. We were his life, how could he forget us? How could the love of my life, my boyfriend, get in a car crash because of Maddie, suffer amnesia, and forget me?


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers and fans!
> 
> Chapter twenty is finally here! Not as long of a wait for this chapter as for others, which I'm happy about! I'm quite proud of this chapter, so I hope you all like the chapter :) I have everything planned out for the rest of the story, which is a good thing for me since I don't plan things out often, I just free write. Again, I hope you all like this chapter.
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood Malfoy Grimes Holmes xxxxxx

"Calum. Um-hi. We're, um, we-uh. I'm really bad at this. I guess I can start with saying I'm your best friend, Cal. My names Luke," Luke stuttered out hopelessly. "I'm Michael. We are band mates; we're in a band together," Michael said for Luke.

"Yeah, that's what I was trying to say," Luke said, shooting Michael a thankful look. Michael gave him a soft nod. Calum looked at us, studying us carefully.

"We have a band?" Calum asked slowly. Michael nodded. "Yes we do. Calum, what's the last thing you remember?" Michael questioned.

Calum shook his head, as if trying to shake his last memory to the front of his head. "I-I remember walking with Mali to school, for the first day of Year 7," Calum said slowly.

Luke's eyes darted to Michael, and they both shared a look. "What? What is it?" I finally asked, my voice sounding distant even to me. "That's the year we met, Calum. But we didn't meet him until a few months into the school year. Even then, he was friends with just me way before we became friends with Luke at the end of the year," Michael explained.

"What do you mean met? What's going on? What happened? Why am I here?" Calum started to ask. The beeping on the heart monitor started to speed up, catching the attention of a nurse in the hall.

She walked in and over to Calum, helping him calm down. "I think you three should leave for now," she said, her back turned to us. Luke and Michael nodded, turning towards the door. I couldn't. I couldn't move. I was frozen to my spot.

"Ash, c'mon we need to go," Luke said softly. My breathing sounded heavy to my own ears. My vision blurred as I choked on a sob. Calum glanced up at me, not understanding why a stranger was breaking down in front of him.

"I-I-I," I stuttered. Finally, the feeling came back to my limbs, and I did the only thing I had ever known how to do; I bolted. I ran from the room, down hall after hall, everything blurring into one scene. I finally made it outside, the cold air hitting my face.

I crumbled against the wall, the weight of everything crashing down onto my shoulders. I broke down, worse than I ever had before. Why was life worth living anymore? Honestly, I didn't see the point in anything. What would there be left to live for?

I was dragged out of my thoughts when I heard my name called. "Ashton? Ashton, is that you? What happened?" I glanced up to see Callie standing in front of me. Seeing her made me break down further. I don't know why, but she wrapped her arms around me and I let her. I curled into her, resting my head on her shoulder and sobbing harshly.

She ran her hands over my back, soothing me. "I'm guessing you heard about the crash?" she asked. I nodded, sniffling as I fought more tears. "I'm on my way to see Maddie. Would you come with me?" she asked. I numbly nodded, not feeling anything anymore.

I followed her quietly; letting her lead me by my hand to Maddie's room. When we got there I looked at Maddie, lying there in the bed. She looked bad, but not as bad as Calum.

"She has some broken bones, some internal bruising, but nothing too bad. The officials say Maddie lost control of the car. Apparently the two of them were talking and she just wasn't paying attention to the road and they drifted into oncoming traffic," Callie said.

Again, I nodded numbly, things drifting through my head but nothing actually staying there. "She'll be okay. What about Calum? Have you seen him?" Callie asked.

"Yes, I have. He has amnesia," I said, my voice broken and hoarse. Callie actually looked surprised to hear that, which meant it wasn't something planned, like my torturing. "This is a mess, isn't it?" Callie asked.

My lip trembled and I stared crying again. "Oh, Ashton, sweetheart," she said, pulling me into her chest. "He doesn't remember me. He doesn't remember anyone in the band," I sobbed.

"Shush, shush, it's going to be okay. Maybe it's for the best; this way you can move on from him. Why don't we get out of here? You and I. Let's go get something to eat, like a date," Callie said smoothly.

I might as well give up on Calum. He didn't remember me, and I didn't have the strength to make him fall for me again when he didn't even know who I was. I gave into Callie; I might as well just stay with her, at least I'd have someone then.

"Yes please. I'd like that," I said softly. Callie smiled; linking our hands and leading me back outside towards her car. As we left, we walked past Luke and Michael.

"Ashton! We've been looking everywhere for you! Are you okay? Wait, what are you doing?" Michael asked, looking at Callie and I. "I can't do this anymore. What's the point? Calum doesn't remember me, I might as well move on. Callie is willing to go out with me, I might as well give it a go," I said in defeat.

"Are you fucking crazy?" Luke asked in shock. "That's a fucking ridiculous idea. Calum will get his memory back again soon. Its just amnesia. He'll remember you. And then what will happen when he finds out you've left him to be with this skank?" Luke hissed.

"Leave her alone," I said defensively, stepping between Callie and the boys. "What in fuck sakes has gotten into you? You're just leaving, like that. Ashton, you know everything was Maddie's fault. You figured it out. You can't just leave now. You know the truth," Michael said angrily.

"Yeah, I do. But right now, I need to get out of here. I can't do this right now. I need some space. I just- I can't," I said, tears filling me eyes again.

"Look what you've done to him, you assholes. Can't you see you're hurting my poor baby? Just leave him alone. I'll take care of him," Callie said, wrapping her arms around my waist.

The boys looked on in horror. I shook my head and turned away, not being able to look at them any longer, in case I changed my mind. Glancing at Callie, I gave her a small smile. "My cars over here. Let's go," I said, leaving Luke and Michael stranded here while I took Callie to my car.

I took my place in the drivers seat. It was the first time I would be driving my own car in a while. It helped to forget the pain of what just happened.

"Anywhere you want to go?" I asked Callie. "Let's just go somewhere chill, like Nando's," Callie replied. I gave her a nod, and pulled out of the hospital.

I was supposed to be moving on from Calum, so why did it feel like my heart was shattering even more with the distance I put between myself and the hospital? I had to let go. Calum has forgotten me, and now I needed to forget him. But why was it so hard? And why did it feel like I was making the worst mistake of my life?

 

Calum's POV

It wasn't long before Mali Koa and mum came to visit me. Mali sat with me, holding my hand and telling me things would get better. I could hear the doctor in the hallway, telling my mum what had happened. I heard her cry, and it broke my heart to hear it. That's something you never want to hear, your mother crying.

 

"What's the last thing you remember, Cal?" Mali asked. "You and I, walking to school together on my first day of Year 7," I sigh. Mali gasps. "That was over a year and a half ago," she said, tears in her eyes.

"Mali, please don't cry. I can't deal with anyone else crying about this," I said in defeat. "I'm sorry. It's just so horrible. So you don't remember the band, do you?" I shook my head no. "Apparently my band mates came by before you did to check up on me. I didn't understand though. None of it makes any sense," I said in distress. 

"That means you don't remember Ash- nevermind," she said quickly. "Ash? Who's Ash?" I asked, giving her a look. "Ashton- he's just- another one of your band members," she said, looking away. There was something she wasn't telling me.

"That must have been the boy who didn't say much. He just stood there, sobbing, and then he freaked out and ran away," I said slowly. I didn't understand it, but when I saw him I felt this weird feeling in my stomach and my head spun a little. It was like his presence affected me, but I didn't understand how.

"I- uh, yeah. You had a special connection with him. You meant a great deal to him, as he did to you," she said, a sad look crossing her face. "How'd you know that?" I asked curiously.

Mali gave me a sad smile. "You told me a lot about him, texted and called me and said great things about him," she said mysteriously. I had no idea what any of that meant.

There was definitely something about him though. I couldn't figure out what it was, but something was special about him. He caught my eye, and seeing him so destroyed broke a piece of me. That only confused me more.

"Do- do they know how long it will be before the amnesia wears off?" I asked after a while. The room was too quiet. I hated the look Mali gave me. It was like I was dead and she was mourning me. "Hey, stop it. I'm not dead. I'm still here. You can't get rid of me that easily," I joked.

"Of course not. I'd miss your annoying face, brother of mine," she said, ruffling my hair. She sighed again, and the air of playfulness fell away. "They said it could be weeks, maybe months for your full memory to recover. Our best hope is that certain things spark memories and that things fall into place faster as they are triggered," Mali explained.

A weird thought had began to nag me. I plucked up the courage to ask. "Mali? Who was I in the car with when the accident happened?" Mali hesitated to answer. I didn't like that. It was a sign of bad news.

"I don't think it really matters, Calum. You won't remember them anyway," Mali answered. I frowned angrily, shaking my head, which only caused a stab of pain to wrack through my body. I hissed in pain.

"You need to be careful. You're pretty banged up, Cal. Just rest, we can talk about this later," she said, making a move to get up.

"Mali. Please. Just answer this one last question. Who was in the car with me?" I tried again. "It's complicated, Cal. It won't make any sense. Hell, it doesn't make any sense to me. We'd be better off asking Luke or Michael," she stalled.

"Mali," I said, agitated. "Fine. You were with a girl. She was the one driving at the time of the accident. Her name is Maddie Harris, and she is, or was, your girlfriend, turned ex-girlfriend, turned somewhat girlfriend again."

Mali shrugged, confused. "I don't know, Calum, I really don't. I don't get what's going on either. Like I said, talk to your band members. Or future band members. Or whatever they are. Just talk to them, they understand it more than I do. They told me briefly what happened, but they were in a hurry to find Ashton so I didn't get much information. I'm sorry," she said.

She stood up, and gave my hand a final squeeze. "We'll be back later, okay?" I nodded, but I didn't really hear her. My mind was reeling. What did she mean by that?

I didn't have a girlfriend. I had no idea who Maddie Harris was. How could she be, or have been, my girlfriend, and then ex-girlfriend, and then sort of my girlfriend again? That literally made no sense at all.

All of this was making my head throb. The pain suddenly washed over me, and I let out a sob. An increased beeping made me panic, which only made the beeping louder and more persistent than it was before.

A nurse made her way into the room and pushed a few buttons. Then she was at my side. "Calum, you need to relax. Take some deep breaths. Follow my lead. In and out. In and out," she instructed. I forced myself to follow her lead.

Suddenly, my eyes felt heavy. I tried to blink to shake it off, but instead the nurse spoke again. Her voice sounded different. Was it always that distant? She was telling me to close my eyes. At least I think she was.

Exhausted, I gave in. Sleep welcomed me with open arms. As I drifted off I heard something. A voice. A beautiful voice. One that made my heart sing with happiness and adoration.

"I love you so fucking much, Calum Hood," the voice said. It reverberated around in my head, and it made my heart burst with warmth and compassion. It was that voice, whoever said it, that made me want to get better. I needed to know who said that to me. 

That was a memory. It had to be. And whoever said it made me feel so completely and utterly whole again. My soul mate. My love. My forever. 'I will find you, whoever you are. I love you, too,' I thought, as sleep claimed me as her own.

Ashton's POV

I pulled up outside the nearest Nando's and helped Callie get out. She seemed happy, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I wasn't doing the right thing.

It was probably because I had literally gone through hell and back for Calum, and I was just giving up on him. I knew it was wrong, but I honestly didn't have the strength left to fight anymore. I was so drained- physically, mentally, and emotionally.

"Are you okay?" Callie asked, placing her hand on my arm. I nodded weakly. "It's just been a lot to deal with. Too much for my mind to process, I guess," I admitted.

"Things will get easier, Ashton. You just need to let everything go and start again," she smiled confidently. I don't know how she did it. I needed to toughen up.

Together, we walked into the restaurant and sat at a table. Callie sat down next to me. I know it's wrong, but her support was helping. She slipped her arm around my waist and I leant into her side.

"This is all such a mess. Everything makes sense yet nothing makes sense at all. I don't know what to do. I know the truth, yet I don't know what the right thing to do is," I admitted.

Callie brushed my hair out of my face softly. "You're thinking too hard, Ash. Take some time to step back and let it all go. You're going to kill yourself with all this stress and pressure. Just focus on taking care of yourself first, and everything else will fall into place," Callie replied soothingly.

Honestly, I wasn't even sure of her own motives, but I needed someone right now. She was the only one who was so understanding of what this was like for me.

"Thank you," I said quietly. We sat in silence, Callie soothing me, and me struggling to keep myself from drowning. I couldn't shake the feeling of regret. A piece of me knew this was wrong, and it was desperately trying to break free of where I had shoved it aside.

I finally voiced part of the regret. "Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me?" I asked. Callie sighed and a guilty look crossed her face.

"Look, I felt bad about what Maddie and I did to you. I work for Maddie because I have to, not because I want to. I wanted to help you, and it made me feel sick what we're put you through. I didn't want to hurt you. Besides, you're cute and sweet. You didn't deserve any of this," Callie admitted.

That had not been what I was expecting to hear at all. "I don't know what to say," I said in shock. "I know it's hard to believe, but it’s the truth. Maddie is my cousin. I got roped into her sick little games years ago. It's like being in a drug cartel, once you're in there's no way out. I have to keep up this façade or she'll hurt me, maybe even kill me," Callie said, her lips trembling.

"I'm so sorry," I said, not knowing what else to say. "Don't be, it's okay. The point I'm trying to make is that I don't want to hurt you or kill you or do whatever Maddie wants to do to you. I want to help you... but you have to stay away from Calum. You know she will kill you if you don't, maybe kill the rest of your band too," Callie told me.

"Then what am I supposed to do?" I asked desperately. Callie struggled to come up with an answer. "There isn't anything you can do. You let Maddie have Calum, and stay out of her way. Stay in the band; don't let her take everything from you. No matter how hard you fight, she will always win. She has the upper hand. The most important thing is keeping you and your band members’ safe. The only thing I can think of is that you stick with me and I'll keep you safe. If she sees us together she knows she's won and she won't harm anyone anymore," Callie explained.

I listened to what Callie said, but it didn't settle right with me. Something seemed off, and I struggled to figure out what it was. I nodded to Callie, letting her think that I agreed with her. My senses were screaming something was off, and I went into overdrive trying to understand it.

"Why don't I go get us some food and you wait here? It might help for you to eat something. I know Maddie starved you. You need someone to take care of you, Ashton," Callie said, placing a kiss to my temple.

I nodded again. "Yes, please. Thank you Callie, for taking care of me," I said, knowing that was what she wanted to hear. "You're welcome," she said with a smile, before slipping away from the table to get some food.

Without realizing it she had just given me exactly what I wanted, time alone to think everything through. So many things were rushing through my head that is was making me feel dizzy.

I was still a beaten mess. It was hard to imagine I had only just got back to the boys earlier today, and yet it felt like a lifetime ago with all the events that happened since I'd been back. 

I had pushed the pain aside, having more pressing matters on hand. Now, I felt lisle death. I was in agony, every part of my body in so much pain that death seemed a better option.

As soon as this date was over, I was going straight home to get Michael to take care of me. I was sure he would know how to fix me up again. That was that solved. The next thing was the awful thought that circled my head over and over again.

Mistake. Mistake. Mistake. Mistake. Mistake.

What was a mistake? Yelling at Michael and Luke? I knew that was a mistake. They were only trying to help me. I would have to go and apologize as soon as possible, 

What else? Leaving the hospital? That was probably a mistake too. I shouldn't have ran like I did. It just proved how much of a coward I was. I was so weak. I just didn't have the strength to even process what was going on, mind hold myself and the other boys together.

What was I missing? The obvious answer. Calum. My mistake. The big mistake was leaving Calum. It hit me like a train in that second. I probably gasped, but I didn't really notice.

It all swirled around in my head until it clicked together. Calum. How could I leave him? Why the fuck would I choose Callie over Calum?

Calum. The boy who loves me. Calum. The boy who got into a car accident to win me back. Calum. The boy who has amnesia and doesn't remember me. Calum. The boy who still loves me, regardless of the fact he lost his memory. Calum. The boy who risked his life to bring Maddie down to be with me again. Calum. The boy I love more than anything in this entire world. Calum. The one I wanted to risk my life for to have him back as mine. Calum. The one I was going to make fall in love with me all over again. Calum. My Calum, who is singly the absolute and utter best thing that has ever happened to me. Calum. My soul mate and my forever. Calum. Calum. Calum. Calum. Calum.

Of course. My mistake was leaving him when he needed me the most. I screwed up. No, I more than screwed up. I fucked it up so badly, there might be a chance I could never fix it again,

It was all suddenly so clear. A revelation. I had made the wrong choice. I chose Callie over Calum, and it was the wrong decision. I wanted- no, I needed Calum. Callie was a lie.

Oh God. Another revelation. She was lying to me. That whole story was utter bullshit. She was taking advantage of me while I was hysterical. She found her loophole to easily manipulate me, and she went for it. It didn't work though. I had a newfound purpose, and I was fighting for what I loved.

This was all part of Maddie's plan. She was using Callie to get me out of the way so she could take Calum back. Well guess what bitches?! I'm back and I'm never letting anything get in the way of Calum and I ever again. I decided then and there I was getting Calum back, whatever the costs, and I was keeping my band and I safe.

Maddie had another thing coming for her. She was going to regret the day she ever messed with my band and I. Karma is a bitch, motherfucker.

I pushed myself out of the table and towards the door. Suddenly, Callie was right I'm front of me. "Ashton? Are you okay? Where are you going?" she asked. 

"I'm leaving. I'm going back where I belong, with Calum and my band," I said firmly, "I'm sorry, I can't let you do that," she said, an evil smirk crossing her face.

"Oh, no, I'm sorry. I wasn't asking your permission. Now get out of my fucking way, or I swear I will fucking kill you," I seethed. Callie didn't move.

"I. Said. Fucking. Move." With a sudden strength that I didn't know I had, I knocked the food out of her hands and punched her straight in the face. Callie stumbled and fell to the ground.

People around us started screaming and I saw some men moving towards me. Shit. I just punched a girl in public. They didn't know though. They didn't know this girl had assisted in beating me within an inch of my life and that she was a fucking psychopath.

Without thinking, I ran out of the restaurant and to my car. I saw people chasing me, yelling they were calling the police. I didn't care. Callie couldn't say who I was, because she and I both knew the police were after Maddie for what she did to me. If Callie said anything, she knew that she would go down harder than I would with the police since she helped Maddie in torturing me. She was stuck, and that pleased me in a sick way.

I quickly drove away from the scene. There was only one place for me to go now, and that was Luke's. I had to talk to Luke and Michael. They were the only two who could help me in fixing all of this and getting Calum back.

I drove as fast as I could, getting to Luke's in record-breaking time. Liz's car wasn't there, which meant if the boys were home by now, it would just be us.

I hopped out and ran to the door. I was so thankful Luke had given me a key to the house so I could let myself in. I unlocked the door and wandered into the house.

"Mikey? Luke? Are you home? Please be home," I called helplessly. "What do you want?" Luke asked angrily, coming out from the living room. Michael followed close behind.

"I need your help, guys. Please, I fucked up," I begged. "Why should we help you, you backstabbing whore? We don't want to help," Luke growled.

I double back as if is I'd been hit. I bumped the hall table and a real flash of pain raced through me as it dug into one of the wounds Maddie gave me. A gasp of pain left my lips and my hands flew to my side.

Michael, forgetting he was mad at me, moved forward immediately. "How bad is it?" he asked. I bit my lip and looked away briefly. "Bad. Really bad," I admitted. "The truth this time, Ashton. We need the truth, or we won't help," Michael said.

"Michael, please don't make me. You know what she'll do. Please just help me. I'm begging you. I need him. Calum, I need him. I don't want anyone else. He's my forever. I fucked up. I made a mistake. Please," I pleaded.

"Ashton, she's in the hospital, she can't find out. Tell me, tell us, please," Michael asked. "What are you two on about?" Luke asked, sounding upset that he was out of the loop.

"Michael wants to know what Maddie did to me," I replied. "Why can't you tell us?" Luke questioned. I chewed on the inside of my cheek. Did I risk telling them the truth? I honestly did need their help, and Michael was right about Maddie not being able to find out,

"Maddie threatened that if I ever told you what she did to me, or the truth about anything, she would kill both of you in front of me. She'd probably kill me too. Michael's right though. When she kidnapped me, she took me to the abandoned factory I told you about. She tied me to a chair so I couldn't get away. I ended up self-harming myself with the ropes that help my wrists just to forget the pain she caused from knocking me out with a baseball bat.

"She came in and told me this whole story about how this was all Calum's idea and that they were working together to get rid of me. She gave this huge speech on how gay was wrong and she brainwashed me into thinking that gay was disgusting and a sin and that I couldn't be gay. She then proceeded to torture me with a whip to beat the gay out of me. She left me there to bleed out. She starved me too, not giving me anything. Then she shoved Callie at me and brought the whole fake girlfriend thing into it. I'm sure she beat me too, but there was times I blacked out from the pain so I'm not so sure. That's basically a summary of what happened," I revealed.

"Oh God, Ashton," Luke cried, pulling me into a hug. I fell into his arms and hugged him back. Michael joined out hug and we all stood there for a minute. 

"Can you help properly take care of me? I mean the wounds are agony. I know you helped earlier today, but-" "But I didn't know the extent of the injuries. Of course I'll help clean you up and take care of you," Michael finished for me.

"Thank you," I said. "I'm so sorry for being angry with you," Luke added. I shook my head. "You had a reason to be mad at me. Talking of that, that's really why I'm here. I don't know how we're going to do it, but somehow we need to help Calum get his memories back, get him to fall for me again, and take Maddie down," I said.

"We'll figure it out together. We'll help you work this all out," Luke said. "Thank you, Luke, thank you," I said, giving him a smile. The first real smile since before I'd been kidnapped. "I have an idea," Michael said. We all turned and looked at him in hope.

Michael's POV

“I have an idea,” I said, catching Luke and Ashton’s attention. “What is it?” Ashton asked eagerly. The hope in his eyes was beautiful and heart wrenching all at once.

I had to help get things back to the way they were supposed to be. Calum was my brother and I couldn’t even being to imagine the pain Ashton was going through. Even the thought of losing Luke the way Ashton lost Calum made my heart shatter in ways I could never even think was possible.

“Well, so the most important thing is getting Calum’s memories back. If we help bring them back, Calum will naturally fall back in love with you. He’ll remember everything. He went with Maddie because he loves you. It will come back naturally, so I think we just need him to see you when his memories are back and then he will fall hopelessly back in love with you, just like he was.

“So, that leaves us with the task of bringing his memories back. I think that is where Luke and I come in. I think we can show him things from the band and help jog his memory again. If we show him videos and stuff, I feel like it will bring things to a close for him.

“If that doesn’t work, we can talk to him about things like playing the bass and his love for music and video games. Things he is familiar with will help bring things back to him. It’s like a trigger really. If we can show him things, it can help trigger little things, which can trigger bigger things until it all comes back to him. So, we just need to start small and help him out.

“That leaves us with the difficult part. Maddie. We asked the front desk and apparently she isn’t that badly hurt. She will more than likely be let out of the hospital in the next couple days at the most.

“We know that since Calum is in hospital, she will go after you. My thought is we use you as bait. And before you freak out, we will do it in a safe environment with police around us. We can then coax her into admitting the truth in front of the cops and then she’ll be arrested. If she goes to jail, so won’t be able to hurt us anymore.

“We need a way to corner her. Here’s what I’m thinking. You say you want to talk to her. Say that you give up and she wins, and that you are going to leave the band. She will be pleased and want to meet with you to make sure she has beaten you into submission.

“Then we strike back. We get her angry. If she’s angry, she will be careless and we can get her to open up about what she did. It won’t be enough if we tell the police what happened. They will need to hear it from her. When she confesses, the police will take care of her and we can focus on us as a band again. It’s not a perfect plan, but it’s a start,” I explained.

“Michael, that’s a great plan. It’ll work. We will make it work. How’d you come up with that so quickly?” Luke asked. I blushed. “I was already thinking of ways to help Calum regain his memory. Maddie took more work, and it’s still a work in progress, but it’s a good start,” I said, shrugging.

“You’re amazing, Michael, you really are,” Ashton said, gripping my shirt tightly. I realized he was struggling to stand so I helped move him to the couch.

“We aren’t going to launch any plan until we have taken care of you, and got you on the road to recovery. Luke, will you help me?” I asked, looking at my boyfriend.

Luke nodded. He slipped his hand into mine, and we headed to the bathroom. We both rummaged through draws and cupboards, looking for anything that could help heal Ashton.

“I meant what I said just then, that really was a great plan. I don’t know how, but I am the luckiest man on earth to have a boyfriend as incredible as you,” Luke said, wrapping his arms around my waist.

His presence was so reassuring. It helped ground me; reminding me of how hard I had to work to help fix things. “I’m so glad I have you. You help me through all this. It’s your support that is making me better,” I said, winding my arms around his neck.

I buried my head in his neck and took a deep breath. “How did all this happen to us? Everything was so great, and then it was ripped out from underneath us out of nowhere. We’ve lost Ashton, and now Calum. Everything is a mess, and now I’ve seen both of the utterly destroyed by all this. I hate it. And I’m the one that everyone depends on to be the rock and I can’t let any of you down,” I sighed.

“Hey, hey, look at me. You have so much weight on your shoulders. You don’t need to handle this all on your own. I’m your boyfriend, and I’m here to help you handle the load. We’re in this, together. That’s what lovers are for,” Luke murmured to me.

“I’m the fucking luckiest man in this entire universe. You’re such a dork, but you’re my prefect dork. God, I fucking love you, Luke,” I said.

“I love you too,” he replied. We moved in sync, connecting our lips in a searing kiss. I put all my stress and love into the kiss, and Luke reciprocated the emotions. I pulled back and buried my head in his neck again.

“You don’t have to be the strong one all the time, Mikey. You can let your walls down occasionally, and you can always let them down around me,” he whispered, rubbing my back.

I sucked a breath in, holding my tears back. Now wasn’t the time. I needed to take care of Ashton’s injuries first. “Thank you, Lukey,” I replied. We held each other in this comforting embrace for a few minutes before I pulled away.

“Let’s go help Ashton. We can deal with all this after that,” I said, brushing the unshed tears away.

“You’re so brave, so strong. It’s one of the many reasons why I love you so much,” Luke said softly, pecking me on the lips. I kissed him back and gave him a smile. “I love you so very much, too,” I said.

With a nod, we headed back out to the living room to Ashton. He was sat, bouncing his leg nervously. “Are you okay?” Luke asked. “Yeah, just want everything back to the way it was before I was kidnapped,” Ashton said, his voice breaking.

“Don’t worry, Ashton. I swear to you, we will get everything back to the way it should be. Just you wait,” I said firmly. I was going to do everything in my power to fix what Maddie had ruined. I wouldn’t give up, not until she was in jail and we were safe, and everything was back to the way it was again.


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my beautiful Sophanators!
> 
> I have literally never been more sorry about taking so long in all my life! This semester of college has been really difficult for me, and I have almost no time to write with the amount of hard classes I'm taking. This chapter is long and full of lots of plot twists so I hope it can make up for me taking so long.
> 
> Again, I hope you all love this chapter, I'm really proud of it! As always, don't forget to comment and leave kudos!
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood Malfoy Grimes Holmes xxxxxx

Chapter Twenty-One

Michael's POV

I helped clean Ashton up and sent him to bed to rest. "Do you think he will actually sleep?" Luke asked. "No, but it will be good for him to actually rest. After all he's been through..." I trailed off.

"When are we going to see Calum again?" Luke asked. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "Well, at the present time, I think we should make Ashton wait to see Calum again; just until Calum regains some of his memory. I don't want Ashton panicking if we just disappear. I'd rather be around to take care of Ashton. So, regretfully, I think we should go to see Calum again tomorrow," I explained.

A sad look crossed Luke's face, and it made my stomach twist in discomfort. I reached out and stroked my thumb over Luke's cheek. "I know, Lukey. I know," I mumbled. Luke rested his forehead on my shoulder, and I ran my fingers through his hair.

"I think we need to get some rest, too. It's not going to do us any good to stay awake and worry about things now," I said to Luke. He nodded and slipped his hand into mine. "Stay with me?" he asked softly. "Absolutely," I replied.

Luke led me to his room and I followed willingly. We climbed into bed and I wrapped my arms around my boyfriend. "I'll always protect you, Luke. Always." Luke's hand squeezed mine, and I knew he believed me. For now, it was time to put the bad day behind us. Tomorrow, we would bring the old Calum back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashton's POV

All night I struggled to sleep. I knew Michael wanted to wait to get Calum back, but I wanted him back then and there. My dreams flitted with memories of Calum; our zoo date, Harry's football game, and every time we kissed.

I woke with a start, as Michael shook my arm. "How are you feeling?" he asked. "Like shit," I mumbled, pushing myself up into a sitting position.

Luke moved into the room and placed himself on the edge of the bed. Michael sat next to Luke, and looked over at me. “So… Luke and I have been talking about a plan. We’re not sure that you are going to like it though…”Michael trailed off.

“What is it?” I asked cautiously. “We were thinking about the two of us,” Michael said, indicating himself and Luke, “Going to see Calum and doing what we can to trigger him to remember everything. We think it would be best if you remain here,” he said.

"Why would you go to see Calum without me?" I asked, my voice betraying how hurt I was by the thought of it. Michael took a deep breath and placed his hand on my leg gently, avoiding any of the wounds left by Maddie. 

"Ash... we need to bring Calum's memories back as swiftly and carefully as we can. Luke and I are worried bringing you in at this point could be volatile. We need to bring his memory back and when he remembers all of us, including you, then you can see him again," Michael explained. 

I hated this. Hated the idea of being kept from Calum longer then I had to be. "Listen, we know how you're feeling about this..." Luke tried to say. "NO YOU DON'T. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE," I screamed, losing my temper. I couldn't deal with this any longer. 

"Ashton... hey, hey, look at me. Deep breathes, okay?" Michael tried to soothe me. "Stop treating me like I'm some bomb about to explode, Clifford," I yelled. "Ashton, please. We're just trying to help you," Luke said carefully. 

I sighed in defeat, dropping back against the headboard. I knew they were both right. Everything Maddie and Callie had done to me had changed me. I felt like a disgusting version of myself.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled weakly. Michael gave me a small smile, which I knew meant it was okay. "We are going to go and see Calum. In the meantime, you stay here and come up with ways to get Maddie to come out and play. Please, don't go out there just yet. Wait a day or two to heal before you put yourself in any danger again. Not that we'll put you in any danger. Just, I want you to be a little more healed before you confront her," Michael explained.

"I know, I understand. You're right. It's best for me to be more prepared before I face her. As long as the fucker ends up as far away from us as possible," I said, my voice threatening and low. "I agree with you wholeheartedly, Ash. We are going to put the bitch where she belongs, don't you worry," Luke said firmly.

"Then it's settled. For now, you stay here and come up with a plan. We'll head down to the hospital and see what progress we can make. Then we regroup later today and go from there. Okay?" Michael asked. 

I nodded solemnly. "Yeah, okay," I replied. Luke stood up and patted my head fondly. "Please rest, Ash. For me?" he asked. I couldn't say no to Luke; after all he'd done for me. "I will, Lukey," I replied. 

With a smile, Luke and Michael left the room, once again leaving me alone. I ran my hands over my face, trying to collect my thoughts. I was stuck here. I promised I would stay and rest, and after all I had done to the boys, there was no way I could go and fuck everything up again.

I pulled my phone out, having already known what I wanted to say to Maddie. 

"I give up, Maddie. I surrender. I want this all to be over. I want to meet up with you, to give myself up in person, so that you know I'm serious. I'm done. You win."

I hit send and waited for the response that would change everything.

Luke's POV 

Michael drove us over to the hospital. The trip was silent, but it was comfortable. I kept my hand on his thigh the whole way, offering him and myself comfort as we drove.

We had put tons of pictures, as well as Calum's bass guitar, and my laptop full of our videos in the car. We were going to take them all with us, and hope that one, if not all of them, helped Cal to regain his memory.

We pulled up outside of the hospital and I took a deep breath. "What if this doesn't work, Michael? What do we do if we can't trigger Calum's memories back?" I asked miserably. 

"Don't talk like that. This is going to work. We are going to get him to remember. It'll be a miracle, but after all we've been through, we deserve a miracle," Michael replied, his voice showing he meant it.

Nodding, I gave him a smile that I hoped was reassuring. He smiled back and reached back to hand me my laptop and the pictures. I held them close to my chest, willing them to bring Calum's memories back.

Michael grabbed the bass, and we walked into the hospital. "We're here to see Calum Hood. We're his brothers, and bandmates," I explained to the lady at the desk. She gave us a warm smile. "Room 263. Good luck," she said. With a nod, Michael and I made our way to Calum's room again.

We hovered outside of the door to where he was staying. I could feel the nerves building up inside me. A glance at Michael let me know he was feeling the same way. "Let's do this," I said, mustering enough courage for both of us. Pushing the door open, I entered the room.

Calum looked up when we walked in, and his eyes scrutinized us as we made out way into the room. "Luke and Michael, right?" he asked carefully. Michael nodded. "Yes, that’s us. We're here to try and help you remember again, if that's okay with you?" he asked.

Calum looked at me, and our eyes connected. "Yes please, I want my memories back," he said. A sigh of relief left my lips. I didn't realize it, but I had been holding my breath. I was worried he would turn us away, or not want to remember, or something farfetched like that.

With a nod from Calum, I placed myself on the end of his bed. “So, we brought you your bass guitar. This is your prize possession. You love this guitar. It’s a part, like an extension of your arm,” I said, motioning to the bass guitar case. Michael opened it up and Calum looked inside.

A soft gasp fell from his lips. “It’s beautiful,” he said gently, his hand coming up and hovering near the guitar. “Go ahead, it’s yours after all,” Michael said with a genuine smile.

Calum reached out and grasped the bass. A sharp intake of breath was heard and Calum jerked backwards. “What? Are you okay?” I lurched forward in fear. Taking a couple deep breaths Calum nodded. “Yeah- I just- got a rush of memories when I touched it. We’ve played together quite a lot in the span of a year, haven’t we?” he asked, grinning. 

“Yes, yes we have. What can you remember?” I asked. “I remember playing at your house a lot, practicing and performing for our families. I can remember us going on stage with another person, but we didn’t do very well. The second time we played as a band, we did much better,” Calum said, his eyes closing as he retold us the memories.

“That other person you saw on stage with us is Ashton Irwin. He’s our drummer. Hopefully you remember the details about him soon, he’s kind of important,” I replied quietly. 

“Mali said the same thing to me yesterday. Why was Ashton so important to us… so important to me?” he asked, confusion clouding his face.

“Let’s take this one step at a time, okay? We don’t want to rush anything or push you too hard,” Michael warned. 

“I don’t care, I want you to push me hard. I want to remember, the sooner the better. I want to get out of here and go back to living life normally again,” Calum said. I felt a huge rush of pity run through me at his words. Life had been so complicated since Ashton was kidnapped, not that it was his fault at all, but it would be good for all of is to go back to living normally again.

“Okay, well how about I show you some videos and pictures of us all together. That might help you remember us and the band more,” I said, offering up the pictures to Calum.

He reached out and his hand brushed over mine as he took the pictures. Another small gasp and he closed his eyes for a second. “You’re my best friend, right?” he asked, a cheeky smile crossing his face.

I could honestly cry from how happy I suddenly felt at hearing him say those words. I never realized how much I would miss my absolute best friend until something this drastic happened to us. 

“Yes, you are my best friend, Calum. You have been since I met you,” I replied. Calum took the pictures out of my hand, and started to flip through them. Most of them were pictures of year 7, when the three of us became friends and started to hang out and play our instruments together.

Calum chuckled at one picture, holding it out for us to see. It was Calum’s 15th birthday, we had thrown him a party and it had been a wild time. “I can remember this. That was one crazy day,” he laughed. “Yeah, it was,” Michael, agreed.

Once he had looked through the pictures, I opened my laptop and pulled up our YouTube channel. “5 Seconds of Summer. That’s our band name?” he asked. I grinned and nodded. “I like it. Who came up with the name?” he asked.

“I did, actually. You both thought it was cool and it just sort of fell into place as our name,” Michael said. The three of us sat and watched all of our videos together. There was just one video I didn’t show him, but of course, Calum noticed and pointed it out.

“What’s that video about?” he asked, looking at me. I shook my head. “I’m not sure if this is a good time to be watching this video. It’s emotional and I don’t know if you’re ready for it or not,” I said, looking at Michael. He knew exactly what video it was, and I could see he agreed with me.

“I want to see it. Show me. Please,” Calum begged. The look in his eyes was desperate. I understood what he meant. He wanted to try anything and see everything he could to help get his memory back.

I looked at Michael, to see what he thought. Calum caught me looking and turned to Michael. “Michael, please. For me. I’m your band mate, your best friend, and your brother. Please let me see this. My memory is improving. I want it to come back fully though. Please.”

Michael glanced at me, before looking Calum in the eyes. Whether they had some silent conversation or not is something I’ll never know. Michael relented though, and gave a short nod. “Okay, but if it backfires and something goes wrong, this ones on you for wanting to keep going.”

Calum agreed, and turned back to the screen. I clicked on the video, and we all watched the three of us telling our fans how hurt and disgusted we were that Ashton was being sent so much hate. We watched as we told the viewers we wouldn’t stand to see someone we loved and cared for so much, someone who had so much talent and potential, get torn down by their hate.

By the time the video ended, I dragged my eyes away from the screen and towards Calum. His eyes were squeezed shut, and there were tear tracks down his cheeks. His body was shaking, and his breathing was ragged.

“Cal? Calum? Are you okay? Should I call for help?” I rushed to ask. He didn’t reply. “Shit, quick, hit the button to call the nurse,” Michael said. I pushed myself off the bed and hit the button multiple times.

A nurse came rushing in. “Is everything okay?” she asked. “Please help. We were trying to help Calum remember and then this happened and we don’t know what to do,” I half sobbed.

Michael got off the bed quickly and joined me, giving the nurse room to get to Calum. The nurse went to Calum’s side and turned up the drip he was attached to. I knew there was some kind of drug in there to reduce the pain, but I didn’t know anything more than that. 

Crouching down the nurse started to talk to Calum in a hushed tone. I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but I saw the tension fall from Calum’s shoulders. Finally Calum opened his eyes and looked at the nurse. She asked him a few questions and he whispered answers back to her.

The nurse then stood up and looked over at us. "I will bring the doctor in straight away. Congratulations, boys, " she said, and then she left. I looked at Michael in utter confusion. "What did she mean congratulations?" I asked.

Calum then spoke up from the bed. "I remember," he said. "W-what?" Michael asked in shock. "I remember. Not everything, but almost everything. Seeing that video... poor Ashton. And then it hit my like a ton of bricks. Ashton... it was all for Ashton. The kidnapping, the car crash, dealing with Maddie, the amnesia, is all for Ashton. Ashton's my boyfriend, my soul mate, and I love him with all my heart. And you two are my band mates, my best friends, and my brothers. We all live together at Luke’s house, and together we make a perfect band,” Calum said, chocking up.

I flung myself at him, tears streaming down my face. “You remember. You have your memories back. Your amnesia is gone. Calum, oh God, I’m so glad you’re back,” I sobbed.

“It’s such relieving to have you back. I missed you Calum, we all did,” Michael said, also crying. The three of us held each other tightly until a doctor walked into the room. 

We pulled away and let the doctor check on Calum. “It’s remarkable that your amnesia was cured by the help of your friends. It looks like we have a miracle on our hands,” the doctor said.

“I told you it would be a miracle,” Michael said to me. I couldn’t help but smile back at him.

“Now, there will be lingering affects from the amnesia. It will still take a couple weeks for you to completely gain back all your memories, but most of them are back now, which is great. We are going to keep you here for a few more days just to keep an eye on you and make sure you have a full recovery. I’m going to write this down on the records. We will keep you comfortable and get you out of here as soon as possible,” the doctor said.

With a nod to us all, the doctor left the room. Calum immediately reached out for us. “Ashton. Can you get Ashton to come here? I want to see him. I need to be with him again. Even just to tell him how much I love him,” he begged.

Michael and I looked at each other. We had already discussed this before, as we wanted everything to follow our plan to get Maddie out of our lives. “Why are you looking at each other like that?” Calum asked wearily.

“We’re sorry Calum, but at the moment we think it’s best if we keep Ashton at home. He’s healing from what Maddie did to him, and we have a plan to take Maddie down, but we need her to believe you two have given up on each other. It’s just for a few more days. As soon as we have dealt with Maddie and got her as far away from us as possible, then you two can be together again. Are you okay with that?” Michael explained.

Calum took a deep breath and nodded. “As long as it keeps Ashton safe, right? If it keeps him safe and it benefits us both in the end, then I’m okay with the decision,” Calum agreed.

“Yes, it will be the best way to keep you both safe,” I said. Calum smiled. “Thank you. Just, do me a favor and tell him I love him more than anything,” Cal said. “We will, don’t worry. And I can safely say that Ashton loves you just as much,” Michael said.

Calum smiled so widely it could have broken his face in two. “I love you guys too. You’re my family,” Cal stated. 

Michael and I hugged Calum. It was surreal that we had been the ones to cure his amnesia. Things were finally getting better. There was just one more hurdle to jump. 

Michael and I stayed with Calum most of the day. Once we got home and told Ashton the news, he had been so happy that he cried. We spent the night devising a solid plan to take Maddie down, but we were all distracted with the happy news about Calum. I hadn’t seen Ashton so happy since we brought him into the band. It was the best feeling in the world to see everyone happy again, and things finally on the road to recovery.

Ashton’s POV

It felt like it could have been hours, but more than likely it was a couple days at most, before I heard from Maddie. It was the text I had been awaiting, yet dreading. Maddie was out, and it was time get my revenge.

“I got your text. Come out and play, Ashy. Maddie. xx”

It was now or never. It was time to take Maddie down, and get her as far away from my band as possible. With Calum’s memories back, the only thing stopping me from seeing him was Maddie. Once I had dealt with her, I could go and make him mine again.

Luke was with Calum at the hospital. Michael and him had agreed that one of them should continually stay by his side until he was released. That meant Michael was around here somewhere. As much as I wanted to face Maddie alone, and keep Michael safe, I knew I had to confront Michael and obtain his aid in this.

With a shaky breath, I slowly made my way into the living room, where the TV was softly playing. “Mikey…” I called out. “Hey, Ash, what’s wrong?” Michael asked, his head poking up over the top of the couch.

“It’s time…” I said, hoping to God Michael would know what I meant by that. I wasn’t sure I could voice what I truly meant without breaking down. Michael shot up off the couch and made his way over to me.

“What did she say?” he asked warily. I handed him my phone, with the text still hovering on the screen. Michael’s eyes scanned over the words, before his gaze flicked up to my face.

“Are you ready?” Michael asked. I knew he wasn’t just asking about us setting the plan in action. He was asking if I was ready for this all to end; if I was ready to put this all behind us and have Calum as mine again.

I nodded, my throat tightening. Michael passed me my phone back and gave me a slight nod. “Go ahead and tell her where you want to meet. Then I’ll call the police and explain the plan to them, and we’ll go from there. Okay?” he asked. “Okay,” I replied simply.

With shaking thumbs I typed a reply back. “Meet me at the football field, and I’ll concede in person.” I could hear Michael in the background, talking into his phone. I didn’t recognize it though. I was shaking, my mind racing. This was it, the final showdown.

Blankly, I grabbed my keys and made my way to the door. Michael was at my side before I could get the door open. “Let me drive, alright?” Michael asked gently. I placed my keys into his outstretched hand as a sign of acceptance.

Michael patted my shoulder softly and we walked to my car. We drove in silence, the weight of the situation weighing down on both of us. “Does Luke know that we’re doing this right now?” I asked.

“Yes, he does. I let him know after I talked to the police. Everything is all set. All that’s left is your part of the plan. Just get under her skin, get a rise out of her. Once you get her angry, then we need a confession. That’s it. You can do it. Just get her to say what she did to you. All the police need is to hear what she did. It’s illegal, and she’ll go to prison,” Michael said firmly. 

“It will work,” I said, my voice stronger than it had been, but I couldn’t make it as confident as I wanted it to be. “It will, Ash, it will,” Michael said, his confidence enough for the both of us.

Michael’s confidence was a boost to my own. If he believed we could do this, then we could. Having someone there as a support system was what I needed. I could do this. Yes, I was scared. In fact, I was terrified, but this was for Calum. I was doing this so that Calum and I could finally be together with nothing getting in the way. 

Gritting my teeth, I started to run things through in my head. Planning what to say was virtually impossible. It wasn’t something I could script out. Maddie was unpredictable. I couldn’t prepare for what she was going to say or do. A fear bubbled in the pit of my stomach; what if she tried to hurt me again? 

I knew police would be surrounding the scene to keep me safe, but I couldn’t erase the terror that burned throughout my body. I gazed out and noticed we were here. Michael pulled up and parked the car, switching the engine off.

My lip trembled and I hissed through my teeth angrily. “I’ve got to get a grip,” I said out loud. “Hey, I believe in you. You can do this. Just remember, take this bitch down and Calum will be safe, you’ll be safe, and you can move on with Calum,” Michael reaffirmed.

Hearing Michael remind me what I had to gain, I knew I had to get out there and do this. I put on my brave face and gave Michael the best look I could. As if answering my look, he reached out and squeezed my shoulder to give me strength.

“I’ll be over there in the tree-line with the police,” he said. I nodded and reached for the door handle. “Wait! Maybe we should have a safe word or something. This way, if you say a certain word, we know you’re in danger and the police can swoop in and save you,” Michael rushed out.

It was a smart idea. “Okay, yeah, that could work. What word could we use? Maybe something like football?” I suggested. “Perfect, this way it doesn’t sound too suspicious. I’ll let the officers know. Just make sure to say football clearly enough for us to hear it, if you need to,” Michael said. “I will,” I replied.

Again I reached out for the door handle, but Michael stopped me again. “Ashton?” he asked. “Yes, Mikey?” I said, trying not to get exasperated. “Be safe,” he said. I felt some of the stress melt out of my shoulders. “Thanks, Mikey,” I said back.

This time when I reached for the door handle, Michael didn’t stop me. I pushed the door open and stepped out into the warm evening air. The heat buzzing in the air filled my lungs, burning and setting me on edge.

With heavy feet that felt like lead, I made my way onto the football pitch. It felt like too many bad instances had happened on this football pitch as of late. After this was over, I never wanted to see this place again. I would have to find a new place for Harry and his team to play; a new field that was far away from this one.

I subtly glanced back, and noticed Michael very sneakily slipping out of the car and off towards the trees that surrounded one side of the field. If I squinted, I thought I could make out the shapes of people, what I suspected to be officers, in the trees. If I didn’t know they were there, I wouldn’t be able to see them. Maddie would think we were alone, which was a benefit to me.

I kept myself moving, walking to the center of the field. As I approached, I saw Maddie walking towards the center from the other side. We finally met at the middle, standing a few paces away from each other.

“Well, hello there Ashton,” Maddie said smoothly, placing her hand on her hip and looking up at me through her lashes. “You seem well, considering you were in a car crash, that you caused, not too long ago,” I said before I could think it through.

Maddie smirked. “Now that you mention it, I would have to agree. You seemed to be doing well back at Luke’s house,” Maddie said matter of factly. “How would you know?” I asked, acting indifferent.

“I’ve been keeping tabs on you, tracking you down since I got out a few days ago,” she said with a shrug. “It didn’t take too much work. I will admit, I didn’t think you would go straight back to Luke’s house. With just a little work I was able to track you down. I knew you weren’t much of a threat though. You staying at Luke’s house did help to prove that you are surrendering, especially since you haven’t had any contact with Calum since the crash,” Maddie said.

Thank God Maddie was falling for this shit. She was making this delightfully easy, almost too easy. Best not too let my guard down, not that I ever would around her.

“I have surrendered. You win, Maddie. I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to leave the band, too. I just can’t do it; I can’t be around the band after all that Calum did to me. Since you and Calum did everything you did to get rid of me, I just want to leave. I don’t want to be around anymore. You can have Calum. I just want to leave. I’m done,” I said in defeat.

“Oh, I’m so pleased to hear that. I knew you would eventually listen to reason and finally learn how wrong you were. You had no rights overstepping your bounds and taking what was mine. Calum was never yours to take,” Maddie said.

“I understand that now. You were right. Everything you said to me was right. I don’t want to live this life anymore, not when I’m hated so much by Calum,” I admitted.

“I’m glad to hear that you understand what Calum and I have been trying to tell you all along. You needed to be taught a lesson. And since you refused to leave Calum and I alone, things had to be done the hard way,” she tutted.

This was it. Time to kick it up a notch. Ready or not Maddie it’s time to get a confession. “I agree with everything you have to say… except for one tiny little detail,” I said, extending the word tiny for emphasis.

Maddie’s eyes turned from gloating to hard and cold in a matter of milliseconds. “What did you just say to me?” she asked, her words harsh and to the point.

“There’s just one thing that I don’t agree on with you,” I said, shrugging as if it was no big deal. I made sure to inch back slightly though, so as to make sure I wasn’t in range of her reaching out to injure me.

“Do you think you are in the position, let alone have the right, to disagree with me on anything?” she snarled, stepping closer to me. 

And this is where things were about to take a turn for the worse; I could just sense it in the pit of my stomach. “You’re wrong about me. I am gay. Gay is okay. In fact, gay is more than okay. Gay is fantastic. I’m happy being gay. Gay, gay, gay. I will always be gay. You can’t just make the gay disappear, the same way as you can’t make me stop loving who I love,” I ranted.

“I thought I made myself very clear. Gay is wrong. You are not gay, because no one is aloud to be gay. And no one is aloud to be gay anywhere near my Calum. I wouldn’t want that disgusting desire to be anywhere near close enough to infect my baby. I thought I made that point very clear when you were at my disposal,” Maddie snarled.

Damn, she isn’t cracking. I need her to say what she did to me. She’s hedging around it, like she doesn’t want to admit what she really did to me. Time to poke the beast some more. All I could hope was I wouldn’t get caught in the crossfire afterwards.

“You can’t be serious? Did you really think you could wash the gay out of me like that? As if it’s a choice? As if I chose to be gay, or to fall in love with Calum? That’s never a choice, Maddie. We don’t choose our sexual orientation, the same way we don’t choose what life hands our way,” I fought back.

“Oh, gay can be washed out. And we can choose what life hands our way, its called manipulation. And honey, I’m the Queen of manipulating people. You think you could really stand a chance against me? You’re nothing but a faggot, a waste of everyone else’s time and mine. You chose to try and steal Calum from me. Except, it backfired. Calum doesn’t want you. And me… I just want you dead,” Maddie spat, taking another step closer to me.

I backed up, trying to keep some amount of space between us. She kept advancing on me, and I knew I was in danger. I was being too risky. She was close to confessing though I could feel it. Just one more little push and I knew she would say what the police officers needed to hear.

“Oh, come on. That’s it. You’re just words, Maddie. All talk, no action. You really think gay can be destroyed? That you can have your way and tear a person apart in hopes of removing the gay out of them? That doesn’t even make sense. Do you even hear yourself? You’re delusional. Despite the fact you’re right about you and Calum despising me for being gay, it’s not going to change who I am. There is nothing you can do that will make me not gay.

“In fact, the harder you try to cleanse me of my gay disease, the more determined I am to be gay, just to prove you wrong. You may have been right about everything else, but you slipped up, Maddie. 

“You thought I’d spend the rest of my life pretending to be straight just so you could keep your boyfriend, and the both of you wouldn’t be infected by the gayness? You’re wrong about that. And you’re mistaken about gay being wrong,” I stated, proud of myself for not only standing up for myself, but for coming up with such a great speech off the top of my head.

Maddie hissed at me, taking a huge step forward and getting into my face. "No matter what you think, no matter what you say, you will always be wrong, Ashton Irwin. You have no control. I have the upper hand, and I always will. You think you're safe, but you're not. As long as I'm around, you will always be in danger," she said.

"What makes you think you have control over me? You can do whatever you want to me, Maddie. Even if you kill me, I will die gay and I'll be proud of it. You don't get it. You've lost. Sure, you and Calum may have played me, destroyed me, done whatever to me, but even without Calum, I'm still gay, and I will find the perfect boyfriend who will love me as much as I love him. I'll leave the band, and I'll leave Calum, but I'll still go be gay somewhere else," I answered back proudly.

Maddie finally snapped. Whether it was a good thing or not, I wasn't sure. All I remember is being thrown down onto the grass onto my back. Maddie's foot pushed into my ribs, holding me in place on the ground.

I chocked out a gasp, struggling to catch my breath. I don't even know how I ended up on the ground, all I remember was the thud as I hit the pitch, and the feeling of my breath being sucked out of me at the blow.

Maddie put pressure on my chest and I let out a yelp, trying to push her off. I was weak though, nowhere near healed enough from the beatings she gave me to fight her off. She knew that, and she was using it to her advantage.

 

"No. You're wrong. I tortured the gay out of you. You cannot be gay anymore. Not when I worked so hard to beat the gay out of you. You've been cleansed. The gay has been removed from you with the blood I drained from your body. You are no longer gay. You are straight, and you can now leave Calum and I alone. I fucking tore you apart to rid you of the grotesque disease of being gay," Maddie screeched.

Yes. Finally a confession. I hope the police heard that. Now she can be arrested and taken away from Calum and I. 

I could see movement from the trees, indicating that the police had heard the confession, and were moving in to arrest her. Things changed in the blink of an eye though.

Maddie was suddenly crouching on the ground, looming over me. She had pulled a knife out of her pocket and was holding it to my throat. Her hand was shaking, her whole body radiating the sick kind of pleasure she was getting from this.

"I didn't try hard enough last time. I need to drain more of your blood to drain out the rest of the gay that remains in your body. I'm going to slit your throat, and the rest of the gay will leak out of you," Maddie hissed, her words dripping with poison.

I trembled as I felt the blade press into my neck and blood started to slip from my throat. "You're going... to kill... me," I gasped out, words and breath struggling to make it into and out of my body.

"Good. I want you dead. I want to watch the gay flow out of you, and the life slip from your eyes. I will watch in pleasure as I see the last of the gay evaporate from you as your life slips away into nothingness. You will die, but you'll be purified when you do die," Maddie said, a twisted snarl leaving her lips.

I was frozen, my mind going numb at the thought of the fact this was it. My life was ending. I was going to die, right here, at the hands of Maddie and her psychopathic reasoning. Why wasn't anyone coming to help? Oh... of course, from this angel they can't see what is going on. I need to let them know so I can be rescued before it's too late.

I struggled to remember the word... what was the word? "Mike... Michael," I rasped out. What was the word? "Help," I gasped. Then, it finally clicked, as Maddie pushed the blade harder. I mustered the last of my strength and screamed out, "FOOTBALL."

Suddenly there was yelling. I could hear the police running out from behind the trees. "FREEZE! Maddie, drop the blade right now," an officer yelled. Maddie's head snapped around to face the police, but the blade didn't move.

"What are you going to do? Arrest me? I won't let that happen, not until I've killed him," she threatened, the blade remaining on my throat. I could see Michael standing close by, tears spilling out of his eyes. An officer was holding him back, but I could see him trying to break free to get to me.

 

"Drop the blade and step away from Ashton right now, or we'll shoot," another officer said, stepping closer to us. More officers were surrounding us, making a circle as close as they could get, so that Maddie couldn't run away.

Maddie didn't let the blade go. She moved the knife slightly, and I felt a cut form. I let out a scream. She wasn't pushing hard enough to do real damage, but I wanted the police to know it was hurting so they would get this over with before it was too late for me.

"Maddie Harris, this is your last warning. If you don't let him go right now, we will shoot," the first officer said. A second passed, and nothing changed. Then, it happened. Everything froze. A gun went off. A bullet flew.

BOOM.


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my fantastic and beautiful readers!
> 
> This chapter took a few months, because of college classes, and because it was hard to plan it out as this story is coming to an end. This is the second to last chapter. The last chapter will be the epilogue, which I will post in a few weeks.
> 
> I made this chapter super long, with tons of plot twists and feels! I hope you all enjoy it! I'm so pleased with how this chapter turned out, and I'm hoping you all adore it as much as I do! 
> 
> Again, I hope you all love this chapter, and have enjoyed the story! With it coming to an end, and with only one more chapter to go, I'm truly blessed to have had the chance to write this story and for people to like it!
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood Malfoy Grimes Holmes Stark xxxxxx

Chapter Twenty-Two

BANG.

It felt like the events that took place after that happened in slow motion. You know when they say your life flashes before your eyes right before you die? They're lying. Everything runs in slow motion. As if you're watching each and every snap shot form together into a panel that is life.

I registered an officer crouching and unlocking the safety on his gun. The subtle click as the safety unlatched almost sounded like a canon going off in my head. I saw him aiming at us. At Maddie.

The sound of the trigger being pulled was like a clap of thunder. I watched in awe stricken horror as the bullet left the chamber of the gun and traveled towards us. Each time I blinked it felt like it moved another millimeter closer.

I felt my breathing slow down in fear, catching in my throat and getting stuck there. From my angle on the ground, I couldn't tell if it would reach it's mark and hit Maddie, or if it would miss and hit me.

The thought of being shot and never getting to see Calum again wrenched my heart into pieces. I dared to take my eyes off of the bullet as it traveled through the air, and I looked over at Michael.

Our eyes locked, and I could feel the sheer fear from him flood through me. I let all my emotions well up inside me, and tried my hardest to express them through my eyes, so that Michael could see and understand.

I wanted him to know how much I loved him. How grateful I was for everything he had ever done for me. How honored I was that he had been such an incredible brother to me, and had truly cared for me like no one ever had.

I told him how much I loved Calum. How much I adored him, and that he was my soul mate, and my everything. If I died, I wanted Michael to tell Calum everything. From how I felt about him, to how I did this all for him. How my last act on this earth was for him, for us. I wanted Michael to convey to Calum my entire heart, and that it belonged to him.

I showed him my love for Luke, and how he had been the one to bring me into the band and changed my life for the better. How much Luke meant as a brother to me, too. That I cared for Luke just as much as I cared for Michael, and that I was grateful to both of them for every single little thing they had done to help me since I joined the band.

I saved a special place in my heart for my emotions about my family. My beautiful mum. My sweet sister. My brave brother. Losing them, and them losing me, was the hardest part. I looked at Michael, and let him know how much I adored my family. How they were my favorite people on earth, and how their support for everything I had chosen to do had meant more to me than I could ever even begin to explain. I wanted him to say goodbye to them for me, for him to give them my love, and to explain everything, and to look after them for me now that I couldn't.

Michael, who couldn't tear his eyes away from me, was trying his best to nod his head. I could hear him screaming and sobbing, but I knew from the way he looked at me that he had understood everything I had told him. He accepted my final goodbye. Knowing that my message had been passed on, I tore my gaze away from my brother and looked back at the bullet.

It had almost reached us. It was just a foot away now. I squeezed my eyes shut and pictured Calum, Michael, Luke, mum, Brianna, and Harry all standing around me. 'I love you' I thought, sending my love to all of them. Accepting my imminent death, I took a deep breath and waited for it to take me.

I cannot even put into words the sound that a bullet makes when it rips through the skin and muscle, going straight to the bone. It is the most sickening sound on earth. There are no words that can fully describe it. The sound of tearing flesh and rushing blood... it's the most horrific sounding thing on this earth. It makes you just want to tear your eardrums out, and never hear another thing again.

Whatever anyone else tells you, when you are expecting pain, it amplifies the actual sensations of it. Waiting for the bullet to imbed itself into my body, I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, and waited for the worst.

I don't know if there is anything that could ever help to prepare you for what it feels like to be shot. I've been through a lot of different pains in my life, and there was nothing that could prepare me for what I was expecting.

I could feel pain blossoming in my leg. An indescribable pain. The pain that makes you want to scream until your voice runs out, yet also makes you want to pass out just to avoid feeling it even for a few seconds.

I could feel the urge to let go, and let the black world take me down. I could feel blood rushing down my leg and onto the grass of the pitch. Then a new pain washed over me. The feel of the knife sliding down my throat. The pressure wasn't there anymore, but the scratching feeling sent shivers down my body.

It was only then that my brain started to perceive the two pains differently. Do you know what I mean? When your subconscious starts to separate fact from fiction. When you start to break down what is happening to you, and which parts are really happening and which parts your imagination is creating. Has anyone ever experienced that? Or is it just something you experience when you're suffering trauma? I'm not really sure, but that's what it felt like to me.

As the knife slid down my throat, Maddie's body started to slowly tip to the side. Inch by inch, her body moved away from mine and moved towards the ground. I didn't understand at first. Was she moving? Or was I? Was I rolling away from her (which seemed highly illogical)? Or was she the one tipping away?

Everything that was once so clear in my head started to blur. I couldn’t process what was going on quick enough. I could still slowly see Maddie and I moving apart. And I couldn’t see the bullet anymore, more than likely because it was embedded in my leg.

So the question was, why was Maddie the one moving away when I was the one who was hit by the bullet? No way was she just choosing to let me go, not after everything that just happened.

I could see a few of the policemen approaching us, but it was still in slow motion, and they were still too far away from us to be the sole reason that Maddie and I were gaining distance from each other. What was it then? As if needing the kick-start to get my brain functioning again, I looked back over at Michael.

His eyes were blown wide and he was still screaming, but his expression didn’t read as horrified. It was like he was showing a mixture of terror and yet pleasure. Not normal pleasure, almost like sick pleasure. You know the kind? Like when a bad guy dies in a movie, and the whole audience hates them, and their death is like a victory to the audience. That’s the kind of look Michael had.

He shouldn’t be wearing that expression though. Not when I’m the one who just got shot. And that was when my brain started to function again. It was the very reason I was trying to distinguish real pain from imagined pain, and the reason Michael was wearing that expression.

The thing is... have you ever heard of the placebo effect? You know, that effect that a fake treatment can make someone feel better merely because a person thinks they are being treated properly.

This scenario was kind of like that, but in a slightly different way. That probably doesn't make sense, does it? Maybe I should rephrase it so that it does make sense.

What I went through was relatable to the placebo effect, because I believed I was going to get shot, so I started to feel the effects of being shot. But in the end, the bullet never landed in me. The bullet made its target. The shot hit Maddie.

That was why Maddie was falling away from me. Maddie got shot. The bullet hit Maddie. I was never harmed. My leg wasn’t hit, and it wasn’t bleeding out. The only real pain I felt was the knife sliding down my throat as Maddie lost her grip and started to fall away from me. Maddie was shot. The police shot Maddie.

The thoughts were simple, yet overwhelming. I couldn’t believe it. It didn’t feel real, not after everything that had just happened. What felt like hours to me was merely seconds in the real world. Yet, with everything I was preparing myself for, I never for one instant thought the bullet would miss me and hit Maddie. I should have had more faith in the police.

Finally, Maddie’s body hit the ground, and things started to speed up again, catching up with real time. Next thing I knew, police were everywhere. They were surrounding us, shouting things I couldn’t quite process.

“Ashton? Ashton, can you hear me? Everything is going to be all right, you’re okay,” an officer was telling me. It took a few seconds to register what was being said, but when I finally connected things together, I responded.

“Y-yeah, I can hear you.” My voice sounded scratchy and gruff to my own ears. Why did it sound like that? Was I screaming without realizing? I would have to ask Michael later. Speaking of Michael, I startled to say his name. “Mi-Michael. Michael. Where is Michael?” I asked. 

“Let me help you up and I’ll take you over to him. He’s not permitted to cross into the crime scene,” the officer explained.

“Crime scene? What crime scene?” I asked, confused. Things were still garbled in my head, and I couldn’t wrap my mind around what had just happened. What did just happen? Maddie was shot, but where? Where did the bullet land? Did it just graze her? Or was it enough to seriously injure her?

“The crime scene you were just involved in. Why don’t you stay with your friend for a minute, and we’ll explain everything soon,” the officer said. I nodded numbly, letting myself get led to where Michael was standing a safe distance away.

As soon as I was in arms reach, Michael dragged my into his arms so tightly I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I registered the officer saying something about trauma, shock, and PTSD, but none of it really clicked in my head.

For now, I would let Michael deal with everything. I was much too confused, and now I knew that the bullet had reached the proper target, the only thing my mind was focusing on was breathing and holding onto Michael.

Michael wasn’t saying anything he was just holding me. That was when I noticed I was trembling. Michael must have noticed too, because he started to mumble soft words to me. I couldn’t comprehend them though.

We stood there like that for a few minutes, with my back to the crime scene and my face buried in Michael’s neck. It wasn’t until this gasp escaped from Michael that shook his entire body, that I moved from my position.

Words came back to me, and I voiced my thoughts. “What is it, Michael? What’s going on?” Michael’s eyes didn’t move, but his hands squeezed my shoulder even tighter.

“Maddie- the shot…” he trailed off. I pulled back completely and glanced at him, before I turned my body fully towards the scene.

There was tons of police scattered everywhere, and EMT’s where quickly rushing in. It wasn’t what we could see though; it was what we could hear. That was what made Michael freeze, and it drew the exact same reaction out of me. The words sunk into my mind, and floated around and around. 

“Dead. Criminal down. Target deceased. She’s gone. Harris is dead. She’s flat-lined. Call it. Time of death, 7:45pm. Shot hit the target. Victim is safe. No harm to victim. Clear the area. Remove the body. Task is complete.”

I just stood there in utter shock. Maddie was dead. It was over. I felt this relief wash over me, a sense of calm I hadn’t felt in months. Is it wrong to feel so relieved and free after you found out someone just died? I mean, yeah, I feel bad about it. At the same time, I just feel free. Free from Maddie, free from pain, and free to live and love who I want.

I looked at Michael, and he seemed to understand and reflect exactly what I was feeling. A few moments of silence passed before an EMT was in front of me. “Other than the wound to your neck, did Maddie harm you in any way while you were interacting with her this evening?” the woman asked.

I shook my head. “No, it was just the knife to my throat,” I replied. Out of nowhere, a gurney was brought up and placed next to me. 

“I’m going to ask if you can get up on the gurney so that we can appropriately treat the wound on your throat,” the woman said. With a nod, I pushed myself onto the gurney and let the medical team treat the cut that Maddie had caused.

Once they were sure my neck was taken care of, the EMT’s disappeared and were replaced with one of the police officers.

“I know this evening has been overwhelming for you, for both of you. Since we had cameras and officers on the scene, we won’t need a statement from either of you. We think after your ordeal, if only seems fair that we slide it under the radar and let you off. I heard that you had some questions about what happened? It’s perfectly normal for someone experiencing such traumatic events to be missing key pieces of information that only witnesses can see,” the man explained.

“What happened to Maddie? That’s all I want to know,” I replied. I knew all the other details; I just wanted to know what happened with Maddie.

“One of our officers, Officer Parker, had a clean shot. He was the one who tried to talk some sense into Ms. Harris, in order to keep everyone safe. Firing a shot was a last resort. However, with criminals as dangerous as Ms. Harris, our protocols state that a kill-on-site is the safest way to handle the situation. Officer Parker took the shot, and aimed straight for the back of her head. The bullet landed in the exact spot in the skull where the pain receptors are not present. Ms. Harris felt no pain when she died, it was a quick and painless death,” he said, speaking almost carefully yet firmly.

"Thank you for the information," Michael said. I hadn't realized that I wasn't saying anything. When the officer bid us good night and left us alone, I turned to my friend. "Is it really over?" I asked, still in a state of shock.

Michael gave me this smile that said he'd been through a lot but the worst was behind us. "Yes, Ash, its over. We can go home now. We're safe. You and Calum are safe. Everything is going to be all right now."

I collapsed into Michael's arms with the weight of the news. It was finally over. Maddie was officially gone, and would never be ruining our lives again. I could be with Calum. Calum.

"Michael? When can I see Calum?" I asked, desperate to see the one person that all of this had been for. Michael gave me a real smile that time, which had to mean good news.

"Calum will be released from the hospital tomorrow morning, and he'll come straight back home. I think what we both need is a good nights rest. After everything that happened today, it’s likely that you'll suffer shock or even PTSD. The best thing we can do now is go home, and get ready to see Calum return home to us tomorrow morning," Michael said softly.

I had to agree, what he said was the best idea. It was only then that I felt the exhaustion crash over me from the ordeal. I felt my knees start to give out, and luckily Michael kept me upright. "I think I'll drive us home. Let me just check with the officers to see if we can go," Michael said.

Looping his arms around my waist, Michael led us over to a group of officers. He exchanged some words with them, and then he was leading me back to my car. "Let's get you home, sport," Michael spoke as he strapped me into a seat as if I was a toddler. To be honest, I was glad he was babying me, because I didn't think I could take care of myself at this point.

Michael then slipped behind the wheel, and we were pulling away from the pitch and driving home. I could feel my eyes getting heavy, sleeping trying to pull me down. There was one last thing I needed to say first.

"Hey Michael?" I asked, my voice sounding tired. "Hmmm?" he hummed, focusing on the road but showing me I had some of his attention. "Never ever let me go to that football pitch again," I said, my words slurring as I finally drifted off to sleep. If Michael responded, I didn't catch it, too far gone to even notice.

\-------------------

I woke up with a start, sweat dripping down my face. I was gasping for air when I heard Michael's voice. "Hey, it's okay, deep breaths, Ash. You're okay. You're safe. Just take some deep breaths for me and try to relax."

I did as Michael said, and after a few minutes I felt myself start to calm down. "What happened? Where am I?" I asked, confused. 

"You're back at the house again, in the spare room. You fell asleep in the car, so I brought you in. You must have been dreaming about the crime scene. I heard you screaming and I came in. Relax, its okay. That would be the PTSD. It might take a while for you to come to terms and be able to deal with what happened, but you'll have all of our support no matter what," Michael explained gently.

I nodded slowly, using the sleeve of my shirt to wipe the sweat off my face. "What time is it?" I asked drowsily.

"It's 5:37 in the morning. Calum and Luke will be home from the hospital around 8. Liz is bringing them back. That gives us a couple hours before they're back. I'm guessing you don't want to go back to sleep?" Michael asked, waiting for my reaction.

I shook my head no, which seemed like the exact reaction Michael had expected. "Are you hungry? We can go make some breakfast?" Michael asked. 

"Erm, sure. Mikey, why are you being so nice to me? You know, taking care of me and all," I mumbled. 

"You're my brother, Ashton. I'm going to do anything I can to take care of you. And if I didn't, I'm sure Calum would kick my ass," Michael teased, keeping the tone light.  
I had to agree, memories of Calum being possessive of me crossing my mind. It was actually nice to be looked after for once. After spending my whole life taking care of my family, it was nice to have someone doing the same for me.

"Breakfast it is then. Anything in mind, or shall I just whip something up?" Michael asked as he got up from the bed. "The latter," I replied, as I followed his lead.

We made our way into the kitchen, and Michael got to making us something to eat. I sat at the table, my thoughts slowly consuming me. The ringing of the shot sounding in my head over and over again. The images of seeing Maddie dead, and the sensations of thinking I was shot.

"Hey, hey, you here?" Michael asked, resting his hand on my shoulder. It helped, grounding me. I was lucky to have a brother like Michael.

"Yeah, I'm here, now. Thanks, Mikey," I said. I noticed the plate of food in front of me, and realized I had been in my thoughts for far too long.

"How long was I in my thoughts?" I asked as Michael sat down next to me. "About half an hour. Don't worry about it. Just get some food in your system. You really need it after everything you've been through."

I listened to Michael's advice, and slowly started to eat my food. It was a lot better than I thought it would be, and soon I was happily eating what was on my plate.

I cleared my plate, and forced myself to drink two full glasses of orange juice and a glass of water. Michael seemed to be proud of me, because he was giving me this small little smirk.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I was hungry and thirsty. You were right, is that what you want to hear?" I asked, teasingly glaring at him. "Yes, yes it is. Thank you," Michael stated, rather pleased with himself.

I offered to clean the dishes. It was methodical, and passed the time. You know that feeling when you're waiting so desperately for something that time seems to crawl by? Like a kid waiting for Christmas Day. That's exactly how it feels for me, waiting to be able to see Calum again.

"Please tell me time is passing and not standing still," I complained to Michael, who was sat on the counter next to me. He chuckled and took the clean plate from my hand to dry it.

"Yes it is. It's almost 7:00. Just over an hour to wait. You can do it. Trust me, I'm as nervous and excited for them to get here as you are," Michael replied.

Once we had the kitchen cleaned, we made our way into the living room. I automatically made my way to my cajón and sat down. My hands subconsciously started to drum a beat into the wood.

It was soothing to start playing again. I hadn't played in ages, not since right before I was kidnapped. Even though it hurt my hands, the rhythm came so naturally to me. I just drummed out a simple beat, one that just felt right.

Next thing I knew, Michael had grabbed an acoustic guitar, sat down next to me, and had started to play. The beat flowed calmingly between us, the sounds of guitar and cajón blending together perfectly.

I let myself get absorbed by the music, as more and more of it poured out of me. I couldn't deny that it was literally the second best feeling in the world. I'm sure you all know what the number one best feeling in the world is, right? It's obvious, isn't it? The feeling of love- the feeling of being and receiving love. It's the absolute best feeling in the world. And I knew, I was just minutes away from that feeling again. I could feel the love already burning through me, coming together to form the perfect music.

I wasn't sure how long the two of us sat there, playing together. Filling the silence in the room with the sounds of music. It just felt right again. What Michael had said last night had been true. Everything is going to be all right now. And I'm home. Home- where my family is, where my band is, where my brothers and my lover are, and where my drums are. This felt right again. This felt like coming home.

A ding from Michael's phone caused us both to stop. Michael picked up his phone and his entire face lit up. Luke, it had to be. As if confirming my thoughts, Michael spoke up. "That was Luke. He just told me that they're 5 minutes away."

5 minutes. Holy shit, they were just 5 minutes away. It seemed stupid, but I started to panic. What if there was a chance that Calum didn’t love me anymore? What if he didn’t want to see me anymore? What if he hated me because I was somehow the reason that Maddie was killed? What if he wanted me to leave for good? What if he didn’t love me?

The sudden urge to bolt from the room washed over me. Again, Michael must have some sixth sense for these things, because he grabbed my arm and pulled me into a hug.

“Relax. Take some deep breaths. You’re panicking, and you have no real need to be. I promise you, your thoughts are in vain. I know what you’re thinking, and you couldn’t be more wrong. Calum loves you so very much, and I know he is beyond ready to see you and to call you his again,” Michael soothed.

I relaxed into his arms, and took some deep breaths. “How did you know that that was what I was panicking about?” I asked.

“Intuition,” Michael replied, before putting me at arms reach so he could look me in the eyes. “Are you okay now?” he asked.

I nodded and gave him a smile. “Yeah, I am. I’m not sure what made me panic. I mean, I know how Calum feels about me. And I know that he knows how I feel about him. He is technically still my boyfriend. Or maybe he isn’t. I can’t honestly remember if we broke up. That’s the first thing I’m going to ask him then. If he wants to be my boyfriend. I don’t care if it’s stupid. I just want him to be mine,” I stated.

“It’s not stupid at all, Ashton. You’re just nervous because of everything the two of you have been through lately. And the best thing you could do would be to ask him to be your boyfriend, to have it perfectly set that you two are together despite all Maddie has put you through,” Michael reassured. 

I heaved a huge sigh of relief at that. It was actually alleviating to know that Michael understood what I meant, and that I wasn’t crazy. “You-you promise everything is going to be okay between Calum and I?” I asked, my voice betraying how scared I really was.

“I can’t speak for either of you, but from what I know, I promise that everything is going to work out between the two of you,” Michael guaranteed.

The sounds of a car pulling up to the house stopped me from saying anything else on the matter. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath. I could do this. After all I’ve been through, hell I’ve even gone face to face against Maddie, I could handle meeting up with my boyfriend again.

It wasn’t like I was getting cold feet. It was actually the opposite. I was so petrified that Calum would reject me; that suddenly he had decided I wasn’t worth all this hassle and that I was too much trouble. Again, all worthless thoughts, but I couldn’t stop this nagging part of my brain, which sounded far too much like Maddie for my liking, from telling me that maybe Calum had changed his mind.

It was now or never. I had to know if Calum still loved me as much as I loved him. And I wouldn’t find that out if I just stood here in the living room like a statue. As if sensing my thoughts, Michael nodded his head towards the front door. “Ready to head out there and see your boyfriend again?” he asked. With one last deep breath, I nodded.

Michael led the way, and I followed him out the door. I closed my eyes for a second, as the sunlight was bright for such an early time in the morning. When I opened my eyes again, they landed on Calum.

And my God, did my heart leap into my throat. For the fact he had just left hospital after being in a car crash, he looked gorgeous. I felt the air leave my lungs in one giant gasp. Calum’s eyes locked with mine, and I swear I saw them light up with this beautiful dazzle.

I hesitated for a second, not knowing if running to him was too cliché or if I should just do it. You know what, fuck it, I’m running to him. I forced my legs to move, and I bolted for Calum. His arms immediately opened, and I ran straight into them. I felt his arms wrap around me, and grip hold of me tighter than anyone has ever held me in my entire life.

“I love you, I love you, I love you so fucking much, Ashton Fletcher Irwin,” Calum repeated over and over in my ear. That was when the tears started, and before I knew it, I was full out sobbing.

“I love you with all my heart, Calum Thomas Hood,” I cried, holding onto him even tighter than I was before. One of Calum’s hands slipped off my back, and moved to tilt my head up to face him.

His thumb gently stroked over my cheek, wiping the tears away. “I fucking love you. No one will ever take you away from me again. And not even amnesia can stop me from being with my soul mate,” Calum said softly, his thumb ghosting over my lips.

Soul mate. He called me his soul mate. “You’re my soul mate, too. I never want anyone but you ever again. I love you more than I can ever explain. God, I love you to fucking infinity and then some,” I cried, my hands finding their way into his beautifully soft hair.

Without another word, Calum moved his head down and captured my lips with his. The feeling was indescribable. Have you ever kissed someone that you know is your soul mate? It’s like the firework, burning passion feeling of kissing someone, and then multiplied by a billion. Even that doesn’t explain the emotions of kissing Calum in this second.

I threaded my fingers through his hair and pulled him as close to my body as I can. One of his hands settled on my waist, and the other carded through my hair, as he eagerly kissed me. The scorching need to be as close to him as possible, and to be touching him as much as I can, was bursting through my like a broken dam.

His lips on mine was the absolute best thing I have ever experienced in the world. I had completely forgotten how absolutely breathtaking it was to kiss Calum’s exquisite lips. Everything was melting away, and all that mattered in this world was Calum and I. 

I knew Calum was feeling the same way I was, because he was deepening the kiss, his tongue gliding over mine, and his hands couldn’t stay still on my body. They were roaming all over me, as if he was trying to remember every single square inch of my body all over again. 

I never wanted this kiss to end. It was magical, earthshattering, passionate, and every good thing this earth could offer. I never ever wanted to not be touching Calum again. God, I underestimated how much I missed having him as mine. How could I have ever doubted for a second that he didn’t want me? I swear to God, no one has ever been kissed with as much passion, love, and emotion as Calum was kissing me with. 

The way Calum was moaning into my mouth, dear God, I have never heard a noise as sinful as that in all my life. His hands had finally settled on my face, and his fingers were softly trailing paths all over my face and neck, as if his fingers were kissing tracks all over me. If this was Heaven, I never ever wanted to leave. All I wanted was this piece of Heaven for the rest of my life.

However, my lungs were absolutely burning, and I reluctantly had to pull away from those magnificent lips. Calum was having none of that though. His lips followed mine as I pulled away, and he was kissing me all over again. It was like he was addicted, and he couldn’t stop himself from getting more of me.

He pulled away a short time later, knowing we both had to breath. He placed soft pecks on my lips as he pulled away, almost as if he couldn’t force himself to stop from placing his lips on mine. He rested his forehead against mine, and opened his eyes to look at me. Our eyes locked, and all the emotions danced in our eyes for the other to see.

It was like some cliché fairytale, but I couldn’t bring myself to give a fuck anymore. I was so fucking happy. Happier than I had ever been in my whole life. This moment right here, was singlehandedly and utterly the best moment of my entire existence, and nothing could ever beat it.

“Oh God, I love you so much. I love you, I love you, and I love you. I will never get tired of saying that. I love you, Ashy. I. Love. You,” Calum said, punctuating it each and every time with a kiss to my lips. I shivered, and tugged Calum impossibly closer to me.

“I love you, too, Calum. I will never get bored with saying it. I love you so much. I’ve waited for so long to have you back again. And here you are, and it still feels like a dream. I love you. Fuck, I love you to the ends of the earth and beyond. Please dear Lord, please be my boyfriend, Calum?” I asked, so much hope and desperation evident in my voice.

“Yes, yes, fucking hell, yes. Yes a million times. I want to be your boyfriend more than anything in the world,” Calum answered, kissing me all over again.

I could not get enough of his lips on mine. Holy shit, it was the most heavenly feeling on earth. “I love you, Calum Hood,” I murmured against his lips, before I closed the gap and kissed him again.

I couldn’t tell how long we had been standing there kissing. I just knew that by the time we finally pulled apart, Calum’s lips were swollen and bright red from all the kissing. Mine must have looked the same, but I honestly couldn’t give two shits.

Calum shifted and placed soft kisses all over my face and neck. When he finally pulled away and our eyes locked again, I felt myself being pulled in, almost like magnets, and our lips were back together again. It wasn’t a long kiss, but it held all the love and passion, and left me shivering and still wanting more. 

I couldn’t get enough. I just wanted more. I wanted every single little piece of Calum, to be able to call every millimeter of him as mine. The glint in Calum’s eyes showed that he wanted the exact same thing. I couldn’t help but smile, which only caused us both to laugh. Oh yes, this is by far the happiest moment of my entire life.

Calum pulled back slightly and glanced around. “I guess everyone went inside and left us to have our moment in peace,” he said, his voice sounding gruff from all the kissing. God was it sexy. A wicked smile crossed my face. I could say it now that Calum was my boyfriend again.

“God, your voice is so sexy like that. Remind me to make out with you more often,” I said, placing my lips on his jaw. Calum sucked in a breath, and his fingers tightened in my hair. Since when was his hand back in my hair? I couldn’t even remember, and it didn’t matter.

“I love you,” Calum replied, his eyes fluttering shut as I trailed kisses up his jaw and back to his lips. We shared another languid kiss, and everything felt right again. All the stars had aligned, and I couldn’t believe I was so lucky to have Calum in my arms.

“We should head back inside. I’m sure Luke and Michael are missing us by now. Although, I’d much rather just spend the rest of my life right here with you,” I admitted. 

Calum nodded in agreement. “I’d love that, to just be here with you in this moment forever. But you’re right, we should get back inside. I’m sure there is a lot we need to catch up on.”

With a final kiss, we made our way back inside. Michael and Luke were in the living room, nestled on the couch together. Luke was buried in Michael’s arms, placing soft kissed to his neck. I couldn’t help but grin. This felt right, all of us together, and yet we had all seemingly found our soul mates.

Calum and I settled down on the other couch; Calum tugging me into his arms and holding me close. As much as I was loving this moment, and I really was, I knew deep down it was time to tell Calum and Luke what had happened last night.

I cleared my throat awkwardly, and everyone’s attention turned to me. “I- umm, I know this has been such a good moment for all of us, but I think everyone should know about what happened last night when I confronted Maddie.”

I took a deep shuddering breath to prepare myself for what was about to happen. “Hey, you don’t have to talk about it yet if you don’t want to. I can even tell them, if it would make you feel better?” Michael quickly offered.

I shook my head. “No, it’s best if I tell the story. There were parts that you didn’t hear while you were with the officers behind the trees. And both Calum and Luke deserve to know what happened.”

Michael seemed to agree with me, because he nodded his head in understanding. With one last deep breath, and Calum squeezing my hand in reassurance, I slowly explained the entire story. I told them absolutely everything. I thought it was fair to share the entire story, from when I was first kidnapped, to the end events that happened the previous night.

I shared it all; from how it felt to be tortured, to what it felt like in those brief few seconds that felt like hours to me, when I thought I was going to get shot. I explained how Maddie brainwashed me, to finding out Maddie had been killed. I literally laid the entire thing out for the other boys to hear. It took hours to explain it all, but when I had finally finished, I felt so much lighter, like the biggest weight in the world had ultimately been lifted from my shoulders.

All the boys sat there in silence, utterly shocked. Luke was the first to break the silence. “So, let me get this straight. Just to be clear, Officer Parker shot Maddie last night and he killed her? Maddie Harris is officially dead?” Luke asked.

“Yes, she’s dead. She died last night, her official time of death was 7:45pm. Michael and I heard the EMT’s call it,” I said.

“And you said it didn’t hurt, right? She felt no pain when she died?” Calum asked cautiously. I nodded my head, our eyes locking as I looked at him. Calum growled. “Fuck that. I wish it had hurt. I wish it had been a slow and painful death,” Calum hissed.

“Calum, that’s a horrible thing to say!” Luke gasped. Calum tore his eyes away from me, and glared at Luke.

“Is it really, Luke? You just heard directly from Ashton each and every single little thing Maddie did to him. Maddie deserved to die in a lot worse pain than she did. She deserved to suffer equally as much pain as she made Ashton feel,” Calum said firmly.

“You know, he kind of has a point. After all she did to Ashton and to Calum, she did deserve to feel the same kind of pain that they felt. But in the end, it makes no difference now. Maddie is dead, and we’re all safe. That is all that truly matters,” Michael said.

“Okay, I see your point, and I agree that Maddie did deserve more suffering than she got. However, I agree with Michael, it’s over now and the worst is behind us. We’re all okay now, and what matters is that we are all safe, alive, and together,” Luke said.

“I agree with that. All that matters to me is you are all here with me, and that I have the love of my life back,” I said, my cheeks flushing. Calum titled my head back, and captured my lips in a quick, but beautiful, kiss.

“I’m right here, my love, and I’m never going anywhere ever again. I’m yours, forever and always,” Calum said against my lips, before kissing me again.

“I can’t believe we are seeing you two back together again, after all this. At one point, it truly felt like everything was over, and yet here we all are. I couldn’t be happier,” Luke said, flashing us an approving smile.

It meant a lot to me that Luke approved of Calum and I being together again. I already knew that we had Michael’s seal of approval. Everything honestly did feel better again. And with Calum wrapped around me, holding me close, I knew that we were all going to be okay.

“I love you,” I said, placing a kiss to Calum’s bicep. “I love you more,” Calum replied, setting a soft kiss on the top of my head.

“I’m home,” I said, feeling truly like I was where I belonged. “Cheers to that,” Luke and Michael said, tipping their heads to me and flashing us smiles. Michael pulled Luke in for a kiss. They really were a perfect couple.

My attention was dragged back to Calum when his lips settled on my neck. “You are home. You’re right where you belong, with this band, and with me,” Calum murmured. He then tilted his head, and we were kissing all over again. I don’t care how many times I say it. I’ll keep saying it until my voice runs out. Kissing Calum felt like home, and I loved him with all my heart.


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three (Epilogue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers!
> 
> Here we are, two years later, at the end of this story! I want to say the biggest thank you ever to each and every single one of you sexy, incredible, beautiful, inspiring people for taking the time to read this story! And who knows, maybe a sequel is in store in the future ;)
> 
> I hope you all love this final chapter, and that you have all loved this story as much as I have! Thank you for coming on this incredible journey with me! I put my heart and soul into this last chapter, so I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please read, comment, and leave kudos :)
> 
> Sophie Horan Tomlinson Irwin Hood Malfoy Grimes Holmes Stark Rogers Barnes xxxxxx

Chapter Twenty-Three (Epilogue)

* 7 months later *

The last seven months have gone by in a blur. So much has happened. Our band has taken off, and we have gotten so much attention. We wrote an EP called Unplugged and it smashed the charts. We couldn’t believe the attention we were getting at home. 

There had been some talk around about us creating more music, and we got signed to Sony ATV Music Publishing. It was with the help of our publishing deal that we got given the incredible offer to write and record a new EP in London. 

And that is where we are today. We’ve been in London a few weeks now, and we have been at the studio almost every day, writing with insanely famous singers and songwriters. 

It felt like an utter dream. After all the hell not only I, but the rest of the band, had been through just under a year ago, it felt like we had finally found ourselves and our place in the world.

I couldn’t help but reminisce. Through all the good and the bad the band had been through, there was always one constant for me. And that was Calum. Talking off, thoughts of Calum snapped me back to reality.

I glanced up at him from my position in his lap. The whole band was sat in the studio together. We had just had a writing session with James Bourne. The James Bourne from Busted. How insane is that? Michael had a fit. He’s the biggest Busted fan ever; he had a complete meltdown when he met James. Luckily James thought it was funny and teased Michael mercilessly. We had a great session, and got a couple great songs written. James had just left the studio, and the rest of us had stayed.

Luke was curled up and resting against Michael’s shoulder. The two of them were still dating, and were as happy as ever. It was actually really cute. Michael had this strong urge to take care of those he loved (I would know as I was on the end of that caring for a while after the Maddie Incident), and he did such a good job of caring for Luke.

They balanced each other out perfectly. Michael was protective, and Luke was still seen as the one in charge, but he also came across as this cute dork. It was good to see them be so happy, as they both did so much to ensure my happiness. I felt they both deserved the win. And, let’s be real, they look absolutely incredible together. They were made for each other, just like Calum and I.

Calum. Even his name still sent tendrils of contentment down my spine. Calum’s eyes met mine, and my heart skipped a beat. And yes, before any of you can say anything, I know exactly how corny and cliché I sound. But God, I cannot even describe to you how it feels to have someone like Calum.

“Are you okay?” Calum asked softly, his fingers trailing softly down my cheek. Oh, of course, I must have been in my thoughts too long. It happens a lot these days. Well, really ever since the Maddie Incident. I get pulled into these awful memories, and it causes me to have PTSD episodes. 

With our careers really starting to take off, I didn’t have time to go into therapy for the PTSD and anxiety that the Incident had caused. I ended up going to the doctors and got prescribed Paroxetine. The drug does help, but I still have these attacks.

I end up getting sucked into these thoughts that consume me, and they fill me with such fear and anxiety that I just break down. I hate them more than anything. What I hate most is I’m never sure who it's worse for- the rest of the band or me.

I have to suffer the attacks, but the band has to help me get out of them and soothe me when I do get out. I feel like such a burden sometimes. It had caused a major problem a few months ago, and I had a complete meltdown and almost quit the band because I felt I wasn't worth it.

Of course, Calum, Michael, and Luke had calmed me down and reminded me that they needed me, and that they refused to go on as a band without me. That was the thing with my band- they never left me behind, even when I proved how much of a mess I was. They were more than happy to help me with my problems, and it was another one of the many reasons I felt so lucky to have them with me.

But the truth of the matter was, everything always revolved back to Calum. It was always Calum. Calum was the best at bringing me out of these attacks. He was the best at calming me down, and soothing me when I freaked out. He always seemed to know when I needed help, or knew exactly what to do and when to do it. It was like he had a sixth sense for me.

"Yes, I'm okay," I finally answered back, realizing I had disappeared into my thoughts again. I've got to get better at that. I'm working on it, I swear. It's a lot harder than you'd think, especially when my mind both fears these thoughts, yet it constantly brings them back to the forefront of my mind.

"Where were you?" Calum asked gently, his fingers moving to the soft hairs on the back of my neck. I leaned back into his touch, sighing with a smile.

"In my happy thoughts. Just thinking about the last seven months, all the good things. And how you’ve all helped me get through them, and how lucky we are that we're here now, in London, recording our second EP. It just doesn't seem real," I said in awe.

My eyes must have glazed over, because I felt Calum's fingers glide into my hair and scratch softly at my scalp. 

"Hey, where are you sweetheart?" Calum asked, shifting forward so that his nose brushed against my cheek. I giggled at the feeling, and moved my eyes so that they locked with Calum's.

"I'm right here, with you," I replied, nestling my head into his neck. This seemed to appease Calum, because he trailed soft kisses down my neck to the soft place behind my ear that he knew I loved.

I shifted in his lap to give him better access to my neck. Calum placed a few more tender kisses to my skin, before he pulled away. "Why don't we get out of here, just you and me? I think it's my turn again to take you on a date," Calum said, his tone so affectionate I swear my heart was going to implode.

"Shouldn't it be me taking you on a date? You're the one who deserves to be treated," I said into Calum's neck. He shivered as my words tickled the hairs on his neck.

"Nope, you took me out last week to that beautiful garden, and to the pier to eat fish and chips. I think that officially makes it my turn to take you on a cliché London date," Calum said with a dazzling smile.

You see Calum and I had made a cute little deal that we would both take each other on cliché dates that everyone does when they go to London. Whoever got the last cliché idea as their date won, and the loser had to spend a day in the studio but couldn't play their instrument, lay any vocals, or write any new songs. Since neither of us wanted to miss a day being productive in the studio, it was a perfect way to continue going out on corny dates. 

I gave Calum a nod, and ducked my head to kiss him on the lips as a confirmation. Calum kissed me back, his fingers tugging on my hair. I let him lick his way into my mouth, and savored the feeling for a moment, before I pulled away.

"Mine," Calum murmured, moving to suck a kiss being my ear, before giving my hips a little push. "Up you get. Let's head out of here, I've got the perfect plan in mind," he said, a grin on his face.

"Hey, we're going on a date. We'll see you back at the house later tonight," I said to Luke and Michael. Luke hummed in understanding, but he was much too caught up in whatever Michael was saying to him to really reply to me.

"Hey! Please try not to fuck each other in here. I'd actually like to come to work in this studio without the mental images of you two banging, thank you very much," Calum said, smirking at the two boys on the couch.

"Oh no, we'll make sure to fuck in your bed, just so you'll picture it every night before you go to sleep," Michael teased back, a wicked grin on his face.

"You fucker," Calum said with a laugh. "Then Ashton and I will make sure to fuck in your bed and leave the evidence, so it'll be burned in your mind forever," he quipped back.

"Calum!" I yelped, smacking him playfully in the arm as my face lit up bright red. Calum just chuckled and placed a wet kiss on my cheek. “Ew, you’re so gross,” I grumbled, wiping my cheek with the sleeve of my shirt.

Calum laughed and wrapped his arms around my waist. “We’ll be back later,” he said to Michael and Luke, and he steered me out of the room before either of them could reply.

“Where are we going?” I asked as Calum led me out onto the street. Ignoring me, he glanced up and down the street looking for a cab. When he finally spotted one, he signaled for me to wait, and he walked up to the cab.

He spoke through the window, obviously telling the cabbie where he wanted to go. When that was done, he waved me over. Opening the cab door, Calum motioned for me to slide in first. I pecked him on the cheek before I climbed into the back of the cab.

Calum followed me in and sat down next to me, pulling me into his lap. His arms came around my waist, and settled over my stomach. “Did I tell you, you look absolutely incredible today,” Calum murmured in my ear, sending shivers down my body.

“Stop,” I mumbled, pushing at his arm gently. It was a weak protest, and even I knew that. The truth was, I never wanted Calum to stop saying the sweet nothings to me. And I knew that he knew that. It made me feel like I was wanted, even with all the things that made me such a mess.

“Oh, no way. I’m not sure I’ve told you ‘I love you’ enough times today. In that case, I love you, my ball of sunshine,” he said into my ear, softly kissing behind my ear and down my neck.

“Not as much as I love you. I love you so much,” I said, removing one of Calum’s hands from my waist to bring it to my lips. I placed a soft kiss on the back of his hand, looping our fingers together. “You saved me,” I said so faintly I thought Calum didn’t hear it.

“No, my darling, you saved me,” Calum replied, equally as quietly. It took my breath away for a moment. How could he possibly say that? After everything we’ve been through, it was definitely him who saved me.

I shook my head. “No. It was always you. Throughout everything that happened, it was always you I kept coming back to, you who I fought to be with, you who pulled me through the dark, and you who keeps saving me and who keeps me sane. You saved me, and you continue to save me each and every single day. 

“I’m so lucky to have you. I know you are always the one saying you love me, but I can’t even put into words how much I love you. I hate being apart from you. You’re my soul mate. You own my heart. It utterly belongs to you. I love you with every pore of my body, every cell inside of me, and with every breath I take. I love you, Calum, I love you with every thing I have,” I said, looking up at Calum’s face.

A single tear tracked down his cheek, and I wiped it away with my finger. “You are the most beautiful thing this world has ever created,” Calum said, moving to press his lips against mine.

It wasn’t a deep kiss like earlier. It was one of those loving and sweet kisses that make your heart warm and flutter, and also make you want to explode from the sheer bliss. Kisses like these always make my cheeks heat up, but in the best way possible.

I pulled back and rubbed my nose against Calum’s gently. “I love you,” I said, flashing him a smile before leaning in and capturing his lips again. Calum hummed in response, wrapping his arms around me, and shifting me so that he could kiss me more comfortably. 

It was always so easy for me to get lost in the moment when Calum and I kissed. Everything about the way he kissed me, from the way his lips felt against mine, to the way his hands ghosted over my body and he treated me as if I’m some treasure, to the beautiful sounds that escaped from his lips and soaked into mine. 

Without thinking about it, I deepened our kisses, my tongue darting out across Calum’s lips. He immediately opened his mouth, letting me in. I let out a groan, as his arms tightened around me. 

I unintentionally bucked my hips down into Calum’s, causing him to hiss and pull away from my lips. He started to suck a hickey into my neck instead, his breathe hot and heavy against my skin. 

“We’re in a cab, we can’t do this now,” Calum panted. I could tell he was having a hard time controlling himself, and I was honestly feeling the same way. Everything about Calum was intoxicating, and it just made me crave him more and more all the time.

I knew he was right though. The cabbie hadn’t said anything yet, as he either hadn’t noticed, or was just being nice enough to give us some privacy. I ducked my head down and gave Calum one last lingering kiss before I pulled away and slipped out of his lap.

I moved to settle next to Calum, resting my body up against his. Calum titled his head to whisper in my ear, “Later tonight, we’ll pick up where we left off.” I felt my entire body flush red at his words, but I managed to nod and let out a noise of agreement.

Calum nipped at my ear before pulling away, resting his chin on the top of my head. “How much further away is it?” I asked, finding Calum’s hand and intertwining our fingers again. 

“Just a little further I think,” Calum replied, squeezing my hand and placing a kiss on the top of my head. I tucked myself further into his side and took a deep breath.

Something about the way Calum smelled always made me feel safe and secure. There was this one aftershave he had that I had told him I loved, and now he wore it every day. It was the little things Calum did for me that truly showed how lucky I was to have such a perfect boyfriend.

“You smell delicious,” I said, nuzzling my head into his shoulder, causing him to shift his head so that it remained resting on top of mine. He chuckled, and ran his other hand tenderly up and down my spine.

“Love you,” he said back. And yeah, even those two words made my heart swell. God, I was so whipped for him. I had honestly never felt this happy in my whole life, but being with Calum felt like destiny. It felt like home.

“We’re here,” Calum spoke sweetly, breaking me from my train of thoughts. I moved my head from Calum’s shoulder, and looked out the window. I started to giggle, and then I full on burst out laughing.

Calum was laughing too, and God, was it one of the most stunning sounds I had ever heard. “This is so cliché, I love it,” I gasped in between my laughing fit. Trust Calum to out-cliché me.

I stepped out, and Calum paid the cabbie. He then walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into his chest. I looked up into the sky, the famous London Eye towering over us. 

“You wanna go up?” he asked, nodding his head towards the capsules on the Ferris wheel.

“Yes, please,” I replied, leaning into his embrace and savoring the few seconds before he pulled away. 

Instead, Calum took my hand in his, and led the way to the London Eye. He had actually picked a good time to come. It was early December, so it wasn’t peak tourist time yet. And with it being in the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday, there wasn’t a very big line.

It only took about five minutes before we were in one of the capsules with ten other people. I tugged Calum to an empty end of the capsule and pulled his arms around me. This was how it always was. Since Calum was slightly taller than me, he loved to be the one to wrap me in his arms. I preferred being the little spoon, the one who Calum held close. It made me feel protected and at ease. It felt right for me to be tucked up in his arms.

“Is this okay?” he asked, his voice muffled as he was talking into my hair. I placed my arms on top of Calum’s, which were resting on my stomach, and I leaned back into him.

“This is perfect,” I replied, closing my eyes for a second to burn this into my mind forever. I opened my eyes again as the wheel started to turn.

Calum tightened his arms around me, and started to gently rock us side to side with the movement of the wheel. I chuckled and closed my eyes again for a second.

That wasn’t good enough for Calum though, because he shifted his head so that his nose bumped the back of my ear. “Where are you, sweetheart?” he asked soothingly.

“Right where I belong,” I replied, opening my eyes and looking back over my shoulder so that I could meet Calum’s eyes. Smiling, he placed a peck on my forehead and looked out of the capsule.

“This is nice. Peaceful even. I like it, but that could be because I like you and I’m happy just to be with you,” I said, ducking my head so that it was placed under Calum’s chin again.

“Have I told you how grateful I am that I got you back? That I get to call you mine again? Because I am so grateful for having you back again, and getting to call you mine. I, in no way, shape, or form, deserve someone as imperfectly perfect as you,” Calum replied. He tucked his head above mine, and threaded our fingers together.

This moment, right here, is what dreams are made of. Seriously. You know those dreams where you just have the most romantic experience ever, and it’s not what you’re doing or what’s going on around you, it’s who you’re with. And you wake up and suddenly feel this empty place where you had previously felt this overwhelming sense of completeness. That completeness is the exact feeling I have in this moment with Calum.

We just stood at the edge of the capsule, in our own little bubble, wrapped up in each other’s arms. “Can we stay in this moment forever?” I whispered, almost not wanting to break the moment.

Calum chuckled. “I would love that,” he replied, his voice low, copying my quietness. I followed Calum’s sight, and looked out at the scenery around us. 

“This scenery is beautiful,” Calum whispered, his eyes traveling across the city around us. I had to agree, the city looked amazing. It had this picturesque look to it, like everything was frozen waiting just for us to get a glimpse of it. Yet at the same time, things were moving, giving us a chance to see the way the city moves and flows. It was captivating.

I shifted my gaze away from the city, and back towards the real beauty in my eyes. “The city is beautiful, but I think my view is much more magnificent,” I said. I knew how cliché it sounded, and God it was, but I couldn’t care less. I was content to act cliché around Calum, because he made it enjoyable.

“And what view is that?” Calum teased, his eyes shifting to mine. His eyes were glowing happily, and at this proximity I could see the hazel flecks mingled in with the dark brown of his eyes.

“This one, right here. The one where I’m looking at you,” I replied, arching my body so that I could catch Calum’s lips in a kiss. He hummed against my lips, and kissed me back.

He pulled away soon though, nestling his nose into my shoulder. “Let’s take a picture, so we can save this moment forever,” he said into my ear.

“My phone is in my pocket,” I replied, letting him know that I agreed with his idea. Calum’s hand slipped away from my stomach and into my back pocket, and pulled my phone out.

“Turn around, this way I can get a picture of the city in the background,” Calum said. We readjusted ourselves, and Calum kept me perfectly in his arms. "Smile, love," he said.

I don't think he honestly needed to tell me to smile, I already had the biggest smile I had ever had on my face. I heard the sound as Calum took the snapshot, He turned the camera around to make sure the picture was good. "It's perfect," he said, showing me. I had to agree, it was a perfect picture.

"This reminds me of I song I heard recently. It's a beautiful new Ed Sheeran song," I said, twisting my body so that Calum and I turned back around so we were facing the city. 

"Sing it to me, please" he said, his hand squeezing mine. I knew the hand squeeze was his way of saying he would sing with me, but he wanted me to lead in whatever song I chose. Smiling, I started to sing “Photograph”.

"Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes. But it's the only thing that I know. When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes. It is the only thing that makes us feel alive."

Calum's head dipped down to face mine, and I could see the bright smile that covered his face. I knew he knew the song, since he had heard me singing it when I was in the shower a few days ago. Knowing Calum, he probably went and YouTubed the song later to find out what it was.

I started to sing the chorus, and Calum joined me, our voices gently blending together in perfect harmony. 

“We keep this love in a photograph. We made these memories for ourselves. Where our eyes are never closing, hearts are never broken, times forever frozen still. So you can keep me inside the pocket of your ripped jeans. Holding me closer till our eyes meet. You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home.”

The dawning look of realization of why I picked this song lit up Calum’s eyes, and he smiled radiantly. He placed a soft kiss to my cheek and gave me a tiny nod, telling me to keep singing, so I did.

“Loving can heal. Loving can mend your soul. And it's the only thing that I know know. I swear it will get easier. Remember that with every piece of you. And it's the only thing we take with us when we die.”

As we got back to the chorus, Calum joined me again, causing me to smile as I heard his magnificent voice join mine.

“We keep this love in a photograph. We made these memories for ourselves. Where our eyes are never closing, hearts are never broken, times forever frozen still. So you can keep me inside the pocket of your ripped jeans. Holding me closer till our eyes meet. You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home.”

I closed my eyes, and leant my full weight into Calum, knowing he would keep me safe. I continued to sing the next piece, feeling his eyes on me as I did.

“And if you hurt me that's okay baby, only words bleed. Inside these pages you just hold me. And I won't ever let you go, wait for me to come home. Wait for me to come home. Wait for me to come home. Wait for me to come home.”

I nudged Calum with my arm, hoping he would get my hint that I wanted him to sing the next part. He understood my gentle push, because he took up where I left off.

“Oh you can fit me inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen. Next to your heartbeat, where I should be, keep it deep within your soul.”

Calum squeezed my hand, and I got the hint that he wanted us to finish the song together. I smiled and let my voice combine with his once more.

“And if you hurt me well, that's okay baby, only words bleed. Inside these pages you just hold me. And I won't ever let you go. When I'm away, I will remember how you kissed me under the lamppost back on Sixth Street. Hearing you whisper through the phone, wait for me to come home."

We fell into silence for a few moments, before Calum spun me around to face him, and kissed me so lovingly it took my breath away.

“You were right. That song was beautiful,” he said against my lips, before kissing me again. I kissed him back, burning this entire scene into my mind so I would forever remember how earth-shatteringly perfect this moment felt.

Calum pulled away and wrapped his arms around me again, hugging me. I slipped my arms around his back, and pressed my face into his chest. 

“If anyone was to ask what my favorite moment in my entire life was, I would say this one,” I mumbled into his chest.

“I would wholeheartedly agree, my love,” Calum said, kissing the top of my head. The two of us fell silent as we watched the wheel finish its rotation, and our capsule reached the ground.

“Are you hungry? Do you want to stop and get something to eat?” Calum asked, running his fingers up and down my spine as we exited the capsule.

“How about we just grab some Nando’s? This way we can take some home for Michael and Luke?” I asked, looking up hopefully at Calum.

“Nando’s date it is,” he replied with a grin. He then called us another cab, and we were on our way to the bands new favorite fast food joint.

Since it was Calum taking me on a date, he went and ordered the food while I found us a table. It wasn’t too long before he joined me with several plates of amazing chicken, chips, garlic bread, and rice.

Calum sat across from me, and we happily shared our food. Sometime during the meal, his foot was rubbing up against mine. I laughed and flashed him a wide smile, and grabbed his free hand, which was lying on the table.

“Thank you, for such a wonderful date,” I said, breaking our casual conversation we had been having. It might sound silly, but the fact I could so easily talk to Calum about anything and everything was another thing I absolutely adored about him.

“You’re welcome. Thank you for making it such a wonderful date,” Calum said, flashing me a grin, which I knew meant he knew how cheesy he sounded. “We should head back to the house, before Michael and Luke destroy everything. Besides, there’s some stuff from earlier that I think needs to be continued,” Calum said, winking at me and letting his fingers trail up my wrist.

And yeah, sure, I blushed, but damn, I couldn’t wait to get out of there and get back to our room at the house. I wasn’t kidding when I said I loved every single inch of Calum. But anyway, I think that’s all the information you all deserve to know about our sex life.

Calum and I grabbed some takeaway for the other boys, and we made out way back to the house. After saying our good nights to Michael and Luke, Calum led me back up to our room, and finished our cliché date with some cliché ‘after date’ sex. And yeah, it was absolutely mind-blowing.

\-----------------------

The next day, the four of us were back in the studio writing again. We had just finished up writing a song called “Beside You”. We all had agreed it should be a song that we included on the new EP.

It had that soft tune and meaningful lyrics that would make it a great song for the EP, as it was softer and balanced out the other songs we had been creating. We were all quite happy with it, and we felt rather confident that this was the right song to include.

After spending hours working on it, we were all taking a well-deserved break. Michael and Luke were curled up together on one couch, and Calum and I were sat together on the other couch. I was in my usual spot, in Calum’s lap, and his chin was resting on my shoulder.

He was in a heated debate with Michael about some football game the two had been watching this morning. I caught Luke’s eye, and he rolled his eyes at me. I gave him a nod, and the two of us laughed. It was always entertaining for Luke and I to watch Michael and Calum argue about the game, the stats, and who the best players were. They were both way too into the sport for their own good.

So, it was just a typical day in the studio for us. Until suddenly it wasn’t. In a matter off a few minutes, everything in our lives was about to change.

There was a knock at the door, and Michael and Calum fell quiet. We weren’t expecting anyone else to be joining us today. We had already had a writing session with Joel Chapman earlier, and he wouldn’t be back in the studio with us until next week.

Sharing a look with the rest of the band, we all shrugged. Then the door cracked open and Natasha, the receptionist of the studio, poked her head in the room.

“You have a special visitor. Do you mind if I send him in?” she asked, looking at us with wide eyes.

“Erm- sure,” Luke said, pulling away from Michael and sitting up straight. He was always respectful when it came to business. I, however, remained where I was, in Calum’s arms.

Natasha stepped aside, and in walked Louis Tomlinson from One Direction. The one and only Louis Tomlinson, who had tweeted out a link to one of our songs, “Gotta Get Out”. The four of us sat there stunned.

“Hiya, mates,” Louis said as he strolled in. Luke immediately jumped up from his seat and went over to shake Louis’s hand. The rest of us followed his lead.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Luke said, ever the polite one in the group. 

“We wanted to say a huge thank you to you and Niall for tweeting out links to some of our songs. It’s really caused a huge uproar and we’ve had tons of new support and new fans since then,” Calum piped up.

Louis threw us one of his signature smiles and shrugged. “It was no big deal. I just saw one of your videos one day and thought you all had such potential. You’re a great band,” he said.

“Thanks Louis, that means a lot coming from you. I mean, you’re part of the biggest band in the world right now,” I said, giving him an appreciative smile.

“Ah, now you mention it, that’s kinda the main reason of why I’m here,” Louis said, a cheeky grin crossing his face.

“Whatcha mean?” Michael asked, leaning up against Luke unconsciously. Knowing Michael rather well at this point, I knew that was his way of being defensive and keeping Luke close by to him in case something happened.

“Well, you see, since I found you guys, I thought I’d show the rest of my band some of your videos. They all think you’re talented, and that you really are a fantastic band. Niall is in love with your song “Out of My Limit”, but that’s kinda beside the point.

“Anyway, like, we were in a meeting with our management a couple days ago, and we were tossing around some ideas with who we wanted to be our opening act on our world tour next year. Niall and I agreed that we thought it would be epic if you guys would be willing to join us.

“So, we talked it out with our team, and they agree that you’re band is good. I’m here as the spokesperson, I guess. Long story short, I’m here to offer you the opportunity to be our opening act, and to join us on the Take Me Home Tour. What do you boys say?” Louis asked.

I was having trouble processing everything Louis had just said. I had to literally close my mouth, because my jaw had dropped at what Louis was offering us.

I looked at Calum first, then at Michael, and finally at Luke. Luke’s gaze was hovering on me, and I knew what he was thinking. He was silently asking me if I could handle it. A world tour was a huge step forward for us. And with me still on the slow road to recovery, the rest of my boys were wondering if this was something I could handle, or if it was too soon.

I knew what the risks were, and I knew it would be hard on me, but there was no way we could ever turn down an offer to tour with the biggest boyband on the planet.

I gave Luke a subtle nod, letting him know it was okay and that I could do it. Luke’s gaze then traveled to Calum and Michael, like he was also silently asking for their opinions on the matter. When he got a nod from each of them, he turned back to Louis.

“Thank you very much for this. We all accept your offer. We would love to join you on your world tour and open for you,” Luke said for all of us. 

Louis cheered and dragged us all into a hug. I couldn’t help but laugh. Was this really happening? Were we really about to go on a huge world tour? This would be our big break; we would finally get our music out there for the world to hear. We would make a name for ourselves, and all of our risks would have been worth it.

Everyone was laughing and cheering now. This was definitely real. In a few short months, we would be touring with the biggest band out there, and we would be gaining fans faster than ever before.

Louis pulled out some beers, and we all toasted to the start of an amazing new chapter. We celebrated with Louis for a while, and it was incredible. He left us a few hours later, with information about a meeting the following day with the rest of One Direction and their management team so we could start to organize us touring with them.

Once Louis was gone, we all collapsed onto the couches again. “Is this really happening? Are we really going to be touring with One Direction?” I asked no one in particular.

“Yes, we really are,” Luke replied, shaking his head in awe.

“You know what? I think this deserves a celebration. Let’s go out tonight and celebrate,” Michael said. 

For once, the entire band agreed on going out. Michael was right. After hearing such spectacular news, we did deserve a night out to celebrate. Luke made us agree to not get too drunk though; because we had the meeting the next day and we couldn’t go and ruin it by turning up with massive hangovers.

We went out to a small club, and ordered some drinks. After a couple rounds of drinks, Michael dragged Luke onto the dance floor. Calum and I watched on in amusement as the two boys grinded together with people all around them.

An incoming text on my phone dragged my attention away from the boys on the floor. I felt everything stop as I read the text.

“Maddie may be dead, but it doesn’t mean it’s over. You may be in London right now, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be able to find you. I’m coming after you, Ashton. You and the rest of your band. It was your fault that Maddie got killed. I’m going get revenge on all of you for Maddie’s death, and I’m going to finish Maddie’s plan to get rid of you. You’d better watch your back. I’ll see you soon, Ashton Irwin. ~ Callie”

Calum must have seen the look on my face because he shifted closer to me. He nodded his head towards my phone, and I let him take it. His eyes scanned over the message, before something like a growl escaped his lips.

“You listen to me carefully. Callie will never lay a hand on you again. I won’t let her get to you. And she won’t hurt you, me, or anyone else in the band. I won’t ever let anyone come between us again. No one can ever take you away from me. Now come on, let’s go join the boys on the dance floor. We’ll deal with Callie tomorrow. For tonight, let’s go celebrate,” Calum said.

Normally, I would have been doubtful, but I knew to trust Calum now. And I really did trust that Calum would keep me safe, and that our band would be okay. I put my faith in Calum. 

“Okay, yeah, let’s go celebrate. I don’t want to think about Callie for tonight. I just want it to be about us,” I said, giving Calum a real smile. 

Calum took me by the hand and led me to the dance floor just as a soft song came on. I wrapped my arms around Calum’s neck, and his arms slid around my waist. We began to sway softly to the music.

Of course, Calum was always right. Tomorrow, we would tell Luke and Michael about the Callie situation, but I knew it was something we could handle as a band. We were a family, and I knew we would get through it together. Besides, Callie wasn’t nearly as threatening as Maddie had been, but that was before Callie had a real incentive. Anyway, for now, I just wanted to be with Calum, and celebrate the good news with my band.

“Thank you for supporting and helping me,” I said into Calum’s neck. His arms around my waist shifted so that one hand was tracing patterns into my hip.

“I know how hard this is for you. I know that what Maddie and Callie put you through was something that you will struggle with for the rest of your life. I want you to know that no matter what Callie threatens to do, you will always have Luke, Michael, and I. I love you, now and forever. You are my soul mate, and my everything,” he said into my hair.

In that moment, I truly, one hundred percent gave my heart to Calum. There was no one in the world I was safer with then my Calum. Fuck Callie, and whatever she thought she was going to do to us. I challenge her to mess with my band, because I guarantee that she will lose. No one messes with my band, because we will fuck you up ten times harder than you will ever try to do to us.

I tilted my head up, and caught Calum’s lips in a kiss. He kissed me back with so much passion and emotion, and I knew he felt the same way I did. “I love you, too. The most important thing to me in life is you. You’re my soul mate, too. I never want to live a day without you, you’re my world, and my sunshine. At the end of each and every day, for the rest of our lives, I just want to call you mine!”


End file.
